March 30, 2012

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Friday, March 30, 2012        Edition: #4717

Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s “BS”!

Today & tomorrow a ‘Hollywood Legends’ auction in LA includes memorabilia from the likes of Charlie Chaplin, James Dean, and Frank Sinatra as well as over 100 never-before-seen photos of Marilyn Monroe (NET: . . . Fox Sports has announced former “Sopranos” actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler (‘Meadow’) is dating Washington Nationals infielder Cutter Dykstra (team’s biggest score in years) . . . Trailers for the new Jonah Hill-Seth Rogen comedy “Neighborhood Watch” (July 27th) have been yanked from Florida cinemas due to the Trayvon Martin shooting (bad timing for a comedy about Neighborhood Watch) . . . “Big Bang Theory” actress Kaley Cuoco has moved on from her failed engagement to ‘addiction specialist’ Josh Resnik and is now dating Bret Bollinger, frontman for rock band Pepper (she must look for guys at the clinic) . . . This week “Twilight” star Peter Facinelli has filed for divorce after a seemingly on & off decision to split from wife Jennie Garth (“90210”), thereby liquidating the relationship (driving a stake through its heart, as it were) . . . 74-year-old Hollywood actor Frank Langella (“Frost/Nixon”) has just completed a memoir in which he details romantic relationships with older actresses like Bette Davis, Elizabeth Taylor, and Rita Hayworth (seems he waited until they all died to dish the dirt) . . . Rumors of romance between Gerard Butler & Lindsay Lohan have surfaced after they were spotted together at LA’s infamous Chateau Marmont (either one of them will sleep with anything breathing) . . . Former “American Idol” contestant David Archuleta has posted a goodbye message on YouTube, telling his fans he’s going away for 2 years, to serve as a Mormon missionary (are you sure you didn’t leave 5 years ago?) . . . And “Star” magazine is reporting that 26-year-old actress Megan Fox is expecting her 1st child via husband Brian Austin Green, a source saying they just found out and are incredibly excited (it’s her first successful ‘production’ since getting axed from the “Transformers” franchise).

• “Academy of Country Music Awards” (CBS) – Sunday Reba McEntire & Blake Shelton host the 47th edition from Las Vegas. Kenny Chesney leads nominations with 9, followed by Jason Aldean with 6. Zac Brown Band hosts the simultaneous “ACM Fan Jam” concert.
• BMI Latin Awards (Las Vegas) – Tonight Pitbull is honored with the ‘President’s Award’ at the annual gala that acknowledges the songwriters behind the year’s most successful Latin music.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Chris Young (“Neon”); Steven Tyler (“American Idol”). Rerun.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Joel Plaskett Emergency (“Scrappy Happiness”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Crystal Method f/Martha Reeves (“Sling the Decks”). Rerun.
• “Juno Awards (CTV) – Sunday William Shatner hosts the 2012 honors from Ottawa’s Scotiabank Place. City & Colour, Deadmau5, Drake, Feist, and Michael Bublé face off for ‘Artist Of the Year’. “Fan Choice Award” nominees are as disparate as Arcade Fire and Justin Bieber.
• “Kids’ Choice Awards” (Nickelodeon) – Saturday Will Smith emcees the 25th edition of the entertainment awards voted on by kids. Katy Perry, who’s nominated for 3 awards, performs and likely gets ‘slimed’ … as is the tradition. Michelle Obama presents Taylor Swift with this year’s ‘Big Help Award’, in recognition of her philanthropic endeavors.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Laura Marling (“A Creature I Don’t Know”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Band of Skulls (“Sweet Sour”).
• Lollapalooza Chile (Santiago) – Saturday & Sunday the 2nd South American edition of the festival includes performances by Cage the Elephant, Foo Fighters, Foster the People, and Skrillex. Next weekend the first-ever Lollapalooza Brazil is scheduled in Sao Paulo.
• “NCAA Final Four” (CBS) – Saturday Louisville Cardinals take on Kentucky Wildcats in the 1st game in New Orleans. The 2nd pits Kansas Jayhawks against Ohio State Buckeyes. Winners go to the championship game Monday night.
• “Rosie” (OWN) – Today is the final edition of Rosie O’Donnell’s latest talk show, thanks to low ratings. In just 5 months, it lost 59% of its audience.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Katy Perry (“Teenage Dream”); musical guest Robyn (“Body Talk Pt 2”). Rerun.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Reba McEntire (“All The Women I Am”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Alan Jackson (“The Essential Alan Jackson”, out April 17th).
• “WrestleMania 28” (PPV) – Saturday former boxer (and sometime WWE participant) Mike Tyson is inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Sunday rappers Flo Rida and Machine Gun Kelly (aka MGK) perform at the main event in Miami’s American Airlines Arena. In the ‘most anticipated WrestleMania clash in history’, John Cena will collide with The Rock.

• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler tells Reuters they’ll be bringing ‘a little of 1975 back’ on their upcoming new album, which will include oddities like Joe Perry singing and Tyler playing drums.
• AWOLNATION – Sunday a new run of North American tour dates begins in Winnipeg, Manitoba, leading up to their appearance at California’s “Coachella Festival” in April. Their hit single “Sail” has now gone Platinum in the US and Double-Platinum in Canada.
• Elton John – He & partner David Furnish are said to be planning for a 2nd child, hoping to have a little brother or sister for 2-year-old Zachary by the end of the year. A spokesman has refused to comment on the story.
• “The Hunger Games: Songs From District 12 and Beyond” – The hit movie’s soundtrack has become the first theatrical film soundtrack to top the Nielsen SoundScan chart since Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” hit #1 in 2009.
• Jennifer Lopez – She, Pitbull, and producer RedOne have teamed up once again for a new single called “Dance Again”, which premieres today during “On-Air With Ryan Seacrest”. It’s available on iTunes on Monday.
• Madonna – She’s reportedly listed her French Country-style mansion in Beverly Hills, California for $28 million. She bought the house in 2003 while still married to Guy Ritchie, paying circa $12 million for it.

• “Bully” ( NR Documentary ): This controversial doc about peer-to-peer bullying in schools across America was first rated ‘R’ but, after a mass media campaign by student activists, is likely to now screen non-rated.
• “Goon” ( Limited Release R-Rated Comedy ): A bouncer overcomes long odds to lead a team of underperforming misfits to semi-pro hockey glory, beating the crap out of everything that stands in the way. Stars Seann William Scott, Jay Baruchel, Eugene Levy. Shot in Winnipeg.
• “Intruders” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Two children living in different countries are visited nightly by a faceless being (‘Hollow Face’) who wants to take possession of them. Stars Clive Owen, Carice van Houten. Shot in London and Madrid.
• “Mirror Mirror” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): In this “Snow White” adaptation, Julia Roberts plays the evil queen and Lily Collins (son of Phil) an exiled princess, who enlists the help of 7 resourceful rebels to win back her birthright. Co-stars Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane.
• “Wrath Of the Titans” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): In this follow-up to “Clash Of the Titans” (2010), ‘Perseus’ braves the treacherous underworld to rescue his father, ‘Zeus’. Stars Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Rosamund Pike, Ralph Fiennes.


A skin-like plastic that ‘bleeds’ when cut or scratched and then heals has been developed by scientists. The material could provide self-healing surfaces for a multitude of products ranging from mobile phones to laptops, say researchers. When cut, the plastic turns from clear to red along the line of the damage, mimicking what happens to skin. It reacts to ordinary light, or changes in temperature or acidity, by mending broken molecular ‘bridges’ to heal itself. (Now if they could just make car bodies out of this stuff …)
– “The Independent”

Electronic skin patches that monitor a patient’s health while at home are being developed by scientists. American researchers say the tiny patches, with tattoo-like sensors that wirelessly diagnose and treat health problems, can act as a person’s own internal doctor. The ‘electronic skin’ patches, about as thick as a human hair, check a patient’s vital signs and transmit the data to a computer or mobile phone. The first patches, aimed at athletes, are expected to be available for commercial sale later this year. (Maybe they could use ‘em at the Olympics to check for doping?)


• Loud noise can stunt the growth of plants.
– BBC News
• Listening to opera helps mice recover from heart surgery.
– “New Scientist”


1945 [67] Eric Clapton, Ripley UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (Grammy Award-“Change the World”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with The Yardbirds (1992), Cream (1993), and as a solo performer (2000)

1964 [48] Tracy Chapman, Cleveland OH, folk/pop singer (“Fast Car”)/4 Grammy Awards

1965 [47] Piers Morgan, Guildford UK, TV personality (CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” since 2011, “America’s Got Talent” 2006-10, “The Celebrity Apprentice” 2008)/former UK tabloid editor (“News Of the World”, “Daily Mirror”)

1968 [44] Celine Dion, Charlemagne QC, pop singer (“My Heart Will Go On”)/best selling female artist of all-time (over 200 million albums worldwide)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)

1979 [33] Norah Jones (Shankar), Brooklyn NY, pop/jazz singer (“Don’t Know Why”)/10 Grammy Awards

1984 [28] Anna Nalick, Glendora CA, pop singer/songwriter (“Breathe [2 AM]”)

1984 [28] Justin Moore, Poyen AR, country singer (“If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away”)

Movie actor Christopher Walken (“The Deer Hunter”) is 69; Environmentalist-former US VP Al Gore is 63; Rock guitarist Angus Young (AC/DC) is 57; Folk-rock bassist Bob Crawford (Avett Bros) is 41; Movie actor Ewan McGregor (“Moulin Rouge”) is 41; Alt-rock guitarist Ryland Blackinton (Cobra Starship) is 30; TV actress Jessica Szohr (“Gossip Girl”) is 27.

Pop singer Susan Boyle (“Wild Horses”) is 51; Adult video producer Joe Francis (“Girls Gone Wild”) is 39; County-pop singer Hillary Scott (Lady Antebellum) is 26.


• “Doctors Day”, an observance dating back to 1933 that commemorates the 1st use of anaesthetic during surgery by one Dr Crawford W Long in 1842. He got the idea by observing party-goers hammered on nitrous oxide and sulfuric ether.
• “Pencil Day”, observed on the anniversary of the ‘Pencil with Attached Eraser’ being patented 154 years ago (1858) by Hyman Lipman. (Thereby giving us all something to chew on.)

• “Bunsen Burner Day”, honoring the 1811 birth date of its inventor, Robert Wilhelm Eberhard von Bunsen of Germany. (Thanks to him, hundreds of high school labs have been blown up!)
• “Earth Hour 2012”, a global effort on the last Saturday in March, initiated by the World Wide Fund to raise awareness of the need to reduce energy consumption. Hundreds of millions around-the-world are expected to show their support by turning off their lights for 1 hour at 8.30 pm local time. The event began 5 years ago when an estimated 2.2 million Australians in Sydney participated.
• “She’s Funny That Way Day”, paying tribute to the female funny bone. How do the women in your life make you laugh? Ask for quirky things that funny ladies do.

• “April Fool’s Day”. Many say the custom of playing practical jokes on this day originated with the reform of the calendar when “New Year’s Day” was moved from April 1 to January 1. Those who clung to the old “New Year’s Day” were scoffed at as ‘fools’ and sent fake party invitations and prank gifts. That tradition began in France around 1564, where an ‘April Fool’ is called a ‘poisson d’avril’ (April fish).
• “International Edible Book Festival” (today and/or any day through the 5th), the 12th annual event when edible books are exhibited, then tea or coffee is served … and the books are consumed. Books are made from all manner of foodstuffs – chocolate, beets, lettuce, bologna, toast, liver, etc. Places worldwide where you can eat some tasty tomes …
• “St Stupid’s Day”, an annual celebration on April 1st in San Francisco CA since 1980, when a wacky parade is held. The occasion’s dim-witted activities include the ‘high four’ handshake (hand up, palm towards partner, fold thumb across palm, slap high four, say “Ouch!”).


1993 [19] For the first time in 43 years of “Peanuts” comic strips, ‘Charlie Brown’ hits a home run


2007 [05] A crazed stalker is arrested in Peasmarsh, England after driving at high speed through Paul McCartney’s security checkpoint and up to within a few feet of his mansion


2009 [03] US president Barack Obama issues an ultimatum to automakers GM and Chrysler and announces a set of initiatives intended to assist the struggling auto industry


[Apr 1] April Fools Day / International Tatting Day / International Tongue Twister Day / Palm Sunday (Christian) / St Stupid Day
[Apr 2] NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship / International Children’s Book Day / Peanut Butter & Jelly Day / Reconciliation Day / Tater Day / World Autism Day
[Apr 3] Find A Rainbow Day / World Party Day
[Apr 4] “Titanic 3-D” opens in movie theaters / International Day for Mine Awareness / Paraprofessional Appreciation Day / Vitamin C Day / World Rat Day
[Apr 5] “Air Racers 3-D” opens in movie theaters / Deep Dish Pizza Day
[Apr 6] “American Reunion” opens in movie theaters / “Magic City” debuts (Starz/Super Channel) / Full ‘Pink’ Moon / Hospital Admitting Clerks Day / Good Friday (Christian) / Student Athlete Day / Walk to Work Day / New Beers Eve / Drowsy Driver Awareness Day / Passover begins at sundown (Jewish) / Tartan Day / Teflon Day
[Apr 7] International Beaver Day / International Pillow Fight Day / Metric System Day / No Housework Day / World Health Organization Day
[Apr 8] Buddha Day (Buddhist) / Easter (Christian)
[Apr 9] “Mama’s Boys” debuts (TLC) / Dyngus Day / Cherish an Antique Day / Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day / Easter Monday
[Apr 10]  “All For the Hall” benefit (Nashville) / SPCA Day / Equal Pay Day / Be Kind to Lawyers Day / Farm Animals Day / Library Workers Day / Sibling Day
[Apr 11] Barbershop Quartet Day / Pet Day / World Parkinson’s Disease Day
[Apr 12] Licorice Day /  Support Teen Literature Day
[Apr 13] “The Cabin In the Woods”; “Lockout”; “The Three Stooges” open in movie theaters / Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival begins (Indio CA) / Scrabble Day
[Apr 14] Canadian Law Day / “Trisha’s Southern Kitchen” debuts (Food Network) / 27th Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction (Cleveland) / Baby Massage Day / Dictionary Day / International Moment of Laughter Day / Pan American Day
[Apr 15] US Income Tax Pay Day / That Sucks Day
[Apr 17] Bat Appreciation Day / Haiku Poetry Day / Stress Awareness Day
[Apr 18] Adult Autism Day / Columnists Day / Pet Owners Independence Day / International Amateur Radio Day / Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Apr 19] Hanging Out Day / High Five Day / Yom Hashoah (Jewish)
[Apr 20] “Chimpanzee”; “The Lucky One”; “Think Like a Man”; “To the Arctic 3-D” open in movie theaters / Day of Silence / DNA Day / Husband Appreciation Day / Pot Smokers Day
[Apr 21] Record Store Day / Auctioneers Day / Bulldogs are Beautiful Day / Kindergarten Day
[Apr 22] Earth Day / Jelly Bean Day
[Apr 23] Movie Theater Day / International Marconi Day / Talk Like Shakespeare Day / World Book & Copyright Day
[Apr 24] Teach Your Children to Save Day
[Apr 25] Administrative Professionals Day / Hairstylists Appreciation Day / Malaria Awareness Day / Plumbers Day / International Guide Dogs Day / Red Hat Society Day / World Penguin Day
[Apr 26] Hug an Australian Day / Audubon Day / Kids & Pets Day / Richter Scale Day / Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day (USA)
[Apr 27] “The Five-Year Engagement”; “The Pirates! Band of Misfits”; “The Raven”; “Safe” open in movie theaters / Disc Jockey Day / Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way Ball 2012” begins (Seoul, South Korea) / Stagecoach Country Music Festival begins (Indio CA) / 2012 New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival begins / Hairball Awareness Day
[Apr 28] Biological Clock Day / Go Birding Day / Save the Frogs Day / Sense of Smell Day / World Tai Chi Day / Workers Memorial Day / World Healing Day / World Veterinary Day
[Apr 29] Pet Parents Day / Mother, Father Deaf Day
[Apr 30] 1st International Jazz Day / Honesty Day / Take Back Prescription Drugs Day / Spank Out Day / Walpurgis Night


• First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling up into the fetal position, and whimpering.
• The gis [‘jhees’] look suspiciously like old hospital gowns.
• Your dojo’s symbol is a bulls-eye.
• The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of The Three Stooges.
• Every night local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
• You take yourself to the mat every time you try to tie your belt on.
• At the end of each class, your instructor says, “…or you could just buy a friggin’ gun.”
– Adapted from


To soothe sore muscles, which should you add to your bath?
a. Picante hot sauce.
b. Ground ginger. [CORRECT. Add 2 tablespoons and soak for 15 minutes.]
c. Aspirin.
– “Fitness Magazine”


And now live from the outskirts of sanity …


☎ If you could force people to take a class in something, what would you pick?


Question: By the time kids graduate from high school, most have done THIS about 1,000 times.
Answer: Eaten peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.

Some parents could do more for their children by not doing so much for them.

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