March 16, 2017

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Thursday, March 16, 2017 – Edition: #5933

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ “The Matrix” is getting a remake. Warner Bros is in early stages of developing a re-booted version of the 1999 cyberpunk classic, with “Creed” actor Michael B Jordan as the potential star. The Wachowskis – who wrote and directed the original movie and its sequels – are not currently involved in the new project. Original star Keanu Reeves has previously indicated he’d be willing to return for another movie should the siblings be involved. That seems unlikely.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ Ben Affleck attended the 2017 Oscars with a ‘sober coach’ to make sure he didn’t drink during the gala. This week Affleck has revealed he’s undergone treatment for alcoholism again, something he says he’s dealt with in the past and will continue to confront. The 44-year-old actor and father of 3, who previously went to rehab in 2001, has made the revelation on his Facebook page. Quote: “I want to live life to the fullest and be the best father I can be.”
– “The Guardian”
★ Famed filmmaker Orson Welles’ final film finally has a home. Netflix has acquired the global rights to “The Other Side Of the Wind” and will finance its completion and restoration. The movie is a Hollywood satire about a filmmaker attempting a comeback. It stars John Huston, Dennis Hopper, and Peter Bogdanovich. Welles never completed the movie, which he began shooting in 1970. The “Citizen Kane” director died in 1985.
★ And an upcoming horror film about a killer fetus is offering free tickets … to pregnant women. A preview screening of “Prevenge” is set for March 20th at the IFC Center in NYC. The story is about a woman who embarks on a killing spree under the instructions of her unborn child. Along with any expectant moms who choose to attend, Brit writer-director-star Alice Lowe, who was pregnant herself when she made the movie, is going to be in the audience. The event is hosted by the streaming service Shudder.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Fidlar (“Too”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Ska punk band Mighty Mighty Bosstones (“The Magic of Youth”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tiger Army (“V …”). Rerun.

• Akon – He’s recovered his luxury car hours after it was stolen from his home. TMZ reports a burglar stole the Tesla Model S, but was forced to abandon the vehicle when its security system shut it down. The vehicle was then swiftly located using its inbuilt tracking device.
• Faith Evans – She’s developing a biopic based on her 2009 memoir, “Keep the Faith”. It centers on both her career and personal life, including her marriage to late rapper The Notorious BIG.
• Feist – She’s set to release “Pleasure” on April 28th, her first new album since 2001. The singer-songwriter has also announced a number of festival appearances in North America and Europe this Spring and Summer.
• Maren Morris – She’s been announced as the ‘New Female Vocalist of the Year’ by the Academy of Country Music Awards. The main awards are handed out in Las Vegas on Sunday April 2nd.
• Pitbull – He’s being honored with the first-ever ‘Global Ambassador Award’ at the 48th annual Songwriters Hall of Fame Induction & Awards Ceremony on June 15th.
• Sam Hunt – No, he did not have a secret wedding. But yes, he is engaged to Hannah Lee Fowler and is planning to tie the knot very soon. An Instagram photo of himself with a band on his left ring finger caused speculation that he and Fowler had wed without telling anyone.
• Shawn Mendes – The “Stitches” singer is making his bigscreen acting debut in director Ivan Reitman’s first musical, “Summer of Love”. The road trip film is believed to be all about the hippies who converged on San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury neighborhood in the ’60s.
• Taylor Swift – Her lawyers have applied to trademark the name ‘Swifties’. Among the goods and services to be sold under the brand name: fashion items, guitars, live performances, as well as a streaming website featuring “non-downloadable multi-media content” … aka music.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “All the Money In the World” – Ridley Scott is directing this film about the real-life kidnapping of John Paul Getty III in 1973. His grandfather, oilman John Paul Getty Sr, eventually agreed to pay the ransom after his teenage grandson suffered extreme trauma. Production is scheduled to begin in May in Italy. Scott is said to be eyeing several high profile celebs to join the project.
• “The Claim” – This new screenplay by Oscar-winning director Damien Chazelle (“La La Land”) has been snapped up by Oceanside Media. The script is for a mystery that’s said to be a mesmerizing and bone-chilling thriller. Production is expected to start later this year with the view of releasing the movie in 2018.
• “The Girl In the Spider’s Web” – Fede Alvarez is directing this next instalment of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” franchise. The 4th book in Stieg Larsson’s “Millennium” series was completed by David Lagercrantz following the Swedish author’s death in 2004. A global search is underway to find a new actress to play ‘Lisbeth Salander’. Filming begins in September.
• “Man of Steel 2” – “Kingsman: The Secret Service” director Matthew Vaughn is being lined up to direct this sequel. The 46-year-old Brit director-producer is in talks about taking the reins for the 2nd standalone ‘Superman’ movie starring Henry Cavill. Vaughn says “Superman is about color and fun … or it should be.”
• “Overboard” – Anna Faris & Eugenio Derbez are signed for a remake of the 1987 romantic comedy that starred Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell. That story centered on a wealthy woman and her prickly relationship with a carpenter she hires to work on her yacht. The remake, however, features a reversal of roles with the story focusing on a spoiled playboy (Derbez).

• If you’re wondering what your mom’s closet and Kanye’s closet might have in common, Topshop has the answer. It’s their latest look that they’re valiantly calling the ‘Clear-Knee Mom Jeans’. Seems ripped jeans just aren’t enough; now you need plastic windows as well. “Jindows” … if you love your j’knees.
• A partnership between Levi’s and Google has yielded the “Jacquard”, a denim jacket with technology woven into the fabric. Once paired to a smartphone via Bluetooth, the jacket allows you to control functions with just a brush or tap of the cuff. A double tap with 2 fingers, for example, starts or stops music. (You won’t look stupid at all … people will just think you have a lot of nervous tics.)
– BBC Technology

Guinness is inviting its first sleepover guest in the Dublin brewery’s 258-year history by transforming its rooftop Gravity Bar into a penthouse with the city’s most panoramic view. The maker of Ireland’s ubiquitous stout has announced it’s hosting the latest “Night At …” event by Airbnb, which has staged 1-night-only accommodations in a series of eccentric locales, including a shark tank and a Transylvanian castle replete with coffin beds. The successful Guinness contestant must describe online in 200 characters or less why they’re the world’s biggest fan of the beer. The prize includes a return flight for 2 to Dublin, a brewery tour, a butler, and the opportunity to help the brewmaster make a batch of stout. (Hey, how come the swimming pool’s all black?)

Actual professions you probably didn’t realize existed ….
✓ Hook Writer – They’re songwriters but don’t actually write songs, just the ‘hook line’.
✓ Underwater Lumberjack – Recovering trees covered by flooding or diverted rivers.
✓ Parachute Tester – Sounds like a joke but somebody has to test new models.
✓ Slot Machine Music Producer – They are actually designed to be addictive.
✓ Lightbulb Replacer – Big universities and companies actually employ these people.
✓ Prop Shopper – They go out and find specific props for TV and movie productions.
✓ Bridge Driver – Hired by those too afraid to drive over a bridge by themselves.
✓ Cockroach Inspector – They check underwear for insects before it’s shipped to retailers.
– Condensed from

One artist is ditching traditional paints and pastels for materials a little closer to nature … human umbilical cords and placentas. 27-year-old Nicole Petrucco from Bristol UK turns umbilical cords into unique, arty keepsakes, and the placentas into health products. She started her business after trying placenta pills before learning to make her own tablets, smoothies, and face creams from afterbirth. She also takes the umbilical cord from the placenta given to her by customers, dries it in a special oven, and shapes it into bespoke gifts for moms. They are then encouraged to frame them or otherwise exhibit them however they wish. (Mothers Day gift idea? Naw.)

• Short men are more likely to go bald. (Well at least it’s not from banging their noggin on the headboard.)
– “Mirror”
• Neanderthals dosed themselves with painkillers and possibly penicillin. (“Gronk, get off the stone sofa and go get me some Oxy!”)
– BBC Science


1949 [68] Victor Garber, London ON, movie actor (“Argo”, “Milk”)/TV actor (“Alias” 2001-06)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)

1954 [63] Nancy Wilson, San Francisco CA, classic rock singer (Heart-“Alone”, “Dreamboat Annie”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2013

1963 [54] Jerome Flynn, London UK, TV actor (‘Bronn’ on “Game of Thrones” since 2011)

1967 [50] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (“Parenthood” 2010-15, “Gilmore Girls” 2000-07 and the Netflix reboot)

1991 [26] Wolfgang Van Halen, Santa Monica CA, rock bassist (Van Halen since 2006)/son of Eddie Van Halen & Valerie Bertinelli

• “Everything You Do is Right Day”, a day to avoid second-guessing yourself. As long as your decisions are well thought through, just carry them out and let them go. You’ll likely find it saves you a lot of stress.

• “Freedom of Information Day”, celebrating the importance of an open government with access to info by the public.

• “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (Go ahead, pick someone at random and see how big the ensuing lawsuit is.)

• “No Selfies Day”, celebrated ironically on the birthday of Philippe Kahn, inventor of the cellphone camera and 1st person to snap a pic with his phone … although it wasn’t a selfie.

• “St Urho’s Day”, celebrating the (tongue-in-cheek) saint who allegedly ‘cleared the grasshoppers out of Finland’. The mock holiday is observed in parts of Canada and the USA.

2005 [12] After a 3-month criminal trial in LA Superior Court, a jury acquits Robert Blake, star of 1970s TV detective show “Baretta”, of the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley (he’s getting married again, we’ve found out this week)

2011 [06] Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine collapses backstage at a concert in Russia due to extreme pain from kidney stones but insists on performing 6 songs before going to the hospital

2015 [02] Andy Fraser, songwriter, bass guitarist, and a founding member of the Brit rock band Free when he was just 15 (“All Right Now”), dies in California at age 62

2013 [04] Pope Francis delivers his 1st message at the Vatican, telling journalists he wants “a poor church, for the poor”

2014 [03] Crimea votes in a controversial referendum to secede from Ukraine and join Russia

2016 [01] US first lady Michelle Obama delivers the keynote address at the South by Southwest Music Festival in Austin TX, promoting her “Let Girls Learn” initiative

1999 [18] The RIAA gives the first-ever ‘Diamond Award’ certification, honoring “The Eagles’ Greatest Hits 1971-75” for 10 million units sold

2003 [14] Largest Coordinated Worldwide Vigil takes place, a global protest against Iraq War

[Fri] St Patricks Day
[Fri] Day of Action Against Bullying & Violence
[Sat] Awkward Moments Day
[Sat] Worldwide Quilting Day
[Sun] Empire Awards (London UK)
[Sun] Certified Nurses Day
This Week Is … Flood Safety Awareness Week
This Month Is … Kite Month


Just in time for St Patricks Day …
• Peeling the potato.
• Mowing the clover.
• Watching the soda bread rise.
• Getting shille-laid.
• Cleaning the bagpipes.
• Tenderizing the corned beef.
• Flying Aer Lingus.
• O’Humping.

• All the Dutch streets whose names end in ‘gracht’ have something in common. What is it?
a. A canal. [CORRECT]
b. A bike lane.
c. A government building.
d. A church.

• Before adopting the euro, what was the main unit of currency in Ireland?
a. Boot
b. Tap
c. Punt [CORRECT, aka the Irish pound.]
d. Kick

☎ A private member’s bill from the Green Party has been put forward in British Columbia that would make it illegal for businesses to enforce footwear requirements based on gender, ie: forcing women to wear heels at work. Good idea or bad?

If you’ve enjoyed this half as much as I have, then I’ve enjoyed this twice as much as you.

Question: You are more likely to do THIS in your 50s than your 20s.
Answer: Sleep naked.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

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