Thursday, March 22, 2001 Edition: #2017
YOU MAY BE FROM TORONTO IF . . .
• The word ‘Cabbagetown’ doesn’t strike you as particularly amusing.
• You can say ‘world’s tallest freestanding structure’ 10 times quickly.
• You consider eye contact a sign of hostility and an invasion of privacy.
• You’ve fantasized about having sex in Casa Loma.
• At least 3 of your friends have moved to Vancouver.
• You know someone who went to high school with the Barenaked Ladies.
• You know ‘The Beaches’ are really called ‘The Beach’, but still say ‘The Beaches’ just to annoy all the nitwits who live there.
• You constantly urge people to pronounce it correctly — ‘TRAWNA’!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the NBC sitcom “Just Shoot Me” becomes the first TV show allowing viewers to vote online on which ending will wrap the 2-part episode next week . . . So much for the squeaky clean image — YESTERDAY pop group S Club 7 issued an apology to fans after the band’s 3 male members were busted for marijuana possession in London (“Ain’t no party like an S Club party!!!”) . . . The next “Star Trek” TV series will be a prequel to the original show and the rumor is it will star Scott Bakula from the ‘80s sci-fi show “Quantum Leap” as Starship Captain ‘Jackson Archer’ . . . And buzz is London-based MTV host Lisa Snowdon has reportedly quit her job — to move in with Hollywood hunk George Clooney.
MOVIES IN THE MAKING:
Whitney Houston has agreed to play a ‘Bond girl’ in the as yet untitled ‘007′ movie to be shot later this year, provided negotiations pan out . . . Quentin Tarantino is developing a prequel to “Pulp Fiction” tentatively called “The Vega Brothers”, and already has John Travolta lined up to reprise his role as ‘Vincent Vega’ . . . Robin Williams will play the villain in the psychological thriller “Insomnia”, starring Al Pacino as a cop who accidentally kills his partner (shooting begins APRIL 16 in Vancouver) . . . Author Tom Clancy is so thrilled with Ben Affleck in the role of ‘Jack Ryan’ in “Sum of All Fears”, currently shooting in Montreal, he’s planning to write several more novels with Affleck in mind.
WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• Scientists in Japan have developed the world’s first ‘fart detector’. Why? To let doctors know patients’ digestive systems are working when they’re incapable of communicating. (The invention has been hailed by dogs, who are sick of taking all the blame.)
• An international conference is being held in Iraq to mark the anniversary of the invention of written words there 5000 years ago. (Loosely translated, the words said “For a good time, call Cindy.”)
• The trendy new taste treat in London is ants, crickets and scorpions, baked, coated in chocolate and promoted as a high-protein snack. (Now there’ll be an outbreak of Antennae and Mandible!)
• A Norwegian man was shocked to find his car covered in lick marks, saliva and moose poop this week. Seems a sex-starved moose mistook the small, yellow car for a potential partner, then defecated on it when it got no response. (You couldn’t make this BS up!)
THE BULL SHEET 03.22.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1931  William Shatner, Montreal PQ, TV/film actor (Capt Kirk-“Star Trek”, “Miss Congeniality”)
1948  Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, London ENG, musical composer (Tony Awards for “Phantom of the Opera”, “Cats”, “Evita”)
1955  Lena Olin, Stockholm SWE, movie actress (“Chocolat”, “Night Falls on Manhattan”) /married to “Chocolat director Lasse Hallstrom
1972  Elvis Stojko, Richmond Hill ON, Canadian men’s figure skater (world champ in ‘94, ‘95, ‘97) attempting a comeback at the Worlds in Vancouver this week
1976  Reese Witherspoon, Nashville TN, movie actress (“Cruel Intentions”, “Pleasantville”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] World Day For Water
TODAY is “As Young As You Feel Day”, a day to quit wallowing in worry about your chronological age and start feeling peppy!
TODAY is “Goof-Off Day”, a day to relax, be yourself and generally just goof off. (A regular day.)
TODAY is “International Day of the Seal”, to draw attention to the ‘cruelty of seal hunts’. (In Newfoundland, it’s known as “What Would You Want Us to Hunt, B’y – Rocks? Day”)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1894  1st Stanley Cup championship game (Montreal Amateur Athletic Association defeats Ottawa Capitals 3-1)
1993  1st ‘Pentium processor’ for PCs introduced by Intel Corp
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1997  USA’s Tara Lipinski becomes youngest-ever Women’s World Figure Skating Champion at age 14 years and 10 months
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] World Meteorological Day
[Apr 1] Daylight Saving Time begins
[May 3] “Survivor II” finale
National Spring Fever Week
National Umbrella Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS OSCAR QUIZ III:
• Who’s the oldest to ever win an Oscar in an acting category? [George Burns at age 80, who won ‘Best Supporting Actor’ for 1975’s “The Sunshine Boys”.]
• Who’s the youngest to ever win an Oscar in an acting category? [10-year-old Tatum O’Neal, who won ‘Best Supporting Actress’ for 1973’s “Paper Moon”. Shirley Temple got one at age 6, but it was only an honorary Oscar.]
• LAST YEAR, Los Angeles junk man Willie Fulgear found the 52 stolen Oscar statuettes near a dumpster and turned them in. What was his reward? [He got a $50,000 reward from the trucking company implicated in the theft (later stolen from his home) and the Academy treated him and his son to a night at the Oscars, complete with tuxes and a limo.]
BS TAG LINE: I get plenty of exercise. I put on my roller blades and turn my treadmill up to full speed.