Monday, March 19, 2001 Edition: #2014
MORE BS ‘WHYZITS?’:
• Whyzit there are 5 syllables in the word ‘monosyllabic’?
• Whyzit your nose only itches when your hands are full?
• Whyzit some people will order 2 quarter pounders and supersized fries but insist on a DIET Coke?
• Whyzit your nose runs and your feet smell?
• Whyzit the idiot in front of you in the supermarket express lane always picks out one item that has no price tag?
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “Mr Showbiz” reports the new Madonna video, “What It Feels Like for a Girl”, directed in a handheld style by her husband Guy Ritchie, will get aired ONE TIME ONLY on MTV and VH1. Due to the crime spree depictions, the 4-and-a-half-minute video will be shown TUESDAY at 11:30pm EST on both stations — and then will be permanently shelved.
• 40-year-old “Practice” star and new mom Camryn Manheim tried to keep the father of her baby hidden, but “National Enquirer” has leaked word that the deed was performed by male model Jeffrey Brezovar, who acted as a sperm donor only. (He wants that made perfectly clear!)
• “NY Post” reports that Sam Mendes, last year’s Oscar-winner for ‘Best Director’ for “American Beauty”, will be dateless at this year’s ceremony SUNDAY. Seems he and fiancée Rachel Weisz (now starring in “Enemy at the Gates”) have ended their relationship that began back in their student days at Cambridge University. It’s the same old story — his work keeps him in Hollywood, and she can’t stand the place.
• “Star” magazine says Kevin Costner has abandoned a plan to make a movie about the life of Princess Diana. It would actually have been a sequel to his 1992 hit “The Bodyguard” in which he would play the princess’s protector, with Diana playing herself. Due to her death, Costner now says the project will never see the light of day.
• The UK’s “Sun” reports movie director Griffin Dunne has dumped his live-in girlfriend, sexy model Sophie Dahl, due to her on-going affair with Mick Jagger.
• Brad Pitt tells “Sunday Express” magazine marriage to actress Jennifer Aniston is great and that they’re now making plans to have babies. According to Pitt, “The planning is under way, negotiations are taking place, and I’m willing to predict a successful conclusion.” (Wow, a real romantic slob, ain’t he?)
SILLY STUDIES:
• According to new research, 4 out of 10 people take their light bulbs with them when they move out of a house. (And if you move to a new house in Vancouver, you’ll find they’ve taken away the sunlight too.)
• The publication “Laughter: A Scientific Study” by Dr Robert Provine claims that women rarely laugh with other women, but men frequently laugh with other men. It also notes that people can’t tickle themselves into laughter and that laughter has natural analgesic effects that can dull the feeling of pain. Perhaps his most telling discovery – people laugh for punctuation or to smooth over an awkward social moment more often than they do because something is really funny.
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THE BULL SHEET 03.19.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [54] Glenn Close, Greenwich CT, film actress (“101 [102] Dalmatians”, “Air Force One”)
1955 [46] Bruce Willis, Idar-Oberstein GER, film actor (“The Sixth Sense”, “Die Hard” trilogy) NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Billy Bob Thornton in “Bandits”, opening this summer, about two bank robbers who fall in love with the girl they’ve kidnapped
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
The “2001 World Figure Skating Championships” take to the ice TODAY-March 25 in at General Motors Place in Vancouver. Canada’s best hopes rest with Emanuel Sandhu and Elvis Stojko in the men’s, Jamie Sale & David Pelletier and Kristy Wirtz & Kris Wirtz in pairs, and Shae-Lynn Bourne & Victor Kraatz in dance.
NET: http://www.2001worlds.ca/
TODAY Michael Jackson, Aerosmith, Paul Simon, Steely Dan and Queen will be inducted into Cleveland’s “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” — in New York City. It’s the 2nd induction for Jackson, previously enshrined with the Jackson 5, and for Paul Simon, who’s already in as half of Simon & Garfunkel. By the way, weird Michael didn’t include any of his wacky family on the guest list, not even inviting his own mother until his domineering dad phoned to read him the riot act.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1871 [130] 1st ‘chewing gum’ is invented (the next day, the first wad is found under a chair seat)
1986 [15] 1st ‘Monkey Cam’, operated by an actual monkey (“Late Night With David Letterman”)
1990 [11] 1st-ever ‘Women’s World Hockey Tournament’ (Team Canada wins gold in Ottawa)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1994 [07] World’s largest omelette includes 160,000 eggs & measures 1,383 sq ft (Yokohama JAP)
1995 [06] Highest-rated regular season NBA game as Michael Jordan returns to Chicago Bulls after 21-month hiatus (during which he flirts with pro baseball)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Today] Last day of Winter
[Tues] Proposal Day
[Thurs] New date for ‘Mir’ to crash (this changes more often than a wife going out for dinner)
[Sat] 21st Annual Golden Raspberry Awards
[Sun] 73rd Academy Awards
National Agriculture Week
National Craft Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Half the world’s population has never made a telephone call.
• Your pupils expand by almost 50% when you look at something pleasing.
• The most commonly misspelled word in English is ‘consensus’.
• The whale is the only animal with nostrils on top of its head.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
• Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
• The average person consumes 3 bottles of ketchup a year.
• The first portable calculator weighed 2-and-a-half pounds. The first VCR was the size of a piano.
BS TAG LINE: Just when you think you’re winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat.
