Friday, May 7, 2004        Edition: #2784
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY advance tickets go on sale at online ticket sites for the MAY 19th opening of the blockbuster movie sequel “Shrek 2″ . . . TOMORROW 56-year-old former shock rocker Alice Cooper is being awarded an honorary doctorate from Christian liberal arts college Grand Canyon University in Phoenix (this is akin to Marilyn Manson getting a degree from Bob Jones U) . . . SUNDAY on the finalé of “Survivor: All-Stars”, the winner will be announced live from Madison Square Garden (before the season even began, one Website claimed Boston Rob wins and Amber is runner-up) . . . TOMORROW and Sunday the “Prince’s Trust Urban Music Festival” takes place in London, featuring a slew of hip-hop, rap and R&B acts including Beyoncé, Jay-Z & Alicia Keys . . . SUNDAY an extended version of “Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone” makes its TV premiere as a 4-hour ABC-TV special (afterward there’s a 10-minute sneak peek at “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban”, opening JUNE 4th) . . . THIS WEEK filming began in Calgary on the unauthorized TV movie about the life of Michael Jackson with actor Flex Alexander from TV sitcom “One on One” in the starring role . . . Actresses Jennifer Aniston & Angelina Jolie are among those scheduled to carry the Olympic torch on its round-the-world journey before it arrives in Athens, Greece for THIS SUMMER’s Olympics . . . And a snitch says Oscar-winner Charlize Theron is set to wed Irish actor Stuart Townsend – the place and date secret but definitely THIS SUMMER.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – She’s apparently so lonely while on tour in the UK she flew boyfriend Kevin Federline 5,000 miles from LA, then sneaked him into her London hotel for a midnight skinny dip in the rooftop pool.
• The Darkness – The Brit rockers have asked Shania Twain’s producer-hubby Mutt Lange to oversee their 2nd album.
• The Rembrandts – Leader Phil Solem says they wrote 45 seconds of material as a show theme for a “Friends” producer in 1994, but a Nashville radio guy looped the 45 seconds into the 3-minute song “I’ll Be There for You” and now it looks like the band will forever be a one-hit wonder.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “New York Minute” (PG Comedy): Mini-moguls Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen play sisters ‘Jane & ‘Roxy Ryan’ who are heading to NYC, one trying to win a scholarship abroad, the other trying to sneak backstage at a Simple Plan video shoot. Hijinks ensue. As a tie-in to the twins’ first ‘grown up’ movie, 3 novels have already been released based on the movie’s characters.
• “Van Helsing” (PG-13 Fantasy/Horror): Hugh Jackman stars as the famed vampire-hunter who travels to Transylvania to face a legion of legendary dark forces including the Wolfman, Frankenstein’s Monster, and his arch-nemesis, Count Dracula. At Van Helsing’s side is the lovely and dangerous ‘Anna Valerious’ played by Kate Beckinsale, who tells “GQ” magazine the flick has ‘more boobs than any other picture ever made’.

GETTING FROM ‘A’ TO ‘B’:
TODAY UK police officer Paul Perry begins an odd 10,000-km (6,000-mile) cycling trip that begins in the tiny village of Aa in Norway and will end at Bee, Nebraska in the USA. Along the way he’ll pass through 6 European countries before boarding a ship for NYC. He’ll then cycle north into Canada, visiting Ottawa and Toronto before crossing back into the US at Detroit. To complete the 4-month journey, he’ll ride a 24-speed ‘tandem’ bike – in case someone wants to hop on and help pedal. (A radio personality, for instance.)
– “Euro Sport News”

WHAT MOMS WANT:
• The most-given “Mothers Day” gift is flowers, chosen by 29% of those giving gifts.
• 46% of moms say their favorite flowers to receive are roses.
• Most moms (34%) say blue is their favorite color, followed by purple (16%).
• The most popular “Mother’s Day” gift is ‘going for brunch’, preferred by 22% of moms, followed by jewelry, flowers, and a greeting card.
• 61% of poll respondents say they spend more money on their moms for “Mother’s Day” than on their sweethearts on “Valentine’s Day”. (That’s what last minute shopping will do for ya!)
• 76% of moms say their children know what they like when it comes to gifts. (Wrong! What, you want blue roses? They don’t make ‘em. C’mon, drop a hint for gawd’s sake!)
– FTD, MasterCard polls.

THE FLAB FIVE:
Not content with trashing stars for what they wear, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has now selected the top 5 celebs who could stand to downsize with a vegetarian diet …
1. Movie director/author Michael Moore (“Fahrenheit 9/11″/”Dude, Where’s My Country?”).
2. Singer Ruben Studdard (“American Idol” winner).
3. Recently retired opera singer Luciano Pavarotti (Three tenors in one!).
4. NFL commentator John Madden (“Monday Night Football”).
5. John Goodman (“The West Wing”, “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”)
The lucky honorees are being sent a ‘meal makeover’ including health & diet tips, PETA’s vegetarian starter kit, and suggestions on how to change lifestyles.
– “The Scoop”

ABSENT FRIENDS ANXIETY:
A University of Haifa study finds that many TV viewers experience loss similar to the break-up of a long friendship when a favorite show or character disappears from the tube. You’re thinking mostly loners and losers, right? Wrong! Lead researcher Jonathan Cohen says those who have the most intense relationships with real friends are the ones most likely to suffer when a favorite show goes off-the-air. (Yeah, I was real distraught when they canceled “Celebrity Boxing”.)
– “Washington Post”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A 25-year-old Portuguese plumber who left an unattended bag at Britain’s Birmingham International Airport while stepping out for a smoke has been jailed for causing a ‘full-scale security alert’. Inside the bag – his teddy bear. (Yeah, but it was a fierce-looking one!)
• THIS WEEK President Bush toured Ohio in a bus emblazoned with the campaign slogan, “Yes, America Can!” It turns out the bus was built in – St Claire, Quebec.
• As part of the promotion for the release of “Spider-Man 2″ NEXT MONTH, Major League Baseball has agreed to decorate its bases, pitching-mound rubbers and on-deck circles with – a spider-web pattern. (Can you say ‘sell out’ boys and girls?)
•  A woman stunned employees at a north London store by buying 10,656 Mars bars – a total of 220 box loads – and paying the $3,823 tab in cash. Unbelievably, nobody thought to ask her why she wanted so many!
• Stoney Creek ON-based Vanguard Response Systems has a $2.5-million contract from the US Marine Corps to develop equipment spray systems for – slippery gel. The ‘Mobility Denial System’ will make surfaces so slippery it will be impossible to walk or drive on them. (This is nothing new … the Three Stooges had this 60 years ago.)

BS BALL FACT:
The average price for a ticket to a  Major League Baseball game in 2004 is $19.82 US ($27.27 CDN).

AND WE QUOTE:
“My next man must be worth at least $1 billion, otherwise he’s not worth getting out of bed for. I’ve had it with millionaires. They’re so ’90s.” – Former model Janice Dickinson while flogging her new book, “Everything About Me Is Fake and I’m Perfect”.

THE BULL SHEET 05.07.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [58] Bill Kreutzmann, Palo Alto CA, rock musician (Grateful Dead-“Touch of Grey”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)

1969 [35] Eagle-Eye Cherry (real name), Stockholm SWE, alternative/jazz singer (“Save Tonight”, “Falling in Love Again”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [60] Gary Glitter (Paul Gadd), Banbury ENG, ‘70s glam-rock singer whose drumbeat-heavy hit “Rock And Roll (Part II)” is still played at sports events/convicted pedophile

1957 [47] Bill Cowher, Pittsburgh PA, the ‘dean’ of NFL coaches (Pittsburgh Steelers since 1992)

1964 [40] Melissa Gilbert, LA CA, Screen Actors’ Guild president since 2001/former TV actress (‘Laura Ingalls Wilder’ on “Little House on the Prairie”)/youngest person ever to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

1975 [29] Enrique Iglesias, Madrid SPA, pop singer (“Escape”, “Hero”)/son of syrupy singer Julio Iglesias & Filipina beauty Isabel Preysler/on & off boyfriend of tennis babe Anna Kournikova (she’s still wearing his $5-million pink diamond ring)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Tourist Appreciation Day”, a day to be extra-courteous to guests in our country.
• “International Tuba Day”, celebrating the musical instrument that seems to get no respect.
• “Privy Diggers Day”, honoring those who excavate outhouses to explore the past.
• “International Paste-up Day”, saluting those who paste up newspapers, magazines & books.
• “Beaufort Scale Day”, named for Sir Francis Beaufort who invented the scale that measures wind speed.
• “Child Care Provider Appreciation Day”, saluting the dedicated souls who interact with our children during the important formative years of their lives.

TOMORROW is –  
• “Single Mother’s Day”, honoring those who do the work of two parents all by themselves.
• “No Socks Day”, when we’re encouraged to avoid wearing socks to feel less encumbered.
• “World Red Cross Day”, celebrating the 1863 birth of International Red Cross founder Jean Henry Dunant.

SUNDAY is –   
• “Mothers Day”, celebrated the 2nd Sunday in May in Canada, the USA, Australia, Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey & Belgium.
• “Small Business Day”, saluting all businesses with fewer than 100 employees.
• “Lost Sock Memorial Day”, a day to remember those singular hose that went into the washing machine or dryer never to return.

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1934 [70] ‘World’s largest pearl’ (14 lbs/6.4 kg) found at Palawan, Philippines (how big was that oyster?)

1994 [10] 555 guitarists in Vancouver simultaneously play BTO’s “Takin’ Care of Business” for 68 minutes (a gathering of people who only know 3 chords)

1998 [06] ‘Largest industrial merger to date’ as Daimler-Benz buys Chrysler Corp for $37 billion-plus (it’s pronounced ‘dime-luhr’)

COMING UP . . .
[Sat] Native American Day
[Mon] Clean Up Your Room Day
[Mon] Trust Your Intuition Day
[Tues] Eat What You Want Day
[Wed] International Nurses Day
[Wed] Third Shift Workers Day
This Week Is . . . Historic Preservation Week / Update Your References Week
This Month Is . . . Good Car Keeping Month / Hamburger Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Is crummy bread good or bad?
• Shouldn’t a ‘French kiss’ involve pecking someone on each cheek?
• Where the heck does the ‘o’ come from when we abbreviate the word ‘number’ to ‘no.’?
• When someone is yelling at you in sign language, do you just close your eyes?
• Are there crash courses on how to fly?
• What is the opposite of medium?
• When there finally is a female President, will her husband be the ‘First Gentleman’?

BS PHONE STARTER:
• Complete this sentence: “You know you’re a mother when … “
Here are a few primers –
You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it’s the only one your kid eats.
You stop criticizing the way your mom raised you.
You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your kid throws up and you catch it.
• What’s the most underrated physical feature? Feet? Lips? Hands? Nose?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: CDs are the #1 most shoplifted product. What’s #2?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Underwear.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.

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