Wednesday, May 11, 2005           Edition: #3031
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet … Ahhhh!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY’s edition of “Men’s Fitness” features the ‘25 Fittest Guys in the World’, a list that includes not only athletes but actors Orlando Bloom, Tom Cruise & Ewan McGregor, and singers Bruce Springsteen, Omarion & Nick Lachey . . . TONIGHT’s episode of ABC-TV’s “Alias” is directed by the star herself, Jennifer Garner (keep an eye out for any ‘pregnant pauses’ in the action) . . . Comedian (and ex-Mr Drew Barrymore) Tom Green has announced the release of his inaugural solo rap album and will kick off his “My Bum Is On Your Lips Tour” in support of it in JUNE . . . Michael Jackson’s publicist has announced that the boss will halt his practice of inviting young boys into his bed (well, that’s thoughtful) . . . An online gambling site suspended bets on “Amazing Race 7″ months ago because a disproportionate amount was being placed on Uchenna & Joyce (suggesting insider knowledge) . . . Actor Brad Pitt is said to be moving to the UK where he’s looking to buy a West London home in the $10-million range (not far from Angelina Jolie’s Buckinghamshire mansion) . . . Meantime, the Beverly Hills ‘dream home’ Pitt shared with Jennifer Aniston has quietly gone on the market, reportedly priced in excess of $25 million . . . Poor actress Halle Berry, who just can’t seem to make a relationship work, is so desperate to be a mommy she’s considering having a test-tube baby (the only man in her life is Oscar) . . . And model Naomi Campbell has sent her pal Oprah Winfrey an odd gift – a voucher for a Brazilian bikini wax (gift-wrapped alongside a machete).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Celine Dion – She raised over $1 million for the Tsunami Recovery Fund with proceeds from her Mother’s Day performance at Caesars Palace in Vegas.
• Coldplay – TONIGHT they play at Toronto’s Kool Haus, 1 of 3 ‘buzz gigs’ the group has scheduled in North America (the other 2 being San Francisco and Chicago).
• Kenny Chesney – He’s not getting much of a honeymoon with new bride Renée Zellweger – he’s in concert TOMORROW in Little Rock AR.
• Mariah Carey – TONIGHT she does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Mindy McCready – The lady’s having a tough month. Her former boyfriend William McKnight has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly breaking into her home and beating her up SUNDAY. That came just 2 days after her DUI charge.

2005 CANNES FILM FESTIVAL:
TODAY through MAY 22nd, the 58th annual film fest and beach bash reels on the French Riviera as filmmakers from around-the-world compete for the coveted Palme d’Or, awarded to the ‘Best Film’. A few highlights …
• The inaugural festival was held in 1939, but it was not held again until after World War II.
• The Palme d’Or prize was introduced in 1955.
• The festival established itself during the 1960s, and has since secured its status as the world’s most prestigious.
• This year’s 9-person jury includes director John Woo, actress Salma Hayek, and author Toni Morrison.
• The world premiere of George Lucas’ “Star Wars” finalé, “Revenge of the Sith”, will be a highlight (SUNDAY) but not part of the competition.
• Canada’s 2 most famous filmmakers are competing head-to-head – Atom Egoyan with “Where The Truth Lies”, and David Cronenberg with “The History Of Violence”.

MAKES SCENTS:
A study from the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia PA suggests that your sexual orientation can be revealed by – how you smell. Testing has shown that gay men prefer the body scent of other gay men and heterosexual women, while the smell of a gay man was least liked by heterosexual men and women, and lesbians. Lead researcher Dr Charles Wysocki contends that gender preference must have a biological component that causes both the production of body odors and responses to different odors. (Maybe that’s why your dog always has his nose in people’s business?)
– “The Sun”

NOW SCOTCH IS GOOD FOR YOU:
A biochemistry conference in Glasgow, Scotland has been told that drinking malt whisky may help prevent cancer. The medicinal properties of the antioxidants in red wine have been well documented, but Dr Jim Swan says whisky offers even greater health benefits. Why? Single malt whiskies have more ellagic acid, a naturally occurring compound that inhibits carcinogens. It’s likely just a coincidence that Swan makes his living as a consultant to the distilling industry … isn’t it? (If you have a Scotch on the rocks while smoking a cigarette, do they cancel each other out?)
– “The Telegraph”

NEAR MISS IN 24 YEARS:
A giant asteroid with the power to cause an explosion 43,000 times bigger than the Hiroshima nuclear bomb will come close to hitting Earth. The asteroid, speeding through space at 27,000 mph (45,000 km/h), will pass Earth closer than communication satellites and will be visible to the naked eye. Astronomers have calculated that the 1,000-ft-wide (320-m) asteroid will pass Earth in the year 2029 on Friday, April 13 (Friday the 13th!). Initially they thought its chances of striking Earth were 1 in 38, but revised calculations show the asteroid will not hit Earth. (In related news, Prince is set to release a follow-up tune where he parties like it’s twenty, twenty-nine.)
– “Herald Sun”

5-ALARM HOT SAUCE:
THIS WEEK a new hot sauce is hitting the market that is sooooo hot – it can hurt you! Ultra-concentrated ‘16 Million Reserve’ is 30 times more potent than the spiciest pepper and 8,000 times more fiery than Tabasco sauce. Diners requesting it must sign a disclaimer recommending ‘protective gloves and eye wear’. Creator Blair Lazar of New Jersey says eating his sauce is like having your tongue hit with a hammer. (No thanks dude, I’m looking for a food that induces more the feeling of knitting needles poked in my eyes.)
– “NY Post”

IN THE MERRY, MERRY MONTH OF MAY:
UK researchers The Priory Group say more people take their own lives in MAY than in any other month – and it may have something to do with the extra sunshine. How so? One researcher suggests the stark difference between a literally blooming world and the barren inner life of the clinically depressed can simply become too much for them to bear; another says a number of factors might be involved, such as seasonal changes in the body clock and social interactions. (Or could it be, they’re just NY Yankee fans?)
– BBC News

POOR LITTLE UGLY KID JOE:
A study by the Population Research Lab at the University of Alberta in Edmonton has shown that parents are more likely to give better care and pay closer attention to good-looking children compared to unattractive ones. ([Co-host] was an ugly child – his parents had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.)
– Canada.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Britain’s Defence Ministry has paid an ex-soldier $4,300 for lessons so she can pursue a career as – an exotic dancer. Officials say the 23-year-old’s ‘special education’ was funded because the military has a duty to help troops return to civilian life. (She just returned from a tour of duty in Lapland.)
• A mother-of-3 in Poing, Germany has agreed to spend 3 months in jail instead of paying a parking fine – because she wants a rest from her ‘demanding children and lazy husband’. When cops showed up to collect the unpaid fine, she actually asked to be taken away and locked up. (And the kids asked for their Mother’s Day gifts back.)
• A Romanian traffic cop has been demoted after he pulled over a driver, fined him $40 and handed him a ticket explaining the reason was ‘having a face like a moron and being a big monkey’. The cop’s new job is in a remote village where he’s a desk jockey. (And he answers the phone, “Yo mama’s so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory.”)

BS AMAZING FACT:
A new greeting card now on sale in Britain reads, “To Mommy & Daddy on Your Wedding Day”.
– “The Telegraph”

THE BULL SHEET 05.11.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [72] Louis Farrakhan (Walcott), Roxbury MA, Nation of Islam leader famous for his fiery and controversial rhetoric on race relations/organizer of ‘Million Man March’ (1996)

1941 [64] Eric Burdon, Walker-on-Tyne UK, oldies singer (“Spill the Wine”, Animals-“House of the Rising Sun”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)

1943 [62] Nancy Greene, Ottawa ON, Canadian Sports Hall of Fame skier (1968 Olympic gold & silver, 1967 & 1968 overall World Cup titles)/now owns & operates Cahilty Lodge/Sun Peaks Resort near Kamloops BC

1963 [41] Tim Raybon, Greenville AL, country singer (Raybon Brothers-“The Way She’s Looking”, “Butterfly Kisses”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Receptionists Day”, in recognition of the frontline personnel in business and education, the ones responsible for a good first impression. (And besides, they’re really bitter about “Administrative Professionals Day” a couple weeks back.)
PHONER: 877-709-5051 (National Association of Professional Receptionists)
NET: http://www.nationalreceptionists.com

TODAY is “Third Shift Workers Day”, always the 2nd Wednesday of May, in honor of ‘the vampires’, those who make a living by staying up all night. What’s the weirdest night-shift job you’ve come across?

TODAY is “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to ignore all the warnings, avoid worrying and counting calories, and thereby fight our obsession with being thin. (By the looks of recent health stats, we’re doing a really good job!)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1981 [24] Legendary reggae musician Bob Marley dies in Miami FL at age 36 of brain cancer (voted the 11th greatest rock artist of all-time in “Entertainment Weekly”)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1969 [36] “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” comedy troupe forms in Britain (eventually leads to “Spamalot” on Broadway, recipient of 14 Tony Award nominations)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2181 BC [4186] 1st ‘chair’ is purportedly invented (before that, no one ever ‘took a load off’)

1984 [21] ‘Canadian Security Intelligence Service’ (CSIS) is created

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1999 [06] Only time in modern baseball that both starting pitchers in a Major League game share the same name, as Bobby Jones of Colorado Rockies beats Bobby Jones of NY Mets

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Limerick Day
[Thurs] International Nurses Day
[Thurs] Microsoft’s Next Generation Xbox Revealed
[Sat] Native American Day
[Sat] Dance Like A Chicken Day
[Mon] “Everybody Loves Raymond” series finalé
[Mon] 22nd ASCAP Pop Music Awards
This Week Is . . . Tourism Week
This Month Is . . . Arthritis Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
THE WEEK’S WACKIEST SUPERMARKET TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Man Invents Rotary Cell Phone!”
• “Satan Hires Publicist to Improve His Image!”
• “Bush Hires Dumb Blondes … So He’ll Look Smart!”
• “Cheney Arrests Man for Making Him Laugh!”
• “France’s New Food Fad: Escargot Smoothies!”
• “6-Legged Horse Banned From Racing!”
• “Cowardly Matador Only Fights Rabbits!”
• “Man Arrested for Wearing Zipper in ‘No Fly’ Zone!”

BS POT OR NOT?
You run down the list. Your contestant or studio guest guesses whether each is a past or present slang term for marijuana [those that aren’t are marked] …
Mantra [Not]
Fine Stuff
Love Weed
Bad Seed
Cooker [Not]
Blanket
Shack [Not]
Shovel [Not]
Mud Bud
Ling [Not]
Get hundreds more here …
NET: http://www.slangcity.com/quiz/potornot_quiz.htm

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• On this day in 1949, the country of Siam changed its name to what?
a. Sri Lanka
b. Thailand [CORRECT]
c. Whoville

• For the famous shower scene in the horror movie “Psycho”, what was used for the blood that swirled down the drain?
a. Raspberry jam.
b. Chocolate syrup. [CORRECT. The 1960 classic was filmed in black & white.]
c. To give it authenticity, director Alfred Hitchcock used actress Janet Leigh’s own blood.

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Y’know, I still miss my ex-wife … but my aim is improving.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: People in the worst financial trouble are united by THIS single characteristic.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They have children.                    

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.