May 18 2022

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Wednesday, May 18, 2022 — Edition: #7233

Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

The Bull Sheet will not be publishing on Monday, May 23 to observe the Canadian Victoria Day holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, May 24.

★ Netflix is ready to roast Tom Brady. The iconic NFL quarterback is set to be the first subject of what will be a series of new Netflix comedy specials called “Greatest Roasts of All Time” or “GROAT.” Brady, who will serve as exec producer on his own and future roasts, said: “To quote my good friend, Marshawn Lynch … ‘I’m just here so I won’t get fined.’” His roast will be filmed in 2023, following his next season in the NFL. Netflix’s comedy head jokingly said: “We can’t wait to burn 3-time Super Bowl-losing quarterback Tom Brady, who only went back to the NFL in order to delay this roast.”
★ Kourtney Kardashian got hitched over the weekend to Travis Barker, but she didn’t invite her kids? You might recall, the rockstar and reality TV star got married in Vegas last month, but that wasn’t legally binding. Fast forward one month and the couple did make their marriage official, tying the knot, for real this time, at a courthouse in Santa Barbara. The couple was spotted in the typical bride and groom formal attire, and they were surrounded by witnesses and bodyguards. If you’re wondering where Kourtney’s 3 children were, it appears they may not have been invited. According to Kourtney’s ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, Scott Disick, Mason, Penelope and Reign were chillin’ with dad on Sunday.
★ Gordon Ramsay has been awarded $4.5 million in damages after going head-to-head with his former business partner Rowen Seibel in court. Seibel sued the fiery chef in 2014, but a judge in New York Superior Court ruled last week that Seibel was “not a credible witness,” and appeared to have “fabricated evidence.” Ramsay and Seibel opened The Fat Cow restaurant at a swanky outdoor shopping mall in Los Angeles, in 2012. But when it closed in 2014, Seibel sued Ramsay, claiming the chef had “deliberately mishandled a trademark problem” for the eatery — and then “formed a new company with new partners” and negotiated a deal to open a new restaurant in the Fat Cow’s space.
★ Fox executives have “no regrets” over their controversial decision to include Rudy Giuliani on “The Masked Singer”. During a conference call with reporters, Fox Entertainment’s Rob Wade said the only disappointment to him from the whole scandal was Giuliani’s participation was leaked before the season began. Giuliani was finally revealed to be the Jack in the Box singer during an episode that aired on April 20. Wade said: “The marketing is all about delivering jaw-dropping moments, which is exactly what the casting accomplished…I suppose my only regret or surprise was obviously the reveal was spoiled [by the press], but kudos to you guys. Just please don’t do it again.” Fox recently renewed the show for Season 8.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): John Mulaney, Andy Samberg, Cheryl Hines, Gang of Youths
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Tim McGraw, Maisie Williams, Doechii
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Antony Blinken, Zosia Mamet
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sarah Silverman, Jeffrey Donovan, Sleaford Mods
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Sheryl Crow, Rhea Seehorn
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Christine Quinn, Erika Jayne
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Joanne Froggatt, Allen Leech, guest co-host Stephanie Grisham
• “The Talk” (CBS): Courtney B. Vance
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Ricky Gervais, Quinta Brunson, guest co-host Caroline Rhea
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sean “Diddy” Combs, Luke Bryan, Chrissy Teigen, John Legend, Jess A. Talamantes
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Idina Menzel, Talia Suskauer, Craig Wich, Mark O’Brien, Barlow & Bear
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Drew Barrymore: Ali Wentworth
• “The Goldbergs” (ABC, CTV): Season 9 finale. Everyone is ready for Adam’s graduation day — except Beverly, who is not coping well with the idea of an empty nest.
• “The Connors” (ABC, CTV): Season 4 finale. As they gear up for a megawedding, the family discovers that some of the couples may not be on the same page about their happily ever afters.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (Fox, CTV): Season 17 premiere. Auditions begin.
• “NHL Hockey” (Check local listings): 2 second-round series begin: NYR @ Carolina, Edmonton @ Calgary

• American Idol – Season 20’s 3-hour finale on May 22 will not only feature performances from the finalists. Viewers will also see songs from judges Katy Perry, Lionel Richie and Luke Bryan, plus Carrie Underwood; Ben Platt; Deana Carter; Earth, Wind & Fire; Flo Rida; Idol alum Gabby Barrett; James Arthur; Sara Bareilles; Melissa Etheridge; Michael Bublé; Tai Verdes and Thomas Rhett.
• Lizzo – has reacted to a video Selena Gomez posted of herself doing the viral TikTok dance to Lizzo’s ‘About Damn Time’ behind the scenes at “Saturday Night Live”, which Gomez hosted on Saturday. Lizzo took Gomez’s original TikTok and superimposed herself dancing over it — making it look like the 2 were doing the trendy dance side by side – and left one word in the caption: “Collab?” LINK:
• Abba — spent 7 hours a day for more than a month working on routines for their upcoming “Voyage” digital performance spectacular. The 4 members wore motion-capture suits in front of 200 cameras with about 40 people working behind the scenes, says Benny Andersson. The resulting “experience” will see the “ABBA-tars” of the group perform alongside real-life musicians on a 196-show run starting May 27.
• Eric Clapton — postponed some European concerts after testing positive for COVID. Shows this week set for Zurich and Milan have been postponed, with Slowhand hoping to return to the stage Friday in Bologna, Italy. He has also announced a brief run of U.S concert dates with Jimmie Vaughan, starting Sept. 8 in Columbus OH, and winding up in New York Sept. 18 and 19.
• Sex Pistols – John Lydon, the legendary punk who once snarled “God save the Queen, she ain’t no human being”, is now “really, really proud of [her] for surviving and doing so well” at the age of 96. In an interview, the former ‘Johnny Rotten’ said: “I applaud her for that and that’s a fantastic achievement.” Of the song, he said: “It’s very anti-royalist, but it’s not anti-human.”
• Carrie Underwood – has announced “The Denim & Rhinestones Tour, starting in October and hitting arenas through March 2023. Jimmie Allen will open, beginning Oct. 15 in Greenville SC. Underwood will release her album “Denim & Rhinestones,” on June 10.
• Brandi Carlile, Allison Russell and Yola — lead nominations for the Americana Honors & Awards, with 3 each. Carlile’s “In These Silent Days” is up for Album of the Year, ‘Right on Time’ is up for Song of the Year, and Carlile herself is nominated in the Artist of the Year category. The 21st Annual Americana Honors & Awards will be held Sept. 14 at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville.
• Wynonna Judd – said during Sunday’s memorial concert for her mother that she plans to go forward with the farewell tour that The Judds had announced before Naomi’s death, as a tribute. Wynonna closed the event with ‘Love Can Build a Bridge’.


How often do you tell a lie? A recent study showed that 60% of people admitting to lying after just a single 10-minute conversation. So, maybe the better question is: How can you tell when someone else is lying? After a ton of research, Aldert Vrij, a professor of applied social psychology at the University of Portsmouth, says he knows a simple trick to indicate when someone isn’t telling the truth. What you want to do is to find a way to increase their ‘cognitive load’, so that maintaining a lie becomes more difficult. What does that mean? Simply get the person whose honesty is in question to focus part of their attention on another concept or task while you question them about whatever you think they might be lying about. It turns out that mental distraction can trip up even the most earnest liars (if there is such a thing…). Or, as the professor says: “Truths and lies can sound equally plausible as long as lie tellers are given a good opportunity to think what to say.”
(That’s not fair. I can’t even tell the TRUTH when I’m trying to do something else!)
(They say honesty is the best policy. But if you don’t have the ability to lie when needed, you’re a liability!)

When people say they plan to “relax”, it turns out it’s simply a code word for “watch TV”. According to a new poll, most of us use the television as our #1 “chill-out” method, ahead of others that might seem more obvious, such as a walk, meditation or taking a bubble bath. The recent poll of 2,000 people concluded that 55% of American adults use “comfort” television and movies to self-soothe and distract themselves from anxiety or stress. But it turns out that’s not such a bad idea. Dr. Natalie King, a brain-health expert and neuroscientist who worked on the report said: “Watching your favorite TV series can encourage the release of dopamine, which creates a sense of euphoria. Dopamine essentially says to the brain: ‘You are enjoying this… Keep it up!’”
(Hence “binge-watching”!)
The great thing about chilling in front of the TV is you can also take part in that other awesome method of relaxation: wine!)

Some people are a little blown-away by what you can get at Burger King in Germany these days.  German BK has dropped a new range of burgers and to many, the menu is – uh – gross. Customers can choose from fried egg and banana, a currywurst sausage on a burger bun with a marinated herring, vanilla ice cream with eggs and olives on a burger bun, or the pièce de résistance: a burger with layers of pancake, fresh raspberries, ice cream, regular cream, and beef. Of course, the new menu has caught fire on social media, with one commenter saying: “It looks like you asked a 6-year-old to combine all his favorite foods.” Another wrote: “I might be pregnant because this actually doesn’t sound disgusting.” And that’s the comment that might hit closest to home. Because the new special menu is aimed at all the expectant moms in Germany. LINK:
(Expectant moms . . . AND the 4/20 crowd?)
(Ew. And the WORST thing is that all those poor moms-to-be have to “eat for 2”!)

(And not the obvious ones you always hear, like buying in bulk and clipping coupons…)
⇒ Store produce properly:  With recent supply chain issues, some feel that the quality of produce has decreased, and with it, its shelf life. Freeze the stuff you aren’t going to use right away. Ripe fruits like avocados can be extended by a few days when kept in the fridge.
⇒ Weigh the cost and benefits:  Sure, some items might be cheaper at a store on the other side of town, but when you factor in time and travel costs, is it worth it? And only buy in bulk if you’re going to eat it before it goes bad. (No fear of this at my place. We have teenagers…)
⇒ Be flexible with recipes:  This can be big help, rather than shopping from a rigid list that doesn’t take into account what’s on sale or in season, or what you already have on hand. For instance, if there’s a bag of arugula on sale, grab that instead of the spinach on your list.
⇒ Team up:  Some people belong to chat groups with family and friends, focused on spotting and sharing good deals. Sometimes these go as far as offering to pick up a certain sale item for everyone who’s interested, thus saving then time, money, and travel costs. (And could you hit the drive-thru for me on the way back?)

Researchers have linked spending more time playing video games with a boost in intelligence in children, which should go a long way in contradicting the narrative that gaming is bad for young minds. In a study of almost 5,000 9-and 10-year-olds, researchers in Sweden and Amsterdam found that kids who spend more time than the norm playing video games saw an increase of 2.5 IQ points above the average raise in that time frame. Watching TV and using social media didn’t seem to have a positive or negative effect on intelligence. (Except for those who follow the Kardashians, who became drastically dumber!)


• “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. Uh, maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen? (We’re visiting via Zoom again this year…)
• “No Dirty Dishes Day”, if nothing else, it’s a convenient excuse to order delivery…3 times.
• “HIV Vaccine Awareness Day”, promoting the continued urgent need for a vaccine to prevent HIV infection and AIDS.
• “National Cheese Soufflé Day”, when we can all enjoy a little of this French delight. The word soufflé is the past participle of the French verb ‘souffler’, which means “to blow up” or “puff up.” Combine egg whites with custard, and it’ll puff up into a fine, golden soufflé when baked.
• “National Speech Pathologist Day”, the field began growth in the 1920’s as speech pathologists focused on treating soldiers returning from war. Today, you’ll find them in hospitals, rehabilitation facilities, nursing homes, schools, early intervention settings, universities and private practices. On this day, we recognize their awesome work.
• “Turn Beauty Inside Out Day”, to shift the definition of beauty from outer beauty to inner beauty. The also day exists to recognize the negative pressures about their appearance put on women by the media.
• “International Museum Day”, established in 1977 by the International Council of Museums to draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small, or strange. Here are some truly odd ones …
– Air Sickness Bag Virtual Museum LINK:
– Amsterdam Tattoo Museum (Amsterdam, Netherlands)
– Sulabh International Museum of Toilets (New Delhi India)
– Bata Shoe Museum (Toronto ON)
– Burnt Food Museum (Arlington MA) LINK:
– Canadian Canoe Museum (Peterborough ON)
– Burlesque Hall of Fame Museum (Las Vegas NV)
– Leila’s Hair Museum (Independence MO)
– International UFO Museum & Research Center (Roswell NM)
– LeRoy House & Jell-O Gallery (LeRoy NY)
– Museum of Bad Art (Boston MA)
– The Museum of Dirt (Boston MA)
– The Museum of Soap and History of Dirt (Bydgoszcz, Poland)
– National Museum of Funeral History (Houston TX)
– Riceworld (Los Banos Philippines)
– Cup Noodles Museum (Osaka Japan)
– Squished Penny Museum (Washington DC, online only since 2007)
– Insectarium de Montréal (Montréal QC)
– Vodka Museum (Moscow Russia) with over 50,000 bottles on display. Visitors are offered 10 different types to taste.

[Thurs] Celebrate Your Elected Officials Day
[Thurs] Brown Bag it Thursday
[Fri] Flower Day
[Fri] International Red Sneakers Day

1946 [76] Reggie Jackson (“Mr. October”), Wyncote PA, former MLB player (563 career home runs/1973 American League MVP/5 World Series Championships/14-time All-Star)

1952 [70] George Strait, Poteet TX, country singer-songwriter (‘All My Ex’s Live in Texas’, ‘River of Love’)/most #1 hits of any country artist (60)

1969 [53] Martika [Marta Marrero], Whittier CA, pop singer-songwriter (‘Toy Soldiers’)/child actress (‘Gloria’ on “Kids Incorporated” 1984-86]

1970 [52] Tina Fey, Upper Darby PA, TV actress-writer-producer (“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” 2015-19, “30 Rock” 2006-13, “SNL” 1997-2006)/movie actress (“Baby Mama”)/author (“Bossypants”)

1972 [50] Teresa Giudice (JOO-deitch-ay), Paterson NJ, reality TV star (“The Real Housewives of New Jersey” 2009-2020)

1975 [47] Jack Johnson, Oahu HI, soft rock singer-songwriter (‘Sitting, Waiting, Wishing’)/former pro surfer

1979 [43] David Nail, Kennett MO, country singer (‘Whatever She’s Got’, ‘Let It Rain’)

1981 [41] Allen Leech, Killiney Ireland, TV actor (‘Tom Branson’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-15)

1987 [35] Luisana Lopilato, Buenos Aires Argentina, soap opera actress-model-singer (married to singer Michael Bublé)

2001 [21] The animated hit “Shrek” is released, and goes on to rack up $484 million at the box office (Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, and Cameron Diaz later reprise their roles in 4 sequels, with another on the way…)

1985 [37] Simple Minds hit #1 with ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’, from the movie “The Breakfast Club”. The song was first offered to Billy Idol, who turned it down (but eventually released it in 2001)

2011 [11] John Lennon’s handwritten lyrics for the 1967 Beatles song ‘Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds’ sell for $237,132 in Beverly Hills CA

2017 [05] After performing with Soundgarden in Detroit, frontman Chris Cornell is found dead from an apparent suicide at the age of 52

2004 [18] Arizona Diamondbacks’ 40-year-old lefty Randy Johnson becomes ‘Oldest Major League Baseball Pitcher to Throw a Perfect Game’, beating the Atlanta Braves 2-0

2012 [10] Facebook raises $16 billion in the largest tech IPO in stock market history (exceeded by Alibaba in 2014 — $21.8 billion)


✓ Couples who spend less than $1,000 on their wedding are the least likely to divorce.
✓ People who regularly use computers type between 5,000 and 10,000 keystrokes per day.
✓ Growing a beard has health benefits such as preventing allergies, asthma attacks and rashes, and protecting your skin from the sun.
✓ It would take 225 million years to walk a light year.
✓ Rats can live longer without water than camels can.
✓ The can opener was invented 48 years after the can.
-BathroomReadersInstitute, WhattheFFacts

Best of BS . . .

• I don’t know where your candy went.
• Don’t swallow the seeds. You’ll grow a watermelon in your stomach.
• I’ll think about it.
• They don’t make batteries for that toy anymore.
• The ice cream man plays music when he’s out of ice cream.
• I only have five dollars.
• You face will freeze like that…
• It’s grape juice for adults.
• You’ll understand when you’re older.
• Your Mom and I were just wrestling.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

• “I can’t believe it’s not lard!”
• “Come for the goat cheese. Stay for the pig’s feet!”
• “10,000 undertakers can’t be wrong!”
• “As seen on TV … if you were watching at 4 am last Tuesday.”
• “Have another serving, porky!”
• “All-natural … except for the synthetic bacon.”
• “Which are you gonna believe … boring lab studies or cool TV commercials?”
• “Give us a week, and we’ll shut off your heart. “
• “Almost no chance of infection!”
• “We can’t spell ‘sucker’ without ‘u’.”
-First published in BS in 2011

(You give caller the 2 clues, they tell you ‘Which came first’ . . .)
• Facebook or the iPhone? [Facebook, 2004, 3 years before iPhone]
• Control of fire or the Wheel? [Fire, 400,000 years ago, 394,000 years before the wheel]
• “Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets” or “Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire”? [‘Chamber’, 2002, 3 years before ‘Goblet’]
• Bach or Beethoven? [Bach, born in 1685, 85 years before Beethoven]
• Birds or Insects? [Insects, 300 million years ago, 130 million years before birds]
• Disney World or Disneyland? [Disneyland, opened in 1955, 16 years before Disney World]
• Keanu Reeves’ movie “Speed” or “The Matrix”? [Speed, opened in 1994, 5 years before The Matrix]

Strangely satisfying:

Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.

If you could book any musical act (past or present) to play your next backyard BBQ, who would it be?

Question:  It takes the average person 8 seconds to do THIS. What is it?
Answer:  Answer the phone

Praise loudly. Blame softly.


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