Thursday, March 16, 2000 Edition: #1765
BS SIGNS YOU’RE BEING STALKED BY A LEPRECHAUN:
• You don’t recall owning an anatomically-correct lawn gnome.
• Every day this week you’ve noticed the same buckle shoes dangling just above the floor in the stall next to you.
• When you come home from work, the potatoes are missing from the cupboard and your parrot is singing “Danny Boy”.
• Every time you turn around the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have gotten a little closer.
• Someone’s been eating the green meat loaf in the back of the fridge.
• [DISCRETION] Tiny green hairs on the toilet seat.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Tonight’s the series finale of Global-TV’s drama “Traders”, after 5 years of Bay Street wheeling and dealing (now Patrick McKenna will have to go back to the “Red Green Show”) . . . Buzz is Golden Globe-winning actress Halle Berry will be charged with hit-and-run for that LA car accident last month that left a woman with a broken wrist (and the woman’s suing too) . . . Drew Carey will host a weekly 2-hour networked radio show called “The Hi-Fi Club”, featuring a WIDE range of music including swing, surf, Latin, ska and lounge (should have called it “Whose Music Is This, Anyway?”).
FUTURE FILMS:
“American Beauty” Oscar nominee Kevin Spacey is the latest to look at the lead role in a film version of Canadian author Annie Proulx’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel “The Shipping News” . . . Steven Spielberg’s next film will be “A.I.” (“Artificial Intelligence”), a project Stanley Kubrick had been developing before he died last year . . . Word is Spielberg backed out of directing “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” due to ‘creative differences’ with mega-selling author JK Rowling (she didn’t want the dinosaurs) . . . Andrew Lloyd Webber has reportedly chosen Antonio Banderas to star in a movie version of his phenomenally successful stage musical “The Phantom of the Opera”.
BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• Take note Daytona Beach! Authorities in Amsterdam are considering banning wet T-shirt contests after a 19-year-old died from cardiac arrest when ice-cold water was poured over her head and chest. (But the good news is – she won!)
• A reptile-lover in Marseilles, France is suing his wife for divorce after she butchered and fried his beloved pet boa constrictor ‘Felipe’ and fed it to him for dinner without telling him. The woman’s been charged with animal cruelty. (And failing to use a Bearnaise sauce.)
• In Kenya, a mob of women has stormed a local police station and demanded that officers either close illegal ‘drinking dens’ they say make their husbands impotent, or else — make love to them. (Oh gee — eenie, meanie, miney, moe . .)
JUST THE FACTS:
• 64% of Canadians in a new Compas poll say it’s time for Jean Chrétien to retire.
• TV ratings for NBA games are down 31% since Michael Jordan retired.
• New research shows that, for the first time in history, there are as many overweight people in the world as underfed people, 1.1 billion.
THE BULL SHEET 03.16.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [74] Jerry Lewis, Newark NJ, obnoxious entertainer (original “Nutty Professor”)/MD Association fundraiser since 1950
1941 [59] Chuck Woolery, KY, TV game show host (Greed)/original Wheel of Fortune host (1975-81)
1949 [51] Victor Garber, London ON, Broadway actor (2 Tony nominations-Damn Yankees)/part of 1972 Godspell cast in Toronto that also featured Gilda Radner, Martin Short, and Andrea Martin
1951 [49] Kate Nelligan, London ON, film actress (The Cider House Rules, US Marshals)
1971 [29] Greg Johnson, Thunder Bay ON, NHL center (Nashville Predators)
1975 [25] Jamie Rivers, Ottawa ON, NHL defenceman (NY Islanders)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “Absolutely Incredible Kid Day”, when we’re encouraged to tell a kid how special they are. (To which they’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right, whatever.”)
Today is officially “Annual Coffee Cup Washing Day”, a day to give your scum-laden coffee mug at work its annual clean-out — whether it needs it or not.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1991 “All This Time” by Sting tops pop charts
1997 3rd film in “Star Wars” trilogy, 1983’s “Return of the Jedi”, tops box office in re-release
1998 Leann Rimes gets a Gold Record for hit single “Blue”
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1876 [124] 1st women’s boxing match (Nelly Saunders & Rose Harland-NYC)
1971 [29] 1st televised Grammy Awards (Simon & Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” named ‘Best Song’, ‘Best Album’ and ‘Record of the Year’)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Maple Syrup Saturday
[Mon] Spring arrives (2:35am EST)
Girl Scout Week
National Kidney Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
WHO WANTS TO BE IRISH?” (The all-new BS radio game just in time for “St Patrick’s Day” Friday)
Q: What’s the official emblem of Ireland? — a) shamrock b) leprechaun c) harp
A: c) The harp.
Q: In Ireland you pick up souvenir ‘bodhran’ (bow-rawn). What is it? – a) a drum made of sheepskin b) one-gallon jug of whisky c) a sack used to catch leprechauns
A: a) The traditional Irish sheepskin drum.
Q: How tall is the average leprechaun? – a) 4 feet b) 12 inches c) 2 feet
A: c) According to folklore, the average leprechaun is 2-feet tall.
Q: A ‘shamrock’ is – a) a flower b) a weed c) an invented design
A: b) It’s actually a weed, from the clover family.
Q: St Patrick was born in — a) Wales b) France c) Ireland
A: a) He wasn’t Irish at all. Born in Wales, he was later captured and sent to Ireland as a slave.
THE LAST WORD:
The brain is a wonderful organ — it starts the moment you get up in the morning and doesn’t stop until you get to the office.
