May 14 2020

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Thursday, May 14, 2020   Edition: #6697

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ Melissa McCarthy and her husband Ben Falcone are teaming up with actors Nat Faxon and Jim Rash tonight to raise money for The Groundlings Theater and School in Hollywood. They’ll host live informational classes on Zoom, with proceeds benefitting The Groundlings, which shut its doors in late March because of the pandemic. McCarthy and Falcone are both alumni of The Groundlings. The two will teach a class called “Auditioning for Film and TV,” starting at 6:00PT. During the class, the couple will share their perspective of auditions from both in front of and behind the camera.
★ Netflix has set in motion a feature centered on the 1999 U.S. Women’s Soccer team winning the FIFA World Cup. Who can forget the iconic moment when Brandi Chastain scored the winning penalty shootout goal and took off her jersey in celebration? The story follows the journey of the US Women’s Soccer team of the 1990s, who, in 1999, on a sweltering hot summer day, in a stadium bursting with 93,000 fans, won the World Cup in a nail-biting final against China. The team captured the hearts of millions around the world and effectively changed women’s sports forever.
★ The filmed version of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s historical stage musical “Hamilton” will debut in July on the Disney+ streaming service, rather than in theaters next year as planned. Disney chiefs had planned to debut the movie, featuring a theatrical performance by the original cast, including Miranda, in cinemas in October 2021. Instead they will make the musical, which tells the story of U.S. founding father Alexander Hamilton, available on Disney+ on July 3, in time for America’s July 4 Independence Day holiday.
★ Robert Pattinson is experimenting with cooking while in quarantine. However, his attempt at creating his own pasta dish nearly destroyed his London home. Apparently unaware that aluminum foil sparks when put in a microwave, Pattinson placed the tray inside the appliance (after setting a glove on fire, no less) and what he called a “a lightning bolt” erupted from within. That’s when he decided: “Yeah, I think I have to leave that alone.”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Stephen Curry
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Chris Evans, Mo Willems, Maroon 5
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): John Lithgow, Alison Roman
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Amy Schumer, Chris Fischer, Graham Norton
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Tracy Morgan, Bazzi
• “Conan” (TBS): Nikki Glaser
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Stephen Colbert
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Rahm Emanuel
• “The Talk” (CBS): Lucy Hale, Ian Armitage
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Yara Shahidi, Daveed Diggs, Dr. Jennifer Ashton
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Anderson Cooper, Bill Murray
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Lester Holt, Alessia Cara, Fortune Feimster
• “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” (ABC): Catherine O’Hara continues her winning streak in support of Upward Bound House; Dr. Phil plcays in support of his charity When Georgia Smiled.
• “Celebrity Watch Party” (FOX): elebrities include the Osbournes, Tyra Banks, Joe Buck and Michelle Beisner-Buck, Raven-Symoné, Master P and Romeo, JoJo Siwa, Steve Wozniak, Curtis Stone and Lindsay Price, and Robert and Kym Herjavec.
• “Station 19” (ABC): Season 3 finale
• “How to Get Away With Murder” (ABC): Season 6 finale

• Jonas Brothers – are among those who have been added to the lineup for “Big Weekend UK” 2020. Following the cancellations of live events due to the pandemic, a host of stars have signed up to perform from their homes. Also recently added to the virtual festival May 22-24: Ellie Goulding and Niall Horan.
• Nicki Minaj – Her collaboration with Doja Cat, ‘Say So’ is historical for a number of reasons. It is the 1,100th all-time No. 1 hit on the Billboard Hot 100, as well as the first No. 1 for both Doja Cat and Nicki Minaj (who has now charted 109 songs). It’s also the first collaboration between two female rappers to reach the top.
• Tiffany – The 80s pop starlet says her next studio album “Shadows” will be “harder and more punk” than what her fans are used to. No kidding…Among the musicians featured on the album are the members of hair metal vets LA Guns.
• Bryan Adams — has apologized to “any and all” who were offended by his expletive-laden social media rant regarding the origins of the coronavirus epidemic. On Insta on Tuesday, he wrote: “No excuse, I just wanted to have a rant about the horrible animal cruelty in these wet-markets being the possible source of the virus, and promote veganism.”
• Guns N’ Roses – will release a children’s book based on their classic song ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’. The band teamed up with illustrator Jennifer Zivoin for the project, which will be published on September 1.
• Foo Fighters — Dave Grohl has written an essay for The Atlantic titled “The Day the Live Concert Returns.” In it, says that while he’s one of “the lucky ones” who can stay at home, whip up a great lasagna and watch (or play) livestreams, (Quote:) “It is the most life-affirming experience, to see your favorite performer onstage, in the flesh, rather than as a one-dimensional image glowing in your lap as you spiral down a midnight YouTube wormhole.”
• Poison – Singer Bret Michaels’ first book, “Bret Michaels: Auto-Scrap-Ography” is out now. It is handwritten and read by Michaels, and includes “never-before-seen, timestamped photographs and untold stories”. The book is available in both e-book and hardcover formats.
• Darius Rucker – will sing the national anthem this Sunday as the NASCAR resumes at Darlington Raceway. The Charleston, SC native says he is excited to take part in the time-honored tradition in his home state, even though he will sing virtually due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
• Kenny Chesney – has scored his 17th No. 1 on Billboard’s Top Country Albums chart. “Here and Now” ties Chesney with Garth Brooks and Willie Nelson for the second-most #1s in the chart’s 56-year history, after George Strait’s record 27.

➢ Ever since face coverings became mandatory, an unexpected side effect has broken out: “Maskne”. That’s what people suffering from the new kind of blemish are calling it as they post photos of their woes on social media. The problem isn’t just affecting hormonal teens – it’s more of a problem for health-care workers and others who wear heavy-duty N95 medical masks for hours at a time. Maskne is caused by the combination of rubbing from the mask, and the hot moisture trapped inside, which allows bacteria and oil to clog the pores, causing them to become inflamed, leading to nasty breakouts. (And you thought YOU looked bad in those Zoom meetings!)
➢ Because your main concern when in public during a pandemic is obviously being able to enjoy a cocktail, a New Orleans woman has designed face masks equipped with a ‘straw hole.’ Artist Ellen Macomber began sewing masks to join the fight against COVID-19, and to keep her business afloat as retail sales slump. In the first week, she produced 40 masks made of cotton and bedazzled scraps from her usual inventory of handbags, caftans and capes, and managed to sell them all for $30 each – in a half hour. Before you point out that a mask with a hole in it defeats the purpose, Macomber, while admitting she is far from a medical expert, points out that her design features a flap, providing an extra layer, which you angle the straw through, “so the hole is never completely open.” (I’m guessing there is also a big market for these things among smokers, too!)

Wireless charging is already a thing, but what if you could charge your electric vehicle – while you’re driving it? Scientists are working on the next level of technology that could deliver power over greater distances, and to moving objects, such as cars, or robots which theoretically never lose battery power while moving around a factory floor. Stanford researchers have been working on this for several years, and say that their system can now transmit 10W of power across a distance of up to 65 centimetres (nearly 26 inches), but there’s no reason why it can’t be quickly scaled up. An electric car would need hundreds of kilowatts, but this system is fast enough to provide it, if it were built into the road surface. The only limitation would then be how quickly the car’s batteries could absorb the power as the vehicle sped past. Another possible use is for drones to fly over charging roof surfaces without needing to return to base.
(Awesome! I’ve always wanted a Bluetooth vacuum cleaner!)
(Wait till the tinfoil hat crowd who have a problem with 5G hear about THIS!)
(There are some things, of course, that you wouldn’t want to automatically recharge. Your lawnmower on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, for example…)

⇒ I’m sorry if I’ve watched your Instagram story 13 seconds after it was posted I have Nothing. To. Do. — @DzanaAlibegic
⇒ My boyfriend is bingeing Great British Baking Show and I’m going insane, it’s like 6 hours/day of “when I was wee, me mum baked me brittles n whispets!” — @CarmenLagala
⇒ pre-isolation: ah there’s a bug in here kill it!!!  now: hello Kendra the bug welcome to our home may we interest you in a glass of wine — @alyssalimp
⇒ Day 1 of Quarantine: “I’m going to meditate and do body-weight training.” Day 44: *just pours the ice cream into the pasta* — @_troyjohnson
⇒ Drank morning coffee, looked at the mug, said out loud, “you didn’t work.” — @Lin_Manuel
⇒ How many pores does everyone have? — @gossipbabies
⇒ nice try self-quarantine, I was already crazy and out of shape — @bornmiserable

While most skateboard parks are off limits these days, that apparently didn’t stop this guy from getting some serious practice in during the pandemic. Brazilian skateboarder Gui Khury did something even the legendary Tony Hawk couldn’t accomplish. He threw down the first “1080” on a vert ramp. Oh, and he’s only 11 years old. Khury completed three revolutions in the half-pipe that’s flat on the bottom and vertical on the sides. 21 years ago, Hawk landed the “900” (2 1/2 revolutions) for the first time at the 1999 X Games, which vaulted him into skateboard superstardom. Khury was born 9 1/2 years later.


1944 [76] George Lucas, Modesto CA, semi-retired filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series, founder of Lucasfilm)

1969 [51] Danny Wood, Boston MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-‘Step by Step’, ‘Hangin’ Tough’)

1969 [51] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne Australia, movie actress (“The Hobbit” films, 2004 Oscar-“The Aviator”, “Lord of the Rings” films)

1971 [49] Sofia Coppola, NYC, movie director (“The Bling Ring”, “Lost in Translation”)

1979 [41] Dan Auerbach, Akron OH, rock singer-guitarist (The Black Keys-‘Tighten Up’, ‘Lonely Boy’)

1981 [39] Mike Retondo, Villa Park IL, pop-rock guitarist-vocalist (Plain White T’s-‘1-2-3-4′, ‘Hey There Delilah’)

1984 [36] Mark Zuckerberg, White Plains NY, founder & CEO of Facebook/one-time ‘World’s Youngest Self-Made Billionaire’/net worth $76 billion

1985 [35] Dustin Lynch, Nashville TN, country singer (‘Cowboys and Angels’, ‘Small Town Boy’)

1993 [27] Miranda Cosgrove, Los Angeles CA, TV actress (“iCarly” 2007-12)/movie actress (“School of Rock”)

• “Dance Like a Chicken Day”, Everybody do the chicken dance now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah duh duh duh duh…”

• “Buttermilk Biscuit Day”, before the American Civil War, biscuits emerged as an inexpensive addition to meals. This sturdier bread product soon became popular as people realized it absorbed the gravy on their plate better than plain bread. Soon the new family favorite, biscuits and gravy, was created.

• “National Underground America Day”, a day to honor the 6,000 or so North Americans who make their homes not only on the Earth but in it. Underground America Day began in 1974, when architect Malcolm Wells came up with the idea.

• “Stars and Stripes Forever Day”, the anniversary of the first public performance of ‘The Stars and Stripes Forever’, and is thus dedicated to the march. It was first performed on May 14, 1897 in Philadelphia, on the occasion of the unveiling of a statue of George Washington.

[Fri] Chocolate Chip Day
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Armed Forces Day
[Sat] National Mimosa Day

1998 [22] 76.3 million TV viewers tune in for the series finale of “Seinfeld” (NBC)

2006 [14] NBC-TV airs series finale of long-running, award-winning White House drama “The West Wing”

1998 [22] Legendary singer Frank Sinatra dies at 82

2011 [09] Blake Shelton weds Miranda Lambert in Boerne, Texas before 550 guests, including Cee Lo Green, Charles Kelley (Lady Antebellum), Dierks Bentley, Kelly Clarkson, Martina McBride, Reba McEntire, and Trace Adkins (They divorce four years later)

2016 [04] Following the release of Beyoncé’s “Lemonade”, all 12 tracks on the album debut on the Hot 100, breaking Taylor Swift’s 2010 record for most songs on the chart at the same time by a female artist

2016 [04] Gabriel Medina becomes the first surfer ever to land the “Backflip” move in competition


✓ The jugular vein is an artery, not a vein.
✓ Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries do.
✓ You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
✓ Pigs can catch swine flu from humans.
✓ There are two U.S. states where the temperature has never surpassed 100 °F:  Alaska and Hawaii.
✓ A study found that termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music.

Best of BS . . .

• Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
• Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
• An escalator never actually breaks . . . it just becomes stairs.
• When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
• People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.
• No matter how bad it gets, I’m rich at the dollar store.
• The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn’t.
• The reason Las Vegas is so crowded is that no one has the plane fare to leave.
• If you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around.
• Today is the last day of your life, so far.
-Emmitsburg, first published in BS in 2019

• I am currently at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
• I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
• You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I were in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
• Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor having my brain removed so that I
may be promoted to management.
• I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I
return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.
• Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
• I’ve run away to join a different circus.
-First published in BS in 2017

➠ In India, a nearly 7-foot snake was seen slithering into an ATM kiosk and eventually getting inside the cash machine, and the pics have gone viral.  (Officials say the suspect is on the move, but “Unarmed.”)
➠ George Lucas is 76 today. (He won’t be having a party. Instead, he’ll just show his celebration from 1978 and then digitally add some new footage to it!)
➠ Mark Zuckerberg turns 36 today. (So, whenever you feel like your life is going nowhere, think of this guy who, before he was 28, founded a multibillion dollar company, had an Oscar-winning movie made about his life, and changed the way humans interact with each other . . . then realize you’re right!)
➠ Fact of the Day:  According to a study, it takes just 0.2 seconds to fall in love. (“Challenge Accepted!” …said Taylor Swift)
➠ I just read a report that says one in ten people will have sex this year in the office. (The other nine work with me in the IT department…)

Hold my juice box while I get out of this tent:

Name something from your childhood that kids these days just wouldn’t understand.

I can understand your anger against me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?

Question:  23% of us say we feel guilty if we don’t do THIS on a daily basis. What is it?
Answer:  Make the bed

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.


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