Thursday, May 18, 2000 Edition: #1810
Pope John Paul II turns 80 today (see Today’s Celebrity Birthdays). So here’s a BS look at –
PAPAL PET PEEVES:
• People behind you at the movies always asking you to remove your hat.
• That Castro dude stunk like no tomorrow.
• Cardinals always lose in post-season.
• Renegade Vatican priest who was not only defrocked but depantsed.
• April Fool’s prank when white smoke was seen over St Peter’s.
• Constantly having to answer the sarcastic question “Is the pope Catholic?”
• Hitchhikers who keep switching stations on Popemobile radio.
• Doctrine of ‘papal infallibility’ no help to him on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?”
• Not getting nun.
• And the pope’s #1 pet peeve – hat hair.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Tonight Tom Selleck returns as ‘Monica’s’ ex-boyfriend ‘Richard’ on the season finale of “Friends” (watch closely and you’ll see that the cast’s wardrobe now features bulging pockets) . . . “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” takes viewers on a ‘behind-the-scenes tour’ in a prime-time special airing opposite the season finale of “ER” (see exciting footage of Reg’s ties being waxed) . . . Cher is reportedly livid her 23-year-old son Elijah Blue has been secretly dating 36-year-old porn star Amber Lynn (if you didn’t want him dating a XXX movie star, you shouldn’t have named him ‘Blue’.)
SCOOP NEWS:
Today Baskin-Robbins will attempt to set a Guinness World Record by building the ‘world’s largest ice cream scoop pyramid’ at the Hyatt Regency Maui Resort in Hawaii. They’ll use some 3,100 scoops of ice cream.
FUTURE FILMS:
Will Smith‘s finally signed to play Muhammad Ali in a movie biography for $20 million or 20% of the gross box office, whichever is greater . . . Gwyneth Paltrow’s set to do another period piece, co-starring with Ralph Fiennes in a Victorian-era romance called “Possession” . . . Ewan McGregor is growing a beard for his ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ role in “Star Wars: Episode II” which begins shooting in Australia at the end of June (“Phantom Menace” alums Natalie Portman, Ahmed Best [‘Jar Jar’] & Samuel L Jackson will also reprise their roles).
PUMPS PROTEST:
Nevada cocktail waitresses have initiated a “Kiss My Foot” campaign to protest casino requirements that they wear high heels. The protestors say spike heels can lead to serious foot and back injuries. (Not to mention pregnancy.)
UNDER THE TABLE:
About 20% of pet owners feed their pets ‘people food’ on a daily basis according to a “McCall’s” survey. Experts say that’s one reason our pets are porky. (PHONE STARTER: “What weird food item does your pet love?”)
CAT FIGHT CAUSES:
A recent survey of 500 women asked what causes feuds between femme friends. The top tiff starters between women — betraying a secret, returning a borrowed item in poor condition, and always changing plans. (Guys only get PO’d if someone steals their beer.)
THE BULL SHEET 05.18.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [80] Pope John Paul II (Karol Wojtyla), Wadowice POL, 264th RC Pope, since 1978 (1st non-Italian in 456 years, 1st Polish pope ever)
1952 [48] George Strait, Pearsall TX, country singer (The Best Day, Meanwhile)
1963 [37] Marty McSorley, Hamilton ON, NHL enforcer (Boston Bruins) suspended for slashing Vancouver Canuck Donald Brashear in the head
1970 [30] Vicky Sunohara, Scarborough ON, hockey forward (Team Canada-2000 Womens World Hockey Champions)
1972 [28] Turner Stevenson, Port Alberni BC, NHL winger (Montréal Canadiens)
1973 [27] Darren Van Impe, Saskatoon SK, NHL defenceman (Boston Bruins)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew family ties with seldom-seen relatives. (Maybe there’s a REASON they’re ‘seldom seen’? Remember to take your boxing gloves and some White-Out for the will.)
Today is “International Museum Day”, a tribute to all the museums of the world, no matter how small, how large — or how strange. Here’s a few of the weirder ones we found . . .
• The Museum of Beverage Containers & Advertising (Millersville TN)
• The Sulabh International Museum of Toilets (New Delhi, India)
• The Museum of Menstruation & Women’s Health (Hyattsville MD)
• The British Lawnmower Museum (Southport UK)
• Museum of Condoms (Condom, France)
1 YEAR AGO TODAY . . .
1999 Backstreet Boys release “Millennium” album (1.13 million copies sell in first week, a record recently broken by ‘N Sync)
1999 Sudbury native and 15-year “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek gets star on Hollywood Walk of Fame
BS THINGS OVERHEARD IN ALEX TREBEK’S BEDROOM:
• “I’ll take ‘Things Canadians Do with Maple Syrup’ for five hundred.”
• “Oops, guess I got excited and rang in a little too soon.”
• “Daily Double!?! Without Viagra, I’m lucky to get a yearly single!”
• “I’ll fake an orgasm for $1000, Alex.”
• “Oh no, honey, I’m afraid the correct response was, ‘WHO IS your daddy?’”
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Daytime Emmy Awards
[Fri] National Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Eliza Doolittle Day
[Sat] Preakness Stakes (Baltimore)
National Nursing Home Week
National Senior Travel Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Other than “Canada Day”, what’s the only Canadian national holiday not celebrated elsewhere?
A: “Victoria Day”, which originated in 1901 after Queen Victoria’s death as a memorial day for her role in Confederation. To most of us, it’s just “May 2-4″, an excuse to party!
THE LAST WORD: Frog philosophy: Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
