Tuesday, March 28, 2000                                               Edition:  #1773

BS WORDS NOT YET IN DICTIONARY:
• AQUADEXTROUS — The ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
• PEPPIER — The restaurant waiter whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
• BURGACIDE — When a hamburger can’t take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
• ELBONICS — Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.
• PHONESIA – The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting who you were calling just as they answer.
• AQUALIBRIUM — The midpoint between having to suck the nozzle and squirting yourself in the eye when using a drinking fountain.
• PETOPHOBIC — A person who is too embarrassed to undress in front of a pet.

BS CELEBRITY BUZZ:
The anti-Scientology group FactNet claims that subliminal messages are hidden throughout John Travolta‘s upcoming movie “Battlefield Earth” in order to recruit new members to the controversial church (one says, “If you have nothing better to do than run this movie backwards at slow speed it’s time to get a life, loser!”). . . Actress Melanie Griffith is starting her own line of maternity wear (it’s sort of a sequel to “Milk Money”) . . . George Clooney says no one has asked him to appear in the season-ending episode of “ER”, while former co-star Julianna Margulies claims he won’t return calls (do you smell hype building?).

NEW IN VIDEO STORES TODAY:
Oscar-nominated Haley Joel Osment plays a young boy who communicates with spirits and seeks the help of psychologist Bruce Willis in “The Sixth Sense” (film’s made $250 million in theaters and is still playing) . . . Ancient codes hidden in the Torah reveal secrets of global events in the thriller “The Omega Code”, starring Casper Van Dien . . . Antonio Banderas directs wife Melanie Griffith as a woman who escapes her abusive husband and takes off for Hollywood in “Crazy in Alabama”.

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• It took a German groom 6 hours to talk his wife-to-be out of a locked car and back to their wedding ceremony. Seems the 46-year-old bride bolted when her false teeth fell out — as she recited the wedding vows. (He convinced her by showing her his Snap-On Tool.)
• A new study from Spain suggests that THINKING and driving is almost as dangerous as DRINKING and driving. Researchers have found that tasks as simple a visualizing each letter of the alphabet one by one can cause the driver to pay less attention to the road. (So don’t even THINK about cutting in front of me, buddy!)
• A Bulgarian fan of the Manchester United soccer club has been allowed by a regional court to change his name to ‘Manchester United’. (He was going to change his name to [local losing team] but he wanted to score more than once a month.)

DOMAINS DONE LIKE DINNER:
Britain’s “Independent” newspaper reports that the last 3-letter dot-com names on the Internet are taken and the final 4-letter-named dot-com sites will be gone within months — even though there are 3.45 million possible combinations. (Guess you’re S-O-L.com.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.28.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1948    [52] Dianne Wiest, Kansas City MO, film actress (The Horse Whisperer, Oscars-Bullets Over Broadway, Hannah & Her Sisters)
1951    [49] Karen Kain, Hamilton ON, retired prima ballerina, now ‘artist in residence’ with National Ballet of Canada
1954     [46] Reba McEntire, Chockie OK, country singer (Does He Love You, How Was I to Know)
1969    [31] Cheri “Salt” James, Queens NY, hip hop artist (Salt ‘n Pepa-Shoop, Push It)
1970    [30] Vince Vaughn, Minneapolis MN, movie actor (Psycho, Lost World: Jurassic Park)
1972    [28] Michael Smith, Washington DC, NBA player (Vancouver Grizzlies)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
Today is “Something on a Stick Day”, celebrating corn dogs, shish kebobs, Popsicles, ice cream bars, and anything else that’s served on a stick. (How ‘bout [your co-host] – sex on a stick!)

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993    Clint Eastwood wins ‘Best Picture’ and ‘Best Director’ Oscars for “Unforgiven”
1995    Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett announce separation after 21 months of marriage
1998    “Xena: Warrior Princess” actress Lucy Lawless weds show’s executive producer Rob Tapert

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1993    [07] 1st NHL rookie to have a 70-goal season (Teemu Selanne-Winnipeg Jets)
1994     [06] 1st ‘eggvertising’ as phone company ad is printed on eggs in Britain (that’s no yolk)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Baseball Opening Day (Cubs vs Mets in Tokyo)
[Wed] National Mom and Pop Business Owners Day
[Thurs] Doctors’ Day
[Fri] No Homework Day
National Clutter Awareness Week
National Noodle Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHO WANTS TO BE ON-THE-AIR:
(Get the “Millionaire” theme music here – http://themeworld.com/themes/tv11.shtml)
• What did the famous “Hollywood” sign say when it was originally built?
a) Hollywoodland  b) Hollywood Hills  c) Hollywood USA
[a) Hollywoodland. It was advertising for a housing development.]
• What can a Disney amusement park employee now wear that was banned until now?
a) mustache  b) halter top  c) nose ring
[a) An ‘appearance code’ that’s been in place since 1957 banned, among other things, mustaches. That’s just been changed – but there’s still no beards allowed!.]
• How much faster do fingernails grow than toenails?
a) 100%  b) 400%  c) They don’t, they grow at the same rate.
[b) Up to 400% faster!]
• What was the bank interest rate 20 years ago today?
a) 5%  b) 10%  c) 20%
[c) In March, 1980 we were battling inflation and the prime interest rate reached 19.5% ]

THE LAST WORD:
Say nothing and they think you’re stupid. Talk and they know for sure.