Monday, March 27, 2000 Edition: #1772
BS THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE OSCARS:
• “Hey! Annette Bening’s giving birth! Made ya look!”
• “And the winner is–Owww! paper cut!”
• “I can’t believe it! That’s 9 Oscars for ‘Big Daddy’.”
• “Sorry Ms Lopez — no shirt, no shoes, no service.”
• “Is this a fresh one or is this one of the dumpster trophies?”
• “And the winner for ‘Best ORIGINAL Song’ is ‘Wild Wild West’. Only kidding, Will. Sit your sorry ass down.”
• “Apologies Mr Crystal, but the fire marshal says no more than 150 writers backstage composing your ‘spontaneous witticisms’.”
• “Excuse me ma’am, you dropped your implant.”
• “And the winner of the Irving Thalberg Award for outstanding contributions to the industry – dumpster diver Willie Fulgear!”
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “Variety” notes that ‘N Sync’s “No Strings Attached” has become the first album in history to sell more than 1 million units in a single day, and says it’s conceivable that all 4.2 million copies of the album’s initial pressing could be gone within a week. Previous record for most sales in a week – 1.13 million units of Backstreet Boys’ “Millennium”.
• Starting this week “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” is going interactive, says Internet publication “Mr Showbiz”. Online participants simultaneously answer the same questions as TV contestants, but the prizes are a lot less spectacular. If you wanna to win the big one – you still need a date with Regis.
• “National Enquirer” tells us Lisa Marie Presley’s getting into the designer duds biz with boyfriend John Oszajca. The two are teaming on a clothing line with a ‘rock and roll edge’. (Somehow those white jumpsuits with gold medallion belts look familiar.)
• According to “Globe”, part of Meg Ryan‘s deal to do a recent 3-month movie shoot in the South American Andes was unlimited access to American toilet paper. (Ms Ryan can demand such perks because when it comes to romantic comedies, no one can wipe her butt.)
• According to “Extra Extra!”, a Brad Pitt impersonator showed up in his hometown of Springfield MO last week sporting a black cowboy hat, surrounded by bodyguards and generally tearing up the town. Brad’s mom is apparently PO’d and says the real Brad was in LA rehearsing for his new movie “The Mexican” with Julia Roberts.
THERE MAY BE HOPE!
OPEC countries begin a scheduled round of meetings today. If they decide to increase oil production, we could see lower gasoline prices by later this spring. (An OPEC spokesman says “Squirm you dogs, our cars are all turban powered!”)
DID YOU KNOW?
Odd facts from collected behavioral studies in “The Book of You” by Bernard Asbell . . .
• The less eye contact you and your spouse make when talking, the happier you are with your marriage. (Hey, to be totally ecstatic, make it a long distance call.)
• You will allow a short stranger to stand twice as close to you as a tall one in an elevator. (Because they only come up to here – hey, wait a minute!)
THE BULL SHEET 03.27.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [58] Michael York, Fulmer ENG, movie actor (Austin Powers, Cabaret, Logan’s Run)
1963 [37] Quentin Tarantino, Knoxville TN, film producer/writer/director (Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction)
1970 [30] Mariah Carey, NYC, pop singer (Thank God I Found You, Heartbreaker)/has sold more than 120 million albums and singles since her debut in 1990/only artist with #1 single in every year of the ‘90s/has spent more weeks at #1 than any other artist
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “National Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be called ‘Joe’. Ask listeners for the most horrific given names they’ve come across.
This is “National Clutter Awareness Week”, when you’re encouraged to kick off your annual spring cleaning purge of accumulated ‘stuff’. (Good time to sort out excess ‘stuff’ you do on-air.)
The “Royal Manitoba Winter Fair” opens today in Brandon MB. (Their ‘Winter Carnival’ is in July.)
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1998 Limp men cheer as Viagra is approved by US FDA
1998 Backstreet Boys release hit single “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)”
1999 Bee Gees play inaugural concert at Sydney’s new Olympic Stadium
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1790 [210] 1st ‘shoelace’ (next day, first kid gives father hopeless knot to untie)
1848 [152] John Parker Paynard originates ‘medicated adhesive plaster’ (the band-aid)
1860 [140] 1st ‘covered gimlet screw with a T handle’ (the original corkscrew)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Something on a Stick Day
[Wed] Baseball Opening Day (Cubs vs Mets in Tokyo)
[Fri] National Clams on the Half Shell Day
Youth Art Month (see an exhibition on a refrigerator near you!)
BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:
The “Toy Hall of Fame” in Salem OR has just inducted the skipping rope, the bicycle, jacks, ‘Slinky; and ‘Mr Potato Head’. What other toys should be there?
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Which was the first US team to win hockey’s Stanley Cup?
A: The Seattle Metropolitans of Canada’s Pacific Coast League, who defeated Montreal to win the Stanley Cup 83 years ago today (1917). The NHL formed the next season.
(Source: “Those Were the Days”)
Q: Kentucky teacher Patty Smith Hill wrote it in 1893 and now virtually everyone in the world can sing it. What’s the song?
A: With her sister Mildred, she penned a tune called “Good Morning to You”, to which the verse “Happy Birthday to You” was added in 1924. Patty was born on this date in 1868.
THE LAST WORD:
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
