Friday, March 24, 2006 Edition: #3246
Sweet Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TOMORROW & Sunday “Canadian Idol” holds auditions at the St Laurent Centre in Ottawa . . . SUNDAY a special performance of the “Grand Ole Opry” at Washington DC’s Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts will feature Marty Stuart, Travis Tritt & the Del McCoury Band . . . “Live 8″ architect Bob Geldof’s just-turned-17 daughter ‘Peaches’ says she’s loves her screwball name and if she has daughters of her own she’ll tag them ‘Angel Delight’ & ‘Cherry Vanilla’ (y’see, it’s hereditary!) . . . 19-year-old Lindsay Lohan says she wants to broaden her ‘acting talents’ and become an action star, and the upcoming bigscreen version of “Wonder Woman” may be just the ticket (picture Wonder Woman in your mind – it ain’t her, right?) . . . New stats show that onscreen advertising at cinemas will continue to grow at the rate of 15% per year at least through 2008 (another reason people aren’t going to movies) . . . Sharon Osbourne has been named Britain’s ‘Celebrity Mom of the Year’ (an award she accepted by saying, “Feckin’ thanks!”). . . Word has it “American Idol” producers came close to firing Paula Abdul earlier THIS MONTH because she was crying all the time & showing up late for meetings – and the plan was to offer her judging job to either Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson (but it was finally decided to stand pat – for now) . . . TV actor Gary Dourdan, who plays ‘Warrick Brown’ on “CSI”, is fighting back after former girlfriend Anne Greene accused him of ‘Misdemeanor Battery’ by filing a $4-million lawsuit accusing her of being a “Fatal Attraction”-style stalker, and charging her with ‘Slander’ and ‘Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress’ (the real truth – some lawyers are going to get really rich before this is over) . . . And it looks like one of the final sticking points in the Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston divorce has become unstuck as their Beverly Hills mansion has finally been sold for circa $22.5 million, reportedly to a ‘non-celeb’ (not a bad return on a $13.5-million purchase just 5 years ago!).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Christina Aguilera – She was quietly flown in to perform at the fairytale wedding of Russian pop star Alsu, daughter of Lukoil oligarch Ralif Safin, who married the son of a fireworks magnate. The groom’s parents bought the happy couple a Moscow penthouse while friends cobbled together enough for a Bentley. Shakira, George Benson & Al Jarreau also performed.
• The Killers – SATURDAY they’re headlining the 13-hour “Ultra Music Festival” in Miami FL, which is expected to draw 50,000 fans.
• Phil Collins – Rumor has it the geezer rocker is getting over his marriage split with the help of a beautiful 24-year-old Disney production assistant.
• Prince – TOMORROW he’s the musical guest on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”, hosted by Steve Martin. He’s currently being sued by Utah Jazz forward Carlos Boozer for allegedly pimping out the NBA star’s Hollywood home without authorization. Prince is renting the joint for 70-grand a month on an 8-month lease and reportedly made several alterations, including having purple stripes & the numbers ‘3121′ (the name of his new album) painted on the exterior. Sort of an “Extreme Makeover: Purple Edition”.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Inside Man” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Spike Lee tries for his first true commercial hit with this story of a cop (Denzel Washington) who has to talk down a bank robber (Clive Owen) after the ‘perfect heist’ spirals into a hostage situation. The stand-off is further complicated by the arrival of a power broker (Jodie Foster) who requests a private meeting with the perp. While promoting the film, Foster admitted that her downfall as an actor is that she’s incapable of playing weak women.
NET: http://theinsideman.net
• “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” ( PG-13 Comedy ): “Blue Collar TV’s” Larry The Cable Guy (comedian Dan Whitney, who’s responsible for the catch-phrase ‘Git-R-Done’) plays a misfit health inspector who goes undercover to get to the bottom of a series of food poisoning incidents at his city’s top restaurants. Hijinks ensue.
NET: http://www.healthinspectorthemovie.com
• “Stay Alive” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): Jon Foster (“Terminator 3″), Samaire Armstrong (“The OC”) & Frankie Muniz (“Malcolm in the Middle”) star as a group of teens who enter the world of an online video game in order to solve the mysterious death of a friend. Pretty much a rerun of last year’s teen thriller “Cry_Wolf”.
NET: http://stayalive.movies.go.com
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Indian farmer D Jaggalah died after drinking bootleg booze. Villagers at his cremation raised a glass to toast their friend, but they used the same batch of alcohol that killed him. 10 funeral goers were poisoned … and died. (The good news is – they got a group rate from the mortician.)
• Dog Condoms Inc has had to recall their product due to ‘an unacceptable failure rate resulting in canine pregnancies’ … plus the meat-scented rubbers were proving too tempting and became a choking hazard. (Um, just wondering here – how do you teach a dog to … oh never mind.)
• Diane Cousins of Bromley, England is going broke by – trying to find her lost dog. She’s already spent thousands on posters and fliers and has recently posted a $75,000 reward for the return of her Labrador cross, ‘Natasha’, which made it necessary for her to re-mortgage her home.
• Prominent Kabbalah preacher Rabbi David Basri says bird flu is the fault of gays, and has come to Israel because of the local campaign to legalize gay marriage. (Ah! Another religion that preaches tolerance and understanding. That’s just great.)
STILL LYING:
A team of Italian and British researchers has found that when people lie they tend to stay still, apparently acutely aware that their body language might give them away. The team monitored some 130 volunteers as they were asked to make a series of honest and dishonest statements. The study, published in the “Journal of Nonverbal Behavior”, has found that liars touch their noses 20% less than truth-tellers. (Leading to the new cliché – ‘Honest as a nose-picker.’)
– BBC News
BS AMAZING FACT:
THIS WEEK the Denver (CO) Public Library became the first library to allow patrons to download movies and TV programs over the Internet onto laptops or portable media players.
– “Home Media Retailing”
ANTI-AGING MIRACLE FOODS:
According to the American Dietetic Association, these foods delay the onset of aging and the risk of age-related disease … Yogurt, Salmon, Blueberries, Red Beans, Flax Seed, the plant seed Quinoa (pronounced ‘KEEN-wah’), and the cabbage cousin Kale. (To get really healthy, throw all this crap in a blender and make a ‘Sink-Trap Milkshake’.)
– “Ladies Home Journal”
PLAYSTATION NETWORK:
Sony will launch a new online service to support its upcoming PlayStation 3 video game system when it comes to market in NOVEMBER. The ‘PlayStation Network Platform’, as Sony calls it internally, will have free and premium-subscription levels of service. In addition to online game competition, it will offer video and voice chat, full game downloads, updates and more. Online connectivity has proven to be popular on Microsoft’s competing ‘Xbox Live’ network, which has more than 2 million players.
– “USA Today”
AND WE QUOTE:
“If they say, ‘Paula is going crazy’, the reason is Simon is whispering things in my ear, like, ‘What’s the price of beans?’ Things that make no sense at all.”
– Paula Abdul, telling “In Touch Weekly” that it’s Simon Cowell’s fault she seemingly can’t put a compete sentence together on “American Idol” lately. (Either that or she’s recently befriended Pete Doherty.)
THE BULL SHEET 03.24.2K6
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [70] Dr David Suzuki, Vancouver BC, scientist/environmentalist/broadcaster (3 Gemini Awards-“The Nature of Things” on CBC-TV)/author of 34 books/founder & chair of the charitable David Suzuki Foundation
1951 [55] Tommy Hilfiger, Elmira NY, fashion designer (‘Tommy Girl’) who’s name on anything jacks the price about 200%
1962 [44] Star Jones Reynolds, Badin NC, TV co-host (“The View” since 1997) FACTOID: Reports say she almost died after a ‘breast-lift’ procedure performed LAST WEEK at a Santa Monica CA hospital left her with internal bleeding. She’s still recovering.
1970 [36] Lara Flynn Boyle, Davenport IA, TV actress (‘Monica Mancuso’ on “Las Vegas”, “The Practice” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“Men in Black II”) COMING UP: Plays Barbara Amiel in the upcoming CTV movie “Shades of Black: The Conrad Black Story”.
1974 [32] Alyson Hannigan, Washington DC, TV actress (‘Lily Aldrin’ on “How I Met Your Mother”, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“American Pie” series)
1976 [30] Peyton Manning, New Orleans LA, NFL QB (Indianapolis Colts)/6-time Pro Bowl QB/2-time NFL MVP
1990 [16] Keisha Castle-Hughes, Donnybrook, Australia, movie actress (“Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”, “Whale Rider”)
SATURDAY –
‘Queen of Soul’ Aretha Franklin (“Respect”) is 64; Pop singer Sir Elton John (“Candle in the Wind”) is 59; Brenda Strong (‘Mary Alice Young’-“Desperate Housewives”) is 46; TV actress Marcia Cross (‘Bree Van De Kamp’-“Desperate Housewives”) is 44; Movie actress Sarah Jessica Parker (“Failure to Launch”) is 41; Canadian blues singer-guitarist Jeff Healy (“Angel Eyes) is 40.
SUNDAY –
Former “Star Trek” actor Leonard Nimoy (‘Spock’) is 75; TV/movie actor James Caan (“Las Vegas”) is 66; Motown diva Diana Ross (“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”) is 62; Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler (“Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”) is 58; Comedic actor Martin Short (“Father of the Bride”) is 56; TV/radio personality Leeza Gibbons (“Leeza Live”) is 49; “Sopranos” actor Michael Imperioli is 40; Country star Kenny Chesney (“Living In Fast Forward”) is 38; TV actor TR Knight (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 33; Rapper Juvenile (“Rodeo”) is 31; “Pride & Prejudice” actress Keira Knightley is 21.
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “American Crossword Puzzle Tournament” through SUNDAY in Stamford CT. The 29th competition is directed by “NY Times” crossword puzzle editor Will Shortz. Try a little faux play-by-play.
• “Chocolate Covered Raisins Day” … but not the kind you find in your son’s bunny cage.
• “St Gabriel’s Day”, the patron saint of RADIO, postal and telephone workers.
• “Inspect Your Cat’s Tongue Day”. You know you’ve always wanted to see what makes your cat’s tongue feel like sandpaper … today’s the day to find out!
• “No Homework Day”, an opportunity for every teacher to have a heart and be a hero heading into a weekend.
SATURDAY –
• “Feast of the Annunciation” (Catholic)
• “Greek Independence Day”, the anniversary of the country’s proclamation of independence in 1821.
• “Swallow’s Return Day”, the traditional return of swallows to the mission at San Juan Capistrano CA, yet another sign of Spring. SATURDAY’s 48th annual “Swallows’ Day Parade” part of the local “Fiesta de las Golondrinas” (‘Festival of the Swallows’).
SUNDAY –
• “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day”. What traditions would yours include?
• “Mothering Sunday” (England), the Brit version of “Mother’s Day”.
• “Summer Time” begins, the European version of ‘Daylight Saving Time’. (NEXT YEAR in North America, DST will be moved ahead to begin on MARCH 11, 2007.)
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [04] At the Academy Awards, “A Beautiful Mind” wins 4 Oscars, including ‘Best Picture’ and ‘Best Director’ for Ron Howard
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1975 [31] ‘Beaver’ becomes an official Canadian symbol
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1936 [70] NHL’s ‘Longest Playoff Game’ lasts 176 minutes, 30 seconds and includes 6 overtime periods (Detroit Red Wings finally beat Montréal Maroons 1-0)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1911 [95] 1st ‘Venetian blind’, patented by Warburton Davis (next day, the 1st peeping Tom)
1930 [76] The recently discovered 9th planet is given the name ‘Pluto’
1971 [35] 1st ‘Pine Tree Air Freshener’ is introduced (my Uncle Wally still has it on his rearview mirror)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] National Joe Day
[Mon] Photography Day
[Mon] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Tues] Something On a Stick Day
[Tues] “King Kong” released on DVD
[Wed] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
[Wed] Vietnam Veterans Day
This Week Is … World Clown Week
This Month Is … Music In Our Schools Month
BULL’S BITS
BS ‘WOULD YOU RATHER?’
You run down the list while your guest or phone caller decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Have a foot-long eyebrow you can never pluck or an earlobe the size of a basketball?
• Be able to stop time while you sleep or never need to do laundry?
• Be able to foretell the future or have all the money you will every need?
• Always have to say everything on your mind or never speak again?
• Be gossiped about or never talked about at all?
• Find true love or $1 million?
• Have X-ray vision or bionic hearing?
• End hunger or hatred?
• Give up movies or music?
• Know it all or have it all?
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What’s your favorite rite of Spring?
• Which animal do you think is smartest? Why?
TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Beyoncé Knowles – “Check On It”
4. Sean Paul – “Temperature”
3. LL Cool J – “Control Myself”
2. Chris Brown – “Yo”
1. Ne-Yo – “So Sick”
– Big Champagne Online Media Measurement
BS WEB GOODIES:
• PunkyMoms is an alternative to traditional mom’s clubs, where they understand if you want to wear black or your hair blue, and if you want to do all-cloth diapering or raise your kid vegan. And how old should a kid be before her first nose stud, anyway?
NET: http://punkymoms.com
• A bored Canadian bureaucrat fed up with office drudgery is seeking $1 million in donations so he can quit his job and ‘do something that makes a difference in my life and the lives of others’.
The unnamed man, who claims to have worked for a large civil service branch for over 10 years, has set up a Website where he’s seeking donors …
NET: http://saveabureaucrat.com
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Since January, 2004 there have been more of THESE created each day than there are people on Earth.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: E-mails.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
He who borrows sells his freedom.
