May 18 2020

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Monday, May 18, 2020   Edition: #6699

Bully For You!

★ Fred Willard, the prolific comic actor and master of the mockumentary genre who stood out in ensemble comedies like “Best in Show”, “For Your Consideration” and ‘This Is Spinal Tap”, has died at the age of 86. Willard’s rep confirmed his death, adding that the cause of death was natural causes. Willard also had a recurring TV role as Phil Dunphy’s father ‘Frank’ on “Modern Family”.
★ A sing-along version of “Grease” will air on CBS in June, the same night the 74th annual Tony Awards were originally scheduled to air. The Grease sing-along edition will feature pop-up lyrics so families can sing their favorite songs together. The 1978 film, starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, features songs such as ‘Grease’, ‘You’re the One That I Want’, ‘Summer Nights’, ‘Sandy’ and ‘Greased Lightnin’. ‘Hopelessly Devoted to You’, which was written exclusively for the movie, was nominated for the Best Original Song Oscar. The film, which is based on the 1971 musical by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey, will begin at 8:30 p.m. ET on Sunday, June 7.
★ A pair of original Michael Jordan ‘Air Jordan’ sneakers have smashed auction records, hitting an unprecedented $288,000 by Friday. The shoes are the most expensive piece of Michael Jordan memorabilia to ever be sold, surpassing the $190K paid for his Converse shoes worn in the 1984 Olympic games. Bidding closed yesterday.  RESULT HERE
★ (***CAUTION: “F-ing”***) Pardon my f-ing language but Jonah Hill has overtaken Samuel L. Jackson as the actor who has uttered the most swear words in movies. An analysis from the research group Buzz Bingo called “Profanity on Film” says that Hill has dropped f-bombs and other naughty words 376 times in his movies while Jackson has only sworn 301 times, landing him in third place overall. Hill took the top spot due in large part to his role in 2013’s “The Wolf of Wall Street,” which the report says is the most profane movie ever, with more than 700 swear words. Hill’s co-star in that film, Leonardo DiCaprio, also surpassed Jackson, tallying 361 uses of bad language.
(Right now, Jackson is calling his agent to get someone working on a sequel to “Snakes on a Plane”!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Sarah Paulson, Gorillaz
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cole Sprouse, Billy Corgan
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Kumail Nanjiani, Andra Day, Elmo
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Nick Kroll, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Terry Crews, Old Dominion
• “Conan” (TBS): Adam Sandler (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Ellie Kemper, Daniel Radcliffe
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Rita Wilson
• “The Talk” (CBS): Wayne Brady, Jonathan Mangum, Dr. Mike Varshavski
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Laura Linney, the winner of “American Idol”, Dr. Melina Jampolis
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kumail Nanjiani
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Seth Meyers, Kelly Rowland
• “The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart” (ABC): Season 1 finale
• “Penn & Teller: Try This at Home” (CW): The pair, along with their magician friends, showcase new magic tricks and teach viewers how to do an array of tricks; guests include Elle Fanning and Dakota Fanning
• “The Voice” (NBC): Finale Part 1

• Justin Bieber – says he wishes he never had sex before he married Hailey Baldwin. During a Q&A on Facebook’s “The Bieber on Watch”, he was asked about what things he would change if he could go back in time. His answer: “If I could go back and not have to face some of the bad hurt I went through, I probably would’ve saved myself for marriage.”
• Lady Gaga — Ever since she unveiled her highly anticipated “Chromatica” track list, fans have been buzzing over the Ariana Grande collaboration, ‘Rain on Me’. The Little Monsters and Arianators won’t have to wait much longer to hear it. The singers took to social media on Friday to reveal that the song will be released this Friday.
• Pink Floyd – Their album “The Dark Side of the Moon” has returned to the Billboard 200 albums chart. The 1973 classic currently sits at #193, and has now racked up an unprecedented 950 weeks on the list. The second-longest-charting album is Bob Marley and the Wailers’ “Legend”, at 625 weeks.
• Alice Cooper — has released ‘Don’t Give Up’, a new single recorded during and inspired by the COVID-19 lockdown. He invited his fans to participate in the video, with Cooper and his band members filming separately during quarantine. Over 20,000 responded, holding up signs and messages of unity featuring words from the lyrics.
• Foo Fighters – are streaming more classic concert footage. Now streaming from their archive are shows shot over two nights in 2008 at London’s Wembley Stadium, with guests Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin. It’s being made available as a fundraiser for indie concert venues.
• Devo — have unveiled custom face shields made in the style of their iconic “Energy Dome” headgear. Although often mistaken for flower pots, they were designed to “collect energy that escapes from the head and to push it back for increased mental energy.” Pre-order your DEVO Energy Dome PPE kit now for $49.95 at the band’s website.
• Keith Urban – played an unannounced show on Thursday for first responders at a drive-in movie theatre near Nashville. The show was to thank 200 staff members of Vanderbilt University Medical Centre. Throughout the concert, over 100 cars honked and flashed their lights in support of Urban and healthcare professionals, while respecting physical distancing recommendations.
• Travis Denning – says that while it was Mötley Crüe that first ignited his passion for music, it was Jason Aldean who made him see how blending rock and country can work seamlessly. His “Beer’s Better Cold” EP was released on Friday.

The sun has gone into “lockdown”, which is a term for a period of “minimum sunshine”, which could result in lower global temperatures, earthquakes and famine, according to scientists. Experts believe activity on the surface of the sun has fallen dramatically and we are about to enter the deepest period of sunshine “recession” ever recorded. NASA scientists fear it could be a repeat of the Dalton Minimum, which happened between 1790 and 1830 — leading to periods of brutal cold, crop loss, famine and powerful volcanic eruptions, as well as the so-called “Year Without a Summer” in 1816 — when there was snow in July.
(OK, I’m good with staying in quarantine a little longer!)
(On the plus side, you should be able to get a great deal on a used boat!)
(I can’t believe I just spent an entire sunny weekend doing laundry…)

A new study finds that modern life may be much more stressful than it was even 20 years ago. And that was BEFORE the pandemic. Using data collected prior to the appearance of COVID-19, a team of Penn State researchers noted higher levels of reported stress among all age-groups in comparison to the 1990s. On average, people reported about 2% more stressors in the 2010s compared to those in the 90s. That equals about an additional week of stress a year. But the big surprise was that people at mid-life reported about 19% more stress in 2010 than in 1990, translating to 64 more days of stress a year.
(20 years ago, my biggest worry was whether my computer would show the right year…)
(My biggest worry these days is whether I’ll be able to fit into my jeans — when I finally have a chance to wear them again…)
(Don’t worry, middle-agers, just a few more years and you’ll be able to give up entirely!)

K.O.? O.K.:
It started as something that seemed like a bizarre rumor started by a bored sportswriter in quarantine. And over the weekend, the story gained traction until finally Evander Holyfield confirmed that he is in talks to come out of retirement for a third fight against Mike Tyson. Despite hanging up his gloves in 2005, 53-year-old Tyson has posted training video showing he still has frightening speed and power. And 57-year old Holyfield, who retired in 2011, has also been seen displaying impressive form in preparation for what could be a 2 or 3 round charity match. Holyfield, who had already been in discussions for his own exhibition return, closed his training video with the same statement as Tyson, simply saying, “I’m back.”
(They’ve already had two fights and Holyfield hasn’t lost yet. Well, an ear…)
(This is like Rocky vs. Drago II – only less believable!)
-CBS, TheSun

➢ For chilling out:  “Stop, Breathe & Think” — is a meditation app that starts by evaluating your emotional state, then guides you through breathing exercises, brief meditations or even cat videos.
➢ For gaming:  “Heads Up!” on Houseparty – Yep, the Ellen DeGeneres-backed game that’s kind of like a reverse charades, mashed with the video calling app Houseparty, so you can invite all your friends to play remotely.
➢ For cooking: “Project Foodie: Guided Cooking” — it breaks down recipes step-by-step via video, led by pro chefs. By the end, you’ll be blanching and julienne-ing as well as them.
➢ For learning: “EdX” — Think of a topic, any topic — they probably have a class for that, offered by one of more than 100 universities. (This could be the future!)
➢ For socializing: “Nextdoor” — connects you with neighbors you may’ve never met. It was fun and useful before the pandemic, now, it’s essential to get to know your neighbors who may need your help or can offer you theirs.
➢ For silly, escapist fun: “TikTok” — Seriously, you’re not on TikTok yet? Get it. By the time you escape the rabbit-hole of this bite-sized video platform, quarantine just might be over.
(You’ll notice I never mentioned any ‘workout’ apps. You’re welcome.)

Tree nuts just got a little bit leaner. Research over the last few years reveals that tree nuts — including almonds, cashews, walnuts, and pistachios — have fewer calories than previously estimated. According to a new calculation, one ounce of almonds is only 129 calories, 19% fewer than the previously accepted calculation. An ounce of cashews is 137 calories rather than 163 (a 16% drop). Pistachios’ and walnuts’ calories dropped 5 and 21%, respectively. Scientists say the discrepancy is due to our bodies inability to break down the cell walls of nuts, leading to a large percentage of calories being eliminated as waste.


1946 [74] Reggie Jackson (“Mr. October”), Wyncote PA, former pro baseball player (563 career home runs/1973 American League MVP/5 World Series Championships/14-time All-Star)

1952 [68] George Strait, Poteet TX, semi-retired country singer (‘All My Ex’s Live in Texas’, ‘River of Love’)/most #1 hits of any country artist (60)

1970 [50] Tina Fey, Upper Darby PA, TV actress-writer-producer (“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” since 2015, “30 Rock” 2006-13, “SNL” 1997-2006)/movie actress (“Baby Mama”)/author (“Bossypants”)

1972 [48] Teresa Giudice (JOO-deitch-ay), Paterson NJ, reality star (“The Real Housewives of New Jersey” 2009-2020)

1979 [41] David Nail, Kennett MO, country singer (‘Whatever She’s Got’, ‘Let It Rain’)

1981 [39] Allen Leech, Killiney Ireland, TV actor (‘Tom Branson’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-15)

1987 [33] Luisana Lopilato, Buenos Aires, Argentina, soap opera actress-model (married to singer Michael Bublé)

• “Victoria Day”, in Canada, a holiday originally commemorating the birth of Queen Victoria (May 24, 1819). It originated in 1901 after her death, and since 1952, it has been celebrated on the Monday preceding May 25th. It is now celebrated as the official birthday of the current Queen, and this long weekend is referred to by many Canadians as “May 2-4”.

• “HIV Vaccine Awareness Day”, promoting the continued urgent need for a vaccine to prevent HIV infection and AIDS.

• “No Dirty Dishes Day”, if nothing else, it’s a convenient excuse to order delivery…three times.

• “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. Uh, maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen? (We’re visiting via Zoom this year…)

• “International Museum Day”, established in 1977 by the International Council of Museums to draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small, or strange. Here are a few truly odd ones …
– Air Sickness Bag Virtual Museum NET:
– Amsterdam Tattoo Museum (Amsterdam, Netherlands)
– Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum (San Antonio TX)
– Bata Shoe Museum (Toronto ON)
– Burnt Food Museum (Arlington MA) NET:
– Canadian Canoe Museum (Peterborough ON)
– Exotic World Exotic Dancing Museum (Helendale CA)
– The Hair Museum (Independence MO)
– International UFO Museum & Research Center (Roswell NM)
– LeRoy House & Jell-O Gallery (LeRoy NY)
– Museum of Bad Art (Boston MA)
– The Museum of Dirt (Boston MA)\
– National Museum of Funeral History (Houston TX)
– Riceworld (Los Banos, Philippines)
– Squished Penny Museum (Washington DC)
– Insectarium de Montréal (Montréal QC)
– Ukrainian Museum of Canada (Saskatoon SK)
– Vodka Museum (Moscow, Russia) with over 50,000 bottles on display. Visitors are offered 10 different types to taste.

[Tues] Dinosaur Day
[Tues] Devil’s Food Cake Day
[Wed] Pick Strawberries Day
[Wed] World Bee Day
This Week Is…Emergency Medical Services Week
This Month Is…National Salad Month

2001 [19] The animated hit “Shrek” is released and goes on to rack up $484 million in worldwide box office (Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, and Cameron Diaz later reprise their roles in 3 sequels, released in 2004, 2007, and 2010)

1985 [35] Simple Minds hit #1 with ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’, from the movie “The Breakfast Club”. The song was first offered to Billy Idol, who turned it down

2011 [09] John Lennon’s handwritten lyrics for the 1967 Beatles song ‘Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds’ sell for $237,132 in Beverly Hills CA

2017 [03] After performing with Soundgarden in Detroit, Chris Cornell is found dead from an apparent suicide at the age of 52

2004 [16] Arizona Diamondbacks’ 40-year-old lefty Randy Johnson becomes ‘Oldest Major League Baseball Pitcher to Throw a Perfect Game’, beating Atlanta Braves 2-0

2012 [08] Facebook raises $16 billion in the largest tech IPO in stock market history


✓ The longest-ever Monopoly game lasted more than 70 days.
✓ Nearly 50% of bank robberies take place on a Friday.
✓ Thunder is caused by air rushing into the vacuum created by a bolt of lightning.
✓ Growing a beard has health benefits such as preventing allergies, asthma attacks and rashes, and protecting your skin from the sun.
✓ Rats can live longer without water than camels can.
✓ It’s possible to sneeze so hard that you break your ribs.

• One out of every 2 socks put in the washer comes out of the dryer as a Tupperware lid.
• They aren’t lost; They’re practicing social distancing.
• They’ve escaped to another world where they can choose their own mate.
• A lost sock is what Bono has been looking for this whole time.
• If you wear them with Crocs, they’re not lost, someone is hiding them from you.

Best of BS . . .

• I don’t know where your candy went.
• I’ll think about it.
• They don’t make batteries for that toy anymore.
• The ice cream man plays music when he’s out of ice cream.
• I only have five dollars.
• Don’t swallow the seeds. You’ll grow a watermelon in your stomach
• You face will freeze like that…
• It’s grape juice for adults.
• You’ll understand when you’re older.
• Your Mom and I were just wrestling.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

➠ Police in India are looking for someone who is breaking into homes and making people’s beds. In one home, the person even washed the sheets before making the bed.  (When found, the perp will be charged with impersonating my mom when I was in college)
➠ Florida man attacked her with a beer. Florida woman responded by attacking him with a screwdriver. Both were bloody, both got arrested. (Sounds to me like someone was ‘hammered’!)
➠ A supermarket shopper who was upset about purchasing limits threw a steak at cashier. (When asked if this sorta thing has happened before, the cashier said “Yeah, but it’s rare”)
➠ A Miami Beach woman, protesting the shutdown of a beach due to the pandemic, was arrested for sitting on the beach while holding a sign that read, “We Are Free.” (She’s been charged with two counts of resisting an officer, trespassing, and one count of extreme irony…)
➠ A Russian long jump champion was offered £2million-a-year to become a “high-class escort”. (When she crosses THAT line, YOU end up with the trophy!)

Nice improvisation:

In TV’s “The Office” what object of Dwight’s does Jim put in Jell-O?
a) computer mouse
b) coffee mug
c) stapler [CORRECT]
d) beets

• In “Friends”, how many times has Ross been married?
a) only once
b) 3 times [CORRECT]
c) twice
d) more than 3 times

• From which TV show is the family of Roses: Johnny, Moira, David, and Alexis?
a) Bob’s Burgers
b) Schitt’s Creek [CORRECT]
c) Parenthood
d) Flowers

What was the best outdoor summer concert you ever attended?

To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you; I have contacts.

Question:  24% of families have owned one of THESE. What is it?
Answer:  A mini van

Many of life’s problems come from two things; We act without thinking or we keep thinking without acting.


Leave a comment