March 16 2023

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Thursday, March 16, 2023 – Edition: #7439

Good Morning, Sheetheads!


★ Ryan Reynolds has sold his cellular company. T-Mobile has entered into an agreement to acquire Ka’ena Corporation, the parent company of Reynolds’ minority owned prepaid wireless service Mint Mobile, for a maximum of up to $1.35 billion. Reynolds, will continue in his creative role as a spokesman for the company. And in true Reynolds style, his statement about the deal was, well, creative: “We are so happy T-Mobile beat out an aggressive last-minute bid from my mom Tammy Reynolds as we believe the excellence of their 5G network will provide a better strategic fit than my mom’s slightly-above-average mahjong skills.”
★ Drew Barrymore has been announced as host for this year’s MTV Movie and TV Awards — or rather, she made the announcement herself. In a video reveal, Barrymore, as herself, introduces things, saying: “And now for a breaking Drew’s News report, we go to our special correspondent, M3gan”. Next, she channels the murderous AI doll from the film, saying: “Thank you, Drew. I actually have news for you. You’re hosting the 2023 MTV Movie & TV Awards.” Barrymore also couldn’t resist throwing in a line from her history with the “Scream” franchise, asking: “I’m a fan, and you’re a fan of scary movies right?” The event, which awards popular films and TV shows that are beloved by fans, will take place on Sunday, May 7. LINK:
★ The Bella Twins are entering a new era. Nikki Bella and Brie Bella have announced they are officially parting ways with the WWE and dropping their stage names. From now on, the 39-year-old reality stars will go by their birth names, Nikki Garcia and Brie Garcia — or the newly minted “Garcia Twins”. On their podcast “The Nikki and Brie Show”, Nikki explained: “When our contract came up with WWE, mutually we all knew we just needed to head into this new chapter.” Brie took a moment to “thank” her wrestling ring persona, and said she’s “so excited to close that chapter on Brie Bella…and open up a new one — and see what Brie Garcia is gonna do next.”
★ Apple is getting the original “True Detective” band back together. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are set to star in a half-hour comedy series for the streamer from “The Big Door Prize” creator and showrunner David West Read. The untitled series is an odd-couple love story that revolves around the “strange and beautiful bond” between the pair. The series will see their friendship “tested when their combined families attempt to live together on Matthew’s ranch in Texas.” McConaughey and Harrelson starred together in the first season of HBO’s True Detective, which aired in 2014.
★ Jason Ritter has joined the cast of the upcoming “Matlock” reboot. The “Parenthood” star play opposite Kathy Bates in the CBS drama, a new take on the classic legal TV drama that starred Andy Griffith. Ritter rounds out the series regular cast for the pilot, which features Bates in the title role, plus Skye P. Marshall, David Del Rio and Leah Lewis.
★ Pat Sajak would like to buy an apology. The “Wheel of Fortune” host teased a contestant about her ichthyophobia, or fear of fish, on the show last week. Sajak was bursting with questions after the Ashley Laumb, revealed her phobia, saying: “You don’t like fish. You don’t like to eat them, you don’t like to swim with them?” Laumb confirmed she wants “nothing to do with them at all” Sajak persisted with more questions, prompting the contestant to say: “It’s a long story, Pat. We don’t have time.” Later on, Sajak turned to another contestant and pulled out a plastic fish, asking him to hold on to it, because he didn’t “want her to see it”. It was at this point Sajak said sorry. Laumb eventually won the game.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Andy Samberg, Lukas Gage, RAYE
• “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Keanu Reeves, Melanie Lynskey, De La Soul
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jason Sudeikis, Annaleigh Ashford, Nic Collins
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): O’Shea Jackson Jr., Meagan Good (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Paris Hilton, Heidi Gardner
•  “The Daily Show” (COM): Guest host Kal Penn
• “The View” (ABC/CTV):  Hugh Grant
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Bob Odenkirk, Carrie Coon, Dr. Michael Breus
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Zachary Levi, Hannah Fry, Lainey Wilson
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Paris Hilton, Michelle Miller, Ronnie Woo
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Katie Lowes, Guillermo Díaz, PJ Morton
• “Station 19” (ABC): A simulation fire training goes dangerously wrong; Maya tries to make amends, and Bailey encourages Carina to listen.
• “Next Level Chef” (Fox): Competitors use skill to cook an alcohol-based dish; one is eliminated.
• “2023 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament” (CBS, TSN): First Round: Oral Roberts vs. Duke; Louisiana vs. Tennessee

• Bad Bunny – leads the list of nominees for the Latin American Music Awards, with 11. He’s followed by Becky G and Daddy Yankee with 9 each. The show is set for April 20 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. LINK (complete list):
• Taylor Swift – A survey of Americans has revealed that her “1989” album is considered her “best”. That’s the one with the hits ‘Shake It Off’, ‘Blank Space’, ‘Wildest Dreams’ and ‘Clean’. Other revelations from the survey: 53% of adults consider themselves fans of the singer. Of those who are fans, 16% identify as an “avid” fan. Yup. That means 16 in every 100 people living in the US is a “Swiftie”.
• Fleetwood Mac — Social media is buzzing about a 1997 performance of ‘Silver Springs’, following the airing of the Amazon’s “Daisy Jones & The Six”, inspired by the turbulent history of Fleetwood Mac. The rendition magnifies the tempestuous relationship between Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks. (***You NEED to see the explanation: )
• Guns N’ Roses – Slash has launched a horror film production company called “BerserkerGang”. The noted horror fan said:  “I want to get into the heart of the producing business so I can try and make movies that I’d like to see.” (‘Slash’er flicks?)
• Robert Plant & Alison Krauss – and John Fogerty will join Willie Nelson on different dates of his 2023 “Outlaw Music Festival” tour. Plant and Krauss will be a part of the festival’s first 3 dates, beginning June 23 in Somerset WI, while Fogerty will appear on the last 3, beginning Aug. 11 in Cleveland.
• 2023 CMT Music Awards – Leading nominee Lainey Wilson, and co-hosts Kane Brown and Kelsea Ballerini will all perform at the April 2 event. Others announced this week: Blake Shelton, Carly Pearce, Cody Johnson, and Keith Urban, who are all nominees. It was previously announced that Carrie Underwood would perform, as well as that Brown would sing with his wife Katelyn.
• Luke Combs – With ‘Going, Going, Gone’ having just hit #1 hit on country radio, he is the first artist to accumulate 15 consecutive #1s upon their debut. Tomorrow, he’ll release the fan favorite ‘Five Leaf Clover’, ahead of his album, “Gettin’ Old,” out March 24.
• The Frontmen – The trio, consisting of Richie McDonald, formerly of Lonestar, Tim Rushlow, formerly of Little Texas, and Larry Stewart of Restless Heart, have signed a record deal with BMG/BBR Music Group. This week, they announced they’ll release new music this year, and re-record new versions of their greatest hits. The band will perform at CMA Fest on June 11.


We’ve all had breakfast cereal. But how about bedtime cereal? Post, the makers of Raisin Bran and Fruity Pebbles, has launched a new line of cereals that it wants you to enjoy as part of your evening sleep routine. “Sweet Dreams” consists of crunchy flakes and almonds, but if you read the box, it also includes “notes of lavender and chamomile”, plus vitamins and minerals intended to help you sleep. The company says it is aiming to help people establish healthy nighttime habits “by providing a nutrient dense before-bed snack” that supports your sleep routine. Health experts have noted that Sweet Dreams also contains as much as 13 grams of added sugar, which they say can be detrimental to sleep. Sweet Dreams comes in 2 flavors: ‘Blueberry Midnight’ and ‘Honey Moonglow’.
(So, if you’re having cereal before bed, what do you eat in the morning? A bag of chips?)
(As long as I can still put whiskey in it, I don’t care what time I have my cereal!)

The March Madness college basketball tournament has just begun, and in most cases, you still have time to submit your bracket. But have you thought about applying some science to your strategy? Data scientists from the University of Illinois were asked for some tips on filling out your NCAA Tournament bracket. According to the guys who should know, the best thing to do is to pick who you think will be the Final Four contestants, and work backwards from there. Doing that supposedly gives you a higher bracket score, on average, than picking the winners of the first-round games and continuing in order. If you’re submitting multiple brackets, starting with the Final Four is still a good strategy; but you should pick some different Final Four teams to boost your chances at winning. By the way, there are more than 9 quintillion possible bracket combinations. HANDY LINK:
(How many brackets does that mean I’ll need to do?)
(That’s the difference between basketball and hockey. In hockey, when you’re down to the “final four”, you’re talking about teeth!)

With the recent buzz about ChatGPT, the subject of AI (Artificial Intelligence) is a popular topic these days. In fact, the Pew Research Center in the US found that fully 25% of adults say they’ve heard “a lot” about AI. But Pew also asked about AI’s pitfalls — and found that 38% of respondents are more concerned than excited about it; only 15% are more excited than concerned – and 46% said they feel both emotions equally. And in what could be a positive sign, the stronger one’s knowledge of AI is, the more excited about it they are.
(That’s just because those people know it can write essays for them!)
(At least I know this: AI will never take my job – because only an idiot would work for what they’re paying me!)

The people of Reddit were recently asked: “What did you learn late that you’ll teach your children early?” Here are some of the most profound answers…
⇒ “Adults are not all smart and wise people. Don’t blindly trust those who are in positions of authority.”
⇒ “Financial literacy.”
⇒ “Boundaries. It’s not necessary to light yourself on fire to keep others warm, especially when they’re just mildly chilly and could put on a sweater.”
⇒ “Never admit you have a skill unless you’re prepared for people expecting you to use it.”
⇒ “The importance of studying properly.”
⇒ “It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you do your best to learn from them.”
⇒ “Basic life skills like cooking and washing clothes. I had to teach myself as an adult, which was embarrassing.”
⇒ “Your mental health is more important than your school work.”
⇒ “Debt is rarely worth it.”
⇒ “Learning a third language. It has helped me expand my business interests immensely and opened me up to previously inaccessible tourist destinations.”
⇒ “You are responsible for your future — no one else.”
(I just wish I learned last night’s lottery numbers about a day sooner!)

People find puppies and kittens cuter than they do babies. Thanks to the development of new brain-scanning techniques, researchers have been able to develop a ‘cuteness rating system’. On average, puppies and kittens scored higher on this scale than humans. (And just to solve any arguments: Puppies were generally thought to be marginally cuter than kittens, with adult dogs also ranked slightly cuter than human babies). [If you saw ***co-host’s**** baby pics, you’d understand!]


• “Absolutely Incredible Kid Day”, celebrating children by encouraging adults to write them a letter or tell them how much they appreciate them, and how incredible they are. Sharing a message on social media works, too. LINK:
• “Everything You Do is Right Day”, a day to avoid second-guessing yourself. As long as your decisions are well thought through, just carry them out and let them go. You’ll likely find it saves you a lot of stress. (Great. Now tell my boss…)
• “Freedom of Information Day”, celebrating the importance of an open government with free access to info by the public. (A-HEM, Mr. ‘Special Military Operation’!)
• “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (As long as the other person’s lips think it’s nice too…)
• “No Selfies Day”, celebrated ironically on the birthday of Philippe Kahn, inventor of the cellphone camera, and the first to snap a pic with his phone … although it wasn’t a selfie. (So, we have him to blame for ‘duck face’?)
• “St Urho’s Day”, celebrating the (tongue-in-cheek) saint who supposedly ‘cleared the grasshoppers out of Finland’. The mock holiday is observed in parts of Canada and the USA.
• “Panda Day”, drawing attention to one of the world’s unique bears. Pandas, also known as Giant Pandas, are also one of the world’s most endangered and adored animals.

[Fri] St. Patrick’s Day
[Fri] Corned Beef and Cabbage Day
[Sat] Maple Syrup Saturday
[Sun] Chocolate Caramel Day
This Week is…Sunshine Week
This Month is…Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month

1949 [74] Victor Garber, London ON, movie actor (“Argo”, “Milk”, “Titanic”)/TV actor (“Alias” 2001-06)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)/Order of Canada, 2022

1949 [74] Erik Estrada, New York City NY, TV actor (Officer ‘Frank “Ponch” Poncherello’ on “CHiPs” 1977-1983)/infomercial host/reality TV star (“The Surreal Life” 2004)/current reserve police officer in St. Anthony, Idaho

1954 [69] Nancy Wilson, San Francisco CA, rock guitarist/singer (Heart-‘Barracuda’, ‘Who Will You Run To’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2013

1959 [64] Flavor Flav [William Drayton Jr.], Long Island NY, rapper (Public Enemy-‘Fight The Power’)/reality TV star (“The Surreal Life”, “Strange Love”, “Flavor of Love”)

1963 [60] Jerome Flynn, London England, TV actor (“Game of Thrones” 2011-19)/movie actor (“John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum”)

1967 [56] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (“Parenthood” 2010-15, “Gilmore Girls” 2000-07, and reboot, “The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers” since 2021)/movie actress (“Bad Santa”, “Evan Almighty”)

1991 [32] Wolfgang Van Halen, Santa Monica CA, rock multi-instrumentalist/singer (Mammoth WVH-‘Distance’, bassist for Van Halen 2006-15, Tremonti)/son of Eddie Van Halen & Valerie Bertinelli

2005 [18] After a 3-month trial, a jury acquits Robert Blake, star of 1970s TV detective show “Baretta”, of the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley (Blake, who died March 9, 2023, was later found liable for wrongful death in civil court)

2017 [06] Ray Davies, frontman of The Kinks, is knighted for services to the arts by Prince Charles

2019 [04] ‘Old Town Road’ by rapper Lil Nas X makes the Country chart, but is removed the next week when Billboard declares it ineligible. That leads to a remix with Billy Ray Cyrus that hits #1 on the (all-format) Hot 100

2020 [03] Chris Martin performs a virtual concert on Instagram in support of the World Health Organization as the COVID-19 pandemic takes hold. It’s the first of a series of “Together At Home” concerts by a number of artists

1999 [24] The RIAA gives the first-ever ‘Diamond Award’ certification, honoring “The Eagles’ Greatest Hits 1971-75” for 10 million units sold

2003 [20] The “Largest Coordinated Worldwide Vigil” takes place, a global protest against the Iraq War, takes place in more than 600 cities


✓ The Eiffel Tower was inaugurated the same year Nintendo was founded. (1889)
✓ Leonardo Da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa” has her own mailbox at the Louvre because of all the love letters she receives.
✓ Studies show your favorite foods are likely those your mother ate while pregnant with you.
✓ A bottle of Coca-Cola can dissolve a nail in just 4 days.
✓ Gasping for air in a high-altitude environment, plus UV light reflecting off the snow, will cause the roof of your mouth to get sunburnt.
✓ It would take a snail 220 hours to crawl one mile (1.6km).
-FactRetriever, Buzzfeed, TheFactSite

Best of BS . . .

• “You barely snored at all last night.”
• “I wanted to scoop the cat litter. How could you?”
• “We don’t spend enough time with your parents.”
• “Can you text back with ‘K’ more often?”
• “Why must I always come home to a freshly cooked meal?”
• “This closet is too big for my shoes.”
• “If you’re gonna check someone out, can you at least do it in front of me?”
• “Did you wipe down the toilet again today?”
• “Why do you always get to be Wario?”
• “Why doesn’t your side-chick like me?”
• (***CAUTION: ‘DAMN’***) “You make too damn much money.”
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2020

➠ A survey claims that 45% of people believe in ghosts. (And thanks to Botox, 100% of those people look like they’ve SEEN one!)
➠ St. Patrick’s Day is Friday. (Leprechauns are famous for cool hats, adorable facial hair and legendary boozing. Sorry. I was thinking of Johnny Depp…)
➠ NASA says testing revealed Mars once contained the elements to support life. (Even more amazing, they came to the same conclusion about Detroit.)
➠ Energy analysts predict gas prices could be on the rise. The Crude Oil Price is now above $75 a barrel, and could go up to $100 soon. (The solution is obvious: Use cheaper barrels.)
➠ Flavor Flav is 64 today. (No birthday party for him this year. He’s too exhausted from ‘springing forward’ all those necklace clocks!)

Should’ve just texted:

I love my furniture. My recliner and I go WAAAAY back.

What’s the one thing you learned in high school that you still use today?

Question:  20% of us will leave the house with one of THESE today – but they won’t use it. What is it?
Answer:  A gym bag


Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.


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