March 1, 2012

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Thursday, March 1, 2012        Edition: #4696

This is Where March Comes In Like a Bull!

Tonight previews begin at Broadway’s Neil Simon Theatre of a new adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s rock opera “Jesus Christ Superstar” (this production was a smash at Ontario’s Stratford Shakespeare Festival in 2011) . . . Sorta-actress Megan Fox tells the new issue of “Cosmopolitan” that in order to have children with her ‘soul-mate’ Brian Austin Green she’s ready to give up her smoking hot bod’ (like is it one or the other?) . . . British royal in-laws Pippa Middleton and her brother (whose name we can never remember and/or cared to learn) are set to participate in a Swedish ski race (we’re guessing all the photos will be rear shots) . . . 29-year-old actress Anne Hathaway claims she’s not all sugar ‘n spice and is more like Lindsay Lohan than people realize (only with even buggier eyes) . . . Meantime, Lohan tells NBC-TV’s “Today” in a taped interview that she’s sober and has ‘become a homebody’ (pants on fire!) . . . Kelsey & Camille Grammar have finally settled their contentious custody case out of court, agreeing to a joint deal whereby their 2 kids continue to live with Camille but will ‘maintain meaningful contact’ with their father (BS translation: He lost) . . . 44-year-old actress Julia Roberts tells the April issue of “Vanity Fair” her kids have no idea that their mother is famous (the upcoming movie “Mirror, Mirror “ might not help matters) . . . Reports that Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel will wed sometime this Summer remain unconfirmed, an insider commenting “He would never say, why would I?” (seems someone’s got cold feet) . . . Actress Natalie Portman’s jeweler has confirmed that it is, in fact, a wedding band she’s been sporting but says he can neither confirm nor deny her marriage to fiancé Benjamin Millepied (sounds like something that crawled out of the bathtub drain) . . . And rumors are flying that “Glee” co-stars Lea Michele & Cory Monteith may be a real-life item, or at least have become fans of cozy dinners together (likely a ruse – an on-screen-turned-off-screen couple is just the thing to keep us talking about a sinking show).


• “American Idol” (ABC/CTV) – Audience votes and judges’ wild card picks determine the finalists.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Mona (“Mona”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Birthday boy Justin Bieber.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded”, out April 3rd).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live After the Academy Awards Special” (ABC) – A primetime rerun of Sunday’s post-Oscars show, featuring Oprah Winfrey, Coldplay.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Kills (“Midnight Boom”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – ‘Bruce Springsteen Week’ continues with Elvis Costello performing covers.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – White Rabbits (“Milk Famous”, out March 6th).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Chickenfoot (“Chickenfoot III”).


• Buffalo Springfield – It looks like their planned reunion tour is not happening this year after all, according to guitarist/vocalist Richie Furay. Quote: “Neil [Young] is just fickle.” They played their first reunion show at Young’s “Bridge School Benefit” concert in 2010.
• Erykah Badu – Her performance scheduled for last night in Kuala Lumpur was cancelled after a government committee ruled she’s ‘an unsuitable role model for young Malaysians’. The problem … what appear to be temporary tattoos of the word ‘Allah’ on her bare shoulders in publicity pics. The body art is considered an insult to Islam.
• Foo Fighters – They have been forced to cancel this Friday’s show in Singapore because doctors say Dave Grohl needs to rest his voice. All dates on the band’s Asian tour may be affected by the condition.
• Kid Rock – This week he played a Michigan campaign rally for Mitt Romney but only after inviting the candidate to his home and talking to him for more than an hour about his intentions if he gets elected US president.
• Radiohead – This week they kicked off their 2012 tour in Miami, Florida and debuted 2 brand new songs: “Identikit” and “Cut a Hole”. They’ve also announced a new leg of touring, with 6 shows in Australia and New Zealand slated for November.
• U2 – Bassist Adam Clayton is suing the Bank of Ireland as well as Dublin accounting firm Gaby Smyth & Co, claiming his former Personal Assistant misappropriated circa $6.4 million of his funds over a 5-year period. He’s seeking nearly $7 million from the bank and $7.5 million from the accounting firm for alleged ‘negligence and breach of contract’.
• Uncle Kracker – Tonight his new “Hometown Tour” in support of his latest album gets underway in Macomb, Illinois.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “An Object of Beauty” – Amy Adams (“The Muppets”) will star and produce this adaptation of the novel by Steve Martin. Yep, that Steve Martin. The story follows a NYC art connoisseur who charms her way up the social ladder while getting tangled in romances with top artists.
• “Diana: Closely Guarded Secret” – Princess Diana’s life is set to be made into a movie, and film producer Stephen Evans is lining up a Hollywood actress to play the late British royal. The film will be based on her former bodyguard Ken Wharfe’s memoirs.
• “Harker” – Russell Crowe is in talks to star in this re-imagining of Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”. He’d play the title character, a tough London detective on the hunt for the ghoulish figure behind a string of gory murders. The film is being produced by Leonardo DiCaprio.
• “Motor City” – Dominic Cooper plays a small-time criminal who tries to win back the woman he loves (Amber Heard) in this revenge thriller. Gary Oldman is in talks to play the villain, a shady kingpin. The movie is set to start shooting in Berlin, Germany in April.
• “True Story” – Jonah Hill & James Franco star in this adaptation of Michael Finkel’s memoir about a writer who connects with a criminal who’s been using his identity while on the run. Hill’s “Moneyball” co-star Brad Pitt is producing the movie through his Plan B production company.
• Untitled Bin Laden Film – Joel Edgerton (“The Great Gatsby”) is set to star in this story about the hunt for terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden. His brother Nash Edgerton plays a Navy SEAL in the film, directed by Kathryn Bigelow (“The Hurt Locker”). Shooting starts in India this month.


“If March comes in like a lion, it goes out like a lamb” or vice versa. For those of us who live through volatile Spring weather, it’s an apt description of this month. This phrase has its origins with the constellations Leo, the Lion, and Aries, the ram or lamb. It has to do with the relative positions of these constellations in the sky at the beginning and end of the month. In the original poem containing the famous phrase, there is no ‘if’. Before global warming, March most often arrived on a cold, blustery wind. But nowadays, who knows?


✓ A dry March and a wet May? Fill barns and bays with corn and hay.
✓ As it rains in March so it rains in June.
✓ March winds and April showers bring forth May flowers.

Canada’s Department of Foreign Affairs is now advising single women traveling alone in foreign countries to pretend they are married, by wearing a fake wedding band and/or carrying pictures of their ‘husband’ in order to avoid harassment. These are just 2 of the recommendations in a new publication called “Her Own Way – A Woman’s Safe-Travel Guide”. Quote: “Being seen as married will lower your profile and stave off uninvited advances.” (Apparently guys don’t have to go through the hassle of inventing marital status.)


A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 82% of men say it wouldn’t bother them if their partner’s friends didn’t like him.
• 64% of women using online dating sites lie about their weight by at least 5 lbs.
• 53% of men using online dating sites lie about their age by at least 1 year.
• 44% of us have difficulty falling asleep.
• 39% of workers have had a workplace romance.
• 15% of us have never been to a music concert.


If you use Twitter in the belief that your tweets to friends will quickly disappear into the ether, think again. As of this week, companies looking for a social media marketing advantage can access Twitter updates dating all the way back to January 2010, a time period considered ‘historical’ in social media terms, and well past the 30-day access limit previously available for searches. One company that will benefit is Datasift, a UK firm that provides tweet-based market research to clients looking to stay on top of evolving trends. (More privacy goes down the ol’ porcelain receptacle.)
– BBC News


• Fashion models are extraordinarily tall, averaging 5-ft, 10-ins, taller than 99% of American women.
– “Psychology Today”
• Dr Dror (not a typo) Paley, a renowned orthopedic surgeon at St Mary’s Medical Center in West Palm Beach, Florida, performed 650 ‘leg-lengthening surgeries’ last year.
– ABC News


1944 [68] Roger Daltrey, London UK, classic rock singer (The Who-“Who Are You” [theme from “CSI”], “Won’t Get Fooled Again” [“CSI: Miami”], “Baba O’Riley” [“CSI: NY”])

1954 [58] Ron Howard, Duncan OK, movie director (“Frost/Nixon”, Oscar-“A Beautiful Mind”)/movie & TV producer (“Arrested Development”)/former TV actor (‘Ritchie’-“Happy Days” 1974-84, ‘Opie’-“Andy Griffith Show” 1960-68)

1967 [45] George Eads, Fort Worth TX, TV actor (‘Nick Stokes’ on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” since 2000)

1969 [43] Javier Bardem, Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, Spain, movie actor (2011 Academy Award nomination-“Biutiful”, 2008 Oscar-“No Country for Old Men”)

1973 [39] Ryan Peake, Brooks AB, rock guitarist (Nickelback-“Photograph”, “How You Remind Me”)

1978 [34] Jensen Ackles, Dallas TX, TV actor (‘Dean Winchester’ on “Supernatural” since 2005, “Smallville” 2004-05)

1987 [25] Ke$ha (Sebert), LA CA, pop singer (“We R Who We R”, “Tik Tok”)

1994 [18] Justin Bieber, Stratford ON, pop music phenomenon (“Never Say Never”, “Baby”)


• “Beer Day” in Iceland, celebrated each March 1st to mark the elimination of the 74-year prohibition of beer which lasted 1915-89. In the interest of international relations, bottoms up!

• “Chalanda Marz” in Switzerland, when they drive away Winter by ringing bells and cracking whips. Let’s try that and see if it works! [SFX].

• “Horse Protection Day”, to raise awareness about the abuse, neglect, homelessness, and slaughter of horses and to promote adoption events to help unwanted horses find a home.

• “Peanut Butter Lover’s Day”, a good day to have phone contestants try a tongue twister with a mouthful of smooth or crunchy.

• “Pig Day”, honoring the ‘most intelligent and useful of domesticated animals’. Studies show pigs are much smarter than horses (… but harder to ride).

• “Plan a Solo Vacation Day”, to inspire singles to spice up their lives by checking out solo travel options. What’s the biggest thing that would dissuade you from traveling on your own?

• “St David’s Day” in Wales. The Welsh celebrate their patron saint by taking a leek … and wearing it.

• “Self-Injury Awareness Day” (SIAD), an annual global awareness event when individuals and organizations make special efforts to raise awareness about self-harm.


1941 [71] 1st  commercial ‘FM radio station’ goes on-the-air (W47NV in Nashville TN, which must have had really complicated jingles)

2010 [02] After a failed primetime experiment, Jay Leno returns as host of NBC-TV’s “The Tonight Show” (thereby bumping off Conan O’Brien, who later ends up at TBS)


1994 [18] At the annual Grammy Awards, Whitney Houston wins ‘Best Female Pop Vocalist’ and ‘Record Of the Year’ for “I Will Always Love You”


1969 [43] Britain’s Prince Charles is officially invested ‘Prince of Wales’ (starting to seem like a lifetime appointment, isn’t it?)

1997 [15] The state of Arizona approves a proposal to install ‘Divorce Vending Machines’ to cope with the high demand for divorces


[Fri] “Dr Seuss’ The Lorax”; “Project X” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Dr Seuss Day
[Fri] Dress in Blue Day
[Fri] Employee Appreciation Day
[Sat] International Sister Cities Day
[Sun] Daughters & Sons Day
[Sun] International Scrapbooking Day
This Week Is … Cheerleading Week
This Month Is … International Listening Awareness Month


Our sick fascination with fast-food gets even sicker when you mix ‘em together …
• Doritos Locos Tacos – Taco Bell on the inside and Doritos on the outside. Tastes extra crunchy without the burden of offering any nutrition whatsoever.
• Olive Garden’s Unlimited Salad & Breadsticks w/Whoppers – The King of Burgers meets the Prime Minister of Sides for this Bunga Bunga party in your belly.
• Denny’s Moons Over My Hammy – Scrumptious eggs and 2 different types of cheese on grilled sourdough bread, served on top of an uncooked Hormel ham.
• Starbucks Caffé Mocha Grobachino – The original chocolate Frappuccino is back, now with an infusion of unsold ground-up Josh Groban CDs.
• Panera Bread’s 3-Cheese Cinnabon – Take the artisanal goodness of Panera’s Romano, Asagio, and Parmesan bread and trick it out with a big load of frosting from Cinnabon.
• Pepsi with Coke – It’s pretty much just Pepsi with Coke in it … or vice versa.
• KFC’s Famous Jelly Belly Bowl – Jelly Belly brand jelly beans added to a KFC Mashed Potato Bowl. Available in white meat or Sour Cherry. Mmm!
– Thanks to Miles Kahn


Two peanuts are walking down the street. One is assaulted.

Question: March is the busiest sales month for THESE, according to a recent retail survey.
Answer: Home pregnancy test kits.


Want to forget all your troubles? Wear tight shoes.

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