Friday, May 31, 2002 Edition: #2309
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Steven Spielberg receives another college degree, but this one isn’t honorary — he’ll take his place with other graduates at Cal State-Long Beach, finally finishing off his degree 33 years after leaving the school . . . Paul McCartney & Heather Mills may wed TOMORROW at the home of Linda McCartney’s brother, John Eastman, in NY’s swanky East Hampton (or it could be NEXT WEEKEND in Ireland — the disinformation is worthy of the CIA!) . . . SUNDAY Bernadette Peters & Gregory Hines host the 56th “Tony Awards” from NYC’s Radio City Music Hall on CBS with advertising, and on PBS without (watch CBS — the ads are the most exciting part) as “Thoroughly Modern Millie” leads nominations with 11 and oddly-named plays “The Goat,” “Top Dog/Under Dog” and “Urinetown” are also up for major awards (sounds like a porn-fest!) . . . A new “Biography” magazine poll has selected Russell Crowe as the all-time favorite Oscar-winning actor, followed by Anthony Hopkins, Tom Hanks, John Wayne & Jimmy Stewart . . . “Celebrity Boxing” reject John Wayne Bobbitt’s wife Joanna Ferrell has been living at Nevada’s Bunny Ranch brothel recovering from the injuries inflicted by her moron husband, but the owner says she’ll have to leave soon unless she starts — helping out with the ‘ranch chores’ . . . Pink has become the latest darling of PETA, enforcing a fur-free policy at concerts and promoting a fur-free door policy for nightclubs . . . Rumor has it Michael Jackson has just had another nose job – his 6th – to be unveiled MID-JUNE, when he attends a kids’ charity event (or as he refers to it — a smorgasbord) . . . And buzz is actress Renee Zellweger and actor George Clooney are ON again (doesn’t that just warm the cockles of your heart?).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
The bigscreen version of “The Sum of All Fears”, based on Tom Clancy’s best-selling thriller about a missing nuclear warhead, stars Ben Affleck as CIA analyst ‘Jack Ryan’, the role previously played by Harrison Ford and Alec Baldwin (one scene was shot at ‘The Diefenbunker’ near Ottawa, the 4-story underground fallout shelter and emergency communications center built in the late ‘50s) . . . Eddie Griffin stars in “Undercover Brother” as a secret agent trying to save a black candidate’s presidential campaign (while it’s set in contemporary times, its costumes and hairstyles are out of the ‘70s, a spoof of the so-called ‘blaxploitation’ films of the era).
DIGITAL SOAP-IN-THE-MOUTH:
Fisher Electronics is equipping its DVD players and home theater systems with a ‘foul language filter’ called TVGuardian. It uses a patented process to detect profanity and other offensive phrases, mute the audio and — get this — MODIFY the incoming closed captioned signal with a ‘less offensive word’. (So Quentin Tarantino’s “Reservoir Dogs” might come out sounding like – “OK, let me tell you what Like a [Maiden] is about. It’s all about this [young woman] who’s a [willing participant in love making]. I’m talking morning, day, night, afternoon, [a willing participant in love making].”)
WACKY WORLD OF BS:
• This could be the world’s quickest life sentence! WEDNESDAY a defendant who had just been convicted of murder in a Milwaukee, Wisconsin courtroom tried to grab a deputy’s gun after hearing the verdict. A police detective quickly drew his service weapon, shot and killed the man.
• Police in Thailand say a 12-year-old girl may have committed suicide by hanging herself — because she was frustrated at her inability to win the video game “Bomber Man” on her Sony PlayStation.
• THIS WEEK in Calgary, 7 people were injured, 1 critically, when a gang of baseball players ended up in a vicious bat-swinging brawl with a vicious group of — croquet players.
• Tiny town Rudyard, Montana is voting to decide who is the ‘grumpiest person in town’. The vote was inspired by the tongue-in-cheek town sign which reads “596 nice people — One Old Sore Head”. Results are expected to be announced in late JUNE.
BEST MUSIC FOR BEER DRINKING:
What kind of music goes best with sucking back suds?
Blues 24%
Irish 21%
Rock 20%
Oompah 9%
Country 8%
Jazz 5%
Other 5%
Folk 3%
Classical 1%
(ReelBeer.com poll)
THE BULL SHEET 05.31.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1923 [79] Prince Rainier III (Louis Henri Maxence Bertrand), ruler of Monaco since 1949/Grace Kelly’s widower NOTE: He became monarch because he his mother was Charlotte Grimaldi, the ILLEGITIMATE daughter of Monaco’s Prince Louis
1930 [72] Clint Eastwood, San Francisco CA, film director (2 Oscars-‘Unforgiven”)/film actor (“Space Cowboys”)/1995 Irving G Thalberg Memorial Academy Award/1996 American Film Institute Life Achievement Award NEXT FILM: Plays a retired FBI director hired for a private investigation in the crime thriller “Blood Work”, opening AUGUST 9
1962 [40] Corey Hart, Montréal PQ, CANCON pop singer (“Never Surrender”, “Sunglasses at Night”)
1965 [37] Brooke Shields, NYC, ex-TV actress (ex-“Suddenly Susan”)/ex-movie actress (“The Blue Lagoon”)/ex-model/ex-Mrs Andre Agassi
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [65] Morgan Freeman, Memphis TN, movie actor (“The Sum of All Fears“, “The Shawshank Redemption”, “Driving Mrs Daisy”)
1947 [55] Ron Wood, Hillingdon ENG, rock guitarist (the ‘youngster’ in the Rolling Stones, since 1975-“Anybody Seen My Baby”)
1953 [49] Ronnie Dunn, Coleman TX, country singer/guitarist (Brooks & Dunn-“My Heart Is Lost To You”, “Ain’t Nothing ‘Bout You”)
1974 [28] Alanis Morissette, Ottawa ON, rock singer (“Hands Clean”, “Jagged Little Pill” album which over 30 million copies worldwide, making it the biggest-selling female album all-time)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY arguably the biggest event in world sports gets underway as the “2002 FIFA World Cup” opens in South Korea and Japan, with world champion France playing Senegal in the opening match in Seoul. The final will take place JUNE 30 in Yokohama, Japan. Other than in Canada & the US, soccer is known as ‘football’ and is the world’s most popular team sport.
CUP NOTES:
• A survey has found that fully a third of German workers are planning to call in sick to watch crucial “World Cup” games.
• A recent Umbro.com survey in the UK finds more than a third of male fans plan to abstain from sex the night before a big match. 45% say they wear a lucky shirt before a big game, and 4% don’t wash it if their team wins. One fanatic says he’s planning to wear the same pair of underwear during the entire “World Cup”.
• Several “World Cup” fashions have been unveiled, including a “World Cup” bra from Triumph International of Japan with cups resembling soccer balls in a net, a $1,200 wedding gown featuring a goal net for the veil and a headdress in the shape of a ball, and Japanese-made fan shirts emblazoned with the slogan ‘Not a Hooligan’.
TODAY is “World No-Tobacco Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Health Organization to encourage people to butt out.
TODAY is “National Macaroon Day”, honoring those ooey-gooey coconut cookies that stick to your fillings. (A red letter day for dentists everywhere.)
TOMORROW Lou Gehrig’s famous farewell speech (“I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth . . .”) will be recited by celebrities at 15 MLB ball parks before games. The project, created by Major League Baseball and Project ALS, is to call attention to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, more commonly known as ‘Lou Gehrig’s Disease’. Stars participating include James Gandolfini at Yankee Stadium, Julianna Margulies in Baltimore and Luke Perry in Cincinnati.
THIS WEEKEND the 18th annual “Buffalo Chip Throwing Championship” hurls in Luverne MN. Is the secret of hurling bison poop all in the wrist action? And do Buffalo Chips come with dip?
PHONER: 507-283-4061 (Luverne Area Chamber of Commerce)
TOMORROW is “Flip a Coin Day”, honoring the decision-making practice begun by none other than Julius Caesar (who was the ‘head’ on the head’s side). The coin flip was used in serious litigation involving property, marriage and even criminal guilt.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1870 [132] 1st ‘asphalt pavement’ (next day, 1st kid gets yelled at for tracking black goo all over the kitchen floor)
1884 [118] 1st ‘flaked cereal’ patented, by Dr John Harvey Kellogg (before that — gruel!)
1997 [05] 13-km ‘Confederation Bridge’ from Cape Tormentine NB to Borden PEI officially opens, finally joining Prince Edward Island to the mainland
2000 [02] 1st “Survivor” reality series begins 3-month summer run on CBS-TV (Richard, Rudy, Susan, Sean, Colleen, Kelly, Greg & Gervase quickly become household names as do the tribes ‘Tagi’ and ‘Pagong’)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1976 [26] Guinness Record ‘loudest concert’ as The Who put out a total of 76,000 watts of power at 120 decibels (no wonder Pete Townshend is now partially deaf!)
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[June 1] Dare Day / Stand for Children Day / National Trails Day
[June 2] 56th Tony Awards / Rocky Road Ice Cream Day / Cancer Survivors Day / International Mother’s Peace Day
[June 2] International Volunteers Week / Step Parents Week / Fishing Week / Headache Awareness Week / Small Business Week / Nursing Assistants Day
[June 3] Queen Elizabeth II’s Golden Jubilee Celebration / Repeat Day
[June 4] Old Maid’s Day
[June 5] Festival Of Popular Delusions Day / Attitude Day
[June 6] 2002 MTV Movie Awards / Couple Appreciation Day
[June 6-9] Superman Week
[June 7] Chocolate Ice Cream Day / Donut Day
[June 8] Name Your Poison Day
[June 8-9] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[June 9] Donald Duck Day / Children’s Sunday
[June 9] Boating Week / Meet a Mate Week / E-Mail Week / Men’s Health Week / Hermit Week / Brain Tumor Awareness Week / Graffiti Week / Little League Baseball Week
[June 10] Yo-Yo Day
[June 11] Hug Holiday
[June 12] Machine Day / Taco Day
[June 13-16] Nashville Country Music Fan Fair
[June 13] Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
[June 14] Family History Day
[June 15] World Juggling Day / Smile Power Day
[June 16] Fathers Day / MuchMusic Video Awards
[June 16] Canadian Public Service Week / Amateur Radio Week / Forgiveness Week / Physical Therapy Week / Tennis Week / Take Your Pet to Work Week
[June 17] Eat Your Vegetables Day
[June 18] International Panic Day / Splurge Day
[June 19] World Sauntering Day
[June 21] 1st Day of Summer / Canadian Aboriginal Day / Baby Boomers Recognition Day / Take Your Dog to Work Day
[June 23] Blindness Awareness Week / National Camping Week
[June 23] Pink Day / Let It Go Day
[June 24] Discovery Day (NF & LB) / Fête Nationale or Jean Batiste Day (QC)
[June 25] Columnists Day / Log Cabin Day
[June 26-27] G-8 Summit (Kananaskis/Calgary AB)
[June 27] Special Recreation for Disabled Day / Decide to be Married Day
[June 28] Paul Bunyan Day
[June 29] Camera Day
[June 30] Meteor Day
[June 30] World Cup final / Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SFX THEATER:
You tell the story line by line, while a listener on the phone or studio guest provides the SFX as best they can. Today’s story is called “The World Cup Game” —
It’s the opening game of the World Cup as the fans go wild (SFX). First we hear the anthem of World Cup defending champ France (SFX). And now the anthem of challenger Senegal (SFX). Then the referee blows his whistle (SFX) and the fans go wild (SFX). The blue guy kicks the ball to the other blue guy who is tripped by a green guy, which really upsets the fans (SFX). The blue guy gets a penalty kick and scores! The fans go wild (SFX)! Spanish play-by-play announcer Andres Cantor calmly announces the goal (SFX [‘GOOOAAALLLL!’]). The fans go wild (SFX)! Wait a minute! The goal is being reversed because the blue guy illegally used a prosthetic leg! The fans go wild (SFX)! Hooligans are fighting in the stands (SFX)! Unbelievable! A drunken riot has broken out and England’s not even playing! The French fans begin singing their team song (SFX) as time winds down and the referee blows his whistle (SFX) ending the game. The fans go wild (SFX) as yet another truly exciting World Cup match ends nil-to-nil.
BS WEB GOODIE:
We all know ‘time is money’, but how much? British professor Ian Walker of Warwick University has developed a formula to help determine exactly how much an hour of your time is worth. UK bank Barclay’s has added the calculator to its Website so you can figure out just what you’re giving up next time someone asks, “Can you spare a minute?”
NET: http://www.barclaycard.co.uk/timeismoney/data_input.html
BS Q & A:
Q: Mildred Wirt Benson died THIS WEEK at the ripe old age of 96. What did she invent?
A: She created the popular fictional character ‘Nancy Drew’ under her pen name, Carolyn Keene. She wrote 23 of the 30 original ‘Nancy Drew’ mysteries. The series has sold over 200 million books in 17 languages.
WHO SAID IT?
“I’ve made some mistakes, and I think I’ve also done some things that are pretty smart. You just hope you have a good batting average.”
a) Gold digger Anna Nicole Smith.
b) Prime Minister Jean Chrétien.
c) Actor Rob Lowe.
ANSWER: “West Wing” actor Rob Lowe.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: More than 70% of us do this at least twice a week and it’s often even better than the real thing.
Answer to Give Out Monday: Warm up leftovers in the microwave.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
“When you’re in a relationship, it’s better to be with somebody who has an affair than with
somebody who doesn’t flush the toilet.” — actress Uma Thurman
