Tuesday, May 9, 2000 Edition: #1803
BS THINGS MOTHER TAUGHT US . . .
• LOGIC — “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
• MEDICINE — “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to stay that way.”
• THINKING AHEAD — “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
• GENETICS — “You are just like your father!”
• ESP — “Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”
• BECOMING AN ADULT — “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
• SEX — “How do you think you got here?”
• ANTICIPATION — “Just wait until your father gets home!”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A new online poll finds Britney Spears is the ‘Most Hated Artist’ on the airwaves these days, followed by N’ Sync, Celine Dion and the Backstreet Boys . . . Pint-sized former “Diff’rent Strokes” child-star Gary Coleman has announced plans to run for California Senator . . . One of Diana Ross’ perks in her appearance contract — food has to be served pre-cut into tiny pieces . . . Word is Liz Taylor is looking for a relationship with ‘Tan Man’ George Hamilton who recently split with romance novelist Danielle Steele.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening star in “American Beauty”, the suburban drama that won 5 Oscars, including ‘Best Picture’, ‘Best Actor’ and ‘Best Director’ . . . Nicolas Cage in “Bringing Out the Dead”, the story of 48 hours in the life of a burnt-out paramedic . . . Russell Crowe in “Mystery, Alaska”, a comedy about a small town that gets over-excited when the local hockey team is chosen to host a televised event (shot in Banff and Canmore AB) . . . A 73-year-old man tries to mend his relationship with his sick older brother in “The Straight Story”, a drama which earned star Richard Farnsworth an Oscar nomination.
IN CASE YOU WANT YOUR HEAD LICKED:
Canada Post’s new ‘personalized stamps’ are a hit. The 2-part stickers include a frame marked ‘46 cents’ and a pic of your choice that fits in the center. To get a sheet of 25, you fill out a form and send in $24.95 with a favorite 4X6-inch photo. Canada Post reserves the right to refuse any photo. (Damn, had that great nude shot of the ex-wife.)
THE BIG ONE:
The jackpot for tonight’s “Big Game” lottery played in 7 US states has hit a new record — an estimated $300 million! In annuity payments over 26 years, that works out to $11.53 million a year, $221,893 a week, $31,699 a day, $1,321 an hour, or $22 per minute.
FORGET ABOUT A VACUUM CLEANER:
A “Redbook” survey asks moms what they REALLY would like for “Mother’s Day” Sunday. The most popular gifts — sleeping in late without interruption, having breakfast, lunch AND dinner prepared for them, flowers for every room, and having the house cleaned top to bottom — by someone else.
SALUT!
Welcome aboard and a hearty ‘Good Mormon’ to new BSers Royce Blake @ KCPX Salt Lake City UT and a big hola to Walo Davila @ WFID-FM San Juan PR.
THE BULL SHEET 05.09.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1918 [82] Mike (Myron Leon) Wallace, Brookline MA, $5 million-a-year TV journalist (60 Minutes, since 1968)
1946 [54] Candice Bergen, Beverly Hills CA, ex-TV actress (Murphy Brown)/TV pitchwoman (Sprint) NOTE: She’ll appear with Sandra Bullock in “Miss Congeniality”, her first feature film role in 15 years
1949 [51] Billy Joel, Hicksville NY, classic rock/pop singer (Piano Man, My Life)
1965 [35] Steve Yzerman, Cranbrook BC, NHL center (Detroit Red Wings)/youngest ever to play in NHL All-Star game
1970 [30] Doug Christie, Seattle WA, NBA player (Toronto Raptors)
1974 [26] Stephane Yelle, Ottawa ON, NHL center (Colorado Avalanche)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “Lost Sock Memorial Day”, a day to remember those singular hose that went into the washing machine or dryer never to return.
Polish up an apple ’cause today is “National Teacher Day”, during “PTA Teacher Appreciation Week”.
Today is “National Receptionist Day”, to recognize ‘front line personnel’ in the office with a champagne toast and bouquet. Unfortunately, the receptionist at most places these days is menu-driven voice mail.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1899 [101] 1st ‘lawn mower’ is patented (Sundays have been ruined ever since)
1914 [86] President Woodrow Wilson proclaims 1st official ‘Mother’s Day’ (it wasn’t Hallmark?)
1997 [03] 1st graduate from 1st university operating entirely online (International University)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1984 [16] Chicago White Sox and Milwaukee Brewers finish 8 hour, 6 minute game — longest-ever MLB game in elapsed time (Chicago wins 7-6 in 25th inning on 2nd day)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] National 3rd Shift Workers Day
[Wed] National Small Business Day
[Wed] Trust Your Intuition Day
[Thurs] Eat What You Want Day
[Fri] Limerick Day
National Etiquette Week (Why don’t blondes talk when having sex? It’s bad manners to talk to strangers. DISCRETION: Or talk with your mouth full.)
Better Sleep Month (Roll over to the edge of the bed and you’ll drop off in no time)
BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTERS:
• “When you fill out a form asking for age or weight, do you lie?” (According to a “Men’s Health” poll, 73% of men and a full 85% of women will tell you they weigh less than they actually do.)
• “Have you ever peeked in the medicine cabinet when visiting someone?” (A “Family Circle” poll reveals 39% of us sneak a peek in the medicine cabinet when using a friend’s bathroom. 25% have actually borrowed a comb or toothbrush. Ewww!)
THE LAST WORD:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
