BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Comedy Central has announced it’s chosen comedian Trevor Noah, a relative newcomer to American TV, to replace Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show”. The 31-year-old South African made his first appearance on “The Daily Show” in December and has since appeared as ‘Senior International Correspondent’ on the program 3 times. 52-year-old Stewart, who has helmed the show since 1999, announced last month that he’s leaving but gave no clue to for his next career move. A launch date for the new show will be announced later. (Honestly, can anyone replace Stewart?)
– Reuters.com
★ Terrence Howard’s 3rd ex-wife has been awarded a portion of his earnings from hit TV series “Empire” in their long-running legal battle over spousal support. Howard divorced Michelle Ghent in 2013 after 3 years of marriage, Ghent has alleged that Howard has failed to pay support as outlined in their divorce settlement; Howard filed paperwork insisting he couldn’t afford the $50,000 payments. But now court documents show she’ll receive 21% of any earnings he made over $62,500 in the first 3 months of this year. Howard is currently married to his 4th wife, and they’re expecting their 1st child together. (Some people never learn.)
– TMZ.com
★ And “Star Wars” actor Harrison Ford has apparently been released from hospital following a dramatic plane crash earlier this month as he’s recently been spotted driving in Los Angeles. Ford was forced to make an emergency landing on a California golf course after experiencing a mechanical issue while flying a vintage 2-seater fighter aircraft on March 5th. The 72-year-old was rushed to UCLA Medical Center after reportedly suffering broken bones, where he is said to have undergone surgery to treat his injuries. (Does ‘Han’ need a pilot licence review?)
– People.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Keith Urban (“American Idol”); Ludacris (“Furious 7”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Ludacris again; Ringo Starr (“Postcards From Paradise”, out today, featuring Benmont Tench of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, ex-Eurythmics musician Dave Stewart, Joe Walsh, Peter Frampton, Richard Marx).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Van Halen (“Tokyo Dome Live In Concert”, released today. Also out today, remastered versions of 1978’s “Van Halen” and “1984”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mimicking Birds (“Eons”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/Omni 1) – Echosmith (“Talking Dreams”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Houndmouth (“Little Neon Limelight”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Mary Mary (“Go Get It”).
• “Schitt’s Creek” (CBC) – In the 1st season finalé, the ‘Rose’ family may have finally found a way out of the financial mess that serves as the premise of the entire series. Or not.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Alt-J (“This is All Yours”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Best moments of the season so far, plus new footage of the coaches.
• “Weird Loners” (FOX/CityTV) – Debut of yet another sitcom about relationship-challenged, mid-30-somethings who unexpectedly are thrust into each other’s lives. Stars Becki Newton, Zachary Knighton, Nate Torrence, and Meera Rohit Kumbhani.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Blink-182 – Guitarist Tom DeLonge, who recently split amid a bitter war of words, says he’s preparing to relaunch himself as a writer. A now-deleted Instagram message claims he’s personally co-writing 15 novels with ‘best-selling authors’, each to be accompanied by an EP. Details are sparse.
• Darius Rucker – His 4th solo album, “Southern Style”, is out today, featuring the single “Homegrown Honey”. The “Southern Style Tour” kicks off May 14th in Holmdel NJ.
• Death Cab For Cutie – Today “Kintsugi” is released, their 8th studio album and the 1st as a 3-piece after the departure of founding member Chris Walla. The title refers to the Japanese art of repairing broken objects with gold, highlighting the cracks rather than hiding them. Symbolic?
• Ed Sheeran – He’s hired his first-ever bodyguard, having been forced to beef up security since recently confirming he’s split from long-term girlfriend Athina Andrelos. Quote: ”It started getting a little bit grabby. I don’t mind if people ask politely but if someone grabs you and pulls you …”
• Elton John – His mother, Sheila Farebrother, has revealed she still hasn’t met his 2 young sons due to a falling-out with her son & his partner David Furnish. They haven’t been on speaking terms since an argument 7 years ago, but since Elton sent a huge bouquet of orchids for her 90th birthday she’s hoping for a reconciliation.
• Jay Z – After multiple artists have expressed gripes with streaming services like Spotify, he’s determined to offer a better alternative with his new service Tidal. Big-name performers like
Coldplay, Jack White, Kanye West, Madonna, and Rihanna are uniting behind the new venture, which promises a more artist-friendly way to publish and stream music.
• One Direction – Niall Horan says plans for their next album remain on track despite Zayn Malik’s recent exit. In fact, the group has already begun work on the project, sitting down with their label to organize writing sessions.
• Three Days Grace – Today they release the new album “Human”. A North American tour in support of it kicks off April 9th in Riverside CA and runs though April 23rd in Dallas TX.

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Out today on DVD, Netflix, Google Play and/or other video providers …
• “The Imitation Game” ( PG-13 Bio-Drama ): Benedict Cumberbatch stars as Alan Turing, who famously led a motley group of scholars, linguists, chess champions and intelligence officers in a bid to solve the so-called unbreakable codes of Germany’s World War II Enigma machine. Winner of the Academy Award for ‘Adapted Screenplay’. Co-stars Keira Knightley.
• “Interstellar” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Adventure ): Director Christopher Nolan’s epic follows a group of explorers who make use of a newly discovered wormhole to surpass the limitations on human space travel and conquer the vast distances involved in an interstellar voyage. Stars Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain. Runs 2 hours, 49 minutes; a good part of it shot using clearer-image IMAX cameras.
• Also released today: “Case Histories Complete Collection” (TV); “Chuggington: Fire Patrol Rescue” (Kids TV); “Lovejoy, Series 5” (Brit TV); “Silicon Valley: Season 1” (TV); “Veep: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); and “Yellowbird” (Animated Family).

HALF-HOUR TO HONG KONG:
Suppose you dug a tunnel through the center of Earth, jumped in, and let gravity pull you through. How long would it take you to reach the other side of the planet? For decades, physics students have been asked to calculate that time and have been taught that the correct answer is 42 minutes. But now a more realistic analysis from Montréal’s McGill University has lopped 4 minutes off, suggesting it would only take 38 minutes. The gravity tunnel problem is a staple of introductory physics courses. To solve it, students must calculate how the force of gravity on an object changes as the thing falls through the tunnel. The new calculation appears in the latest issue of “American Journal of Physics”. (Unfortunately, this’ll never replace a ‘slow boat to China’ due to Earth’s molten core.)
– ScienceMag.org

BS AMAZING FACT:
The average cost of a wedding now stands at $32,213, including $555 for the cake.
– “The Knot”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.31.15

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [72] Christopher Walken, Queens NY, movie actor (“Jersey Boys”, 1979 Oscar-“The Deer Hunter”)/TV actor (“Peter Pan”)

1955 [60] Angus Young, Glasgow, Scotland, short-panted rock guitarist (AC/DC-“Rock ‘n Roll Train”, “Moneytalks”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1971 [44] Ewan McGregor, Crieff, Scotland, movie actor (“August: Osage County”, “Moulin Rouge”)

1971 [44] Bob Crawford, Memphis TN, folk-rock bassist (Avett Bros-“Morning Song”, “I and Love and You”)

1983 [32] 40 (Noah Shebib), Toronto ON, hip-hop producer (Drake, Lil Wayne, Beyoncé, Alicia Keys, Jamie Foxx)/co-founder of Drake’s October’s Very Own (OVO) label

1984 [31] Jack Antonoff, Bergenfield NJ, indie rock guitarist (fun.-“Some Nights”, Bleachers-“I Wanna Get Better”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Clams-On-the-Half-Shell Day”. (Tonight is ‘Pass-the-Upchuck-Bucket Night’.)

• “Farm Workers Day”, encouraging us to thank agricultural laborers for their role in growing what we eat. (And say thanks for migrating from Latin America and Mexico to do so.)

• “She’s Funny That Way Day”, paying tribute to the female funny bone. How do the women in your life make you laugh? Ask for quirky things that funny ladies do.

• “Sleep Apnea Awareness Day”, drawing attention to the disorder characterized by pauses in breathing or instances of shallow or infrequent breathing during sleep. Each pause in breathing, called an apnea, can last from at least 10 seconds to several minutes.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [16] Sibling writing/directing team of Andy & Larry (now Lana) Wachowski release the sci-fi blockbuster “The Matrix”, starring Keanu Reeves (the ensuing 3-movie franchise chalks up over $1.6 billion in worldwide box office)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996 [19] Phil Collins announces he’s leaving Genesis after 21 years as the group’s lead singer and drummer

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2007 [08] 2.2 million people take part in the 1st “Earth Hour” in Sydney, Australia

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1975 [40] Legendary UCLA men’s basketball coach John Wooden wins his 10th NCAA title

1995 [20] Major League Baseball players are sent back to work after the longest strike in baseball history (began August 12, 1994, causing cancellation of the World Series)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Apr 1] “Woman in Gold” opens in movie theaters / April Fools Day / Atheist Day / International Tatting Day / Fun at Work Day / Walking Day / Paraprofessional Appreciation Day / St Stupid Day / Whole Grain Sampling Day
[Apr 2] International Children’s Book Day / Ferret Day / Love Your Produce Manager Day / Peanut Butter & Jelly Day / Reconciliation Day / World Autism Day
[Apr 3] “Furious 7” opens in movie theaters / Good Friday (Christian) / NCAA March Madness Festival begins (Indianapolis IN) / “Wolf Hall” miniseries begins (PBS) / Don’t Go to Work Unless It’s Fun Day / Find a Rainbow Day / Hospital Admitting Clerks Day / Walk to Work Day
[Apr 4] Full ‘Pink’ Moon / International Pillow Fight Day / International Day for Mine Awareness / Passover (Jewish) / Vitamin C Day / World Rat Day
[Apr 5]  “Mad Men” final season begins (AMC) / Easter Sunday / Deep Dish Pizza Day / Plum Pudding Day
[Apr 6] Drowsy Driver Awareness Day / Dyngus Day / White House Easter Egg Roll / Hostess Twinkie Day / Student Athlete Day / Tartan Day / Tater Day
[Apr 7] Day of Remembrance Of the Victims Of the Rwanda Genocide / International Beaver Day / Metric System Day / Beer Day / No Housework Day / UN World Health Day
[Apr 8] Buddha Day / International Roma Day / Dog Fighting Awareness Day / Trading Cards for Grown-ups Day
[Apr 9] Country Thunder begins (Florence AZ) / Cherish an Antique Day / Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
[Apr 10] “Ex Machina”; “Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck”; “The Longest Ride” open in movie theaters / Coachella Festival opens (Indio CA) / SPCA Day / Farm Animals Day / Siblings Day
[Apr 11] Baby Massage Day / Barbershop Quartet Day / International Table Top Day / Pet Day / Submarine Day / World Parkinson’s Disease Day
[Apr 12] “Game of Thrones” season premiere (HBO) / “MTV Movie Awards” (MTV) / Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day / International Day of Human Space Flight / Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse / International Day for Street Children / Walk on Your Wild Side Day
[Apr 13] Scrabble Day
[Apr 14] Dictionary Day / Equal Pay Day / International Moment of Laughter Day / Be Kind to Lawyers Day / Dolphin Day / Library Workers Day / Pecan Day / Pan American Day / Pathologists Assistant Day
[Apr 15] Income Tax Pay Day (USA) / Rubber Eraser Day / Take a Wild Guess Day / That Sucks Day / World Art Day / Bookmobile Day
[Apr 16] Celebrate Teen Literature Day / High Five Day / Ask an Atheist Day / Health Care Decisions Day / Stress Awareness Day / Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day / Save the Elephant Day / Yom HaShoah begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Apr 17] “Child 44”; “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2”; “Unfriended” open in movie theaters / Bat Appreciation Day / Blah! Blah! Blah! Day / Ford Mustang Day / Nothing Like a Dame Day / Day of Silence
[Apr 18] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction (Cleveland OH) / Adult Autism Day / Columnists Day / Golf Day / Lineman Appreciation Day / Pet Owners Independence Day / World Amateur Radio Day / Auctioneers Day / Husband Appreciation Day / Record Store Day
[Apr 19] “50th ACM Awards” (CBS) / Bicycle Day / Garlic Day / Hanging Out Day
[Apr 20] Pot Smokers Day / Boston Marathon
[Apr 21] Bulldogs are Beautiful Day / Kindergarten Day / Queen’s Birthday
[Apr 22] Administrative Professionals Day / Earth Day / Girl Scout Leaders Day
[Apr 23] English Language Day / Lost Dog Awareness Day / Movie Theater Day / Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day (USA) / Talk Like Shakespeare Day / World Book & Copyright Day
[Apr 24] “The Age of Adaline”; “Little Boy”; “The Water Diviner” open in movie theaters / George Jones Museum opens (Nashville TN) / Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day / Hairball Awareness Day / New Kids On the Block Day / Teach Children to Save Day / World Meningitis Day
[Apr 25] DNA Day / Eeyore’s Birthday / Hairstylists Appreciation Day / Plumbers Day / Mani-pedi Day / Malaria Awareness Day / Go Birding Day / Herb Day / Red Hat Society Day / Save the Frogs Day / Sense of Smell Day / World Day for Animals in Laboratories / World Veterinary Day / World Tai Chi Day / World Penguin Day
[Apr 26] Hug an Australian Day / Help a Horse Day / Audubon Day / Kids & Pets Day / Pretzel Day / World Intellectual Property Day
[Apr 27] Babe Ruth Day / Morse Code Day
[Apr 28] Biological Clock Day / Workers Memorial Day
[Apr 29] Canadian Film Day / Day of Remembrance for Victims of Chemical Warfare / International Dance Day / International Guide Dogs Day / World Wish Day
[Apr 30] Adopt a Shelter Pet Day / Bugs Bunny Day / International Jazz Day / Animal Advocacy Day / CRA Income Tax Deadline (Canada) / Honesty Day / Spank Out Day / Walpurgis Night

BULL’S BITS

GENIUS APRIL FOOLS’ DAY PRANKS YOUR KIDS WILL TOTALLY FALL FOR:
(Because kids don’t get a free pass on April 1st.)
✓ Confuse your kid on the ride to school by sticking a sign on the rear of your vehicle reading: “Honk and wave and yell at my kid [name] … he doesn’t know it’s April Fools Day!”
✓ Stuff toilet paper into the toe of your kid’s shoes. Especially fun if you casually mention first thing in the morning that her feet look bigger.
✓ Put a bowl of your kid’s favorite cereal & milk in the freezer overnight, then watch in the morning as your unsuspecting kid clanks a spoon against the frozen milk.
✓ If you’re the sewing type this prank will leave you in stitches. Sew one of your kid’s socks closed halfway down.
✓ Make – ahem – ‘chocolate chip cookies’ out of mashed potatoes and black beans.
✓ Put a ‘For Sale’ sign in your front yard.
✓ Unscrew the cap to a faucet, put a pellet from an Easter egg kit in it, then screw the cap back on. This will make colored water come out of the faucet.
✓ Serve up a glass of juice that is really Jell-O. That first sip will be classic.
✓ Tell your kid you bought her a new iPad. Give her a pirate’s eye patch from a Halloween costume. “I’m sorry, did I say iPad? I meant I bought you an eye pad.”
✓ Make candied apples with onions. Your kid will find this hilarious … in a decade or two.
– Adapted from BuzzFeed.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you can remain calm at my job, you just don’t have all the facts.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What is a sure sound of Spring?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: We now spend more time doing THIS in the morning than eating breakfast, showering, and getting dressed combined.
Answer: Checking email and social media.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.