Wednesday, March 5, 2008        Edition: #3725
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“American Idol” judge Simon Cowell has pretty much admitted to the UK edition of “Glamour” magazine that he uses Botox by saying, “It works, you do it once a year … it’s no more unusual than toothpaste” (check for frozen face syndrome while watching “A-I” tonight) . . . “American Idol’s” 2nd annual ‘Idol Gives Back’ charity fundraising special (APRIL 9th) will feature Bono, Brad Pitt, Carrie Underwood, Daughtry, Fergie, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus, Reese Witherspoon, and Snoop Dogg (LAST YEAR’s event raised $76 million for kids in need, about half of what Cowell makes a year) . . . MTV is refusing to air the video for Paula Abdul’s lame single, “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” (since MTV doesn’t play music anymore, wouldn’t it qualify?) . . . Disney-owned ABC-TV is developing a reality competition based on the hit film franchise “High School Musical” in which aspiring performers will audition in a nationwide talent search (it’s “American Idol”-lite) . . . Movie actress/producer Drew Barrymore has announced she’s making a whopping $1-million donation to the World Food Program in Kenya (why do stars feel the need to ‘announce’ their charity?) . . . The CW network has promised its biggest shows – “America’s Next Top Model”, “Everybody Hates Chris“, “Gossip Girl”, “One Tree Hill”, “Smallville”, and “Supernatural” – are all returning NEXT FALL (the bad news is, about 30 network employees will not – they’ve been axed!) . . . Singer/actress Mandy Moore brags she’ll never be photographed coming out a nightclub hammered because she avoids parties and hits the sack every night by 8:30 pm (she’s 23 – going on 55) . . . And location filming in Surrey, England on the latest ‘Potter’ film, “Harry Potter’ & The Deathly Hallows”, temporarily ground to a halt while a pair of cheeky streakers were captured after they’d been hiding in the undergrowth and repeatedly running naked through camera shots (they could save money on re-shoots by simply renaming the movie “Harry Potter’ & The Dimpled Cheeks”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s been forced to take some time off after purportedly being diagnosed with ‘impetigo’, a highly contagious bacterial skin infection that’s most common among children. Her swollen face had sparked rumors she’d been involved in a fistfight. (Until some PR person managed to find a handy disease to match the symptoms.)
• Bob Marley – His widow, Rita Marley, is executive producing the first-ever bio-pic of the late reggae icon and is pushing for Marley’s real-life daughter-in-law, singer Lauryn Hill (Mrs Rohan Marley), to portray her onscreen.
• Grateful Dead – The first 6 of a scheduled 18 of their master recordings have been released for the video game “Rock Band”. (Not recommended unless you wanna play all night.)
• Kid Rock – He’s pleaded not guilty to a battery charge stemming from that fight at a suburban Atlanta GA Waffle House back in OCTOBER. The case may now end up in court.
• Van Halen – The official word on why their reunion tour is being ‘postponed’ is that Eddie Van Halen is undergoing ‘medical tests’ to diagnose some form of mystery illness. (Hmm, what could that be?)
• Stone Temple Pilots/Velvet Revolver – Frontman Scott Weiland has completed 28 days in a rehab facility and is ‘doing well’, according to his attorney. He was arrested last NOVEMBER for driving under the influence of a drug. Meantime, STP and Linkin Park have been announced as co-headliners for the 2008 “Edgefest” JULY 12th in Toronto.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The manager of a Phoenix AZ club claims 24-year-old contestant David Hernandez formerly worked there as a stripper, appearing fully nude and performing lap-dances for the mostly male clientele. The place is called … Dick’s Cabaret. Lucky for David, this is girls’ performance night, giving him a week to think up a cute comeback.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/CityTV) – It’s makeover time, just before the contestants slip into former supermodel Elle Macpherson’s new lingerie line.
• Avril Lavigne – She kicks off her 2-month-long “Best Damn Tour” of North America in Victoria BC.
• Bai Ling – The 37-year-old Chinese actress is scheduled to be arraigned in LA court on a charge of petty theft after allegedly shoplifting $16.22-worth of items at LAX, including batteries and 2 “Star” magazines. She could contest the charge but will likely just pay the $250-fine.
• Canadian Music Week 2008 – The 26th edition through SATURDAY in Toronto includes performances by over 500 Canadian & international artists at 41 downtown venues.
NET: http://www.cmw.net/cmw2008/index.asp
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – 18-year-old country phenom Taylor Swift (“Picture to Burn”) is Ellen’s guest.
• “Project Runway” (Bravo) – The winner is revealed in the season finalé, which features ‘guest judge’ Victoria Beckham. Whatcha think … will it be Christian or Jillian?
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Soon-to-be 75 Willie Nelson performs.

PORSCHE IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT:
German automaker Porsche is set to challenge Toyota as the world’s most profitable car company after being given the green-light to increase its stake in Volkswagen to 50%. VW, in turn, has just agreed to buy more than two-thirds of Sweden’s Scania and already has a controlling stake in MAN, Europe’s biggest truck-maker. All of this leaves Porsche at the wheel of a $225-billion empire with a wide variety of brands that include Audi, Bentley, and Lamborghini. How can it afford to do this? $10 billion in profits LAST YEAR alone! (That’s because each vehicle costs like a hundred-grand.)
– “Financial Times“

SKINFLINT HUBBY SAYS IT WITH FLOWERS:
An Iranian man has been forced to pay his wife a dowry of 124,000 red roses after she took him to court over his stingy ways. Under Iranian law, a wife can demand a dowry or gift from her husband at any time – even when getting a divorce. The estranged wife says she first realized what a cheapskate her husband was shortly after marriage, when he even refused to pay for her coffee when they went to a café. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the husband is appealing the ruling by claiming he can only afford 5 roses a day, which cost the equivalent of about $2 in Teheran.
– “GQ”

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say … acupuncture can help relieve menstrual pain and improve the quality of life for many women. (The new study from Germany suggests that poking extremely sharp needles into the flesh can relieve pain.)
• Scientists say … short people may live longer. Researchers have identified an anti-aging gene in people aged 100-plus that produces less growth hormone (making them short) but also extends lifespan by as much as a third (making them old). For instance, the oldest recorded person ever was Jeanne Calment of France, who died in 1997 at age 122. She was 4 ft-11.
• Scientists say … about 90% of the cells contained in the human body belong to non-human organisms, mostly bacteria. (We’re all inhabited by aliens!!!!)
• Scientists say … today’s college students aren’t normal – at least, when it comes to sleeping. “Psychology Today” says that up to 80% qualify as ‘sleep-deprived’. A National Sleep Foundation poll finds that most young adults get only 6.8 hours of shut-eye per night. (We came in here at 4:30 this morning … quit your bellyaching!)

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL … FOOD:
Members of the ‘Freeconomy’ movement, which aims to rid society of all money, have suffered a major setback while attempting a pilgrimage from Bristol, England to the birthplace of Gandhi in India. 28-year-old leader Mark Boyle says they intended to make the journey sans cash, relying entirely on the kindness of strangers. But once they set foot in France, they were treated like a bunch of freeloading, low-life backpackers and denied any free food or lodging. After a month of near starvation and little sleep, they’ve given up.
– “Curious Times”

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Magical Misery Tour’ (aka ‘Parade of Foreclosures’) – A bus tour organized to show potential home buyers properties that have been repossessed. The idea originated LAST YEAR in Stockton CA and has spread to several US states. (In Florida, Canadians are being enticed by targeted advertising to snap up holiday homes for a song.)
• ‘Tugs’– Robots designed to carry out low-level tasks in hospitals, such as towing carts that deliver meals and linens. Aethon Corp has now leased out ‘Tug’ units to over 100 facilities. The hospitals sign 5-year contracts at $15,000 per unit per year. (“I got shot down by 3 nurses so I’m taking a tug out Saturday night.”)
• ‘Wiihabilitation’ – The use of Nintendo’s Wii as rehab therapy for patients recovering from strokes, broken bones, surgery, and injuries. It’s effective because the game console requires body movements similar to traditional therapy exercises. (“Sorry, you won’t be back to normal for several months. In fact, you’re going to have to play video games at least 5 hours-a-day.)
     
WHY THERE ARE TRAFFIC JAMS:
It has taken professor Yuki Sugiyama of Nagoya University in Japan more than a decade of studying cars driving around a track to arrive at the valuable conclusion that traffic jams are caused by … too many cars on the road. Sugiyama says his research proves that even tiny fluctuations in the volume of traffic causes gridlock. (He’s now launched a new study to determine why it gets dark after sunset.)
– “Telegraph”

TOP TORTURE TUNES:
The music most often blasted at military prisoners in Iraq, as compiled from reports, interrogation logs, and personal accounts …
4. Metallica
3. Eminem
2. AC/DC
1. Florida death metal band Deicide (drummer Steve Asheim says if they’re up to military standards of ‘audio abuse’, it makes him feel the band’s doing it’s part for the troops.)
– “Mother Jones Magazine”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Winter getting you down? It’s all relative. Alert in Nunavut is the most northern inhabited settlement in the world and one of the coldest – it had 5 days when the temp fell below -32 C in February 2006. But that’s nothing. In February 1958, there were 21 days at -32 C or colder.
– tutiempo.net
• In just 1 week, the online trailer for “Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” has been viewed more than 200 million times worldwide. The movie, starring 65-year-old Harrison Ford, opens MAY 22nd.
– AintItCool.com
• After making the entire state of Indiana adopt Daylight Saving Time 2 years ago, residential electricity bills increased by $8.6 million. One explanation: The reduced cost of lighting during DST was more than offset by the higher air-conditioning costs on hot afternoons and increased heating costs on cool mornings. (DST is back this SUNDAY.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.05.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1952 [56] Alan Clark, Durham UK, classic rock musician (Dire Straits-“Money for Nothing”, “Sultans of Swing”)

1955 [53] Penn Jillette, Greenfield MA, Las Vegas magician (Penn & Teller)

1970 [38] John Frusciante, NYC, rock musician (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Snow [Hey Oh]”, “Dani California”)

1974 [34] Kevin Connolly, NYC, TV actor (‘Eric Murphy’ on “Entourage” since 2004)/movie actor (“The Notebook”)

1974 [34] Eva Mendes, Miami FL, movie actress (“Ghost Rider”, “Hitch”)/rehab veteran

1989 [19] Jake Lloyd, Fort Collins CO, movie actor (‘Anakin Skywalker’ in “Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Celebrate Your Name Week” continues with 2 observances …
– “Learn What Your Name Means Day”. According to TodaysParent.com, the top baby names for girls in Canada are currently Emma, Emily, and Sarah. For boys: Matthew, Jacob, and Alexander. According to the Social Security Administration, the top baby names for boys in America are Jacob, Michael, and Joshua. For girls: Emily, Emma, and Madison.
– “Unique Names Day”. What was your nickname when you where a kid? (Beyoncé has revealed hers was ‘Dumbo’.) What nickname is your boss known by?

• “Mother-in-Law Day”, first celebrated 74 years ago on March 5, 1934. A similar “Mother-in-Law’s Day” is held on the 4th SUNDAY in OCTOBER. To stay out of trouble … best to remember both!

• “Multiple Personalities Day”, saluting the adage ‘We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.’ Can people with multiple personalities deduct themselves as dependents on their income tax?

• “On-Hold Month”. A good day to conduct a search for the worst (or best) on-hold music. (The best, of course, will feature your station.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [06] “The Osbournes” debuts on MTV (who woulda thought such an untalented bunch could become so famous?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1868 [140] 1st ‘Stapler’ (next day, the 1st stapler is used on “Jackass” to perform rude stunts)

1937 [71] ‘SPAM’ is 1st marketed after Hormel Co chefs discover that ham cooked in special spices, then ground up and canned has a 7-year shelf-life (has since become both the butt of jokes and the world’s most popular canned meat)

1972 [36] 1st breeding of a ‘Great Dachshund’, a cross between a Great Dane and a Dachshund (not to put too fine a point on it, but – how dey do dat?)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1985 [23] 1st NHL player to score 50 goals in 8 consecutive seasons (Mike Bossy, NY Islanders)

1994 [14] ‘World’s Largest Milkshake’ is created, at 1,955 gallons (Nelspruit, South Africa)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Frozen Food Day
[Fri] Canadian Music Industry Hall of Fame Induction
[Fri-Mar 16] South-By-Southwest Festival (Austin TX)
[Fri] Stop Bad Service Day
[Fri] Employee Appreciation Day
[Sat] International Women’s Day
[Sat-Sun] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Ottawa)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins
[Mon] 2008 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Indiction (NYC)
This Week Is … Free Paper Week (should we call Dunder-Miflin?)
This Month Is … Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science & Engineering Month (it must be working … checked a university lately?)

BULL’S BITS

HOW TO LIVE ON LESS:
Spending sleepless nights worrying about expenses? Tired of the treadmill of working more because you keep spending more? Some suggested solutions …
• Cut up the credit cards.
• Don’t spend more than what you earn.
• Put together a monthly budget.
• Make a list before grocery shopping.
• Cook at home more often instead of always eating out.
• Dump the gym membership and get outdoors to run or walk.
• Invest in a bicycle for everyday tooling around.
• Car-pool to save on the cost of commuting.
• Try secondhand stores. You’ll do the Earth a favor as well as your wallet.
– Adapted from Gomestic.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the right question to ask your kid after a loss in sports? (The Positive Coaching Alliance suggests: “What was the most enjoyable part of today’s game?” or “What worked well?”)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
You know … the older I get, the better I was.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In just the past 7 years, the number of people seeking treatment for THIS condition has increased by a whopping 66%.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Snoring.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
To avoid criticism, say, do, and be nothing.

“BS” Subscribers Are Nominated for 27 “Canadian Music Week” Broadcast Awards. Congrats!