Tuesday, March 14, 2000 Edition: #1763
HOW TO SPOT A ‘CHICK FLICK’:
• The incredibly beautiful heroine is having no luck attracting the attention of any male at all.
• The incredibly beautiful heroine is engaged to someone for whom she’s just not suitable.
• Her best male friend is gay.
• There’s a feisty female sidekick who cuts the fiancé down to size with well-aimed quips.
• All women in the film sit talking to each other with their knees tucked up to their chins, holding steaming beverages with both hands.
• The hero will say “I love you” while she is in the middle of a long, fast, frivolous speech. She will carry on speaking for 5 seconds before stopping and saying, “What did you just say?” He repeats, “I love you.” They kiss.
(Source: British edition “GQ” magazine)
OTHER BS SIGNS IT’S A ‘CHICK FLICK’:
• Not one stinkin’ car chase.
• Men speak in sentences longer than 3 words.
• Lots of scenes with diffused sunlight and fuzzy screen borders.
• Absolutely no gaping wounds oozing blood.
• It stars angst-ridden Meg Ryan.
• It stars angst-ridden Hugh Grant.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Stephen King’s latest story “Riding the Bullet” is being released today, but only as an ‘eBook’ on the Internet (costs you $2.50 for a download) . . . Word’s out on why that Supremes reunion this summer fell apart – Diana Ross was set to make up to $20 million, while Mary Wilson and Cindy Byrdsong would get just $2 million or less . . . Kathie Lee Gifford tells “People” mag that Regis Philbin is working so hard between doing their talk show and “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” that “He comes in some mornings and I just know he’s not there” (this from someone who never has been ‘all there’).
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Denzel Washington plays a quadriplegic homicide detective who teams with partner Angelina Jolie to track down a serial killer in the mystery thriller “The Bone Collector” . . . “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch” star Melissa Joan Hart plays a high schooler who must find a substitute date to escort her to the prom in the comedy “Drive Me Crazy”.
TOP RENTING VIDEOS:
1. “American Pie”
2. “Stir of Echoes”
3. “Blue Streak”
(Source: “Billboard” – March 18th edition)
TEAM FOUL LANGUAGE:
The NBA has announced that, during nationally televised games, coaches will now wear microphones and there will be an unmanned camera in the locker rooms. (We’re betting this lasts about — one game.)
CYBER-SUDS SITE:
Here’s one of the weirdest Web uses we’ve come across. Beer.com uses live, 2-way interactive Web cameras to allow you to pub crawl on your PC. So far, you can only click into the party at NYC’’s ‘Belgo Nieuw-York’, Vancouver’s ‘Shark Club’,or the ‘Café Comm’ in Brussels, Belgium, but the company plans to have 20 of the world’s trendiest bars online by year’s end. For 2 bucks you get to chat with someone in the pub. For $6.50, you can buy your new cyber-drinking buddy a beer. (Let’s see now – you buy a guy half-way round-the-world a beer and he . . .?)
THE BULL SHEET 03.14.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [67] Michael Caine, London ENG, film actor who has his 5th Oscar nomination for The Cider House Rules (he’s won 1 Academy Award for Hannah & Her Sisters)
1947 [53] Billy Crystal, Long Beach NY, this year’s Academy Awards host/movie actor (Analyze This, My Giant, When Harry Met Sally)
1958 [42] Prince Albert (Albert Alexandre Louis Pierre de Matignon-Grimaldi), Monte Carlo MON, rich heir/1988 Olympic bobsledder FACTOID: According to an old treaty, the Prince of Monaco must sire a male heir or the principality reverts back to French control (pressure’s on, Al!)
1961 [39] ‘Ken’, neutered boy-toy/’Barbie’s’ longtime boyfriend who measures 11½ inches
1968 [32] Megan Follows, Toronto ON, TV actress (Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story)
1974 [26] Patrick Traverse, Montreal PQ, NHL defenceman (Ottawa Senators)
1983 [17] Taylor (“Tay”) Hanson, Tulsa OK, pop singer (Hanson-MMMBop)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Don’t squish it! Today is “Save a Spider Day”, a day to appreciate arachnids and the webs they weave.
Today is “National Single Fathers Who Are Not Leeches on Society Day”, to honor all fathers who take responsibility for their children. (Tomorrow is “National Men Who are Not Sex-Obsessed Immature Sports Nuts Day”.)
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1991 Kurt Browning wins World Figure Skating Championship in Munich, Germany
1997 68-year-old Gordie Howe signs AHL contract with Syracuse Crunch (sad)
1998 Commercialism runs rampant in country music as the “Nokia Presents The George Strait Chevy Truck Country Music Festival Brought To You By Wrangler” opens
1998 Will Smith’s “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” hits #1 on pop charts
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1860 [140] 1st ‘baseball cap’ designed (with the peak at the front, you morons!)
1923 [77] 1st pro hockey ‘play-by-play’ broadcast (Peter Parker-Edmonton vs Regina)
1995 [05] 1st time there are a total of 13 people in Space simultaneously as US astronaut Norman Thagard becomes 1st American aboard a Russian rocket en route to MIR space station
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Ides of March (beware!)
[Thursday] NCAA “March Madness” begins (http://www.finalfour.net/)
[Fri] St Patrick’s Day
[Sat] Maple Syrup Saturday
[Mon] 1st Day of Spring
Girl Scout Week
Deaf History Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?
A: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
THE LAST WORD:
Married man — a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls “I’ll be right out!”
