March 11, 2016

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Friday, March 11, 2016        Edition: #5645

Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

★ A new musical about tech giants Steve Jobs and Bill Gates has been postponed a month before its Broadway premiere, after running into financial trouble. The show, entitled “Nerds”, tells the story of the rivalry between Apple boss Jobs and Microsoft co-founder Gates. It was slated to open at NYC’s Longacre Theatre April 1st but now it is unclear whether the show will ever open. The production includes onstage holograms, projection mapping, and an in-show app for selecting the show’s ending. It’s said to showcase ‘the most progressive technology seen on Broadway’ … or perhaps not seen on Broadway.
★ The Olsen Twins are close to getting their own museum. If a Kickstarter campaign raises enough money – and it still has another 9 days to go – Brooklyn NY-based comedians Matt Harkins & Viviana Olen will turn a vacant storefront into a pop-up Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen Museum that will be open for 2 weeks in April. Why? Because, they say with tongue-in-cheek, the Olsen Twins are ‘true celebrities’. The museum would include a series of paintings by Chicago-based artist Laura Collins titled “The Olsen Twins Hiding From the Paparazzi”, which is exactly what it sounds like.
★ And Brit bookmakers have slashed the odds on actor Tom Hardy becoming the next ‘007’ after his ‘Bond-ish’ role in “The Night Manager”. The 6-part adaptation of John Le Carre’s novel is now airing on BBC-TV in UK and is coming to AMC in April. Hiddleston plays an undercover agent attempting to infiltrate a major international arms dealer’s organization. He’s acknowledged he’s a “huge fan” of ‘James Bond’ and would jump at the chance. Actors Tom Hardy and Idris Elba are still seen as favorites to replace Daniel Craig when he’s finished with the iconic role.

• Canadian Screen Awards (Toronto ON) – Sunday veteran comedian Martin Short is honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award. The awards were created in 2013 to replace the annual ‘Genie’ and ‘Gemini’ ceremonies.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Kygo (“Cloud Nine”). Rerun.
• “Flaked” (Netflix) – New series release today. Will Arnett stars in the Venice CA-based comedy.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight CeeLo Green (“Heart Blanche”). Rerun.
• “Just for Laughs Starring Howie Mandel” (CW) – Tonight Howie Mandel hosts a comedy event featuring performances from Jeff Ross, Pete Holmes, and Jim Breuer.
• “Kids’ Choice Awards” (Nickelodeon) – Saturday Blake Shelton hosts the annual entertainment awards voted on by kids.  And yes, the country music star says he’s looking forward to getting ‘slimed’, a tradition at the event.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Unknown Mortal Orchestra (“Multi-Love”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Tonight Rachel Platten (“Wildfire”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight Wynonna & The Big Noise (“Wynonna & The Big Noise”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Enya (“Dark Sky Island”).
• “Meredith Vieira” (syndicated) – Today 50 Cent (“Street King Immortal”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Ariana Grande returns to “SNL”, but this time pulling double duty as both host and musical guest.
• South by Southwest (Austin TX) – Today the 9-day annual SXSW arts festival gets underway. Barack Obama gives the keynote speech at the ‘Interactive’ portion of the event today. Michelle Obama gives the opening address of the ‘Music’ portion on Wednesday. The 23rd iteration of the ‘Film’ gala screens 137 features, with 89 world premieres.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight Ben Harper (“Childhood Home”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight St Lucia (“Matter”). Rerun.

• Backstreet Boys – Brian Littrell has revealed he’s developing a musical based on the boy-band’s journey to fame. He tells “I’ve been working on a Backstreet Boys Broadway show for 4 years now.”
• Cage the Elephant / Silversun Pickups / Foals – Tonight this major alt-rock triple bill hits the road in Fresno CA and tours through April 1st in Providence RI.
• Justin Bieber – He says he wants to be a dad by 30. The 22-year-old tells the April issue of “Glamour” magazine that it would be his “biggest dream” to have a family.
• Mariah Carey – She’s currently filming “Mariah’s Squad”, a documentary-style series that takes fans behind-the-scenes of her Las Vegas residency and also follows her new world tour. A date for the reality series to air is yet to be revealed.
• Pitbull – Saturday the Miami rapper returns to Las Vegas NV for a 2nd engagement of his “Time of Our Lives” residency. The new dates run through March 26th at The Axis at Planet Hollywood Resort.
• Pete Yorn – Today the Los Angeles singer-songwriter releases his 6th full-length album, “Arranging Time”. He returns to the road on March 15th in NYC, then plays at Coachella in Indio CA April 17th and 24th.
• Rihanna – Due to her recent diagnosis of bronchitis, she’s postponed the first 8 dates of her upcoming “Anti” tour. The trek now kicks off Saturday in Jacksonville FL. Postponed shows are being rescheduled for March and May.
• Rush – After a lot of chatter following their “R40” tour, Alex Lifeson has now confirmed what we all pretty much knew … their days as a live touring band are over. In a new interview with “Rolling Stone”, Lifeson says drummer Neil Peart is finished due to health issues.

• “The Brothers Grimsby” ( R-Rated Action Comedy ): Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest over-the-top character-comedy has him playing a top spy whose new assignment forces him to team up with his football hooligan brother. Co-stars Mark Strong, Rebel Wilson, Freddie Crowder. As a gauge of the level of comedy: Donald Trump contracts HIV at some point in the story.
• “The Perfect Match” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): R&B singer Cassie (Ventura) gets her first starring role opposite former E! News anchor Terrence J (Jenkins) in this rom-com that offers a slight twist … it’s the guy who gets to experience the angst when his love interest isn’t quite ready for commitment. Co-stars Paula Patton, Kali Hawk.
• “10 Cloverfield Lane” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Thriller ): This follow-up to 2008’s JJ Abrams-produced “Cloverfield” is described as a ‘sibling’ to the original rather than a sequel or prequel. After a car accident, a woman is held in a shelter by 2 men who claim the outside world is affected by a widespread chemical attack. Stars John Goodman, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Gallagher.
• Opening in limited release: “Backgammon” (Mystery); “Creative Control” (Drama); ” Eye In the Sky” (War Thriller); “Hello, My Name Is Doris” (Comedy); and “Hyena Road” (War Drama).

Bad news for short men and overweight women: You have ‘reduced chances in life’ when it comes to income, education, and job prospects. New University of Exeter research has analyzed how height and BMI has affected socio-economic markers for some 120,000 people. The results: Men who are 3 inches shorter than those of the same intellect and background earn an average $2,140 less per year, as do women who are 14 lbs heavier than their peers. Women 28 lbs heavier average about $4,300 less annual income than their counterparts. The study also finds that short men are less likely to work in a skilled or professional job. Experts believe self-esteem, bias, and discrimination may play a role in these differences. (The exception to the rule … Kim Kardashian.)
– “Washington Post”

Facebook has just patented something that could help all parents on Facebook finally understand what the heck their kids are talking about. The social media company has been granted a patent for a ‘Social Glossary’ to be maintained by software that scans posts and messages for neologisms (new terms), then adds or removes them as they become more or less used. In fact, the software will attempt to predict slang before it becomes popular by looking for sudden repetitions of words without a known meaning. The patent filing claims the software would have been able to identify terms like ‘rickrolled’ and ‘blogger’ before they became commonplace. (What’s the latest slang you’ve learned the meaning of?)
– “Business Insider”

There are more molecules in a single glass of water than there are glasses of water in all of Earth’s oceans combined.


1931 [85] Rupert Murdoch, Melbourne, Australia, media magnate (FOX-TV, News Corp)/estimated net worth $11.7 billion (2016)/newlywed to former model Jerry Hall

1969 [47] Terrence Howard, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Lucious Lyon’ on “Empire” since 2015)/movie actor (“The Butler”, “Iron Man”)

1971 [45] Johnny Knoxville (Phillip Clapp), Knoxville TN, movie actor (“Jackass” movies)/TV personality (“Jackass” 2000-02)  UP NEXT: “Elvis & Nixon”, out April 22nd.

1979 [37] Benji & Joel Madden, Waldorf MD, twin brother pop-rock musicians (The Madden Bros-“We Are Done”, Good Charlotte-“Lifestyles Of the Rich & Famous”)

1983 [33] Melissa Rycroft, Dallas TX, reality TV personality (“Redneck Island” 2016, “Dancing With the Stars” 2015, “The Bachelor” 2009, “Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team” 2006-08)

1989 [27] Anton Yelchin, St Petersburg, Russia, movie actor (“Star Trek” films, “The Smurfs” films)

Actress-singer Liza Minnelli (“Cabaret”) is 70; Oldies singer-songwriter James Taylor (“Fire & Rain”) is 68; TV actor Jason Beghe (“Chicago PD”) is 56; Movie actor Aaron Eckhart (“The Dark Knight”) is 48; TV/Movie actress Jaimie Alexander (“Blindspot”) is 32.

Movie actor William H Macy (“Fargo”) is 66; Rock bassist Adam Clayton (U2) is 56; Rapper Common (“Glory”) is 44; Movie actor Emile Hirsch (“Into the Wild”) is 31.

• “Middle Name Pride Day”, a day to stand up and be proud … Alphonse.
• “World Plumbing Day”, initiated by the World Plumbing Council to celebrate the important role plumbing plays in the health & safety of modern society. (To celebrate, wear your pants at half-mast.)
• Worship of Tools Day” (aka “Tool Appreciation Day”), celebrating men’s inexplicable fascination with high-priced gizmos. (What tool have you bought, then never used?)

• “Genealogy Day”, highlighting the study of ancestry and family histories. Got any deadwood in your family tree? Search your surname alphabetically here and find out …
• “International Fanny Pack Day”, celebrating the strap-on pouch that is definitely useful but definitely not in style. What do you need one for? To put your ‘stuff’ in.
• “World Day Against Cyber Censorship”, initiated by Reporters Without Borders and Amnesty International in 2009.

• “Daylight Saving Time” in North America begins at 2 am. The annual ‘Spring Forward’ is now programmed right into many computers, phones, and other electronic devices. The semi-annual clock reset is also touted as a good excuse for “Check Your Batteries Day”, when you test and/or replace smoke alarm batteries.
• “Earmuffs Day”, celebrating the first ‘Earmuffs’ patent by one Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine on this day 139 years ago in 1877.
• “K-9 Veterans Day”, honoring all dogs who have served in the military. The US Army launched its ‘K-9 Corps’ 74 years ago today (1942).
• “Open an Umbrella Indoors Day”, when celebrants are encouraged to challenge the old superstition and note whether any bad luck befalls them. The superstition can be traced to the 11th century BC.
• “Smart & Sexy Day”, launched in 2012 by the Alliance of Career Development Nonprofits to inspire women and boost their self-confidence so that they feel assured and employable.

2008 [08] 49-year-old Madonna is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame by Justin Timberlake in a star-studded ceremony at NYC’s Waldorf Astoria Hotel

2015 [01] Jurors in Los Angeles decide the 2013 hit, “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams, copies elements of the 1977 Marvin Gaye track “Got to Give It Up” and award Gaye’s heirs $7.3 million in damages

2002 [14] England’s Plymouth University becomes the 1st school to offer a degree in ‘Surfing’

2011 [05] A massive earthquake measuring 9.0 in magnitude strikes Japan, triggering a tsunami killing thousands and the 2nd-largest nuclear accident in history

[Mon] Fill Our Staplers Day
[Mon] International Ask a Question Day
[Mon] Napping Day
[Mon] Potato Chip Day
[Tues] Ides of March
[Tues] World Consumer Rights Day
This Week Is … Universal Women’s Week
This Month Is … Employee Spirit Month


• Whyzit when a house burns up … it burns down?
• Whyzit ‘cheese’ isn’t the plural of ‘choose’?
• Whyzit eggs are in the dairy section at the supermarket? Ever see a cow lay an egg?
• Whyzit there’s no ‘egg’ in eggplant, ‘ham’ in hamburger, and neither ‘apple’ nor ‘pine’ in pineapple?
• Whyzit “Dancing With the Stars” isn’t called “Dancing With People You May Have Vaguely Heard Of?”
• Whyzit flotation devices are placed under airplane seats instead of parachutes?
• Whyzit we call it a witness ‘stand’ when the witness is always sitting down?
• Whyzit the qualities that attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later?
• Whyzit the other line-up always move faster?
• Whyzit that something called a ‘trailer’ screens before a movie?

☎ Which song is shaping up to be 2016’s huge hit?

Here I am once again, proving that fame is fleeting but mediocrity lasts forever.

It’s estimated you can save up to $100-a-year on your water bill if you stop doing which?
a. Rinsing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher..
b. Watering houseplants.
c. Singing in the shower. [CORRECT]

Question: A decade ago we used to do THIS all the time; nowadays most of us never do it.
Answer: Write a cheque.

Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.

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