Monday, May 7, 2007 Edition: #3525
There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• TONIGHT is the movie premiere of “Georgia Rule” – starring Jane Fonda, Felicity Huffman, and Lindsay Lohan – in Atlanta GA. During the making of the film, Fonda reportedly became so furious with Lohan’s widely publicized bad behavior on the set, she sent her a note scolding her. Now word has it she’d rather Lohan was a no-show at tonight’s bash, especially if she’s going to pull a diva act. That may be because Fonda doesn’t want to be embarrassed; the event benefits the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention, which she co-chairs.
– “The Scoop”
• Furthering her bad rep, a ‘friend’ of Lohan’s tells a UK tabloid the 21-year-old actress is spiraling out of control since rehab. Among the revelations: she often snorts as much as 2.5 grams of cocaine, once doing 20 lines in a single night; she carries around a water bottle filled with vodka; she often strips starkers in front of fellow partiers; and she openly brags about sleeping with Benicio Del Toro, James Blunt, James Franco, Jared Leto, Joaquin Phoenix, and Jude Law. And just to be helpful, the ‘friend’ has released video proof.
– “News Of The World”
• Meantime, Lindsay Lohan’s loser father Michael has been working alongside former actor Stephen Baldwin as a ‘religious minister’ with a group called Teen Challenges since his release from prison in MARCH. The organization seeks to help young people kick addiction to drugs & alcohol. Lohan completed his training via a correspondence course while serving time for unlicensed driving and attempted assault. He admits he’s not what you’d call an ordained minister, but claims he is ‘certified’. Or perhaps certifiable.
– “Contact Music”
• “American Idol 6” cast-off Phil Stacey is scheduled to join the “A-I” tour with the other top 10 finalists THIS SUMMER but might not make it because he’s still an active duty petty officer 3rd class and vocalist with the US Navy Band Southeast based in Jacksonville FL. He’s also the lead singer of Pride, the navy’s rock band. While it’s possible the brass could cut him loose to participate in the “Idol” tour, it’s also possible he could be asked to volunteer for a musical tour in Iraq, Afghanistan, or on ships stationed in the Persian Gulf … where the sun reflecting off his head could be used as a laser weapon.
– “Reality Blurred”
• And the producers of “American Idol” are partnering with the CW network on the dating show “Farmer Wants a Wife”, in which 10 girls fed up with the big city dating scene vie for the attentions of a studly farm boy, competing in challenges designed to test their knowledge of topics such as livestock and farm equipment. The series is slated to debut NEXT SEASON. As a theme song: Kenny Chesney’s “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy”, perhaps?
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Akon – Verizon has just dumped the 25-year-old rapper as a spokesman after a video surfaced of him dirty dancing onstage with an underage girl during an APRIL concert in Trinidad.
• Bon Jovi – THIS AFTERNOON they perform “(You Want To) Make A Memory” on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV).
• Carrie Underwood – Her ‘Idol Gives Back’ cover of “I’ll Stand By You” has become the first iTunes Exclusive single to crack the top 10. It’s already credited with over 100,000 downloads.
• Evanescence – They’re facing an uncertain future after drummer Rocky Gray has walked out in protest over the firing of guitarist John LeCompt by lead singer Amy Lee … via cellphone.
• Kelly Clarkson – The original “American Idol” has sold more music than any other winner but it seems her latest recording is in big trouble. Record boss Clive Davis has reportedly slammed it as a shoddy effort and ordered up a new recording featuring new material.
• The Killers – Frontman Brandon Flowers is apparently set to become a first-time father. Reports say his wife Tana is expecting a boy in JULY, although it’s yet to be officially confirmed.
• Maroon 5 – “Makes Me Wonder” has scored the biggest jump to #1 in the history of “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Hot 100′ chart, zooming from 64-to-1. The previous record (52-to-1) was by Kelly Clarkson’s debut single “A Moment Like This” in 2002.
• Ne-Yo – TONIGHT he does “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Pink – TONIGHT she’s a guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Prince – He’s cancelled plans for a guest appearance on “The Simpsons” because the show’s creator Matt Groening wouldn’t agree to a script written by his chauffeur.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards is currently working with author James Fox on an autobiography about his time in the band and his turbulent relationships with drugs and alcohol.
• Spice Girls – They’ve reportedly now been offered $2 million each for a one-off Las Vegas-style reunion gig. If it comes together, the proposed event would occur late THIS YEAR.
• Terri Clark – It’s just been announced she’ll open the annual “CMA Music Festival” (formerly “Fanfest”) with a JUNE 7th performance at Nashville’s Riverfront Park.
DOWN-UNDER BAN ON PHONE SPAM:
So many people have rushed to sign up online for the Australian government’s ‘Do-Not-Call Phone Registry’, it’s caused a temporary computer crash. The Australian Communications & Media Authority says more than 250,000 Aussies registered online to block telemarketers in the first 24 hours , a rate of 150-per-minute. Another burst of activity is expected when a phone line opens for registration in a few days. Starting at the end of MAY, it will be illegal for telemarketers to call any of the phone numbers on the list. (And we don’t have this in Canada because …?) (With people so openly hateful of them, how can telemarketers possibly believe what they do works?)
It’s sort of an annual Olympics for delivery companies. Since 2003, engineering students at Georgia Tech in Atlanta GA pick 5 extremely remote addresses worldwide, then ship packages to them via delivery companies DHL, FedEx, and UPS. This year’s destinations were Apia, Samoa; Harare, Zimbabwe; Yangon, Myanmar; the tiny island of Floranopolis in Brazil; and Saddam Hussein’s hometown of Tikrit, Iraq. This year it was DHL that won gold by going 5-for-5; arriving 1st at 3 locations and 2nd at the other 2. FedEx completed 3 of the deliveries; UPS 2. One package is still lost somewhere in the system, but that’s nothing unusual – one year a shipment crossed the Atlantic 9 times!
YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP:
• A groom who turned up drunk at his wedding in India’s Arwal district has been replaced by … his more sober brother. After the original groom was tossed out for misbehavior, the younger sibling readily agreed to marry the teenage bride at her family’s request. (After all, they’d gone to all the expense of renting a hall, getting food catered, finding a DJ with a copy of the “Chicken Dance” …)
• A gang of thieves in South Africa has come up with a unique way to subdue victims … super-glue! After abducting a man in his 50s, the villains forced him to drive them to his home where he was stripped naked and glued to the seat of an exercise bike. Then his hands & feet were glued together and his mouth glued shut while the crooks helped themselves to his booze and his cash. (Right, but just try to get that stuff to keep your pot handle from falling off.)
• The state of Iowa is spending $6,000 to change all the locks at one of its prisons after a set of keys turned up … on e-Bay. The keys to the 135-year-old Anamosa State Penitentiary apparently belonged to a guard who retired in the 1970s. After his death, someone put them up for sale and LAST WEEK a bidder paid a measly $12 for them. The prison houses a number of extremely violent criminals. (All of whom recently rushed to join the ‘Bighouse Computer Club’.)
BIG BROTHER IN THE AIR:
How would you like this to happen here? In Britain, the homes that waste the most energy will soon be caught on camera by ‘spy planes’ using the latest military thermal-imaging equipment. The offending households will then be highlighted on maps posted on the Internet. The idea is to let residents know how their energy-efficiency compares to houses around them, and then to shame the worst offenders into doing something about it. The technology has already been tested by the local municipal council in the Haringey area of north London. (How did we go from wasteful polluters to militant green Nazis in a single year?)
– PA News
FOR THE RECORD:
A 1969 Dodge Charger like the one used as the ‘General Lee’ on the original “Dukes of Hazzard” TV series has sold for more than $9.9 million on eBay, making it the most expensive item ever sold via the online site. The souped-up replica boasts signatures of the show’s cast members, including John Schneider (‘Bo Duke’), who sold the car. All of this, of course, is contingent upon the winning bidder coming up with the cash. (The odds of which are even less than Schneider ever landing another screen role.)
– “CMT News in Brief”
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• “Spider-Man 3” has broken the single-day North American box office record by selling $59-million-worth of tickets on its first day of release, surpassing “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” which pulled $55.8 million LAST YEAR. It’s also expected that, when final figures are in TODAY, “S-M3” will have also broken the box office record for biggest opening weekend.
– Exhibitor Relations
• It’s true! You can ignite flatulence. Anaerobic microbes in our digestive systems have the job of decomposing the organic matter we consume. All things being equal, combustible methane is one by-product of the process. Gotta match?
AND WE QUOTE:
“This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with this nonsense. It’s a joke.”
– Paris Hilton’s mother, Kathy, who apparently think’s her daughter’s rap sheet doesn’t stink. In any event, 26-year-old Paris is now scheduled to serve 45 days in the hoosgow for violating probation beginning JUNE 5th.
BS CHRONOMETER 05.07.07
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946  Bill Kreutzmann, Palo Alto CA, classic rock musician (Grateful Dead-“Touch of Grey”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)
1950  Tim Russert, Buffalo NY, TV news correspondent (NBC’s “Meet the Press” since 1991, CNBC’s “Tim Russert”)/author (“Big Russ and Me”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Beaufort Scale Day”, honoring the 1774 birth of Sir Francis Beaufort who, as any sailor knows, invented the scale that measures wind speed from 0 (calm) to 12 (hurricane), adopted as an international standard in 1874.
• “Canadian Emergency Preparedness Week”, a day to prepare for specific emergency situations at home, work, school, or when traveling. The 3 steps to emergency preparedness: put together an emergency kit; make an emergency plan; know the hazards in your area.
• “Child Care Provider Appreciation Day”, saluting the dedicated souls who interact with our children during the important formative years of their lives.
• “Privy Diggers Day”, honoring those who excavate outhouses to explore the past. Man, what a crappy job.
• “Roast Leg of Lamb Day”. (Awww! The poor widdle woolly baa-baas.)
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999  “The Mummy”, starring Brendan Fraser, opens in movie theaters (“The Mummy 3” is currently in the works)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1660  1st ‘Macaroni’ is patented by Isaack Fubine (the next day, an accompanying orange powder is invented that contains ‘synthetic cheese product’)
1934  ‘World’s Largest Pearl’ (14 lbs/6.4 kg) found at Palawan, Philippines (how big was that oyster?)
1988  1st convention of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens (oh to own the tin hat concession at this little get-together!)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1994  555 guitarists in Vancouver simultaneously play BTO’s “Takin’ Care of Business” for 68 minutes (a gathering of people who only know 3 chords)
1998  ‘Largest Industrial Merger to Date’ as Daimler-Benz buys Chrysler Corp for $37 billion-plus (it’s pronounced ‘DIME-luhr’)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] No Socks Day
[Tues] World Red Cross Day
[Tues] NEA Teacher Day
[Wed] 3rd Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Lost Sock Memorial Day
[Wed] Small Business Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Thurs] Clean Up Your Room Day
[Thurs] Trust Your Intuition Day
[Fri] Eat What You Want Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Astronomy Week / Be Kind To Animals Week / Conserve Water & Detect-A-Leak Week / Deaf Awareness Week / Flexible Work Arrangement Week / Goodwill Industries Week / Herb Week / Historic Preservation Week / Hospital Week / Hug Holiday Week / Life Coach Recognition Week / Nurses Week / Nursing Home Week / Pet Week / Postcard Week / PTA Teachers Appreciation Week / Self-Help Book Week / Small Business Week / Tourism Week / Universal Family Week / Wildflower Week
• The 1st doughnuts with holes were made by a 15-year-old, one Hanson Gregory, who cut out the soggy centers of his fried cakes.
• The 1st hamburgers were eaten raw, back in the Middle Ages.
• The 1st potato chips were made by an angry New York chef. A customer at his restaurant kept sending back his french fries, complaining they were too thick and soft.
• The 1st ketchup was made of fish broth and mushrooms in China. It was called ‘ke-tsiap’. Sailors brought the sauce to England, where tomatoes were added and the name changed to ketchup.
– “Disney Adventures”
BS MOTHER’S DAY QUIZ:
• What country is affectionately called ‘Mother’ by its citizens? [Russia.]
• What do you call the main circuit board in a computer? [The ‘motherboard’.]
• According to the old proverb, what is the ‘Mother of Invention’? [Necessity.]
• What was the collection of children’s stories published in 1697 by French poet Charles Perrault called? [“Tales of Mother Goose”.]
• The British version of “Mother’s Day” is celebrated in MARCH. What’s it called? [“Mothering Sunday”.]
• Where does ‘Mother-of-Pearl’ come from? [The abalone shellfish.]
• What’s the maternal name for a loose, unbelted dress? [ A ‘Mother Hubbard’.]
• What’s the proper name for a mother sheep? [A female sheep is called a ‘ewe’, but when she becomes a mommy, she’s a ‘dam’.]
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What tacky or horrendously ugly gift do you feel forced to haul out and put on display when whoever gave it to you comes to visit?
• Complete this sentence: “You know you’re a mommy when … “
BS RANDOM JOKES:
• The eco warriors have really missed an opportunity. Shouldn’t we be conserving toilet paper by using both sides?
• Enough is enough. I say the exclamation point should be confiscated from advertisers.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a study, people who do THIS end up less wealthy and with twice the divorce rate of people who don’t do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Have a relationship before age 18.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Some people confuse boredom with security.
NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Thanks to Chuck LaTour @ 100.5 The River [WTRV] Grand Rapids MI; Cordell Green @ 96.7 CHYR Leamington ON; and George Brooks @ Classic Gold 630 [CFCO] Chatham ON, all back for another year of “BS”; and a big welcome to this week’s samplers that include Terry James @ WMKX 105.5 FM Brookville PA; Devin Hennessy @ Mongoose 104.9 [WMNG] Christiansted, US Virgin Islands; Florida Johnson @ Soft Rock 102.5 [KEZK] St Louis MO; and Dick Williams @ Star 102 [KCKC] Kansas City MO. Remember BSers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each & every new subscriber you refer!
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