Monday, March 3, 2008        Edition: #3723
100% Canada #1 Grade A Bull!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• 26-year-old new mom Nicole Richie is considering taking to the Broadway stage as the latest to play ‘Roxie Hart‘ in the hit musical “Chicago”. Richie, who celebrated the birth of daughter Harlow LAST MONTH with her Good Charlotte boyfriend Joel Madden, would be following in the footsteps of Ashlee Simpson and Brooke Shields in the role. (Wow, small shoes to fill.)
– “Us Weekly”
• Jessica Simpson, Hulk Hogan, and former KISS rocker Paul Stanley will become unlikely neighbors when work on their luxury penthouse suites at the new Palms Place in Las Vegas is complete. They’re among the first celebs to buy units in the new high-rise which features breathtaking 180 degree views of Sin City. The penthouse suites will be completed and delivered furnished by MAY 31st. (There goes the neighborhood.)
– World Entertainment News Network
• As if we’re not getting enough of Ryan Seacrest, he’s now inked a 3-year deal with Clear Channel to host a 3-hour syndicated radio show starting THIS SPRING. The new “On Air With Ryan Seacrest” takes its name, plus edited & live content, from his KIIS-FM morning show in Los Angeles. This comes on top of the 33-year-old’s other regular gigs as “American Idol” host and E! Entertainment’s daily news anchor. And oh yeah, he also has his own production company to run. (Who are you more sick of … him or Regis?)
– “E! News”
• 37-year-old supermodel Naomi Campbell has checked out of a Sao Paolo, Brazil hospital and been whisked away by private helicopter, 5 days after undergoing an unknown procedure. The surgeon who treated her says she did NOT have a cyst removed as widely reported, but refuses to elaborate on what the problem was. (Ego reduction surgery?)
– “Globo News”
• Oscar-winning French actress Marion Cotillard (“La Vie En Rose“) has inserted le foot in zee mouth by suggesting the 9/11 collapse of the World Trade Center was a planned demolition because the complex was an outdated ‘money sucker’ that would cost too much to modernize. She also raises doubts over the 1969 Moon landing. (Okay, your 15 minutes just ended.)
– FreeRepublic.com
• Britney Spears was reportedly nearly evicted from her Malibu CA home LAST MONTH after falling behind on rent. It seems she failed to pay both the $35,000 rent and a $2,100 late charge … twice. Word is she received a warning to pay up or ‘surrender and deliver up possession of said premises’. (She has an estimated worth of $125 million … and she rents?)
– TMZ.com

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Arctic Monkeys – They dominated the “NME Awards” in Britain over the weekend, taking home ‘Best Band’, ‘Best Track’, and ‘Best Video’. The Klaxons won ‘Best Album’; The Killers ‘Best International Band’.
• Dave Clark Five – Lead singer Mike Smith has died of pneumonia at age 64 near London. He was scheduled to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with his bandmates a week from TODAY.
• Enrique Iglesias – The 32-year-old Latin singer says he’s planning to call it a career by the time he’s 50, unlike his crooning father, Julio Iglesias, who at age 64 still maintains a busy performance schedule.
• Jennifer Lopez – It’s been confirmed her newborn twins have been named ‘Max’ & ‘Emme’, comparatively normal names by celeb standards.
• Kenny Chesney – A special ‘Shiftwork Section’ has been created for his JULY 5 stadium concert in Nashville in which tickets are specially-priced at a reasonable $29.50.
• Juvenile – The “Slow Motion” rapper is said to be in state of shock after the murder of his 4-year-old daughter, Jelani, at her home in Georgia. Her mother & half-sister also died from gunshot wounds. The girl’s 17-year-old half-brother has been arrested and charged.
• Led Zeppelin – According to the UK’s “Sunday Mirror”, frontman Robert Plant has turned down a $200-million deal to revive the legendary band for a world tour. Word is he wants DECEMBER’s successful one-off concert to be their legacy. (Translation: More money, please!)
• Outkast – During the upcoming season of “The Shield” (fX Network/Global), André Benjamin (“Semi-Pro”) will guest star as a candidate running for mayor of Los Angeles.
• Rolling Stones – A new BBC documentary claims Mick Jagger escaped an assassination plot by the Hells Angels in 1969. After a purported dispute over botched security provided by the motorcycle club at the free Altamont Speedway concert in California, it’s claimed a hit squad tried to reach his Long Island NY home by sea but was thrown overboard in a storm. While all survived, they made no further attempt on his life.
• Toby Keith – Production is currently underway in New Mexico on a movie version of his country hit, “Beer For My Horses”, in which he stars alongside duet partner Willie Nelson. The film is scheduled for a SUMMER release.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Canadian Songwriter’s Hall of Fame“ (CBC) – Highlights of the weekend’s 2008 gala in Toronto air, featuring performances by Paul Anka, Martha & Rufus Wainwright, Jully Black, and “We Will Rock You” star Suzie McNeil.
• Conrad Black – The 63-year-old former press baron becomes inmate #18330-424, likely at the Coleman low-security prison near Orlando FL. He’s been ordered to begin his 6-and-a-half year sentence for fraud & obstructing justice after an appeals court denied a final attempt at delay.
• ”Genie Awards” (E!) – Actress Sandra Oh (“Grey’s Anatomy”) hosts the 28th annual gala honoring the best of Canadian film in Toronto. A few highlights …
– David Cronenberg’s “Eastern Promises” and Roger Spottiswoode’s “Shake Hands With the Devil” lead nominations with 12 apiece.
– 29-year-old director Sarah Polley will be honored with the 2008 ‘Claude Jutra Award’ for her debut feature, “Away From Her”. It recognizes outstanding achievement by a first-time director.
– Oscar-winning “Juno” (‘Best Original Screenplay’) didn’t qualify for a nomination because … no one submitted it for consideration.
NET: http://www.genieawards.ca/
• Gwen Stefani – Her ‘World Tour Memorabilia Charity Auction’ kicks off on eBay and continues through MARCH 20th. Proceeds from the sale of costumes & sets from her 2007 “The Sweet Escape” concerts go to children’s charities in Southern California.
NET: http://www.orangewoodfoundation.org/events_detail.asp?id=29
• Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo – Tim McGraw kicks off the 3-week Texas event’s top-notch concert series. Among the other 21 artists scheduled are Alan Jackson, Brad Paisley, Brooks & Dunn, Dierks Bentley, Faith Hill, Fergie, Miley Cyrus, Rascal Flatts, and Toby Keith.
• ”Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Alt-rockers Collective Soul are on.
• Necessary Angel Theatre Company – In a unique fundraiser, 3 Canadian playwrights get 4 hours to each write a script based on a single given line. 8 hours later, all 3 plays will be presented before a live audience at the Capitol Event Theatre in Toronto.
• Neil Young – He kicks off a 7-date mini-tour of the UK in Edinburgh, Scotland. It includes a 4-night residency at London’s Hammersmith Apollo.
• “The Osmonds 50th Anniversary Reunion” (PBS) – The Osmonds gather & perform their hits. Word has it Donny & sibs will hit the road  later THIS YEAR for the first time in more than 25 years. The one-time teen heartthrob will follow that up with a Las Vegas residency with sister Marie.
• Robert De Niro – He hosts the launch of chef Agostine Sciandri’s new Las Vegas restaurant  at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. De Niro is an investor in Sciandri’s LA eatery.
• Scarlett Johansson – “The Other Boleyn Girl” star kicks off an eBay auction for the OXFAM charity. Grand prize: a date with her at the premiere of her upcoming movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, NEXT SUMMER in Los Angeles.
• ”Today Show” (NBC) – Country star Alan Jackson performs.
• ”The View” (ABC/CTV) – Michael McDonald is the musical guest.

A DECENT PROPOSAL:
Smooth moves a girl can use to talk a guy into marriage …
• Don’t get down on one knee, especially if you’re in stilettos.
• Wait till his favorite team wins a big game. The euphoria should carry over to your proposal.
• Think of an alternative to the tradition of presenting a ring, such as a pair of platinum cufflinks or a watch to commemorate the moment he says “yes”.
• Hold up a sign that says “Will you marry me?” on it and ask him to read it out loud. Then say, “Why yes, I’d be delighted.”
– “Glamour”

INCREASED PRODUCTIVITY IN CHINA:
China could be about to scrap its controversial 1-child policy, a senior family planning official says. The rule, which restricts urban families to a single offspring but allows rural couples to have 2, was imposed to prevent the population from outstripping resources. However, a complex system of exemptions and fines means that some families can circumvent the rule. The government claims the policy has resulted in 400-million fewer births – mostly girls – but concerns are growing about the gender imbalance and aging population.
 – “The Times”

ALL-TIME WORST DISNEY FILMS:
A new ranking of the worst movies ever released by the ‘House of Mouse’ …
10. “The Haunted Mansion” (2003) – Another theme park attraction made into a movie, this dud starring Eddie Murphy.
9. “Around the World in 80 Days” (2004) – This Jackie Chan version is a pale imitation of the 1956 original.
8. “Home On the Range” (2004) – Voiced by Roseanne Barr, Judi Dench & Cuba Gooding Jr.
7. “Hunchback of Notre Dame” (1996) – Features singing gargoyles, including Jason Alexander.
6. “Snow Dogs” (2002) – Starring Cuba Gooding Jr as a sled-dog racer … from Miami.
5. “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” (2001) – Voiced by Leonard Nimoy & Michael J Fox. Lost indeed.
4. “Treasure Planet” (2002) – An update of the classic “Treasure Island” … only in outer space.
3. “The Country Bears” (2002) – Based on yet another Disney park attraction, it’s sure no “Pirates Of the Caribbean”.
2. “Inspector Gadget” (1999) –  Matthew Broderick stars in a humorless rip-off of the TV cartoon.
1. Any & All Disney Sequels – Check the record: “The Santa Clause 2”; “Pocahontas 2”, “The Little Mermaid 2”, “Aladdin 3”, “Homeward Bound 2”. Are you getting the picture?
– StarPulse News Blog

FIT OR FAT?
A survey commissioned by the International Health, Racquet & Sportsclub Association finds that there are 6 basic fitness profiles. So which are you?
• Abracadabras – These people are fat & out-of-shape and would like nothing better than a magic pill to help them slim down.
• Balanced Holistics – These people exercise for their good health and psychological well-being.
• Conscientious Preventors – This group exercises regularly to prevent health problems.
• Procrastinating Skeptics – They take pride in not falling for the ‘fitness craze’.
• Social Competitors – They think physical activity is fun as long as it’s done in a group.
• Woulda-Shouldas – They understand exercise is important but still don’t do it as often as they should.
– MSNBC

COUNTERFEIT CARS:
Cheap designer knock-offs are one thing, but police in Sicily have just uncovered a Mafia-owned factory that’s been producing … fake Ferraris. Cops confiscated 7 cars, along with machinery, tools, and a wad of cash. The process apparently involved stripping down either a Pontiac Fiero or Toyota MR2 Spyder and refitting it with a mix of fiber panels and genuine Ferrari parts. The mock sports cars were then being sold online and at shady used car dealerships throughout Italy. (If you see a new Ferrari for $299, buyer beware!)
– “Telegraph”

DID YOU KNOW?
A recent study suggests that a polygraph test is only about 20% more accurate than a coin toss and can be defeated by simply biting your tongue.  (It seems “The Moment of Truth” … ain’t.)

BS CHRONOMETER 03.03.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [50] Miranda Richardson, Southport UK, movie actress (“Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire”, “Sleepy Hollow”)

1970 [38] Julie Bowen, Baltimore MD, TV actress (“Boston Legal” 2005-07, “Lost” 2005-07)

1971 [37] Brett Warren, Tampa FL, country singer (Warren Bros-“Move On”, w/Sara Evans-“That’s the Beat Of a Heart”)

1982 [26] Jessica Biel, Ely MN, movie actress (“I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry”, “Elizabethtown”)/former TV actress (“7th Heaven” 1996-2006)/Justin Timberlake’s gf

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Doll’s Festival” (“Hinamatsuri”) in Japan, a time to give thanks for the health & well being of daughters. Homes with young girls set up a display of dolls surrounded by peach blossoms, specially-colored diamond-shaped rice cakes, and white sake.

• “I Want You to Be Happy Day”, a day to show love, care & concern for others … for once. (Tomorrow is ‘Get Real, Loser, I Was Only Kidding Day’.)

• “National Anthem Day” in observance of the bill designating “The Star Spangled Banner” as the American National Anthem being passed by US Congress and signed into law by President Hoover 77 years ago on this date (1931).

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1923 [85] 1st issue of “Time” magazine has just 28 pages (about 26 of them ads)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1998 [10] Faith Hill releases mega-hit single “This Kiss”

1998 [10] Madonna releases Grammy-winning album “Ray of Light”

2006 [02] Former glam-rocker Gary Glitter (“Rock & Roll, Part 2”) is sentenced to prison in Vietnam for improper relations with underage girls

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1875 [133] By some accounts, the 1st recorded ‘Hockey Game’ is played in Montréal

1919 [89] 1st ‘International Air Mail Service’ (Seattle WA-Victoria BC)

1939 [69] 1st ‘Live Goldfish Swallowing’ sets off a popular fad (Lothrup Withington Jr at Harvard University)  FACTOID: The world record is 199!

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2005 [03] 1st ‘Solo, Non-Stop, Non-Refueled Airplane Flight Around-the-World’ is completed as the ‘Virgin Atlantic Global Flyer’ piloted by Steve Fossett successfully lands at Salina KS after 67 hours, 2 minutes, 38 seconds

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] International Scrapbooking Day
[Wed] Avril Lavigne tour begins (Victoria BC)
[Wed-Sat] 26th Canadian Music Week (Toronto)
[Wed] Multiple Personalities Day
[Wed] Unique Names Day
[Sat] International Women’s Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Camp Fire Boys & Girls Week / Celebrate Your Name Week / Cheerleading Week / Children & Hospitals Week / Ghostwriters Week / Manufacturing Week / Newspaper in Education Week / Poison Prevention Week / Procrastination Week / Professional Pet Sitters Week / Read an e-Book Week / Save Your Vision Week / School Breakfast Week / Sleep Awareness Week / Universal Human Beings Week / Wildlife Week / World Folk Tales & Fables Week / World Humanist Week / Write a Letter of Appreciation Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
YOU MIGHT BE A BACHELOR IF …
• You can clean engine parts in the bathtub without someone yelling at you.
• It takes you 10 minutes every 6 months to buy new clothes.
• Your car gets waxed more often than your toilet gets cleaned.
• You have the pizza place on speed dial.
• Paper towels double as dishes.
• Beer is the freshest item in your fridge.
• You never listen to your messages when a female is around.
• If anything needs to be cooked longer than 5 minutes, it’s a waste of time.

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could communicate with any type of animal, which would you chose?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average age of one of THESE is 58.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Millionaire.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.