March 8 2019

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Friday, March 8, 2019 – Edition: #6409

If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

★ The manager of a diner where Luke Perry filmed the television show “Riverdale” in Mission, B.C., says fans have been trickling in to reminisce about the actor since his death on Monday. The diner is considering creating a milkshake in Perry’s name but hasn’t yet settled on a flavour. It currently serves 46 flavours of milkshakes, with four named for Archie characters including a strawberry-apple pie “Archie shake” and cherry cola “Veronica shake.”
(Luke Perry Blueberry, anyone?)
★ A “Mad About You” reboot is officially on the way, with both Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser returning to their classic sitcom roles. The new version of the show will pick back up with Paul Buchman (Reiser) and Jamie Buchman (Hunt) finding their way through married life in New York City while working as filmmakers. Not only are both starring in the reboot, the two will serve as executive producers.
★ As news of Alex Trebek’s cancer diagnosis spread, celebrities and fans filled social media with well wishes and prayers for the longtime “Jeopardy!” host. The 78-year-old shared the news Wednesday of his stage 4 pancreatic cancer diagnosis, and joked that he plans to “beat the low survival rate statistics for this disease” because he’s under contract to host for three more years. “Wheel of Fortune” host Pat Sajak tweeted that “there is no one I know who is stronger and more determined, and I would never bet against him.” “Jeopardy!” all-star Ken Jennings wrote: “Alex is very aware of how much he means to millions of people, and how we will be pulling for him…I hope that’s a comfort.”
★ Idris Elba is in talks to replace Will Smith in the “Suicide Squad” sequel. That follows last week’s news that Smith had exited the project.  He, along with Margot Robbie, led the ensemble of the 2016 movie playing assassin anti-hero ‘Deadshot’. Elba is also set to host “Saturday Night Live” this weekend.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kate Beckinsale, Jason George, Sam Fender
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Matt LeBlanc, Nikki & Brie Bella, Jo Firestone (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Mariska Hargitay, Matt Ingebretson & Jake Weisman
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): James Spader, Glenda Jackson, Brad Leone, Jeff Friedl (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Joey Fatone, Dr. Evan Antin
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Charlie Hunnam, Jennifer Carpenter, New Kids on the Block
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Brie Larson, Colton Underwood (R)

• “NBA Basketball” (ABC): Boston Celtics at Los Angeles Lakers
• “Love Under the Rainbow” (HALLMARK): Lucy isn’t sure if she’ll find true love, until Jack moves to town with his daughter Sophie. Together they teach her it’s never too late to start chasing rainbows.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Idris Elba with musical guest Khalid

• “Aretha! A Grammy Celebration for the Queen of Soul” (CBS): featuring Smokey Robinson, Yolanda Adams, Shirley Caesar, Alessia Cara, Brandi Carlile, Chloe X Halle, Kelly Clarkson, Common, Celine Dion, H.E.R. and Jennifer Hudson.
• “American Idol” (ABC): Episode 3, auditions continue.
• “The Case Against Adnan Syed” (HBO): This four-part true-crime series re-examines the murder of high school student Hae Min Lee and subsequent conviction of her ex-boyfriend, Adnan Syed.

• Taylor Swift – Her mom is battling cancer again.  Taylor first revealed Andrea Swift’s battle in 2015, and now in an open letter to “Elle”, she writes: “It’s taught me that there are real problems and then there’s everything else. My mom’s cancer is a real problem.”
• Chance the Rapper – is marrying his fiancé Kirsten Corley this weekend.  He says that he first saw her at a Christmas party for the real estate company his mom worked for 16 years ago. He was only 9-years- old, but says he was captivated, and “love was in the air”.
• Heart — guitarist Nancy Wilson has admitted that the group “borrowed” their famous riff for ‘Barracuda’.  Quote: “Nazareth had a hit with this Joni Mitchell song that they covered called ‘This Flight Tonight’ that kind of had that riff, so we kind of borrowed that and we made it into ‘Barracuda.’”  She reports that Nazareth were not impressed.
• Randy Bachman – “Bachman”, the movie about his life and career, will arrive on iTunes, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play and DVD on March 26.  The documentary features appearances by Neil Young, Rush guitarist Alex Lifeson, Peter Frampton, Bachman-Turner Overdrive colleague Fred Turner and others who help explore the impact of the 75-year-old artist’s work.
• Bush – is hitting the road with Live this summer to celebrate the 25th anniversaries of their classic “Sixteen Stone” and “Throwing Copper” albums. They will hit 32 American cities (plus Burlington, ON) starting June 6, with special guest Our Lady Peace.
• Billy Corgan — has announced a solo tour. The Smashing Pumpkins frontman will play a string of shows in Europe and the UK, kicking off in Glasgow, Scotland, on June 17, and wrapping in Bucharest, Romania on July 8. After that, the Pumpkins will regroup for a US tour, supported by Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds and AFI.
• Dallas Smith – He and Dean Brody have announced their “Friends Don’t Let Friends Tour Alone Tour”, which kicks off in Sault Ste. Marie, ON on Sept 18, and continues across Canada through the end of October.
• Ashley McBride — is among the names announced for this Year’s “Boots & Hearts Music Festival” near Barrie, ON.  Also appearing: Chase Rice, Michael Ray, Tim Hicks, Carly Pearce, Mitchell Tenpenny, LANCO and Morgan Wallen.  They will join previously announced headliners Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, Maren Morris, Cole Swindell, Kane Brown and Kip Moore at Canada’s largest country music festival Aug. 8-11.

• “Captain Marvel” (PG-13, Action/Adventure):  Carol Danvers becomes one of the universe’s most powerful heroes when Earth is caught in the middle of a galactic war between two alien races. (Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson)
• “Triple Frontier” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure, opened Wed., limited):  A group of former Special Forces operatives reunite to plan a heist.  When events take an unexpected turn and threaten to spiral out of control, their skills, their loyalties and their morals are pushed to a breaking point in a battle for survival. (Ben Affleck, Charlie Hunnam)
• “The Kid” (R-Rated, Drama/Western, limited):  A young boy is forced to go on the run across the American Southwest in a desperate attempt to save his sister from his villainous uncle. Along the way, he encounters Sheriff Pat Garrett, on the hunt for the infamous outlaw Billy the Kid. (Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke)
• “Gloria Bell” (R-Rated, Comedy/Romance, limited):  A free-spirited divorcée who spends her nights on the dance floors at clubs around Los Angeles finds herself thrust into an unexpected new romance, filled with both the joys and complications of budding love. (Sean Astin, Julianne Moore, John Turturro)

The popular (ahem) dating site Tinder has debuted a “Spring Break Mode” that allows users to line up their hookups in advance. Spring Break Mode is part of the “Tinder U” division, which is aimed at the college crowd.  It allows those with the app to input their Spring Break destination ahead of time, and then swipe and match with people before they even get there. Those who are familiar with these things are calling it a gamechanger. And even if you’re not going anywhere for Spring Break, you are able to set your destination to “Staycation” and match with others who are staying in your hometown as well.
(Yay. So you can browse the usual idiots that you see on the street everyday…)
(Awesome.  I love being rejected early to get it out of the way!)

A Florida man looking to land a job at Fort Lauderdale City Hall allegedly engaged in such extreme resume padding that his case has been sent to state authorities for possible prosecution.  Former Fort Lauderdale City Treasurer Ash Benzo “maintained the facade of a qualified employee” to cash-in on a $118,040 salary and employee benefits, according to an investigation. When applying for the job, Benzo boasted about being involved in multi-billion dollar mergers and introducing money-making products to big-name companies such as UPS. He also claimed to have helped major cities, including Detroit, escape bankruptcy. Benzo was able to keep up the scheme for nearly a year before finally getting caught.
(Maybe they should also be talking to the person who didn’t check his references?)
➢ A Florida man’s plans to bring a military rocket-propelled grenade launcher home with him were shot down after security screeners at a Pennsylvania airport spotted the weapon in his checked bag.  The Transportation Security Administration says the unassembled parts of the launcher and a replica grenade were found when an alarm went off as the bag passed through security equipment at Lehigh Valley International Airport in Allentown PA.  The man told officials he thought he could bring the non-functioning launcher onboard in a checked bag. The items were confiscated and he was able to catch his flight to Orlando.
(We were looking to fly home, not be launched!)
➢ Most people would do everything they can to make sure their first week on the job goes smoothly.  A Utah woman seems to have done the opposite.  During her first shift as a 7-11 cashier, Joan Adamson loaded and then stole several pre-paid credit cards worth more than $4,500.  Two days later, she took nearly $5,000 worth of money orders and pre-paid credit cards.  A day after that, police were called to the convenience store after customers discovered that it had been left unattended.  You guessed it, Adamson was supposed to be on duty, but had decided to leave. She was arrested a few days later after a police chase, in which she allegedly tried to run over a police officer.  She will be sentenced April 12.
(“And the reason for leaving your last job?…”)

As of 2 am Sunday, clocks across North America “spring forward” an hour. So why do we do this?
✓ The idea of ‘Daylight Saving Time’ was 1st proposed in 1895 by New Zealand entomologist George Vernon Hudson, and although people were interested, it never caught on.
✓ In 1905, William Willett came up with the same idea in London. Why? He was an avid golfer who hated cutting short his Summer rounds on the links. Again, the idea failed to catch on.
✓ The Germans and their allies were the 1st to implement Daylight Saving Time as a way of conserving coal during WW1. Britain and many other European countries followed the example.
✓ The US adopted DST in 1918, but it wasn’t until 1966 that the whole country observed it (except Hawaii and most of Arizona). All Canadian provinces were on DST by the 1970s, except parts of Saskatchewan, which refuse it.

Gaining or losing an hour of sleep (after the clock changes) affect sleep patterns, often for about five to seven days, according to Timothy Morgenthaler, Mayo Clinic’s co-director of the Center for Sleep Medicine. The most notable changes are in those who regularly do not get enough sleep. People who are sleep-deprived might struggle with memory, learning, social interactions and overall cognitive performance.


1945 [74] Micky Dolenz, Los Angeles CA, drummer (The Monkees-‘I’m a Believer’, ‘Last Train to Clarksville’)

1959 [60] Lester Holt, Marin County CA, news anchor (“Dateline NBC” since 2006, “NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt” since 2005)

1961 [58] (Debra) Camryn Manheim, Caldwell New Jersey, TV actress (“The Practice” 1997-2004, “Ghost Whisperer” 2006-10)

1976 [43] Freddie Prinze Jr., Los Angeles CA, movie actor (“She’s All That”, “Scooby-Doo”)

1977 [42] James Van Der Beek, Cheshire CT, TV actor (“Don’t Trust the B–– In Apartment 23” 2012-13, “Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)

1979 [40] Andy Ross, Worcester MA, rock guitarist (OK Go-‘Here It Goes Again’, ‘Get Over It’)

1982 [37] Kat Von D (Katherine von Drachenberg), Monterrey, Mexico, tattoo artist/reality TV star (“LA Ink” 2007-11, “Miami Ink” 2005-06)

TV host Steve Wilkos (“The Steve Wilkos Show”) is 55; TV personality Ben Mulroney (“eTalk Daily”) is 43; Actor Oscar Isaac (“Star Wars: The Force Awakens”) is 40; Actress Brittany Snow (“Pitch Perfect”) is 33; Rapper/Actor Bow Wow (“CSI: Cyber”) is 32

TV personality Barbara Corcoran (“Shark Tank”) is 70; Actor Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”) is 48; Music producer Timbaland is 47; Singer Robin Thicke (‘Blurred Lines’) is 42; Singer Carrie Underwood (‘Before He Cheats’) is 36; Actress Olivia Wilde (“Tron”) is 35

• “International Women’s Day”, first suggested at a 1910 women’s conference in Copenhagen by activist Clara Zetkin. The first “IWD” was observed in Germany the next year. This year’s theme is #BalanceforBetter NET:

• “Proofreading Day”, to promote accuracy in written messages. If you hate typos and grammatical errors, thIs iZ yer dayb

• “Tarter Sauce Day”, fabulous for dunking fries, fritters and battered appetizers, tartar sauce adds a zesty tang to fried foods.

• “Middle Name Pride Day”, today’s name celebration requires honesty and possibly some courage. Tell your middle name to three people who don’t already know it (Who you can trust…)
➢ Richard Tiffany Gere
➢ Daniel Wroughten Craig
➢ Kobe Bean Bryant
➢ Drew Allison Carey
➢ Quincy Delight Jones
➢ Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland

• “Barbie Day”, the 60th anniversary of the day the world’s most successful doll was first unveiled in 1959 at NYC’s “International Toy Fair”. More than 1 billion Barbies have been sold in over 150 countries since.
• “Crabmeat Day”, saluting the seafood we love. How can such an ugly creature taste so good?
• “Get Over It Day”, whatever it is that’s put that chip on your shoulder – a perceived slight, a public embarrassment, a failed relationship. Today’s the day to get over it and get on with your life. (And DO NOT let your next sentence start with, “I would if…”)
• “International Fanny Pack Day”, celebrating the strap-on pouch that is definitely useful but definitely not in style. What do you need one for? To put your ‘stuff’ in.
• “Amerigo Vespucci Day” [‘vuhs-POOCH-ee’], commemorating the Italian’s 1454 birth in Florence. He’s the marginally-successful explorer that a European mapmaker chose as namesake for the ‘New World’, as in ‘North Amerigo’.

• “Daylight Saving Time” in North America begins at 2 am. The annual ‘Spring Forward’ is now programmed right into computers, phones, and other electronic devices. The semi-annual clock reset is also touted as a good excuse for “Check Your Batteries Day”, when you test and/or replace smoke alarm batteries. (And remember, it’s ‘Daylight Saving Time’, not ‘Savings’!)
• “International Bagpipe Day”, to celebrate the world’s many bagpipes and piping traditions.
• “Mario Day”, saluting anyone with that name because the abbreviated date (MAR-10) sort-of spells ‘Mario’. Famous Marios include TV chef Mario Batali, NHL Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, TV personality Mario Lopez, and Mario of “Mario Bros.” videogame fame.
• “International Day of Awesomeness”, a day to recognize that people are awesome every day, frequently don’t realize it, and their awesomeness is rarely recognized (especially mine!)

2003 [16] The singing competition show “Nashville Star” debuts on USA Network (Miranda Lambert comes in 3rd on Season 1)

2010 [09] Lil Wayne begins serving a 1-year sentence on firearms charges at Rikers Island in NYC (released after 8 months)

2016 [03] AC/DC postpones the rest of their US tour after singer Brian Johnson is warned he’ll go deaf if he continues (Axl Rose eventually takes over to complete the gigs)

2016 [03] Famed Brit record producer Sir George Martin (The Beatles) dies at age 90

2003 [16] 50 Cent’s 1st single, ‘In Da Club’, tops the chart for the 1st of 9 weeks


✓ In 2016, an Australian soccer fan tricked his wife into naming their daughter after his favorite team, Arsenal, by suggesting the name “Lanesra.”
✓ The CIA uses board games to train spies.
✓ Collectively, humans have watched Adam Sandler movies on Netflix for longer than civilization has existed.
✓ Eating garlic improves your body odour.
✓ The original patent for the toilet-roll holder showed the paper hanging over the holder, not under.
✓ In Sweden, you can buy toilet paper called Kräpp.

• “Do I come here often?”
• “I’m sure I put my ring right here in this pocket…”
• My life story.
• “Who sucked the salt off of these pretzels?”
• Great pickup lines like “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
• “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”
• “I wear a size 15 shoe if you catch my drift…”
• Semisonic’s ‘Closing Time’ EVERY STINKING NIGHT
• “Norm!”
• The sound of a priest, a rabbi and a minister walking in.

Best of BS . . .

• Who cares what the square root of anything is?
• Why are kernel and colonel pronounced exactly the same?
• Why didn’t I major in Engineering instead of 18th Century Romance Literature?
• What the heck does ‘fleek’ mean?
• Did you really think that wasn’t going to happen?
• If McDonalds sold Mac and Cheese, would it be called ‘McMac and Cheese’?
• Why don’t you just have one particular spot you put your wallet and keys every day?
• Realistically, is vodka going to help this?
• I know where your car is. Do you, dude?
• New phone, whom is this?
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

What is the most shocking thing that you have been awakened to?

Life is full of uncertainties…. Of course, I could be wrong about that.

Question:  8% of adults say they have never done THIS.  What is it?
Answer:  Sent an email

No weekend…all weakened.


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