BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
It’s been confirmed that 24-year-old Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is onboard for the reincarnation of primetime TV soap “Melrose Place” (CW) this Fall, “Hollywood Reporter” saying she’ll play a manipulative small-town girl who uses her girl-next-door charm to get what she wants (she should be good at mouthing the words while they dub in dialogue) . . . Meantime, her formerly fat 28-year-old sister Jessica Simpson has just lost loads of weight, “Metro” reporting that she’s toned down, bronzed, and has ditched her plus-size jeans for her old hot pants (odds are her manager, papa Joe, told her to dump the padding after the hoax worked)  . . . “Dancing With the Stars” contestant Lil’ Kim claims she hears a voice in her head and it belongs to the late Notorious BIG, whom she says isn’t happy about that “Notorious” bio-pic (the acting or the fact it tanked at the box office?) . . . Relationship-rejects Guy Ritchie (ex-Madonna) & Jemima Khan (ex-Hugh Grant) are on the verge of becoming a couple, according to “News Of the World”, but they’re taking things slowly as Guy is a tad gun-shy with women these days (it takes a dumpee to sooth a dumpee) . . . Dose.ca says Miley Cyrus has devoted an entire chapter of her new autobiography “Miles to Go“ to her relationship with ex-BF Nick Jonas of the Jonas Bros (the bigger news: Miley Cyrus actually wrote a book!?!) . . . And afer one of the nastiest Hollywood divorces ever, actress Anne Heche (ex-“Men in Trees”) is now officially ex-Mrs Coleman Laffoon, agreeing to pay him a half-mill in cash, $3,700-a-month alimony, and share 50/50 the custody of their son, Homer (not to mention 50/50 blame for naming the poor kid Homer).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – On this week’s elimination show, Kanye West makes his first-ever appearance, performing “Heartless”; and original “American Idol” Kelly Clarkson returns to sing her current hit “My Life Would Suck Without You”. Starting tonight, Carrie Underwood’s new cover version of Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home” will be played when contestants are voted off the show. Also beginning tonight, FOX-TV is shifting the results show to 9 pm for the rest of the season, turning its ‘Death Star’ on ABC-TV’s “Lost”.
• “Canadian Music Week” – The 27th annual conference & showcase for the music biz gets underway in Toronto, highlighted by tonight’s “Canadian Music & Broadcast Industry Awards” (good luck to the 15 “BS” subscribers who are nominated!); Friday’s “Canadian Radio Music Awards”; and Saturday’s “Indie Awards”.
NET: http://www.cmw.net
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – “American Idol 5“ winner Taylor Hicks plugs his new album “The Distance”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – 1980s band The Pretenders are onstage.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Brit band Razorlight performs “Hostage Of Love”.
• “South Park” (Comedy Central) – ‘Kenny’ gets a purity ring in the 13th season premiere, after he and his new girlfriend go to a Jonas Bros concert.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Country singer Raul Malo promotes the album “Lucky One”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Avril Lavigne – She signed a major deal with Procter & Gamble to produce a new toiletries line, including perfume, aftershave, bath oil, bath soap, shower gel, body shampoo, and body lotion. She’s set to unveil the first product next week in London, a fragrance named ‘Black Star’. (Will she also be sharing some of that raccoon eye makeup she wears?)
• Chris Brown – TMZ claims the 19-year-old is ready to cop a plea whereby his 2 felony charges would be reduced to misdemeanor charges, resulting in no jail time. (Let’s vote: Who says lock him up?) Meantime, Rihanna & Chris aren’t just back together, E! says they’re back to work together, recording a duet. (NOW who says lock him up?)
• Chris Cornell – He says he has no plans to reunite with his former bands Soundgarden or Audioslave because he’s more interested in making new music than rehashing old material.
• Fall Out Boy – More than 250,000 fans have registered for the ‘Fall Out Boy Trail’ online game since its introduction last week. (Maybe they’re in the wrong business?)
• Fleetwood Mac – The classic rockers are planning to follow their “Unleashed“ reunion tour, currently underway, with a brand new album. (Shouldn’t it be the other way around?)
• Rascal Flatts – They’re releasing 4 tracks on iTunes in advance of their new album, “Unstoppable”, due April 7th. The first, “Here Comes Goodbye”, is already available.
• Sean Kingston – He & Wyclef Jean have hit the recording studio in NYC to record “Ice Cream Girl”, a track that will be part of Kingston’s sophomore album, “Tomorrow”, due in August.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Framily’ – A person’s closest friends, who feel like part of the family. (“We’re planning a small wedding reception just for the immediate framily.”)
• ‘Ghost Call’ – A silent phone call from a person who has unwittingly made a call on an unlocked cellphone by jostling it in a purse or pocket. (‘Ghost calls’ to 9-1-1 are a major problem for emergency response personnel.)
• ‘SPIN’ – Small Plot INtensive gardening is the dense cultivation of vegetables and other crops on small plots, particularly in urban settings. SPIN farmers often rent backyards or vacant lots, sometimes several at a time, to grow produce for sale. (“I grew those carrots that you’re eating myself in our SPIN lot downtown.”)

MARITAL STRESS HITS WOMEN HARDER:
University of Utah psychologists have found that wives in tense marriages have higher risk factors for heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. In comparison, husbands seem relatively immune from such problems. The study is based on some 276 couples who’ve been married for an average of 20 years. One researcher thinks the gender difference could be partly due to the fact that ‘women’s hormonal profile is more complex than men’s’. (It took 20 years to figure that out? Why didn’t they ask?)
– “Marie Claire Magazine”

FAKING IT FOR APPEARANCE:
2-out-of-3 people have lied about reading a book at least once in order to impress someone, according to a new survey. And here are the top titles we’ve pretended to have read …
5. “Madame Bovary”, Gustave Flaubert (16%).
4. “The Bible”, various (24%).
3. “Ulysses”, James Joyce (25%).
2. “War & Peace”, Leo Tolstoy (31%).
1. “1984”, George Orwell (42%).
– BBC News

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 83% of us believe in the existence of a soul-mate. (Especially at closing time.)
• 75% of married people say that, given the chance, they’d do their wedding over again. (But maybe change the cast.)
• 35% of men say their favorite breakfast cereal hasn’t changed since they were kids. (Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp!)
• 25% of men admit they are afraid to approach a beautiful woman to talk to her. (Meaning about 74% of men lie.)
• 4% of the world’s population will ‘get lucky’ sometime today. (Based on World Health Organization estimates that 100 million acts of human sexual congress take place each day.)
• 3% of dog owners actually shower with their dogs. (And you think your drain’s clogged!)

IT’S BIGGER THAN EMAIL:
Social networking has overtaken email as the most popular Internet activity, according to new stats released by Nielsen. The study shows that 67% of the world’s Internet users visited a social networking site in 2008, compared to 65% who used email. All told, social media now accounts for almost 10% of Internet time. Facebook is leading the pack worldwide. Interestingly, its greatest growth has come from 35-49 year-olds in the past year, and it has added twice as many 50-64 year-olds as those under 18. (Meaning, it is SO not cool for kids anymore.)
– Billboard.biz

TWEET TWEET:
Twitter is the latest, most addictive trend in social networking. Essentially it’s a mini-blog that allows you to post what you’re doing in 140 characters or less. Many musicians have embraced Twitter as a way to communicate with their fans and/or rant about their favorite causes. A sampling of who they are and what they’re tweeting …
• Dashboard Confessional (“Just wrote a song, it’s pretty, recording it now with a microphone I broke but which manages to sound way cooler than if I hadn’t.”)
• John Mayer ( “I just voted on People’s ‘Is John Mayer a Keeper?’ poll. I clicked ‘Love Him’ but ‘Lose Him’ is winning at 63%.”)
• Tom Waits (“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.”)
• Trent Reznor (“Common sense fan tip: rarely do you catch someone at their best swarming them at the airport.”)
– Gibson.com

FOR THE RECORD:
A softcover copy of the first ‘Harry Potter’ book has sold for $19,200 at Heritage Auction Galleries in Dallas TX. The copy of “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone” was one of only 200 issued with illustrated covers from the 1st printing by London publisher Bloomsbury. The 1997 work includes a card signed by author JK Rowling. The winning bid was nearly double the previous record for a ‘Harry Potter’ paperback.
– AP

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The average number of ‘friends’ we have is about 150, says Oxford University anthropologist Robin Dunbar. He defines that as the number of people that you know as persons; and you know how they fit into your social world; and they know how you fit into theirs. They are a group of people to which you have an obligation of friendship. (Has nothing to do with your online ‘Friend List’.)
– “Magazine Monitor”
• The record amount ever paid for an online domain name is believed to be the $14 million anted up for sex.com in 2007. (Interestingly, it’s now just a search portal for other adult sites.)
– “Domain Name Journal“

AND WE QUOTE:
“You all make my life miserable.”
– 19-year-old “Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere, whining to reporters on the red carpet at a fundraiser in Hawaii, according to “Us Weekly”. And then she reportedly refused to answer any questions. (Hey, all in the name of charity, right?)

BS CHRONOMETER 03.11.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [78] Rupert Murdoch, Melbourne, Australia, media magnate (FOX-TV, NewsCorp)/estimated net worth of $8.3 billion

1965 [44] Wallace Langham, Ft Worth TX, TV actor (‘David Hodges’ on “CSI” since 2003)

1969 [40] Terrence Howard, Chicago IL, movie actor (“Iron Man”, “Hustle & Flow”)

1971 [38] Johnny Knoxville (Phillip Clapp), Knoxville TN, movie actor (“Dukes of Hazzard”, “Jackass: The Movie”)/TV personality (“Jackass” 2000-02)

1979 [30] Benji & Joel Madden, Waldorf MD, twin brother pop/rock musicians (Good Charlotte-“Girls &  Boys”, “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous”)/Paris Hilton’s ex-boyfriend & Nicole Richie’s baby-daddy respectively

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• ”Holi”, the 2-day Hindu Spring festival also known as the ”Festival of Colors”. On the 1st day, bonfires are lit at night; on the 2nd day, celebrants toss colored powder & water on one other.

• “Johnny Appleseed Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of his death. His real name was John Chapman when he was born in Massachusetts in 1774. He was a serious nurseryman who set out orchards in the wilderness of the American Midwest. He then gave or sold trees to pioneers.

• “Romeo & Juliet’s Wedding Day”. According to Shakespeare, the all-time champion lovers did the deed on this date in 1302. It’s their 707th anniversary! (Plutonium?)

• Worship of Tools Day” (aka “Tool Appreciation Day”), celebrating men’s inexplicable fascination with high-priced gizmos. What tool have you bought, then never used?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1989 [20] 1st episode of “Cops” on FOX-TV (“Whatcha gonna do bad boy bad boy …”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [12] Paul McCartney is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II to become ‘Sir Paul’

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
105 [1904] 1st ‘paper’ invented by Ts’ai Lun in China, using bamboo, mulberry, fish nets and rags

1935 [74] Canada’s central bank, the ‘Bank of Canada’ is established “to regulate credit and currency in the best interests of the economic life of the nation”

1986 [23] NFL adopts ‘Instant Replay Rule’ allowing refs to review videotape of plays when calls are in question (thereby adding another hour to the average game)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Middle Name Pride Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Canadian Music Industry Hall of Fame Induction (Toronto)
[Fri] South-by-Southwest Festival begins (Austin TX)
[Fri] “The Last House On the Left”, “Miss March”, “Race to Witch Mountain” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
[Fri] Genealogy Day
This Week Is … Art Week
This Month Is … Play the Recorder Month

BULL’S BITS

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BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit “Dancing With the Stars” isn’t called “Dancing With People You Might Have Heard Of?”
• Whyzit flotation devices are placed under airplane seats instead of parachutes?
• Whyzit the qualities that attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later?
• Whyzit the other line-up always move faster?
• Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs? Shouldn’t we have an Easter Chicken?
• And for that matter, whyzit eggs are in the dairy section at the supermarket? Ever see a cow lay an egg?

BS ‘BUST MY BLUFF’:
You and your co-host take turns giving an answer to a question. Your contestant must then decide which of you is bluffing and which is telling the truth …
• Today’s question: Why do we call police officers ‘cops’?
a. The word ‘cop’ is an old Anglo-Saxon verb for catch, grab, or capture, dating back at least to the 1100s. Some say the word is related to the Dutch word ‘kapen’, which has a similar meaning. A ‘copper’ thus was the noun for ‘one who cops’ or captures. [TRUE]
b. That’s all very interesting but the real reason police officers are called ‘cops’ is because New York City introduced copper badges for its police force in 1827. The slang term ‘copper’ quickly developed as a term of abuse for authorities among criminals, especially petty street criminals. The name eventually evolved into ‘cop’. [Total BS.]
– “Imponderables”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck we’d all fall off.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Ever had a ‘shining moment’ playing a sport or game; a day when you could do no wrong; when everything magically came together; but then it never ever happened again? Tell us about it.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that single people do THIS half as much as married people.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Apologize.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The old know more about being young than the young know about being old.