Monday, March 30, 2020 – Edition: #6665
Can You Believe This Sheet?
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson are back home after testing positive for coronavirus while filming in Australia over 2 weeks ago. Their return to U.S. soil came days after he gave fans an update on how the couple was feeling. On Twitter, Hanks wrote: “Hey, folks. Two weeks after our first symptoms and we feel better. Sheltering in place works like this: You don’t give it to anyone — You don’t get it from anyone. Common sense, no?” He also wrote: “(It’s) Going to take awhile, but if we take care of each other, help where we can, and give up some comforts… this, too, shall pass. We can figure this out.”
-TheBlast
★ The stars of the 2011 virus thriller “Contagion” have reunited for a series of public service announcements to warn about COVID-19. Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Kate Winslet and Jennifer Ehle have teamed up with scientists from Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health to produce four homemade videos with advice and a message of unity.
-GlobalNews
★ “Game Of Thrones” fans have suffered a loss after a star animal from the show, Bran’s direwolf, has died after being diagnosed with mouth cancer. The direwolf, named ‘Odin’, was featured in the first episode, where the Stark family finds the direwolves, and decides each of them will keep one. Bran can be seen holding baby Odin in his arms during the scene. The dog’s family issued a statement on Instagram announcing his passing and thanked everyone who donated for Odin’s cancer treatments.
-TheBlast
★ Ryan Reynolds is in talks to star in a live-action adaptation of the 1980’s video game “Dragon’s Lair”. Dragon’s Lair became the most popular video game in America after it hit the scene in 1983, and promised to revolutionize the arcade industry with its movie-style animation. While the game quickly faded after its style didn’t take off, it remains a fondly remembered title, and even made an appearance in the Netflix series “Stranger Things”.
(Note to Ryan Reynolds: Career. Killer. Run and do NOT look back!)
-ContactMusic
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Tracy Morgan, Lizzo (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Ryan Tedder, Best of Fallon
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Dr. Phil McGraw, Lana Condor, Green Day (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): Adam Sandler (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): NeNe Leakes, Jerry O’Connell, Ramona Singer
• “The Talk” (CBS): Wayne Brady
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Issa Rae, Leslie Odom Jr., Ryan Trygstad
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber (R)
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Jeff Goldblum, Ilana Glazer (R)
• “Celebrity Family Feud” (ABC): Kelly Clarkson vs. Amy Schumer and Bindi Irwin vs. Chrissy Metz
• “America Rising: Fighting the Pandemic” (ABC): The extraordinary work by healthcare workers as well as communities, volunteers and celebrities who are all stepping up to help fight COVID-19; harrowing stories of those infected with COVID-19.
• “The Voice” (NBC): The battle rounds continue as the coaches enlist the Jonas Brothers, Dua Lipa, Ella Mai and Bebe Rexha to prepare the artists to go head-to-head in hopes of advancing to the knockouts.
• “Homefest: James Corden’s Late Late Show Special” (CBS): Corden chats with some of the biggest names in entertainment from their homes; musical performances by BTS in South Korea, Andrea Bocelli in Italy, Dua Lipa in London, and Billie Eilish with FINNEAS and John Legend in Los Angeles.
• “The Good Doctor” (ABC): Season 3 finale
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Lady GaGa – Her father has been slammed for asking the public for $50,000 to pay his NY restaurant staff. Joe Germanotta shared that he has had to let 30 employees go due to the pandemic and was seeking donations to pay them, although his daughter is worth an estimated $275million. His tweet has since been deleted and the GoFundMe page taken down.
• Dua Lipa – took social distancing seriously by holding her album release party for “Future Nostalgia” on Friday via the video-communication platform Zoom. In a screenshot of her “new age album party” Lipa was all smiles with her boyfriend, model Anwar Hadid, as were a number of her friends and family members, from their own homes.
• Prince – His heirs have filed legal documents seeking ”payment for services and efforts provided to the estate”. Prince left all his assets to his six siblings and now they are claiming that they have had to pay “to cover the costs needed to support the Prince Estate despite the millions paid to advisors, attorneys and others approved by the Court.”
• The Knack — guitarist Bert Averre has revealed a new version of their hit ‘My Sharona’ to address the coronavirus epidemic – after acknowledging that “Bye, Corona” had already been done multiple times. Watch his video with fellow Knack guitarist Prescott Niles HERE
• The Beatles — The lines of the famed London crosswalk where they shot the “Abbey Road” album cover have been repainted. While people are “social distancing”, a crew was able to access the road in front of Abbey Road Studios, which is usually subject to very heavy foot traffic.
• Liam Gallagher – will release an “MTV Unplugged” live album on April 24th. Last summer, he joined the list of greats (Paul McCartney, Page and Plant, Nirvana and many more) who have filmed an MTV Unplugged session, after having missed Oasis’s 1996 session due to illness.
• Roger Waters — has postponed his “This Is Not a Drill” tour due to the coronavirus pandemic. He wrote: “Bummer, but if it saves one life, it’s worth it.” The trek had been scheduled to run July-October, a plan specifically designed to lead up to the 2020 presidential election. The dates will be rescheduled in 2021.
• Joe Diffie — has died of complications after contracting COVID-19. He was 61. Diffie charted 35 singles on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart, including ‘John Deere Green’, ‘Third Rock from the Sun’ and ‘Pickup Man’. He also co-wrote singles for Holly Dunn, Tim McGraw, and Jo Dee Messina.
• Kenny Rogers – following his March 20 death, his record company has released his song ‘Goodbye’ to radio. The ballad was one of his final recordings. It was written by Lionel Richie — who also wrote Rogers’ hit ‘Lady’.
• Zac Brown Band – Multi-instrumentalist Coy Bowles has released a children’s album in hopes of bringing positivity to these trying times. “Music for Tiny Humans” is a streamable project that teaches children about the power of music. He planned to release the album in May, but pushed up the release date in response to the pandemic.
THIS YEAR, IT’S JUST WEDNESDAY:
Google will be holding off on its notorious April Fools’ Day jokes this year. The company, which is infamous for its elaborate pranks that typically touch on nearly every major product the company makes — won’t be participating due to the serious threat of the coronavirus that continues to impact the entire world. According to a leaked email, Google will “take the year off from that tradition out of respect for all those fighting the COVID-19 pandemic”. The email says: “Let’s save the jokes for next April, which will undoubtedly be a whole lot brighter than this one.”
(So if you see on Google that aliens have landed or something, head for the hills…it’s real!)
(Or is this all part of some elaborate April Fool’s Day joke?)
(I think that’s a responsible decision, and one that we should all abide by (***sheepishly removes whoopie cushion from the boss’s chair***)
-TheWrap
NOT WHAT I ORDERED:
As COVID-19 continues to spread, disinfectants are flying off the shelves and hand-washing remains the best method of preventing infection, but what about your mail? Or that package from Amazon? Could it infect you? Should we clean it somehow? Should you put a stop to all deliveries? Rest easy: Preliminary testing suggests that you can’t get COVID-19 from mail or packages. Even if the contents had trace amounts of the virus, the time it takes for the package to make its way to your mailbox or front door exceeds the surface life of the novel coronavirus.
(Thank goodness. Because after living in isolation with my family for 2 weeks, I need some earplugs!)
(Still, if the delivery person isn’t wearing gloves…that package is staying in the garage for a week!)
(It’s a good thing they’re not telling us to clean all packages with disinfectant wipes. Because that’s what I ordered!)
-HouseBeautiful
WHILE THE CAT’S AWAY…
Because we occasionally like to talk about something OTHER than the coronavirus, if you’ve ever wondered where your cat goes when you let it outside, listen up. Researchers at the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences decided to try to answer that question by placing GPS trackers on 900 pet cats. The author of the project’s first reaction? “I was surprised at how little these cats moved.” It turns out most cats spent all their time within 100 meters (330 feet) of their yard. The most adventurous cat covered an area of three-square miles.
(I know EXACTLY where most of the cats in my neighborhood go. In my flower garden. Literally!)
(I know where our cat goes when it’s out. In. And when she’s in, she goes out.
(In my neighborhood, you can always count on the cats to congregate under my bedroom window. To fight. At 3 in the morning…)
-GoodNewsNetwork
ACTUAL TWEETS FROM PEOPLE WHO WITNESSED THEIR PARTNER’S “WORK MODE”:
➢ A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, I’m married to a “let’s circle back” guy. Who knew? -Laura
Responses:
➢ “I remember the day I realized my wife was the “one more question” person at the end of meetings. I was shook.”
➢ “I’m married to ‘Just to clarify…’”
➢ “Turns out my husband can actually small talk, just not with anyone we know in non-work life.”
➢ “Mine said “why don’t we table that and revisit it in a couple days. Who is he? We’ve never tabled a (**damn) thing and revisited anything in out entire 36-year marriage!”
➢ “Hearing my wife in meetings – esp. with subordinates — and it dawns on me that she uses personnel management techniques on me all the time.”
-Someecards
DID YOU KNOW?
A new study shows that watching movies about romantic relationships with your significant other can actually save your relationship from apathy or dissatisfaction. The “movie treatment” was just as effective at reducing divorce as spending the same amount of time in formal marital workshops, without the associated costs. The catch? Couples also had to discuss how each film related to them.
-MacLeans
BS CHRONOMETER 03.30.20
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [75] Eric Clapton, Ripley UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (‘Wonderful Tonight’, Derek & the Dominos-‘Layla’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with The Yardbirds (1992), Cream (1993), and solo (2000)
1962 [58] MC Hammer (Stanley Kirk Burrell), Oakland CA, rapper (‘U Can’t Touch This’, ‘2 Legit 2 Quit’)
1964 [56] Tracy Chapman. Cleveland OH, pop/folk singer (‘Fast Car’, ‘Give Me One Reason’)
1964 [56] Ian Ziering, Newark NJ, movie/TV actor (“Sharknado” movies, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1990-2000)
1965 [55] Piers Morgan, Newick England, TV show host (“Good Morning Britain” since 2015, “America’s Got Talent” 2006-15)
1968 [52] Céline Dion, Charlemagne QC, pop singer (‘My Heart Will Go On’)/best-selling female artist of all-time (200 million+ albums worldwide)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)
1979 [41] Norah Jones (Shankar), Brooklyn NY, pop/jazz singer (‘Don’t Know Why’)/9 Grammy Awards/daughter of Indian sitar master Ravi Shankar
1984 [36] Justin Moore, Poyen AR, country singer (‘You Look Like I Need a Drink’, ‘If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away’)
1990 [30] Thomas Rhett, Valdosta GA, country singer (‘It Goes Like This’, ‘Die a Happy Man’)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Doctors Day”, an observance dating back to 1933 that commemorates the first use of anesthetic during surgery by Dr Crawford W Long in 1842. He got the idea by observing party-goers high on nitrous oxide and sulfuric ether. (***See “Actual MD’s Notes”, below***)
• “Pencil Day”, observed on the anniversary of the ‘Pencil with Attached Eraser’ being patented 162 years ago (1858) by Hyman Lipman. (Thereby giving us all something to chew on.)
• “Take a Walk In the Park Day”, which not only helps you stay healthy and lose weight, it enables you to reduce stress (while maintaining physical distancing, of course…)
• “World Bipolar Day”, observed on the birth date of artist Vincent Van Gogh, who was posthumously diagnosed as probably having bipolar disorder. (***See “Today’s Record”, below***)
• “National Virtual Vacation Day”, Virtual vacations do not require money, packing, or transcontinental flights. All you need is your imagination and free VR apps or a VR headset. (And it’s about all we can do these days!)
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Dance Marathon Day
[Tues] National Crayon Day
[Wed] April Fools’ Day
[Wed] International Fun at Work Day
This Week Is…National Cleaning Week
This Month Is…National Social Work Month
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1992 [28] At the 64th Academy Awards, “The Silence of the Lambs”, wins Best Picture, while stars Anthony Hopkins & Jodie Foster win Best Actor and Best Actress
2014 [06] Oscar-winning film “Frozen” surpasses “Toy Story 3” to become the highest-earning animated movie in history (ends up with $1.29 billion worldwide, but since surpassed by “Frozen 2” and “The Lion King [2019])
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2001 [19] The Detroit Free Press breaks the news that Jack and Meg White of The White Stripes are not siblings as they claim, but former husband and wife
2002 [18] Ashanti dominates the American Top 10, with her Ja Rule collaboration ‘Always On Time’ at #4, her Fat Joe duet ‘What’s Luv?’ at #5, and her solo track ‘Foolish’ at #9. The #1 song, ‘Ain’t It Funny’ by Jennifer Lopez, also contains some lyrics written by Ashanti
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [33] On the 134th anniversary of the birth of the artist, Vincent van Gogh’s “Sunflowers” is sold for $39.85 million, more than triple the previous record for an auctioned painting (today’s a good day to play ‘Pin the Ear on the Van Gough’)
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ People lose over a pound of weight during sleep by exhaling.
✓ For every person on earth, there are roughly 170 million insects.
✓ 80% of plane crashes occur in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of a flight.
✓ Every piece of plastic ever made still exists.
✓ In the 1990s, the average American supermarket had 9,000 products. Today, there are around 40,000.
✓ Chimpanzees can identify each other from pictures of their butts.
-FactSlides
BS QUARANTINE CINEMA:
• Me, Myself and Isolation
• When Harry FaceTimed Sally
• Sofa’s Choice
• The Good, The Bad and the Lonely
• How to Lose Your Mind in 10 Days
• Don’t Stand By Me
• The Life of I
• I Know What I Did Last Night, and the Thirteen Nights Before That
• No Weddings Nor a Funeral
• Look Who’s Talking to Herself
• Quaran-Teen Wolf
-Twitter
ACTUAL MD NOTES WRITTEN ON MEDICAL CHARTS:
“On the 2nd day the knee was better, and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.”
“The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.”
“Discharge status: Alive but without permission.”
“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”
“While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.”
“She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.”
“Patient has 2 teenage children, but no other abnormalities.”
-First published in BS in 2017
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ The American Atheists Association have postponed their 2020 National Convention due to the Coronavirus scare. (Can you imagine the deafening silence at that gathering after someone sneezes?)
➠ A doctor says that the best time to poo is when you first wake up in the morning. (The worst time? Depends!)
➠ Ian Ziering turns 56 today. (Which means he’s only four years away from being too old to play a teenager on the next “BH90210″ reboot)
➠ Last week, we heard about “Boober Eats”, a new way for out-of-work Portland dancers to make money, by delivering food while topless. (And afterward, you’re encouraged to rate them on “Strip Advisor”!)
➠ A 21-year-old TikTok influencer from California who licked a toilet bowl is now reportedly in hospital with the coronavirus. (In case you are wondering, “Influencer” is in the dictionary just after “Idiot” and just before “Jackass.”)
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• What was the first toy to be featured in a TV commercial?
a) Easy-Bake Oven
b) Barbie
c) Mr. Potato Head [CORRECT]
d) Stick and Wheel
• How far does the average office chair move in a year?
a) 2 miles (3.2km)
b) 8 miles (12.9km) [CORRECT]
c) 10 miles (16km)
d) 15 miles (24.1km)
• What are you doing if you ‘lacrimate?
a) Crying [CORRECT]
b) Belching
c) Sneezing
d) Begging for a raise
-PubTimeTrivia
BS WEB GOODIE:
It was SUPPOSED to be opening weekend: https://tinyurl.com/ttt9zok
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Good news! Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19. The virus is now in quarantine for a month.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What is the absolute WORST movie you’ve ever watched?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 40% of people say THIS was their last big purchase. What is it?
Answer: A mattress
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You never look good trying to make someone else look bad.
