May 26, 2010

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Wednesday, May 26, 2010       Edition: #4270
More From the Sheethouse!


A friend of 47-year-old actor Mike Myers has been arrested on charges of felony assault for allegedly hitting a photographer as he attempted to take pictures of the “Shrek” star – with a hockey stick (Myers & pal were walking down a NYC street carrying hockey sticks – can you tell they’re Canadian?) . . . 23-year-old plastic surgery addict Heidi Montag (“The Hills”) claims she’s never felt ‘sexier, happier, or more amazing’ in her own skin than since she had a series of cosmetic procedures on her face and body last year (is there any of her own skin left?) . . . 23-year-old “Glee” actress Lea Michele (‘Rachel Berry’) tells “Women’s Health” she was the only girl in her high school NOT to get a nose job and she sometimes feels insecure about her body because Hollywood ‘plays with your head’ (and makes you lie about nose job numbers) . . . 45-year-old Sarah Jessica Parker has vowed never to do a lengthy film shoot abroad again, because she desperately missed her family while filming “Sex & The City 2” in Morocco (BS translation: Have you ever tried to look hot with sand in your underwear?) . . . Reality TV bimbo Tila Tequila has revealed the reason she’s signed on for the next season of “Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew” (VH1) is – she’s become hopelessly addicted to ‘prescription pills’ (not to mention fame) . . . Big-budget adventure movie “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” (opening Friday in North America) has already opened in Britain and been beaten at the box office by a little indie dance film called “StreetDance 3D, which features several acts from Simon Cowell’s “Britain’s Got Talent” TV show (embarrassing!) . . . 39-year-old former German supermodel Claudia Schiffer has kept up the tradition of celebrities inflicting horrific names on their spawn, tagging her new baby daughter ‘Cosima Violet Vaughn Drummond’ (siblings ‘Caspar’ and ‘Clementine’ feel fortunate by comparison) . . . And pop star Joe Jonas, who has previously dated country singer Taylor Swift and actress Camilla Belle, has now decided to end his relationship with his 17-year-old “Camp Rock” co-star Demi Lovato but insists the break-up is ‘amicable’ (the guy’s 20 and already responsible for about a half-dozen hurtin’ songs!).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 12 finalists reunite; Carrie Underwood performs her new single “Undo It”; Christina Aguilera sings “Not Myself Tonight”; either Lee DeWyze & Crystal Bowersox is crowned the new champ.
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – The Backstreet Boys (“This Is Us”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Janelle Monae (“The ArchAndroid”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Raine Maida (Our Lady Peace).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Stone Temple Pilots (“Stone Temple Pilots”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – City and Colour (“Sometimes”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – The Black Keys (“Brothers”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – John Prine (“In Person & On Stage”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Toni Braxton (“Pulse”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Allison Moorer (“Crows”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Hanson (“Shout It Out”).

• Alicia Keys – Promoters are said to be surprised at how undemanding she is, her tour rider requesting only that a pack of M&Ms be supplied after she comes off stage. She doesn’t even ask for a bowl … or for any particular color to be picked out! (By comparison 50 Cent’s 18-page rider includes details on how his food should be served on the finest china plates.)
• Coldplay– They’ve reportedly been approached to take over U2’s headlining slot at the UK’s famed “Glastonbury Festival” June 25th as Bono’s band has pulled out due to his recent back surgery. (You know you’re a 50-year-old rocker when …)
• Lady Gaga – She’s denying recent reports suggesting she’s suffering from an eating disorder, attributing her recent weight-loss to her busy schedule. She tells “The Times” her schedule is such that she doesn’t get very much time to eat. (Um, wouldn’t that be an eating disorder?)
• Rick Ross – The Miami rapper, born William Leonard Roberts II, is said to have adopted his stage name from a former cocaine kingpin who became infamous for running an LA drug empire in the 1980s. Now, the real Rick Ross, released from prison last year, wants sole rights to his name and is threatening to use ‘any means necessary’ to regain control. (Oh oh!)
• Slipknot – 38-year-old heavy metal bassist Paul Gray (aka ‘Number 2’) has been found dead in a hotel room in the band’s hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. No foul play is suspected but an autopsy was scheduled for yesterday to determine cause of death. (Insert your drug of choice here.)


New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Acute Test Anxiety’ – In the Netherlands it’s thought that some people flunk driving tests due to nervousness, not incompetence. In response, a special driving exam for the anxious has been developed, in which the pace is leisurely and participants are allowed to take a ‘time out’ if the pressure becomes too much. (Are these people you want driving a high-speed highway?)
• ‘BoomTang’ – Something that greatly exceeds all expectations. (“Those  cinnamon buns you made were the boomtang! Make more!”)
• ‘Dust’ – Now being used as a verb meaning to kill. (“Don’t cause me any grief, you rat. I could have you dusted tomorrow!”)

Want to have a good cry about the dismal state of the human race? Well, surf on over to the CheatConfession website. In the grand tradition of ‘Texts From Last Night’, ‘PostSecret’, and ‘Craigslist Missed Connections’, this site is basically one big digital purge: A place to either confess that you’re cheating, being cheated on, thinking about cheating, or that you are – in fact – ‘the other person’. In any event, the idea is to provide some guilt relief, free of charge. (Even the confession booth has gone digital.)


Next month, the FDA will consider green-lighting flibanserin, the so-called ‘Viagra for women’. The drug, originally developed as an antidepressant, tinkers with brain chemicals to boost libido in an effort to enhance the sex lives of women, particularly those who suffer from ‘hypoactive sexual desire disorder’. The market for such a drug is estimated at $2 billion, so it’s no surprise German pharmaceutical company Boehringer Ingelheim wants in. (HSDD is also known as ‘Not now, I’ve got a headache’.)

A study at Israel’s University of Haifa has revealed that bees prefer nectar containing … caffeine and/or nicotine. Flower nectar is primarily comprised of sugars, but in some plants it also contains small quantities of what can be toxic substances. Caffeine, for instance, is found mostly in citrus flowers, particularly grapefruit. Experiments show that bees clearly prefer nectar containing nicotine and caffeine over ‘clean’ nectar. But if the levels of the toxins are too high, the bees go back to the straight stuff. (So they don’t get too high.)
– “New Media”


Marriages seem to get better after the children grow up and move out, according to a new University of California at Berkeley study that analyzed the marital satisfaction of more than 100 women for over 18 years. The study has concluded that marital satisfaction seems to increase as women transition to an empty nest. It’s not that they spend more time with their partners when kids are no longer around, but that they seem to better enjoy that time. (One less thing to argue about.)


Famed author Mark Twain left behind a 5,000-page memoir that included a hand-written note stating it was not to be published until 100 years after his death. Now that we’ve reached that milestone (April 21st), his estate has split the pages into a trilogy for publication, the 1st volume due this November. Some scholars believe Twain wanted the autobiography delayed so long so he could talk freely about issues like religion and politics; others argue it prevented him from having to worry about offending family and friends. (You won’t be ripping through this in a single afternoon in your hammock … Volume 1 alone is said to run a million words!)
– “The Independent”


Electronics are sleep stealers, says Jodi Mindell, associate director of the Sleep Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. A few surprising facts to back her up …
• 40% of school-age children and 20% of preschoolers have TVs in the bedroom.
• 62% of 13 to 16-year olds use their cellphones after they’ve gone to bed.
• Using a cellphone right after bedtime doubles the odds of being very tired the next day.
• Using a cellphone between midnight and 3 am increases the odds by nearly 400%.
Mindell says computers and game consoles also rob kids of sleep time if they are accessible in their rooms. (Knock off the electronic babysitting and be a parent!)


It’s estimated only 1-in-5 of us is now using voicemail. And among those who do, fully 30% of those messages languish for 3 days or longer before being heard. (What are you most likely to respond to first … text message, voicemail, or email?)
– “Marie Claire”


1939 [71] Brent Musburger, Portland OR, TV sportscaster (“College Basketball on ABC”, “Little League World Series”, “Saturday Night Football”)

1948 [62] Stevie (Stephanie) Nicks, Phoenix AZ, oldies singer (“Leather & Lace”, Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1949 [61] Hank Williams Jr, Shreveport LA, country singer (“That’s How They Do It In Dixie”, “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight”)

1964 [46] Lenny Kravitz, NYC, rock singer/guitarist (“Fly Away”, “Are You Gonna Go My Way”)

1971 [39] Matt Stone, Houston TX, TV writer & producer (“South Park” co-creator with Trey Parker)/movie producer (“Team America: World Police”)

1981 [29] Isaac Slade, Denver CO, rock singer/pianist (The Fray-“You Found Me”, “How to Save a Life”)


• “Blueberry Cheesecake Day”. Well okay … if we have to!

• “Bob Day”, honoring anyone with the name. Why is it they always seem to turn out to be the ultimate OK guy?

• “Go Barefoot Around the House Day”. Why? Because it feels great! (And will also help you find the last few shards of that busted wineglass from the other night.) The members of the ‘Society For Barefoot Living’ believe you should go barefoot all the time (think of the money you’d save on shoes!)

• “National Sorry Day”, an annual Australian observance since 1998 to express regret over the historical mistreatment of Aboriginal peoples. It is not an official holiday, although there have been calls by some Aboriginal leaders to make it one.

• “Senior Health & Fitness Day”, the 17th annual observance on the last Wednesday of May, promoting the importance of regular physical activity for seniors, and showcasing what local organizations are doing to improve the health & fitness of older adults in their communities.


2002 [08] Director Roman Polanski’s film “The Pianist” wins the ‘Palme d’Or’ at the “Cannes Film Festival” (a win that makes him feel like a kid again)

2004 [06] Fantasia Barrino is named “American Idol” (FOX) Season 3 winner  BS FACTOID: She’s since released 2 moderately successful albums and performed in the Broadway musical “The Color Purple”. Her 3rd studio album is set for release July 13th.


1980 [30] “The Blues Brothers” movie soundtrack album is released

1994 [16] Elvis rolls over in his grave as ‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson secretly weds ‘The ‘King’s’ daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, in the Dominican Republic (she files for divorce in January 1996, perhaps pleading temporary insanity)

1984 [26] A frisbee is reportedly kept aloft for 16.72 seconds in Philadelphia PA (yeah right, in an airliner?)

[Thurs] Full ‘Flower’ Moon
[Thurs] Cellophane Tape Day
[Thurs] “Sex & The City 2” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] “So You Think You Can Dance” season premiere (FOX)
[Fri] Sierra Club Day
[Fri] Kevin Eubanks leaves “The Tonight Show” (NBC)
[Fri] “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is … Frozen Yogurt Week
This Month Is … Haitian Heritage Month


• You can no longer see in the neighbors’ bedroom window … their 2nd-floor bedroom window.
• You’re reading a new how-to book called ‘Inexpensive Lawn Care Through Asphalt’.
• You have to keep the dog on a leash in the backyard or you lose sight of him.
• Postal workers use a machete to deliver your mail.
• Your landscaping consultant recommends use of an upside-down helicopter.
• To get the newspaper, you have to organize a search team.
• You bump into something on the way out to the car and realize it’s the kids’ swing set.


‘The Swinger’ uses a bit of computer code to take any song and turn it into swing. It does this by taking each beat and time-stretching the first half while time-shrinking the second half. It has an interesting effect that could generate some interesting remixes. A few examples …


Is it discrimination to not hire a smoker? (A group of US hospitals has begun a new policy of no longer hiring any workers who smoke.)

‘Temp Tattoo You’ – A station that ran a spoof promotion offering cash for anyone who had the call letters tattooed on permanently ended up getting sued by some idiot who actually did it. But there’s nothing wrong with offering free prizes or admission to an event to the first 100 who show up with a temporary tattoo featuring your station ID.


Both death and taxes are inevitable, but at least death doesn’t get worse every year.


Today’s Question: 13% of guys say that if a woman does THIS at a restaurant on the first date, he won’t go out with her again.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Orders the most expensive item on the menu.


The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

For more reliable delivery add to your address book and safe list.
Access thousands of searchable back issues at

Leave a comment