Wednesday, May 18, 2005        Edition: #3036
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT an exclusive 8-minute preview of the upcoming movie “Batman Begins” (starring Christian Bale) airs during the 90-minute season finalé of “Smallville” on the WB . . . TONIGHT the “Academy of Country Music 40th Anniversary Special” will be taped in Vegas for airing on CBS-TV in DECEMBER, featuring a who’s-who of country – Kenny Chesney, Alan Jackson, Brooks & Dunn, etc (George Strait has withdrawn due to a throat infection) . . . NEXT SEASON Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx (“Ray”) will be featured in an NBC-TV music special, performing original compositions . . . The Prince’s Trust has cancelled its annual “Party in the Park” concert in London, England to make way for a possible “Live Aid II” (billed as “Live 8″), even though “Live Aid” organizer Bob Geldof keeps denying it’s going to happen . . . “Roman Triptych”, a collage of poetry by Pope John Paul II backed by a disco beat, is currently #3 on Polish pop charts . . . Toronto has beaten out Hamilton, Winnipeg, Saskatoon & Sault Ste Marie as the site of the $40-million ‘Canadian Music Hall of Fame’, which promises to be more interactive than Cleveland’s ‘Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’ (expected to open Summer 2007) . . . Actress Cate Blanchett, currently filming “Babel” with Brad Pitt in Morocco, has apparently borrowed King Mohammed VI’s private plane to fly her young son to see a London burn specialist after the 1-year-old was hurt in an accident . . . “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria has been spotted looking extremely cozy with “Star Wars” actor Hayden Christensen at the “Cannes Film Festival” (is that your saber?) . . . Speaking of which, “Cannes Film Festival” organizers have banned actress Kiera Chaplin (granddaughter of Charlie Chaplin) from getting naked and riding the red carpet on horseback to promote her new movie “Lady Godiva: Back in the Saddle” (party poops!) . . . And while being interviewed on LA’s KIIS-FM, Lindsay Lohan has let it slip she’s soon going to China to film a big movie – “Mission Impossible 3″ (no, say it isn’t so!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coldplay – AUGUST 2nd they’ll kick off a 37-city North American tour in Toronto.
• 50 Cent – An anger management course is part of his plea agreement to avoid prison.
• Gordon Lightfoot – TONIGHT he performs his first of 4 concerts (through SATURDAY) at Toronto’s Massey Hall. He’s made the most solo performances there of any performer.
• Gwen Stefani – She’s announced a 2nd solo album is coming before the end of the year. THIS WEEK her merchandising line expanded to include the just-released ‘HP Photosmart Harajuku Lovers’ digital camera. TODAY she’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s strongly hinted she’s pregnant with her first child with husband Marc Anthony, but refuses to openly confirm or deny the rumor.
• Kylie Minogue – The Asian and Australian legs of her “Showgirl” tour have been put on hold so she can undergo immediate treatment for recently-discovered breast cancer.
• Rolling Stones – They’ve reportedly given their official okay to a biopic about late member Brian Jones. Filmmaker Stephen Woolley will explore the belief that the death of the band’s guitarist in 1969 was no accident.
• Snow Patrol – TODAY they’re featured on MuchMusic’s “Live At Much” at 4 pm EDT.

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … men who don’t shave every day are 70% more likely to suffer a stroke than daily shavers. The Bristol University study also shows non-shavers have less sex. (Most women don’t like it rough.)
• Scientists say … Gila monster spit is good for you. The experimental drug ‘exenatide’ is derived from the saliva of Gila monsters and appears to help people with type 2 diabetes. (So how do they collect this stuff?)
• Scientists say … the old saying that opposites attract is hooey. A new University of Iowa study finds the happiest couples seem to be the ones who share the SAME personality traits. (Such as she talks, he listens.)
• Scientists say … office workers who wear jeans burn an additional 25 calories a day. A study by the American Council on Exercise shows physical activity during the workday increases by 8% when casual clothing is worn. (Just imagine the physical activity if NO clothing was worn.)
• Scientists say … about 75% of newly-emerging diseases are coming from wildlife, according to the Bloomberg School of Public Health. (Wildlife or wild living?)

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Horseful’: A combination of hungover and remorseful. (“[Co-host] was feeling horseful this morning after insulting the boss’s wife at last night’s bar promotion.”)
• ‘Fukuenya’: A new combination job in Japan – a private-eye who will track a wayward spouse, then try to bring the estranged couple back together by patching up the damaged marriage. The concept was initially inspired by a popular TV show.
• ‘Sneakerheads’: People who collect high-end running shoes, a hobby that’s quickly growing worldwide. There a new book on the topic (“Sneakers: The Complete Collectors’ Guide”) as well as a magazine (“Sole Collector”).
• ‘Narty’: Not invited to the party. (“Paris Hilton was totally narty at Nicole Richie’s last night.”)

NEW WAY TO BUTT OUT:
There’s a new vaccine against nicotine. In tests, about 60% of smokers who achieved high levels of antibodies against nicotine after receiving the vaccine stopped smoking for at least 6 months. The world’s 1.3 billion smokers may soon have a powerful new way to kick the habit.
– “Los Angeles Times”

WORST TV CHARACTERS OF ALL-TIME:
10. Harry Solomon, “Third Rock From the Sun”
9. Carrie, “Sex & the City”
8. Elvin, “The Cosby Show”
7. Dawson Leery, “Dawson’s Creek”
6. Kathie Lee Gifford, “Regis and Kathie Lee”
5. Jan Brady, “The Brady Bunch”
4. Steve Urkel, “Family Matters”
3. Andy Rooney, “60 Minutes”
2. Diane Chambers, “Cheers”
1. The entire Tanner family, “Full House”
– “FHM” magazine

BEARLY UNACCEPTABLE:
A protester in a bear costume is following Queen Elizabeth II around during her tour of western Canada THIS WEEK. It’s all about those famous bearskin hats, known as busbies, that Buckingham Palace guards have been wearing since 1815. The black-dyed bearskins originate from brown bears captured on native reservations in Canada. Animal rights activists, including PETA, are demanding the bearskins be replaced by artificial fur. The British government is again checking into synthetic alternatives but previous attempts proved unacceptable. It seems when synthetics are subjected to Britain’s infamous wet weather, they end up looking more like – punk hairstyles.
– Discovery Channel

BEST BODS:
According to a new poll, these are the 30-something famous females with the ‘Best Body Image’ …
3. Halle Berry
2. Angelina Jolie
1. Catherine Zeta Jones
– “Eve” magazine

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A massive search near Martinsburg WV for a pair of 5-year-olds that involved up to 50 people, a State Police helicopter, military airplanes and 3 police K-9 units ended after 90 minutes when the boys were found – under a bed in their grandma’s house. They were playing hide-and-seek.
• A Brasov, Romania doctor was stunned when he bent over a corpse in the morgue – and it punched him. It seems the teenage boy had been declared dead a tad prematurely and when he woke up with a dead woman on either side, he panicked and struck his examiner. The doctor, meantime, has been allowed time off after being treated for shock.
• In order to keep students ‘focused on learning’, Sky View Middle School in Bend OR is now giving out stiff detentions for – hugging.
• A 36-year-old man in Schleswig-Holstein, Germany used several cans of insect spray before sitting down at his computer to surf the ‘Net. So much aerosol spray, in fact, that a small spark from his PC ignited it, causing an explosion that demolished his apartment and blew out all the windows. Amazingly, even though damages top $150,000, the buggy guy wasn’t seriously hurt!
• A Brazilian woman in her 50s is suing police after she spent 2 days in jail for transporting – 2 bags of flour. The cops mistook her for a drug courier hauling cocaine. You’d think it would be a tough mistake to make since she was carrying the stuff – in a supermarket bag.

BS AMAZING FACT:
A house fly’s feet are 10 million times more sensitive than a human tongue.

THE BULL SHEET 05.18.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1952 [53] George Strait, Poteet TX, country singer (“You’ll Be There”, “The Chair”)/most #1 hits of any country recording artist

1955 [50] Chow Yun-Fat (Yun-Fat Chow), Hong Kong, movie actor (“Bulletproof Monk”, “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon”)

1970 [35] Tina Fey, Upper Darby PA, TV writer/comedian (“Saturday Night Live” head writer since 1999)/screenwriter (“Mean Girls”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. (Maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen?)

TODAY is “International Museum Day”, created in 1977 to draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small or … weird.
HERE’S A FEW ODD ONES IN CANADA …
• Bata Shoe Museum – Toronto ON
• Canadian Canoe Museum – Peterborough ON
• Insectarium de Montréal – Québec
• Ukrainian Museum of Canada – Saskatoon SK
AND ELSEWHERE …
• The Museum of Dirt – Boston MA
• Riceworld – Los Banos, the Philippines
• National Museum of Funeral History – Houston TX
• Museo de las Momias [Mummies] – Guanajuato, Mexico
• LeRoy House & Jell-O Gallery – LeRoy NY
• Amsterdam Tattoo Museum – The Netherlands
• Exotic World Exotic Dancing Museum – Helendale CA

HERE’S A FEW ODD ONES IN AMERICA …
• The LeRoy House & Jell-O Gallery – LeRoy NY
• The Museum of Dirt – Boston MA
• National Museum of Funeral History – Houston TX
• The Hair Museum – Independence MO
• International UFO Museum & Research Center – Roswell NM
• Museum of Bad Art – Boston MA
• Exotic World Exotic Dancing Museum – Helendale CA
AND ELSEWHERE …
• The Amsterdam Tattoo Museum – The Netherlands
• Bata Shoe Museum – Toronto, Canada
• Riceworld – Los Banos, the Philippines
• Museo de las Momias [Mummies] – Guanajuato, Mexico

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [10]  TV’s “Bewitched” actress, Elizabeth Montgomery, dies of cancer at age 62 (the bigscreen version of the show opens JUNE 24th, starring Nicole Kidman)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1986 [19] Chung Kwung Ying performs 2,750 ‘hand-stand push-ups’

2004 [01] Arizona Diamondbacks’ 40-year-old lefty Randy Johnson becomes ‘Oldest MLB Pitcher to Throw a Perfect Game’, beating Atlanta Braves 2-0

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] “The Apprentice”  season finalé
[Thurs] Saskatchewan Centennial Gala
[Fri] 32nd Daytime Emmy Awards
[Fri] 11th Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Wait Staff Day
[Sat] US Armed Forces Day
[Sat] 2005 Preakness Stakes
[Sun] Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
[Mon] Victoria Day (no BS service)
This Week Is . . . Transportation Week / Etiquette Week
This Month Is . . . Executive Coaching Month / Family Support Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS THINGS THAT ARE OVER-RATED:
Prime the pump with a few of these, then let listeners add to the list.
• Miss Universe Pageant
• Ben Affleck
• People Magazine’s “50 Most Beautiful People”
• Starbucks
• Sliced Bread
• Blond Hair
• Cats
– AskMen.com

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• As you’re walking down the street, you encounter a dog that’s yawning. What does it mean?
a. It’s bored.
b. It stayed up late watching Conan last night.
c. The smog is even worse than you thought.
d. It’s anxious. [CORRECT, according to animal behaviorist Emily Weiss.]

• David Rice Atchison was President of the United States for exactly 1 day. Why?
a. He got so excited about it he had a heart attack and croaked.
b. He won the honor in a draw.
c. It was the real prez’s day off. [CORRECT. Zachary Taylor refused to be inaugurated on March 4, 1849 because it was a Sunday.]
d. He was a dead ringer for Ronald Reagan so he filled in when the prez was sick.

BS THIS OR THAT?
You run down the list and have a listener or studio guest pick which is better …
• “Star Wars” or “Star Trek”?
• Nicole Kidman or Katie Holmes?
• “American Idol” or “Survivor”?
• Velcro or zipper?
• Chocolate or beef?
• Beer or wine?
• NBA or MLB?
• East or west?
• Brown eyes or blue?
• Kicking or screaming?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Back in high school my prom date was the only one there with square boobs. She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
• I can’t cook worth crap. The only thing I make for dinner is reservations.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 47% of us admit that we have talked to this object.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: An ATM machine.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Tell people there are 300 billion stars in the universe and they’ll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they’ll have to touch it to make sure.