March 8, 2006

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Wednesday, March 8, 2006        Edition: #3234
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

THIS MORNING Rascal Flatts & Carrie Underwood will announce the nominees for the 41st “Academy of Country Music Awards” at a press conference at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville (awards are handed out MAY 23 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas) . . . TONIGHT Tyra Banks hosts the 2-hour premiere of the 6th season of “America’s Next Top Model” on the CW . . . TONIGHT through Sunday, the 12th annual “US Comedy Arts Festival” in Aspen CO features tributes to Garry Shandling’s “Larry Sanders Show” (1992-98) & Russell Simmons’ “Def Comedy Jam” (1992-97), plus performances of Garrison Keillor’s “A Prairie Home Companion” (the basis of a movie opening JUNE 9th) & a Jim Henson puppet improv show (NET: . . . “The Simpsons” creator Matt Groening confirms that Paris Hilton is on a list of celebs expected to make a future voice-over appearance on the show (but why?) . . . Oscar nominees Jake Gyllenhaal & Keira Knightley may not have gone home with statues but they may have gone home together – they’ve been spotted dining 2 nights in-a-row and apparently definitely looked like a couple (in Hollywood, 2 nights is a long-term relationship) . . . Actress Samaire Armstrong is set to return to “The OC” in the role of ‘Anna Stern’, who battled with ‘Summer Roberts’ for the attention of ‘Seth Cohen’ in the show’s debut season (teen girls’ hearts will be all aflutter!) . . . Rumor has it ABC-TV personality Diane Sawyer has been telling friends & colleagues she’s convinced Katie Couric is set to jump ship from NBC-TV to anchor “The CBS Evening News”, and Diane wants to nail the job down before Couric makes the move (but is she too old at 60?) . . . Movie star Nicole Kidman is considering having laser eye surgery after being forced to wear eyeglasses to read cue cards during “Academy Awards” rehearsals (she wore none on the actual show because – unlike most presenters – she’d taken the time to memorize her lines) . . . And new ‘James Bond’ actor Daniel Craig says he has assured producers that he’s fully prepared to do a scene with full-frontal nudity in the now-shooting “Casino Royale” (what’s kinda creepy is – no one was asking him to).

• Beyoncé Knowles – TONIGHT she does “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Bon Jovi – TONIGHT they play the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Fiona Apple – TONIGHT she appears on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Gretchen Wilson – TODAY she guests on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Lil’ Jon – He’s following in the footsteps of fellow rapper Snoop Dogg by starring in his own skin-flicks, the first to be titled “Lil’ Jon’s Vivid Vegas Party”.
• Rod Stewart – A federal judge has ordered him to pay Las Vegas casino Harrah’s more than $3 million for a canceled show in 2000. Oh no, now we’re facing the prospect of “Great American Songbook: Volume 207″!
• Tim McGraw – His upcoming greatest hits collection, “Tim McGraw Reflected: Hits Vol 2″ due MARCH 28th, will feature 6 tracks never previously released, including 4 brand new songs.

If ingested, leather has enough nutritional value to sustain life for a short time.

• ‘LongPen‘ – An invention of Canadian author Margaret Atwood, it’s a device that will allow authors to sign books over the Internet. It had some glitches during its unveiling at the UK’s “London Book Fair” on the weekend but eventually performed as designed, mirroring the author’s hand motions to sign a book long-distance.
• ‘Piggybacker’ – Someone who uses a wi-fi (wireless Internet) connection without permission. Forget about your bike being stolen, now you have to worry about people skulking around your backyard to make use of your router. (“Those aren’t smokers hanging around outside the front door, boss. It’s a gang of piggybackers.”)
• ‘Songlifting’ – A variation on ‘shoplifting’ used to describe the illegal act of swapping music files online. (“Our daughter Allison has been sentenced to 3 months for songlifting. She got caught downloading that obscure tune from the movie “Crash” that’s never been released on CD.”)

According to a new AOL poll, here are the occupations that are currently perceived to have the most ‘sex appeal’ …
10. Nurse
9. Soldier
8. Interior Designer
7. Event Planner
6. Police Officer
5. Flight Attendant
4. Doctor
3. Pilot
2. CEO
1. Firefighter (thanks to all those sizzling calendars?)    
Jobs that dropped off the list from last year include reporter, lawyer, teacher & veterinarian.

A company called NaturalNano is developing a special hi-tech paint that uses nanotechnology to block out cellphone signals. If perfected, you can bet movie theaters will be in the market. (Why not a paint that will not allow graffiti? Somebody work on that, would ya?)  
– “Chicago Tribune”

“I’d rather be a little heavier and nice, rather than skinny and bitchy.”
– Movie actress Salma Hayek on why she hates dieting and sees no reason to.

Breaking down who we are by the numbers …
• 85% of obscene calls are made by males.
• 80% of millionaires drive a used car.
• 50% of us admit to sneaking food into a theater.
• 35% of women say that what annoys them most about their bed partner is cold feet.
• 31% of married men have never sent their wife flowers.
• 6% of us order salads in restaurants because we just won’t make them at home.

• In accordance with its equal opportunities policy, Oxford UK nursery school Sure Start Centre has ordered the words of the nursery rhyme “Baa Baa Black Sheep” to be changed to – “Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep”.
• At TODAY’s “Rehab 2006″ exhibition in Dubai UAE, the Tamkeen Training Center for the Visually Impaired will demonstrate the first Arabic International Computer Driving License Courseware available in – Braille.
• After police in Krefeld, Germany called a funeral home and asked for a hearse to transport a body, the driver showed up dead drunk. Then, when the cops decided to run him in for a blood alcohol test – he bit one of them. He’s now charged with both drunk driving and civil disorder.

“I’m sorry, Ms Spears, but your husband called here a few minutes ago and told us you weren’t allowed to have dessert. In fact, we’ve been told that no one at the table can have dessert … because you’ll eat it.”
– What a waiter at Malibu CA’s Moonshadows restaurant recently told Britney Spears, if “National Enquirer” is to be believed.

You’re likely aware that your personal info is being regularly collected and sold. Each time you receive a credit card application or insurance offer, chances are the sender obtained at least some of your info from a ‘commercial data broker’. So how much are the details of your life worth on the open market? Preemptive Media’s ‘Swipe Toolkit’ offers the following estimates of the going rate for several items of your personal data …
• Phone Number … 25 cents
• Address … 50 cents
• Date of Birth … $2
• Driver’s License Number … $3
• Social Insurance Number … $8
Social Security Number
• Credit History … $9
• Cell Phone Number … $10
• Education … $12
• Unpublished Phone Number … $17.50
• Workers’ Compensation History … $18
• Bankruptcy Details … $26.50
• Military Record … $35
Figures are compiled from a handful of major data brokers, most of which you’ve probably never heard of – Accurint, ChoicePoint, DocuSearch, Experian, Merlin Data, and Pallorium. (We should be charging 50 bucks to fill out an application form or hand out a résumé!)


1943 [63] Lynn Redgrave, London UK, movie actress (“Kinsey”, Gods & Monsters”)

1945 [61] Micky Dolenz, LA CA, oldies singer (The Monkees-“I’m a Believer”, “Last Train to Clarksville”)

1959 [47] Aidan Quinn, Rockford IL, short-lived TV actor (“The Book of Daniel”)/movie actor (“Legends of the Fall”)

1976 [30] Freddie Prinze Jr, LA CA, TV actor (“Freddie”)/movie actor (“Scooby-Doo”, “She’s All That”)/Mr Sarah Michelle Gellar since 2002

1977 [29] James Van Der Beek, Cheshire CT, movie actor (“Rules of Attraction”, “Scary Movie”)/former TV actor (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)

1979 [27] Tom Chaplin, Battle UK, pop singer (Keane-“Everybody’s Changing”, “Somewhere Only We Know”)

• “Aunts Day”, recognizing those special people who make long-lasting impressions throughout our lives. (Another Hallmark moment.)

• “Healthy Office Day”, focusing on the many types of pollutants that effect office workers: environmental, equipment or stress-related. (Not to mention co-worker-related.)

• “International Women’s Day”, kicking off “Universal Women’s Week”, which honors all women, especially working women. It was first proclaimed at a 1910 women’s conference in Helsinki, Finland by activist Clara Zetkin. In 1977, the observance was endorsed by the UN and is a national holiday in China and Russia, where female workers are presented with flowers and gifts. In fact, TODAY only in Russia, women drivers will be given flowers instead of fines for minor traffic offences. The 2006 IWD theme in Canada is “Beyond Laws: The Right to be Me”.

1997 [09] Paul McCartney is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in a ceremony at Buckingham Palace

1855 [151] 1st train passes over 1st ‘Railway Suspension Bridge’ (Niagara Falls ON/NY)

1913 [93] 1st US ‘Income Tax’ levied (next day, the 1st income tax cheat)

1990 [16] 1st Canadian to defend “World Figure Skating Championship” title (Kurt Browning, in Halifax)

1985 [21] John McPherson of Newcastle, England sets a new record by kissing 4,444 women in 8 hours

[Thurs] Panic Day
[Thurs] Barbie’s Birthday
[Thurs] Employee Appreciation Day
[Fri] Salvation Army Day
[Fri] Mario Day
[Sat] Worship of Tools Day
[Sat-Mar 19] The Brier (Regina SK)
[Sun] Middle Name Pride Day
This Week Is . . . Art Week
This Month Is . . . Professional Social Work Month


Your contestant must strive to get all the answers WRONG … much harder than it seems! You decide if their answers are correct [in brackets] and therefore losers, or outlandish enough to qualify as incorrect … in other words, winners!
• This is a country that’s participating in the “World Baseball Classic” currently being played. [Australia, Canada, China, Chinese Taipei, Cuba, Dominican Republic, Italy, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Netherlands, Panama, Puerto Rico, South Africa, USA, Venezuela.]
• This won the ‘Best Picture’ Oscar at the Academy Awards. [“Crash”]
• You can buy pear brandy with a real pear inside. How does the pear get inside the bottle? [They grow them there by placing bottles over pear buds when they are small.]
• What word in the English language rhymes with ‘month’? [There isn’t one.]
• The capital city of Afghanistan is? [Kabul.]
• How many toes does an ostrich have? [A total of 4, two on each of its feet.]
• The average person who stops smoking requires about 1 hour less of what per day? [Sleep.]
• Which city has the most skyscrapers in the world? [NYC, with close to 150.]
• What color is your brain? [The human brain is greyish pink & has a texture much like tofu.]
• What’s your name?

• Would you be willing to commit perjury in court for a close friend? What if your lie would save his/her life?
• Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 5 years to become extremely attractive? How ‘bout 10 years? 15 years?

Today’s Question: According to a recent study, THIS is the #1 thing you can do to really tick off your neighbor.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Get a barking dog.

Don’t take life too seriously; you’ll never get out of it alive.

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