BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A friend of 47-year-old actor Mike Myers has been arrested on charges of felony assault for allegedly hitting a photographer as he attempted to take pictures of the “Shrek” star – with a hockey stick (Myers & pal were walking down a NYC street carrying hockey sticks – can you tell they’re Canadian?) . . . 23-year-old plastic surgery addict Heidi Montag (“The Hills”) claims she’s never felt ‘sexier, happier, or more amazing’ in her own skin than since she had a series of cosmetic procedures on her face and body last year (is there any of her own skin left?) . . . 23-year-old “Glee” actress Lea Michele (‘Rachel Berry’) tells “Women’s Health” she was the only girl in her high school NOT to get a nose job and she sometimes feels insecure about her body because Hollywood ‘plays with your head’ (and makes you lie about nose job numbers) . . . 45-year-old Sarah Jessica Parker has vowed never to do a lengthy film shoot abroad again, because she desperately missed her family while filming “Sex & The City 2” in Morocco (BS translation: Have you ever tried to look hot with sand in your underwear?) . . . Reality TV bimbo Tila Tequila has revealed the reason she’s signed on for the next season of “Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew” (VH1) is – she’s become hopelessly addicted to ‘prescription pills’ (not to mention fame) . . . Big-budget adventure movie “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” (opening Friday in North America) has already opened in Britain and been beaten at the box office by a little indie dance film called “StreetDance 3D, which features several acts from Simon Cowell’s “Britain’s Got Talent” TV show (embarrassing!) . . . 39-year-old former German supermodel Claudia Schiffer has kept up the tradition of celebrities inflicting horrific names on their spawn, tagging her new baby daughter ‘Cosima Violet Vaughn Drummond’ (siblings ‘Caspar’ and ‘Clementine’ feel fortunate by comparison) . . . And pop star Joe Jonas, who has previously dated country singer Taylor Swift and actress Camilla Belle, has now decided to end his relationship with his 17-year-old “Camp Rock” co-star Demi Lovato but insists the break-up is ‘amicable’ (the guy’s 20 and already responsible for about a half-dozen hurtin’ songs!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 12 finalists reunite; Carrie Underwood performs her new single “Undo It”; Christina Aguilera sings “Not Myself Tonight”; either Lee DeWyze & Crystal Bowersox is crowned the new champ.
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – The Backstreet Boys (“This Is Us”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Janelle Monae (“The ArchAndroid”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Raine Maida (Our Lady Peace).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Stone Temple Pilots (“Stone Temple Pilots”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – City and Colour (“Sometimes”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – The Black Keys (“Brothers”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – John Prine (“In Person & On Stage”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Toni Braxton (“Pulse”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Allison Moorer (“Crows”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Hanson (“Shout It Out”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – Promoters are said to be surprised at how undemanding she is, her tour rider requesting only that a pack of M&Ms be supplied after she comes off stage. She doesn’t even ask for a bowl … or for any particular color to be picked out! (By comparison 50 Cent’s 18-page rider includes details on how his food should be served on the finest china plates.)
• Coldplay– They’ve reportedly been approached to take over U2’s headlining slot at the UK’s famed “Glastonbury Festival” June 25th as Bono’s band has pulled out due to his recent back surgery. (You know you’re a 50-year-old rocker when …)
• Lady Gaga – She’s denying recent reports suggesting she’s suffering from an eating disorder, attributing her recent weight-loss to her busy schedule. She tells “The Times” her schedule is such that she doesn’t get very much time to eat. (Um, wouldn’t that be an eating disorder?)
• Rick Ross – The Miami rapper, born William Leonard Roberts II, is said to have adopted his stage name from a former cocaine kingpin who became infamous for running an LA drug empire in the 1980s. Now, the real Rick Ross, released from prison last year, wants sole rights to his name and is threatening to use ‘any means necessary’ to regain control. (Oh oh!)
• Slipknot – 38-year-old heavy metal bassist Paul Gray (aka ‘Number 2’) has been found dead in a hotel room in the band’s hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. No foul play is suspected but an autopsy was scheduled for yesterday to determine cause of death. (Insert your drug of choice here.)

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Acute Test Anxiety’ – In the Netherlands it’s thought that some people flunk driving tests due to nervousness, not incompetence. In response, a special driving exam for the anxious has been developed, in which the pace is leisurely and participants are allowed to take a ‘time out’ if the pressure becomes too much. (Are these people you want driving a high-speed highway?)
• ‘BoomTang’ – Something that greatly exceeds all expectations. (“Those  cinnamon buns you made were the boomtang! Make more!”)
• ‘Dust’ – Now being used as a verb meaning to kill. (“Don’t cause me any grief, you rat. I could have you dusted tomorrow!”)

ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONS:
Want to have a good cry about the dismal state of the human race? Well, surf on over to the CheatConfession website. In the grand tradition of ‘Texts From Last Night’, ‘PostSecret’, and ‘Craigslist Missed Connections’, this site is basically one big digital purge: A place to either confess that you’re cheating, being cheated on, thinking about cheating, or that you are – in fact – ‘the other person’. In any event, the idea is to provide some guilt relief, free of charge. (Even the confession booth has gone digital.)
NET: http://www.cheatconfession.com
– Mashable.com

DO WOMEN NEED A ‘LITTLE PINK PILL’?
Next month, the FDA will consider green-lighting flibanserin, the so-called ‘Viagra for women’. The drug, originally developed as an antidepressant, tinkers with brain chemicals to boost libido in an effort to enhance the sex lives of women, particularly those who suffer from ‘hypoactive sexual desire disorder’. The market for such a drug is estimated at $2 billion, so it’s no surprise German pharmaceutical company Boehringer Ingelheim wants in. (HSDD is also known as ‘Not now, I’ve got a headache’.)
– AtlanticWire.com

BEES LIKE “WHORE’S BREAKFAST”:
A study at Israel’s University of Haifa has revealed that bees prefer nectar containing … caffeine and/or nicotine. Flower nectar is primarily comprised of sugars, but in some plants it also contains small quantities of what can be toxic substances. Caffeine, for instance, is found mostly in citrus flowers, particularly grapefruit. Experiments show that bees clearly prefer nectar containing nicotine and caffeine over ‘clean’ nectar. But if the levels of the toxins are too high, the bees go back to the straight stuff. (So they don’t get too high.)
– “New Media”

AN EMPTY NEST CAN BE A HAPPY NEST:
Marriages seem to get better after the children grow up and move out, according to a new University of California at Berkeley study that analyzed the marital satisfaction of more than 100 women for over 18 years. The study has concluded that marital satisfaction seems to increase as women transition to an empty nest. It’s not that they spend more time with their partners when kids are no longer around, but that they seem to better enjoy that time. (One less thing to argue about.)
– SFGate.com

“TOM SAWYER” CREATOR REVEALS ALL:
Famed author Mark Twain left behind a 5,000-page memoir that included a hand-written note stating it was not to be published until 100 years after his death. Now that we’ve reached that milestone (April 21st), his estate has split the pages into a trilogy for publication, the 1st volume due this November. Some scholars believe Twain wanted the autobiography delayed so long so he could talk freely about issues like religion and politics; others argue it prevented him from having to worry about offending family and friends. (You won’t be ripping through this in a single afternoon in your hammock … Volume 1 alone is said to run a million words!)
– “The Independent”

WHY TECHNO-KIDS ARE SLEEPY:
Electronics are sleep stealers, says Jodi Mindell, associate director of the Sleep Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. A few surprising facts to back her up …
• 40% of school-age children and 20% of preschoolers have TVs in the bedroom.
• 62% of 13 to 16-year olds use their cellphones after they’ve gone to bed.
• Using a cellphone right after bedtime doubles the odds of being very tired the next day.
• Using a cellphone between midnight and 3 am increases the odds by nearly 400%.
Mindell says computers and game consoles also rob kids of sleep time if they are accessible in their rooms. (Knock off the electronic babysitting and be a parent!)
– BestHealthMag.ca

DID YOU KNOW?
It’s estimated only 1-in-5 of us is now using voicemail. And among those who do, fully 30% of those messages languish for 3 days or longer before being heard. (What are you most likely to respond to first … text message, voicemail, or email?)
– “Marie Claire”

BS CHRONOMETER 05.26.10