May 31, 2006

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Wednesday, May 31, 2006        Edition: #3294
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS! 

TONIGHT “Canada’s Next Top Model” debuts (CityTV) but you can bet when the winner’s finally announced – she’ll immediately leave the country (the current hottest Canadian model is arguably Gabriel Aubry – Halle Berry’s boyfriend) . . . TONIGHT is the premiere of “The Hills” (MTV) in which Lauren Conrad from “Laguna Beach” moves to LA, attends college, and works as an intern at “Teen Vogue” (just an everyday life – followed by a 47-person TV crew) . . . TONIGHT “Gameshow Marathon” debuts (CBS/CTV), in which 6 so-called ‘celebrity’ contestants (á la Lance Bass, Kathy Najimy, Leslie Nielsen, etc) play various classic TV game shows (“The Price Is Right”, “Let’s Make a Deal”, “Match Game”, “Family Feud”, etc) in a weekly elimination-style tournament (next they’ll put out-of-work actors into one-off retro TV shows) . . . Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s new baby Shiloh reportedly has tufts of brown hair – and her dad’s nose (wow, stop the presses!) . . . An online poll has picked actress Scarlett Johansson as THIS SUMMER’s ‘Best Dressed Female Celebrity’ (at least, when she’s dressed) . . . Actor Tom Cruise has reportedly paid  the Church of Scientology $10 million for a plot of land overlooking the San Fernando Valley, where he’s planning to build a massive family home for his 2 adopted kids, fiancée Katie Holmes & their new baby Suri (and any other captives who might wander by) . . . Actress Lindsay Lohan claims there’s a possibility she may be playing late blues singer Janis Joplin in a bio-pic, so she’s been channeling the rock legend’s character – by allowing her bedroom to get really messy (yeah, that’ll help you nail it, honey) . . . Meantime, movie mogul Harvey Weinstein is predicting Lindsay Lohan will win an Oscar NEXT YEAR, and it could be for either of her upcoming films, “A Prairie Home Companion” or the Robert F Kennedy biopic “Bobby” (surprisingly, he’s not involved with either).

• Alanis Morissette – TONIGHT she appears on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• DMX (Earl Simmons) – He’s considering changing his name because of its ‘spiritual implications’. ‘DM’ stands for ‘Dark Man’, which he fears may be attracting ‘bad vibes’. Or maybe he just wants a name change so he’s not associated with the lengthy DMX rap sheet?
• Jewel – TODAY she appears on daytime-TV soap “The Young & the Restless”, performing at a fundraiser hosted by characters ‘Nick & Sharon Newman’ to mark the 1st anniversary of their teen daughter’s death in a drunk-driving accident. Cool, will she sing “Pieces Of You”?
• John Legend – TODAY he does the “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated).
• Kanye West – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• The Wreckers – TODAY they guest on “The View” (ABC).

• ‘Dirt’ – One term for the didn’t-have-time-to-shave look now considered stylish for men. Also known as ‘stubble’, ‘scruff’ or ‘shadow’. (“Give me an inch off the top but leave the face dirt.”)
• ‘Gurgitator’ – Someone who competes in eating contests. Korean-American Sonya ‘The Black Widow’ Thomas is one of the top-ranked gurgitators in the world. She weighs 98 lbs.
• ‘Soccer Leave’ – Time off from work or other responsibilities to watch soccer, particularly during the “World Cup”, June 9-July 9 in Germany. Much of Europe will be virtually shut down during crucial games.

The Romanian village of Horea has become a tourism hot spot thanks to a so-called ‘humping hill’ that’s said to help childless couples conceive. The rustic location has been a traditional ‘lovers’ lane’ for more than 3 centuries and is famous for its mystical powers in helping women to have children. In a discretionary move, the village mayor has recently had more bushes and trees planted in order to give lovers privacy. (We have the same thing here – [local dive], known locally as the ‘Boinkin’ Bar’.)

According to a recent poll by Hagerty Insurance, here are the habits that really tick us off about other drivers …
10. Morse Coders … Drivers who leave their turn signal on for miles.
9. Driving Divas … Women applying makeup and men shaving.
8. Speed Racers … Motorcyclists who race down the middle of a lane between cars.
7. Road Ragers … Drivers who feel the slow burn of anger … and then act on it.
6. Space Invaders … Hasty drivers who change lanes without signaling.
5. Gap Snatchers … Obnoxious drivers who speed up to keep you from changing lanes.
4. Wacky Weavers … Drivers who weave through traffic to gain 1 or 2 car lengths.
3. Piggybackers … Pushy drivers who tailgate.
2. Turtle Racers … Slow drivers in the fast lane.
1. Motor Mouths … Distracted drivers talking on cellphones.
– AP

NEXT MONTH the first gay female superhero will be introduced in DC Comics. The identity of the new “Batwoman” is being kept a closely guarded secret, but word has it that she will either be Gotham City’s resident lesbo private detective, ‘Renee Montoya’, or buxom lipstick gay socialite, ‘Kathy Kane’. Fans are speculating the duo may actually be romantically linked. “Batwoman” has appeared in various DC Comics over the past 40 years but this is the first time she’s being given a larger role and a 21st-Century makeover. (In a related issue … ever wonder about ‘Robin’?)
– “GQ Magazine”

• Portuguese paper company Renova has just begun test-marketing its new product, “Renova Black”, a first-time-ever black bathroom tissue. Wow, chic sheet or what?
• The new “Freeloader Fork” looks like a normal piece of tableware but it telescopically extends to a length of 21 inches. Perfect for raiding a passing dessert cart in a restaurant or liberating a shrimp from your spouse’s plate across the table!
• Bullet Resistant Systems of San Antonio TX is selling bullet-proof siding for houses. It’s made from a tough fiberglass material that deflects live arms fire. Now if they’d just develop ‘drive-by windows’.
• Just in time for Fathers Day comes the new “Potty Putter”, a golf practice gizmo meant to be used while … er, sitting down. The proportionally-sized putter comes complete with a bathmat putting green, 2 golf balls, and … a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.

Creative bartender Ante Butic has been serving an unusual concoction to clients on the beach at Zadar, Croatia. What makes the ‘Wings of Zadar’ cocktail special is – it can only be mixed by a bartender free-falling from 10,000 ft. It’s poured upside-down so it flies upward into the shaker; it’s mixed during a series of somersaults; and it’s chilled by the rushing frigid air. Finally, it’s served to the customer when the parachuting bartender lands. So far, the high-flying cocktail is just a stunt sponsored by the local tourism board but Butic says it may become a staple – if he can find enough rich customers. (If you have to ask how much, you can’t afford it.)
– Ananova News

Here are some common signs that indicate you’re cracking under work’s pressure …
• Your co-workers are walking on eggshells around you.
• You come in late and want to leave earlier.
• Apathy has replaced enthusiasm.
• You’ve lost camaraderie with co-workers.
• You’re feeling physically sick.

If you’re average, you will spend 8 months of your lifetime opening junk mail.
– “Family Circle Magazine”


1930 [76] Clint Eastwood, San Francisco CA, movie director (4 Oscars-“Million Dollar Baby”, “Unforgiven”)/movie actor (“The Bridges of Madison County”)/1995 Irving G Thalberg Memorial Academy Award/1996 American Film Institute Life Achievement Award

1962 [44] Corey Hart, Montréal QC, oldies singer (“Never Surrender”, “Sunglasses at Night”)

1965 [41] Brooke Shields, NYC, model/movie actress (“The Blue Lagoon”)/author (“Down Came the Rain”)/former TV actress (“Suddenly Susan” 1996-2000)/ex-Mrs Andre Agassi

1976 [30] Colin Farrell, Dublin, Ireland, movie actor (“Alexander”, “SWAT”)  COMING UP: Co-stars with Jamie Foxx as ‘Detective Sonny Crockett’ in the bigscreen version of “Miami Vice”, opening JULY 28th.

• “Macaroon Day”, honoring those ooey-gooey, flourless coconut cookies that stick to your fillings. A red letter day for dentists everywhere!

• “Save Your Hearing Day”. I SAID, TODAY IS “SAVE YOUR HEARING DAY” … if you’d turn down your iPod you’d be able to … oh, never mind.

• “Senior Health & Fitness Day”, the 13th annual celebrated on the last Wednesday of May as part of “Seniors’ Month” activities.

• “World No-Tobacco Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Health Organization to encourage people to butt out.

2000 [06] 1st “Survivor” reality series begins 3-month summer run on CBS-TV (Richard, Rudy, Susan, Sean, Colleen, Kelly, Greg & Gervase quickly become household names as do the tribes ‘Tagi’ and ‘Pagong’)

1884 [122] 1st ‘Flaked Cereal’ patented, by Dr John Harvey Kellogg (before that – gruel!)

1997 [09] 13-km ‘Confederation Bridge’ from Cape Tormentine NB to Borden PEI officially opens, finally joining Prince Edward Island to the mainland

1976 [30] Guinness Record ‘Loudest Concert’ as The Who put out a total of 76,000 watts of power at 120 decibels (no wonder it’s “Save Your Hearing Day” … Pete Townshend should be poster boy!)

[June 1] Stand for Children Day / Trails Day
[June 2] Rocky Road Ice Cream Day / Cancer Survivors Day / Doughnut Day / “The Break-Up” opens in movie theaters
[June 2-3] Shavuot (Jewish)
[June 3] Canada’s Walk of Fame 2006 Induction Gala / Repeat Day / MTV Movie Awards
[June 4] International Mothers Peace Day / Old Maid’s Day
[June 5] Personal Computer Day / UN World Environment Day / Dicing for Bibles (UK)
[June 6] Couple Appreciation Day / “The Omen” opens in movie theaters
[June 7] Chocolate Ice Cream Day / Attitude Day / Family Day
[June 8] Name Your Poison Day / MTV Movie Awards air / 35th CMA Music Festival begins / 34th “AFI Life Achievement Award” (LA CA)
[June 9] Donald Duck Day / Take a Kid Fishing Weekend / “Cars” opens in movie theaters
[June 10] 2006 Belmont Stakes / Betty Picnic Day / Yo-Yo Day
[June 11] 60th Tony Awards / Children’s Sunday
[June 12] Machine Day / Taco Day / Kitchen Klutzes Day
[June 13] Juggling Day
[June 14] Family History Day
[June 15] Smile Power Day / 2006 Songwriters Hall of Fame induction (NYC) / Nursing Assistants Day
[June 16] 5th Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival (Manchester TN) / “Garfield’s A Tale of Two Kitties”, “Nacho Libre”, “The Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift”, and “The Lake House” open in movie theaters
[June 17] Eat Your Vegetables Day / International Violin Day
[June 18] MuchMusic Video Awards / Fathers Day / Paul McCartney turns 64 / International Panic Day / Splurge Day
[June 19] World Sauntering Day
[June 20] World Refugee Day
[June 21] Summer arrives (8:26 am EDT) / Canadian Aboriginal Day / Baby Boomers Recognition Day / Vegan World Day / “Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man” opens in movie theaters
[June 23] Pink Day / Let It Go Day / Take Your Dog to Work Day / “Click” and “Waist Deep” opens in movie theaters
[June 24] St-Jean-Baptiste Day (QC)
[June 25] Log Cabin Day / Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city)
[June 26] Discovery Day (NL)
[June 27] 2006 BET Awards / Special Recreation for Disabled Day / Decide to be Married Day / HIV Testing Day
[June 28] Handshake Day / Paul Bunyan Day / Columnists Day
[June 29] Camera Day
[June 29-July 9] 27th Montréal Jazz Festival
[June 30] Meteor Day / “Superman Returns” opens in movie theaters
[July 1] Canada Day / 11th World Wife Carrying Championships (Sonkajarvi, Finland)
[July 4] Independence Day (USA)


A recent online poll asks “What kind of music goes best with beer?” The top tune types for sucking back suds …
5. Country … 8%
4. German Oompah … 9%
3. Rock … 20%
2. Irish … 21%
1. Blues … 24%

Q: 328 years ago TODAY (1678), Lady Godiva rode a horse naked through the streets of Coventry, England.  Why did she do it?
A: She was protesting taxes.

Q: What cities are at each end of the Trans-Canada highway?
A: Victoria BC and St John’s NL.
– Wikipedia

• Do you pay your kids for household chores? How much?
• Are there jobs that are inappropriate for expectant moms? At what point in the pregnancy? TV viewers in Switzerland are calling for an 8-months-pregnant weather reporter to take a leave because they find watching her too embarrassing. (“And we have an extremely large warm front over here …”)

I won’t say [co-host] has bad breath, but she wears a Listerine patch.

Today’s Question: These days THIS is the item that’s most often left behind by hotel guests.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A cellphone charger.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

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