Friday, May 20, 2005        Edition: #3038
Another Sheetload of Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY actor Christopher Reeve will be posthumously awarded an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree at New York’s Stony Brook University (to be accepted on his behalf by a graduate student who also struggles from paralysis) . . . TONIGHT the ABC-TV special “The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz” stars Ashanti as ‘Dorothy’, backed up by ‘Kermit’ as ‘Scarecrow’, ‘Fozzie Bear’ as ‘Cowardly Lion’ & ‘Miss Piggy’ playing all the witches . . . TONIGHT at the 32nd annual “Daytime Emmy Awards”, ABC-TV’s “All My Children” has a leading 18 nominations, followed by “General Hospital”, “Guiding Light” & “Sesame Street” with 13 apiece (“Wheel of Fortune” & “Jeopardy!” creator Merv Griffin receives a ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’) . . . SATURDAY Tiger Woods’ annual charity benefit in Las Vegas, “Tiger Jam VIII”, will be hosted by Conan O’Brien and feature performances by Counting Crows & Stevie Wonder . . . “Saturday Night Live” wraps its 30th season with host Lindsay Lohan and musical guest Coldplay (they’re everywhere!) . . . Former TV star Mr T (“The A-Team”) is back with his own AP Comics series, the 1st edition launching on his birthday TOMORROW . . . THIS WEEKEND model Naomi Campbell plans to fly a special guest of honor in for her 35th birthday party in Cannes, France – 86-year-old ex-South African President Nelson Mandela (if he’s up to it) . . . SUNDAY “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’s” 2nd season finalé will build a brand-new home for the relatives of an army specialist killed in Iraq who currently live in a rented trailer in Flagstaff AZ . . . Billy Crystal’s one-man Broadway show “700 Sundays” fittingly concludes its run on SUNDAY (after a disappointing 25 Sundays) . . . And SUNDAY the curtain is coming down on “Mamma Mia!”, the 2nd-longest running show in Toronto theater history, after 5 years, 2,044 performances and 2.8 million patrons.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bo Bice – A Billboard.com poll predicts he’ll be the next “American Idol” winner – by a long shot.
• Kylie Minogue – Her official Website has been shut down after it was overwhelmed with support from fans reacting to her breast-cancer diagnosis.
• Shania Twain – NEXT WEEK an approval hearing is scheduled to review her planned compound to be built on a New Zealand sheep station she’s leasing for $15 million for 33 years. Locals are protesting the proposed buildings are not in harmony with the local landscape and will be visible for miles.
• Usher – He’s working on the soundtrack for the upcoming movie “Dying For Dolly” (opening in NOVEMBER). He also stars in the film as a guy who falls for the daughter of a mob boss (Chazz Palminteri).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
None in wide release. Who’d wanna take on the “Sith”?

TRUMP TOWERS:
Donald Trump has unveiled his proposed design for a new World Trade Center – with twin towers that are 100 ft higher than the originals. He claims the erection of the buildings is the only valid response to terrorists. Reaching 1,455 ft, the towers would be ‘bigger, stronger and better’, he says, with improved fireproofing and larger stairwells. The designs were put forward after plans for the ‘Freedom Tower’ were scrapped over fears of a repeat of the 9/11 attacks. (So far, no one’s said, “You’re hired!”)
– “NY Times”

POPE’S PEAK:
The late John Paul II has had a mountain named in his honor. The highest mountain in Italy’s Appennines, formerly known as Grand Sasso Mountain, was renamed ‘John Paul II Peak’ following a ceremony THIS WEEK on what would have been the pontiff’s 85th birthday (WEDNESDAY). The honor is in recognition of his fondness for hiking and skiing in the mountains of the Abbruzzo Region.
– “Daily Telegraph”

CELLPHONES KILL FARMERS?
Cellphones may pose a higher health risk to rural dwellers because they emit more intense signals in the countryside, Swedish scientists claim. The researchers at University Hospital in Orebro, Sweden say that’s because rural base stations tend to be further apart so the phones compensate with stronger signals, and the stronger the signal, the higher the risk. This is all still theory, of course. There has still been no hard evidence the technology causes health problems. (Unless the user is driving.)
– Yahoo! News

BEWARE OF THUNDERWEAR!
A 33-year-old woman ended up in hospital after wearing vibrating ‘Passion Pants’ from UK sex shop chain Ann Summers to her local supermarket in Swansea, Wales. She apparently became so aroused by the 2.5-inch vibrating ‘bullet’ inside that she fainted, fell against shelves and banged her head. Paramedics found the black leatherette panties still buzzing. After disabling the orgasmatronic underwear, they whisked her to hospital where she made a complete recovery. Staff handed her back the ‘Passion Pants’ upon discharge, discreetly concealed in a plastic bag.
– “The Sun”

HOT CHICKS:
THIS SUMMER a new Aspen CO business called ‘Toasty Chicks Delivery’ hopes to profit from an invasion of some 600 construction workers working on a major new project at the Snowmass ski resort. The service will take food orders, relay them to area restaurants, then have it delivered – by young women in really tight T-shirts. (Thereby setting back the women’s movement 30 years.)
– “Daily News”

BOTOX YOUR BELLY BYE-BYE:
Botox has long been used to temporarily smooth wrinkles, but now British dermatologist John McGrath claims it can also be used to trim tubby tummies. McGrath says Botox injected into the stomach freezes muscles and slows the digestion process, leaving patients feeling full. That should cause them to eat less and gradually shed excess weight. Botox injections, he says, are a cheaper alternative to traditional obesity surgery.
– “Herald Sun”

LINING GEORGE’S POCKETS:
Just some of the “Revenge of the Sith” merchandise now on the market …
• “Revenge of the Sith” action figures & vehicles. (Priced individually $5-$40)
• “Revenge of the Sith” Electronic Light Saber with interchangeable blades. ($20)
• “Revenge of the Sith” Lego sets. ($20)
• “Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Sith” Darth Vader Mask ($10)
• “One Size Fits All Darth Vader Boxed Costume” ($25)
• “Trivial Pursuit: Star Wars Edition” ($50)
• “Attacktix” battle-figure game which combines action-figure play with trading cards. ($10)
• “The Making of Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” book ($22)
• “Deluxe Clone Trooper Adult Costume” ($75)

WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• German swimming champion Franziska van Almsick says she likes to warm up for races by – having sex. It’s always given her performance in the pool a big boost, she claims. Her favorite location? In the water, of course. Her boyfriend, by the way, is German handball player Stefan Kretzschmar.
• A gang of Welsh thieves thought they’d hit the big time after smashing into a Swansea-area warehouse and walking off with a haul of TVs and DVD players. Imagine their chagrin upon finding out – the warehouse was used to store faulty electronics on their way back to the manufacturer after being returned by consumers.
• A Norwegian woman has breast-fed – a litter of puppies. The 23-year-old mother of a 3-month-old baby felt it was necessary to save 6 out of a litter of 10 Canary Mastiffs since their mother had died and they were refusing bottled formula.

BS AMAZING FACT:
The average cow in the European Union receives over $2.50 a day in subsidies. That’s more than the amount half the world’s humans live on.
– “The Observer”

AND WE QUOTE:
“She just told me to name a town and place and she’d be there.”
– Country star Kenny Chesney on his proposal to actress Renee Zellweger.

THE BULL SHEET 05.20.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [61] Joe (John Robert) Cocker, Sheffield UK, oldies singer (“You are So Beautiful”, “With a Little Help From My Friends”)

1946 [59] Cher (Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre), El Centro CA, finally retired pop singer (“Believe”, Sonny & Cher-“I Got You Babe”)/movie actress (Oscar-“Moonstruck”)

1949 [56] Dave Thomas, St Catharines ON, movie actor (“Rat Race”, “Strange Brew”)/former TV actor (‘Bob & Doug MacKenzie’-“SCTV”)

1964 [41] Earl Charles Spencer, Norfolk UK, Princess Diana’s younger brother who charges money to view her gravesite and travelling museum exhibits

1972 [33] Busta Rhymes (Trevor Smith Jr), Brooklyn NY, rapper (Q-Tip f/Busta Rhymes -“For the Nasty”, Pussycat Dolls f/Busta Rhymes–“Don’t Cha”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Baseball manager Bobby Cox (Atlanta Braves) is 64; Comedian/talk show host Al Franken is 54; TV actress Lisa Edelstein (“House”) of 38.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Elton John’s songwriter Bernie Taupin is 55; Country singer Dana Williams (Diamond Rio) is 44;
Fashion model Naomi Campbell is 35.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Yee haw! It’s “Victoria Day” weekend, a truly Canadian holiday begun in 1845 as a celebration of national unity. It commemorates the birth of Queen Victoria on May 24, 1819, Britain’s longest-reigning monarch (1837-1901). THIS YEAR ‘May 2-4′ is actually on May 2-3.

TODAY is –
• “Weights & Measures Day”, in celebration of the 1875 treaty that established the International Bureau of Weights and Measures, thereby standardizing values. That means you’re just as fat in Pongo Pongo as you are at home.
• “Eliza Doolittle Day”, a day named in honor of the lead character in the famous musical “My Fair Lady” to encourage the proper use of language. Hey, that ain’t too bad an idea!
• “Bike-to-Work Day”, the 11th annual highlight of “National Bike Month”, promoted as part of the solution to many of today’s problems – obesity, traffic congestion, and air pollution. Experts say the biggest reason why North American commuters refuse to try biking is fear of – body odor.

SATURDAY is –
• “International Wait Staff Day” (wouldn’t “Servers Day” be better?), set aside for restaurant managers and patrons to show appreciation for the efforts of servers. It’s interesting how tipping varies by geography. In Australia, China, Japan & New Zealand, tipping is basically non-existent. In Egypt and Mexico you are expected to tip, it’s a way of life. In Britain, you have to decide if an establishment is a pub that serves food (don’t tip) or a restaurant with a bar (do tip). In the US & Canada a 15-25% tip is expected, depending on quality of service.

SUNDAY is –
• “Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day”, encouraging us all to learn the craft of making music. What’s the most unbearable musical instrument to hear a family member or neighbor practising on?
• “Immigrants Day in Canada”, a day to recognize the contributions of those who came here from elsewhere. If you go back far enough, wouldn’t that be all of us?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1993 [12] 80.4 million viewers tune in for the final episode of NBC-TV sitcom “Cheers”

2003 [02] Series finalé of TV’s “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1874 [131] Levi Strauss & Co 1st markets ‘Blue Jeans with Copper Rivets’ (priced @ $13.50 … per dozen!)

1892 [113] 1st practical ‘Clothes Dryer’ invented by George Sampson (the next day the first sock mysteriously disappears)

1990 [15] Hubble telescope sends 1st photos from space

1980 [25] 1st Québec referendum on separation (59.5% vote ‘non’)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Senior Citizens Day
[Sat] US Armed Forces Day
[Sat] National Maritime Day
[Sat] 2005 Preakness Stakes
[Mon] World Turtle Day
[Tues] International Jazz Day
[Tues] Brothers Day
[Tues] Morning Radio Wise Guy Day
[Tues] Escargot Day
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
This Week Is . . . International Reggae Music Week / World Trade Week
This Month Is . . . Osteoporosis Prevention Month / Stroke Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BEST BATHROOM READING:
10. “Archie” comics
9. “Leonard Maltin’s Movie & Video Guide”
8. “TV Guide”
7. “Chicken Soup for the Soul”
6. Newspaper
5. “The Ultimate Bathroom Reader”
4. Business Magazines
3. Dictionary/Encyclopedia
2. “Playboy”
1. “Guinness Book of World Records”
– AskMen.com

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• A big belly or a big butt – which is less disgusting?
• A Bethesda MD woman has created a new line of greeting cards for people involved in extramarital affairs. What should they say?
• Who has the sexiest voice in show biz?

WHAT WOMEN ARE READING:
• “His Moan Zones: Discover His 11 Hot Spots” (“Cosmo”)
• “101 Ways to Drive Him Totally Wild” (“Redbook”)
• “5 Surprising Facts About Coffee” (“Woman’s Day”)
• “Find Out If Your Love Will Last” (“Glamour”)

WHAT MEN ARE READING:
• “One Night Stands: Real Women Show How They Use You” (“FHM”)
• “Why Men Lead Double Lives” (“GQ”)
• “Fight, Hide or Cry? How to Shake Those First-Day-in-Prison Jitters” (“Maxim”)
• “The 50 Best Guns Ever Made” (“Field & Stream”)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: You might think the opposite, but married women actually do THIS more than single women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Go on a diet. (“Research”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is difficult to fly with eagles if you work with turkeys.