Tuesday, May 6, 2003        Edition: #2534
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT on “American Idol” the theme will be the music of the Bee Gees with Robin Gibb acting as guest judge (there’s gonna be a lot of falsetto high Cs) . . . LAST WEEK’s 3rd-time  repeat of Rick Mercer’s hilarious CBC-TV special “Talking To Americans” still racked up almost 600,000 viewers – it’s time to make ‘Talking 2′! . . . With the future of “The West Wing” in jeopardy, production partners George Clooney & director Steven Soderbergh have picked a good time to come up with another Washington TV drama, HBO’s upcoming “K Street”, which will focus on political consultants . . . The all-time worst cover of a Beatles tune is William Shatner’s spoken-word rendition of “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”, according to a poll by UK music channel Music Choice . . . Reese Witherspoon has linked up with Mattel to create a new ‘Barbie’ modeled on her “Legally Blonde” character ‘Elle Woods’ (just in time for the upcoming sequel in JULY) . . . And buzz has it that 25-year-old Grammy-winning singer John Mayer & 24-year-old actress/bad singer Jennifer Love Hewitt are back together as a romantic couple (ah, so now we know just whose ‘body is a wonderland’!).

TODAY’S DVD RELEASES:
Leonardo DiCaprio & Tom Hanks star in the crime thriller “Catch Me If You Can”, the real-life story of former con artist Frank Abagnale Jr who managed to pass himself off as several identities even with an FBI agent on his trail . . . In the college drama “The Emperor’s Club”, Kevin Kline plays a stiffly principled classics professor who finds his world turned upside down by a radical new student . . . Vancouver’s Devon Sawa stars in the action adventure “Extreme Ops”, about extreme sports enthusiasts who unwittingly stop a group of terrorists . . . And there are new ‘Special Edition’ DVD’s of the Tom Clancy thrillers “Hunt for Red October”, “Clear & Present Danger”, “Patriot Games”, and “The Sum Of All Fears”.

DIAMOND FAVES:
According to a new online Harris Poll, the NY Yankees are the most popular Major League Baseball team, followed closely by the Atlanta Braves. The New York Mets rank a distant 3rd. The least popular teams? The Toronto Blue Jays & Montréal/San Juan Expos each get less than 1% of the vote!

AMERICA’S AMUSEMENT:
“Consumer Reports” magazine has rated theme parks and found that Florida’s Epcot earned the highest satisfaction rating at 85%. The study was based on factors like value, rides, shows, staff, souvenirs & crowds. Disney’s Orlando-based trifecta of Epcot, Disney-MGM Studios & Magic Kingdom took the top 3 spots. Sea World in Orlando took 4th place, and Universal’s Islands of Adventure in Orlando claimed 5th. California’s Disneyland only managed to rank #8 and Disney’s California Adventure earned the worst rating in the poll, scoring especially low points in the value category. (Just behind the ‘Peoria Fall Fair, Pot Luck Supper & Pony Rides’.)

MUSIC GETS A BAD RAP:
New research at Iowa State University suggests that rather than venting aggression, songs with violent lyrics actually increase aggressive thoughts. The study found that students who listened to songs with violent lyrics were more likely to make aggressive associations in subsequent psychological tests. (Based on the findings, the researchers are recommending banning all public performances of “The Star Spangled Banner”.)

HOMEWORK STRESSFUL:
A new study by the UK’s University of Teesside suggests that working at home is as stressful as being employed in a more traditional environment. Why? It can involve longer hours, constant interruption and a blurring of work life with home life. (Yeah, and sometimes your pajama bottoms bunch up on ya when you’re sitting in your home office chair drinking a glass of wine and clipping your toenails.)

IF ONLY ‘DICK TRACY’ WERE ALIVE TO SEE IT:
NEXT WEEK Japanese mobile telecom giant NTT DoCoMo will begin selling a mobile phone which doubles as a wrist watch. The lightweight ‘Wristomo’ watch-phone pops off the wrist at the push of 2 buttons, allowing it to be used like a normal cell phone. The manufacturer claims it will withstand sweat, rain, or splashes of water from washing. It’ll sell for about $300 through Internet orders only.

BIG BROTHER’S COMING TO GET YA:
This is a tad scary – “NY Times” reports that some of the world’s largest record companies are quietly funding the creation of new software programs that will sabotage both the computers and Internet connections of those attempting to download free music.

BIZARRE BS WORLDWIDE:
• A businessman in China has received 5,000 applications from women after he advertised for a ‘perfect virginal bride’. (Funny, a guy once tried that here and only got one response.)
• A nightclub in Cologne, Germany has doubled its business and dramatically reduced problems of violence since it’s been using naked women as bouncers. (But you oughta see their ugly strippers!)
• Thanks to their new religious freedom, Shi’ite pilgrims to Iraq’s holy city of Karbala have been able to celebrate a long-suppressed holy day with the traditional, bloody slashing-open of their heads with swords. (They used to have to rely on Saddam for that.)
• The gasoline shortage in Zimbabwe may be tough on drivers, but it’s been great for hookers! They’ve taken to servicing customers while they wait in long line-ups to get gas. (“You want regular or premium? We’ve got a special on a lube job.”)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Newly-released figures show that Canadian movie box office totals keeps escalating, reaching a record $835 million in 2002, up 14.5% from the year before and more than double 1995’s take. (About the same number of people go to the movies, it’s just that a ticket now costs $87.)
• The average consumer pushes a shopping cart 3,840 km (2304 miles) in a lifetime. (And the whole time, that one damn wheel is going ‘wap wap wap wap wap’ …)
• You are average if you drank about 588 cups of coffee in the last year. (In Canada, that means you also inhaled 3,942 doughnut holes.)

THE BULL SHEET 05.06.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [58] Bob Seger, Dearborn MI, classic rock singer (“Against the Wind”, “Night Moves”)

1953 [50] Tony Blair, Edinburgh SCOT, British Prime Minister since 1997 (Labour Party)

1955 [48] Tom Bergeron, Haverhill MA, TV host (“America’s Funniest Home Videos” since 2001, “Hollywood Squares” since 1998)

1960 [43] Roma Downey, Derry N IRE, TV actress (Monica on “Touched By An Angel” 1994-2003)

1961 [42] George Clooney, Lexington KY, movie actor (“Ocean’s 11″, “The Perfect Storm”, O Brother Where Art Thou”)  COMING UP: The romantic comedy “Intolerable Cruelty” with Catherine Zeta-Jones (OCTOBER 10), then the sequel “Oceans 12″ (2004).

1972 [31] Martin Brodeur, Montréal QC, NHL goalie (New Jersey Devils, 2002 Team Canada Olympic gold medal team)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[International] “No Diet Day” (details in YESTERDAY’s ”BS”)

TODAY is “National Teacher Day”, a time for honoring teachers and recognizing the lasting
contributions they make to our lives (always the Tuesday of the 1st full week of May). THIS WEEK is also designated “Teacher Appreciation Week” by the PTA. (Maybe he or she will give you a break and also make it ‘No Homework Week’.)

TODAY is the beginning of “Nurses Week”, culminating in “International Nurse’s Day” on MAY 12, Florence Nightingale’s birthday.
PHONER: 800-274-4262 (American Nurses Association, Washington DC)
NET: http://www.nursingworld.org/pressrel/nnw/index.htm

TODAY is “Childhood Depression Awareness Day”, sponsored by the National Mental Health
Association.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1997 [06] Canadian folk icon Joni Mitchell is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

1998 [05] Shania Twain’s hit single “You’re Still The One” is certified Platinum

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1840 [163] Britain’s ‘Penny Black’ is 1st ‘adhesive postage stamp’ (before that you had to nail ‘em on)

1851 [152] Florida’s John Gorrie receives 1st ‘refrigerator’ patent, then fails to find investors, has a nervous breakdown and dies (what an inspiring story, huh?)

1950 [53] 1st marriage for Liz Taylor, to Conrad Hilton Jr (Quote: “This is the man I wan to spend my life with.”)

1973 [30] Now-defunct ‘World Hockey Association’ (WHA) begins 1st championship (won by Winnipeg Jets led by Bobby Hull)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1995 [08] ‘World’s largest collection of footwear’ goes on display as Bata Shoe Museum opens in Toronto
PHONER: 416-979-7799
NET: http://www.batashoemuseum.ca/

1995 [08] ‘World’s largest margarita’ measures 3,500 gallons (San Antonio TX)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Fleetwood Mac tour begins (Columbus OH)
[Thurs] World Red Cross Day
[Fri] Lost Sock Memorial Day
[Sat] Clean Up Your Room Day
[Sun] Eat What You Want Day
This Week Is . . . Goodwill Industries Week (give away a shopping spree – for a buck)
This Month Is . . . Bike Month / Egg Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
The last time 2 Canadian teams met in the Stanley Cup final was in 1989 when the Calgary Flames defeated the Montréal Canadiens. The Canadiens were the last Canadian team to win a Cup in 1993. But things are looking good for a team to bring the Cup back home.
BS REASONS A CANADIAN TEAM WILL WIN THE STANLEY CUP:
• Canucks & Senators already practising doing Stanley Cup-sized shots in locker room.
• Our guys have fewer teeth to slow them down.
• Mighty Ducks destined to lose home ice advantage when bumped by ‘Disney on Ice’ tour.
• Canadian players have bigger sticks.

HOTTEST REALITY TV CELEBRITIES:
• Trista Rehn (“The Bachelorette”/”The Bachelor”)
• Simon Cowell (“American Idol”)
• Brooke Burns (“Dog Eat Dog”)
• Paula Abdul (“American Idol”)
• Kelly Osbourne (“The Osbournes”)
• Jeff Probst (“Survivor”)
• Anna Nicole Smith (“The Anna Nicole Show”)
• Joe Rogan (“Fear Factor”)
• Darva Conger (“Who Wants To Marry a Multi-Millionaire”)
• Jerri Manthey (“Survivor: Outback”)
Source: “Hot Search”

BS MOTHER’S DAY TRIVIA:
• Which mother was one of the 1st female superheros in comic books?
a. ‘Mega-Woman’
b. ‘The Red Tornado’ [CORRECT. In real life she was ‘Ma Hunkel’, but she became a member of the crime-fighting ‘Justice Society of America’ in 1939.]
c. ‘The Big Wind’
Source: “All-American Comics”

• What mother was the 1st artist to record “Hound Dog”, the song Elvis Presley made into a million-selling rock & roll hit in 1956?
a. Big Mama Thornton [CORRECT. Born Willie Mae Thornton in 1926 in Montgomery AL.]
b. Blues Mother Johnson
c. Mother Tucker

• You’re sending mom roses for “Mother’s Day”. Which color should you send if you want to express ‘gratitude and appreciation’?
a. White
b. Pale yellow
c. Deep pink [CORRECT]
Source: Floral Council

• What mother was the head of an infamous criminal gang?
a. Moms Mabley
b. Mommy Soprano
c. Ma Barker [CORRECT. Born Arizona Donnie Clark, she was head of a 1920’s gang that included her sons.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Which NHL player is currently sporting the best ‘Playoff Beard’?”

BS Q & A:
Songwriter George Wyle has died at age 87. What’s his most famous composition?
a. “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life”
b. “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”
c. “The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island” [CORRECT]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Research shows that if you do THIS with that certain studmuffin at work, it will trigger those feel-good chemicals in your brain.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lock eyes with him.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.