March 14, 2017

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 – Edition: #5931

Sheet Happens!

★ Is Ryan Seacrest the new face of “America’s Got Talent”? Naw. Tyra Banks is taking over hosting duties for Season 12. The supermodel-turned-business-mogul is taking the reins from Nick Cannon, who exited the show in February after 8 seasons as host. Not long after Banks’ announcement, the judging panel’s Howie Mandel welcomed her with a posted pic captioned “introducing our new host”.
★ NYC’s upcoming Tribeca Film Festival will feature anniversary showings of “The Godfather”, “The Godfather Part II” and “Reservoir Dogs” on April 29th. The “Godfather” screenings mark the 45th anniversary of the original film’s release. Director Francis Ford Coppola will front a post-screening panel featuring stars Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, Diane Keaton, Talia Shire, and Robert De Niro. It’s the 25th anniversary of 1992’s “Reservoir Dogs”.
★ And after months of waiting, HBO has finally confirmed that “Game of Thrones” will return for Season 7 on July 16, 2017. That’s a little later than many expected, but at least fans now have a concrete date to count down to. In the UK, Sky Atlantic and Now-TV are simulcasting the program weekly at 2am beginning July 17th (due to the time zone), followed by a repeat of each episode at 9pm the same day.
– “Independent”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Dallas-based alt-country band Old 97’s perform their single “Good with God”.
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Rag’n’Bone Man (“Human”).
• “First Dates” (Slice) – Season 2 debut. Returning with back-to-back episodes, connections are made, hearts are broken, and plenty of awkward moments are captured on camera during blind dates filmed in downtown Vancouver BC.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Getter (“Wat the Frick”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Rick Ross (“Rather You Than Me”), Ty Dolla $ign (“Beach House 3”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Little Big Town (“The Breaker”).
• “This is Us” (NBC) – In the 1st season finalé, the Big Three make big decisions about their futures. The stars have been hinting this may be the most emotional episode so far.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Maroon 5 (“V”).
• “Trial & Error” (NBC/CTV) – Series debut. Kicking off with back-to-back episodes, this comedy focuses on a NYC lawyer (Nicholas D’Agosto) whose first big case sends him to a tiny Southern town where he defends an eccentric poetry professor (John Lithgow).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The blind auditions conclude as the vocalists compete for a chance at the title.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Tamar Braxton (“Calling All Lovers”).

• Brad Paisley – His new album features collaborations with Mick Jagger, Timbaland, and John Fogerty (CCR). The 16-track “Love and War” is due out April 21st.
• David Bowie – He’s being commemorated by Britain’s Royal Mail with a full set of 10 postage stamps that goes into circulation today. The limited-edition collection features 6 album cover shots and 4 photos from various tours.
• Demi Lovato – She says she’s “having fun” with boyfriend Guilherme ‘Bomba’ Vasconcelos. The 24-year-old singer has been dating the MMA fighter since last year, and says their relationship is ”going really good”.
• The Eagles – They’re reportedly set to reunite for a 2-date festival in NYC and LA later this year called ‘Classic East’ and ‘Classic West’. They previously said they would never perform together again following the shocking death of Glenn Frey in January 2016.
• Ed Sheeran – He’s set to appear in the new season of “Game Of Thrones”. Show creator David Benioff says he’s been trying to get Ed, a big fan of the fantasy drama, to make a cameo appearance for years. He’ll make his debut in Season 7.
• Pat Benatar – She’s planning her 1st album since 2003. She says she and husband-collaborator Neil Giraldo have plenty of tracks to work on after writing on the road in recent years, but have previously been too busy touring to lay them down in a studio.

Coming out on DVD, Netflix, Google Play and/or other video providers …
• “Collateral Beauty” ( PG-13 Drama ): Retreating from life after a tragedy, a man questions the universe by writing to ‘Love’, ‘Time’, and ‘Death’. Receiving unexpected answers, he begins to see how these things interlock and how even loss can reveal moments of meaning and beauty. Stars Will Smith, Edward Norton, Kate Winslet, Michael Peña.
• “Fences” ( PG-13 Drama ): Denzel Washington directs and stars in this story of a working-class African-American father who tries to raise his family in the 1950s while coming to terms with the events of his life. Co-stars Oscar-winner Viola Davis, Stephen Henderson. Written by August Wilson, based on his play of the same name.
• “Passengers” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Adventure ): A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet in order to transport thousands of people has a malfunction in its sleep chambers. As a result, two passengers are awakened 90 years early. Stars Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, Michael Sheen, and Laurence Fishburne.
• Also being released: “A Boatload of Wild Irishmen” (Documentary); “Daniel Visits the Farm” (Kids); “Drunk History: Season 4” (TV); “The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-Wrestlemania” (Animation); “Red Dawn Collectors Edition” (1984 Reissue); “To Tell the Truth” (Documentary); “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Season 2” (TV); and “Z Nation: Season 1-3” (TV Compilation).

Tips from experts reveal where germs are hiding and how to stay healthy and comfortable while airborne …
✗ Don’t walk around barefoot. You don’t know what’s been spilled on the carpet.
✗ Skip the ice. Most planes don’t serve drinking water from the onboard water tank but cubes are often made from it.
✗ Ditch your contact lenses. The air in the cabin is very dry and can cause irritation to your eyes.
✗ Don’t eat food that’s fallen on your tray table. They don’t get sterilized between flights.
✗ Don’t fall asleep against the window. Who knows who else has breathed, sneezed, coughed against that glass?
✗ Don’t feel embarrassed to tell a flight attendant you’re not feeling well. They’re trained to help with medical emergencies, even childbirth!
✗ Don’t fall asleep before takeoff. If you do, it will be harder for you to equalize the pressure in your ears (which you’ll do more quickly if you chew gum or yawn).

Researchers have compared the decisions made by young adults and older ones and found that pensioners are more likely to make risky decisions than teenagers due to their high spirits. Seniors are also less deterred by the risk of financial losses than 18-year-olds and German researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development believe it’s all down to their high spirits, despite approaching the final years of their lives. While seniors are usually bombarded with a range of ailments, they are less deterred by the risk of loss due to their optimistic outlook. Bottom line: if you are in a good mood, you are more likely to see the positive potential outcomes of a decision. (Ever see an octogenarian at a casino? Scary!)
– @MailOnline

Step 1: Traditionalists, forget everything you know and reach for a frying pan instead of a pot.
Step 2: Put your pasta in the pan. (Yes, before the water!)
Step 3: Pour 1-to-2 quarts of cold water (the temperature prevents noodles from sticking together) into the pan, depending on how much pasta you’re making. The water should cover the noodles by half-an-inch or so.
Step 4: Turn your burner to medium-high heat, and stir occasionally.
That’s it! Your pasta will cook in about 10 minutes, plus there’s an added bonus: You’ll be left with just enough starchy water to make an incredible sauce.
(And that, friends, is called using your noodle.)

• Iceland will be the first country to make companies prove that they offer equal pay.
– “The Telegraph”
• Grade A maple syrup trades at around $32 per gallon, which makes a barrel of the stuff worth $1,800 … about 36 times the price of crude oil.
– BloombergNews


1933 [84] (Sir) Michael Caine (Maurice Micklewhite), London UK, movie actor (“Kingsman: The Secret Service”, “The Dark Knight Rises”)

1948 [69] Billy Crystal, Long Beach NY, movie actor (“Cars”, “City Slickers”)/9-time Academy Awards host/stand-up comedian

1958 [59] Prince Albert II of Monaco (Albert Alexandre Louis Pierre de Matignon-Grimaldi), Monte Carlo, Monaco, Monaco’s 32nd ruler

1970 [47] Kristian Bush, Knoxville TN, country singer-guitarist-mandolin player (Sugarland-“Stuck Like Glue”, “It Happens”)

1986 [31] Jamie Bell, Billingham UK, TV actor (“TURN: Washington’s Spies” since 2014)/movie actor (“Fantastic Four”, “The Adventures Of Tintin”)

1986 [31] Este Haim, LA CA, rock bassist-guitarist (Haim-“If I Could Change Your Mind”, “The Wire”)

1994 [23] Ansel Elgort, NYC, movie actor (“The Divergent Series”, “The Fault in Our Stars”)

• “International Ask a Question Day”, an annual observance whose goal is to improve our knowledge and lives by asking more and better questions. Such as …
– If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
– If an ambulance is on its way to save someone and it runs over someone else, does it stop to help?
– What do you say when someone says you’re in denial, but you’re not?
– How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

• “International Day of Action for Rivers”, a day to highlight the threats facing our rivers, and to learn about better water and energy solutions. Also a day to celebrate victories such as dam removal and river restoration.

• “Organize Your Home Office Day”, an annual event on the 2nd Tuesday of March. It’s a good excuse to get people with home offices to call in, then ask “What are you wearing right now?” Studies show an inordinate number of those who work at home still dress in office attire.

• “Potato Chip Day”, honoring North America’s favorite snack food. It was invented by chef George Crum on this day in 1853 at a resort in Saratoga Springs NY after an uppity diner complained the potato slices were too thick. (What’s the best flavored potato chip?)

• “Save a Spider Day”, a day to appreciate arachnids and the webs they weave.

• “World Pi Day”, as in March 14 or 3/14 or 3.14 … get it? It honors the magic number for circles that expresses the ratio between radius and circumference.

2011 [06] Neil Diamond is finally inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame along with Alice Cooper, Tom Waits, Dr John, Darlene Love, and Leon Russell

2016 [01] Sony pays $750 million to the Michael Jackson estate for the King of Pop’s half of Sony/ATV Music, the publishing company that owns rights to some 4,000 songs, including 250 Lennon-McCartney tunes

2013 [04] China’s General Secretary Xi Jinping is named the new President of the People’s Republic

2006 [11] U2 tops “Rolling Stone” magazine’s annual list of the year’s biggest money earners with $154.2 million, ahead of the Rolling Stones with $92.5 million

[Wed] Ides of March
[Wed] World Consumer Rights Day
[Thurs] Lips Appreciation Day
[Thurs] No Selfies Day
[Fri] St Patrick’s Day
This Week Is … Termite Awareness Week
This Month Is … Caffeine Awareness Month


• Firemansplaining – When a firefighter advises “You better get out of here!” as your house is in flames.
• Rain Mansplaining – When you’re at a diner with Dustin Hoffman and he knocks over a box of toothpicks and says there are exactly 246 on the floor.
• Slender Mansplaining – When you’re walking through the woods and a tall, creepy guy telepathically communicates to you that you should kill your best friend.
• Aquamansplaining – When you’re a fish and ‘Aquaman’ summons you to fight an underwater pirate who is trying to destroy the kingdom of ‘Atlantis’.
• Doormansplaining – When you’re going to your girlfriend’s apartment and the doorman says, “You can go right ahead. The apartment is 17H.” Like you’ve never been there.
• Weathermansplaining – When you turn on the TV and a forecaster predicts it’s going to rain and suggests you might consider taking an umbrella to work. Really?
– Thanks to Adam Wiener

☎ If you had to give yourself a new name, what name would you pick?

Some of these are really tough. Maybe give the artist’s name as a clue?
• “Today was gonna be the day, but they’ll never throw it back to you” (“Wonderwall”, Oasis)
• “Well open up your mind and see like me; Open up your plans and then you’re free” (“I’m Yours”, Jason Mraz)
• “I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips; Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans” (“Single Ladies [Put a Ring On It]”, Beyoncé)
• “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine; He gets me my drinks for free” (“Piano Man”, Billy Joel)
• “The soul’s escaping, through this hole that is gaping; This world is mine for the taking” (“Lose Yourself”, Eminem)
• “Walkin’ the streets with you in your worn-out jeans; I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be” (“You Belong With Me”, Taylor Swift)
• “Baby, I have no story to be told; But I’ve heard one on you” (“Rolling In the Deep”, Adele)
• “You come on with a come-on, you don’t fight fair; That’s okay, see if I care!” (“Hit Me With Your Best Shot”, Pat Benatar)
• “The man said, ‘Why do you think you’re here?’; I said, ‘I got no idea’ …” (“Rehab”, Amy Winehouse)
• “So take the photographs and still frames in your mind; Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time” (“Good Riddance [Time of Your Life]”, Green Day)
(You can find your own second verses at
– Adapted from

My husband has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all his clothes back.

Question: 150 people worldwide are injured on vacation each year by THIS.
Answer: Falling coconuts.

You’re always one decision away from a totally different life.

Leave a comment