Friday, May 13, 2022 — Edition: #7230
If You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Naomi Judd died of a self-inficted gunshot wound. The iconic country star’s cause of death was confirmed by her daughter, Ashley, during a Thursday appearance on “Good Morning America”. The actress opened up about her mother’s death, telling host Diane Sawyer that she just “couldn’t hang on until she was inducted into the (country) hall of fame by her peers.” She said: “that is the level of catastrophe of what was going on inside of her”. She and her sister Wynonna announced on April 30 that they had lost their mother “to the disease of mental illness” at age 76. Ashley said she and her family wanted to shed light on mental illness, explaining that it’s “important to make the distinction between the loved one and the disease.”
★ Andy Dick is in custody after the trailer he’s been living in was surrounded by cops, who placed him in handcuffs and hauled him away — and the whole thing was broadcast live. Reportedly, Dick was arrested for felony sexual battery after an adult male claimed the comedian sexually assaulted him at the RV park. The arrest was broadcast on Captain Content’s RV live stream Wednesday. Dick and a group of live streamers have apparently been living at the site in for some time.
★ Some onlookers in the courtroom during the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial have gone to great lengths for a front-row seat. Fans told People magazine they camped out in cars outside the Fairfax, Virginia, courthouse and other spent big on travel expenses to wait to get in. Eager enthusiasts revealed they arrive in the wee hours of the morning to secure wristbands that grant access to the courtroom each day to watch testimony. One woman said she crossed the ocean to see the trial, coming over from England. During breaks, she heads to LA at a cost of $600-700 each way, then comes back when it resumes. Including hotel and food, she says her expenses have been about $10,000 so far. But 59-year-old Ivan De Boer has her beat. He used a year’s worth of paid vacation to travel to the trial, spending $30,000 on expenses so far.
★ Apparently, being “The Dark Lord” doesn’t pay very well. James Earl Jones reportedly only made $7,000 for voicing ‘Darth Vader’ in the first “Star Wars” film. The New York Post shared a resurfaced clip which shows Jones talking about how much George Lucas paid him for taking on the role of a lifetime. Although Jones, now 91, was the voice of Darth Vader, actor David Prowse wore the iconic suit in the 1977 movie. Lucas didn’t feel that Prowse’s voice was the right fit for the sinister Sith Lord, so, as Jones put it, “he hires a guy born in Mississippi, raised in Michigan, who stutters. And that’s the voice. That’s me.” Although $7,000 doesn’t sound like a lot of money now, Jones was excited about it at the time. In the clip, he says: “I lucked out, from all these so-called handicaps, for a job that paid $7,000! I thought that was good money. And I got to be a voice on a movie!”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Millie Bobby Brown, Maury Povich, Snail Mail
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Bill Hader, Minnie Driver, Hernan Diaz, Carter McLean (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kenneth Branagh, Lily James, Nicki Minaj (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): George Takei, guest co-host Alyssa Farah Griffin
• “The Talk” (CBS): Phil Keoghan
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Julianne Hough
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Seth Meyers, Jerrod Carmichael, Kym Douglas
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Bobby Brown, Alicia Etheredge-Brown, Melissa Rivers
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Jessica Biel, Melanie Lynskey, Ryan Kiera Armstrong
• “Couples Therapy” (SHOWTIME): Season 3 premiere
• “Road Trip Romance” (HALLMARK): An escalating series of unfortunate events delays a young woman’s journey to her sister’s wedding — a trip she must now take with her biggest rival from high school.
• “Revenge Best Served Chilled” (LIFETIME): An aspiring sommelier enters a training program to save her family’s failing restaurant. When several people in the program mysteriously turn up dead, she finds herself framed for their murders and in mortal danger.
• “Love & Marriage: DC” (OWN): Series premiere. Monique and Chris and other power couples navigate their business and personal lives against the backdrop of the D.C., Virginia, and Maryland area.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Selena Gomez, with musical guest Post Malone
• “American Idol” (ABC): Live, Top 5
• “The Equalizer” (CBS): Season 2 finale
• “2022 Billboard Music Awards” (NBC): Performers include Travis Scott, Ed Sheeran, Miranda Lambert & Elle King, Becky G, Burna Boy, Megan Thee Stallion, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Silk Sonic. Sean “Diddy” Combs hosts.
• “2022 Juno Awards” (CBC): Live from Toronto. Performers include Arcade Fire, Arkells, Avril Lavigne, Charlotte Cardin, and Mustafa. Shawn Mendes will receive the International Achievement Award, and Deborah Cox will be inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame. Hosted by Simu Liu.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Harry Styles — spent a month at circus school, training for the epic stunts in his upcoming music video. The unnamed clip from his album “Harry’s House”, out May 20, will see him fly high in the air and perform tightrope and trapeze stunts, while wearing “really extravagant costumes”, including a yellow jumpsuit matching feathered wings.
• Katy Perry — will star in the upcoming musical film “Melody”. She’ll voice the title character, a sweet but shy singer with a magical voice. Perry, who is credited as a producer, will also write and perform original music for the animated movie. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/2a7x8dww
• Dua Lipa – Jack Harlow says she was “kinda thrown off” when he FaceTimed her to get approval for his song about her. Nonetheless, he says she gave permission, saying “I suppose it’s OK”. The song, which he says he wrote because he admires Lipa, appears on his new “Come Home the Kids Miss You” album.
• Smashing Pumpkins — will hit the road this fall with special guests Jane’s Addiction. The 32-date “Spirits on Fire Tour” kicks off in Dallas on Oct. 2 and wraps up at Los Angeles’ Hollywood Bowl on Nov. 19. The sole Canadian dates are in Toronto Oct. 24, and Montreal on Oct. 26.
• U2 – Bono will release his memoir “Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story” on Nov. 1. In it, the singer chronicles his life and career through 40 songs from the band’s 4-decade history. It contains 40 chapters, each named after a song, and – in true Bono fashion – is 576 pages long.
• Queen — Brian May says he’s been suffering from daily “brown-outs” since contracting COVID-19 in December. What is a brown-out? Quote: “an almost irresistible call (to sleep) and I just go out like a light. It’s really weird.” He says he just hopes it doesn’t happen in the middle of a gig.
• Dierks Bentley – The noted hockey fan posted a video on Twitter of his kids coming home to find the Stanley Cup sitting on the family’s kitchen island. He captioned his post: “Yesterday Knox came home from school thinking it was just another day… the surprise was a success! Not every day the Stanley Cup is in your house.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/4evevju7
• Kane Brown – has revealed his own branded cereal. He partnered with PLB Sports & Entertainment, the creators of Flutie Flakes, to launch “Kane Krunch”. It’s already available in some markets, and at www.kanekrunch.com . A portion of the proceeds will benefit Brown’s charitable activities.
• Naomi Judd — CMT will air a public memorial for her on Sunday. “Naomi Judd: A River of Time Celebration”, a live event from Ryman Auditorium, will air as a commercial-free special at 6p/5c.
SHOOTING THE BULL
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Firestarter” (R, Horror-Sci-Fi): After being experimented on by a secret government entity called ‘The Shop’, Andy develops psychic powers and meets the love of his life. Together they have a daughter with a power of her own and The Shop will stop at nothing to get them back. (Zac Efron, Sydney Lemmon)
• “The Innocents” (Not rated, Horror-Thriller-limited): During the bright Nordic summer, a group of children reveal their dark and mysterious powers when the adults aren’t looking. (Rakel Flottum, Alva Ramstad, Sam Ashraf)
It may not come as a surprise to you, but according to science, if you and your partner are planning a holiday, it’s best to let the female choose where. No only do women put more research into vacation planning, they also make better decisions, according to a recent study. Skyscanner found that 75% of women do the research when planning a holiday, and 95% of both men and women are happy with this arrangement. And other studies have found that women are more likely to spend time looking for a good holiday, and analyzing a number of criteria such as hotel reviews and local travel advice. Men, however, are more “decisive”, but book a holiday more impulsively with less research. A 2017 study found that women do more of the organizing for a holiday too, such as packing, arranging travel insurance and asking neighbors to water the plants, while men tend to book airport parking and buy foreign money. By the way 66% of men THINK they do most of the holiday arranging…
(So, what you’re telling me is that the plants need watering while we’re away?)
(Let’s face it – if guys were doing the vacation arrangements, every holiday would be centered around a major sporting event…or golf!)
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ A Virginia couple who couldn’t decide whose last name to take after getting married left the momentous decision up to fate — and the flip of a coin. Collin Hansen proposed to Pearl Lee in November, but both realized that they would each be the final member of their families to carry on their last name. The pair hadn’t reached a decision by the time they were set to walk down the aisle on March 26, so they opted to have their officiant flip a coin at the end of their nuptials to decide their fate. A wedding guest at the Lee-Hansen wedding shared a video on TikTok showing the moment the coin was tossed and the couple was formally introduced — as Mr. and Mrs. Hansen. It quickly went viral, garnering over 1.8 million views. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/mr5jsf89
(Well, I guess I’ll never meet another person with the last name “Lee”!)
➢ A Canadian Member of Parliament has apologized after being called out by the opposition for participating in House of Commons proceedings virtually from a washroom stall. Last Friday, during a debate, Conservative MP Laila Goodridge flagged the speaker of the house, saying that it appeared the Liberal MP for Brampton Centre MP Shafqat Ali was participating from “a washroom.” The speaker reminded parliament that “we have to be very prudent on how we use our devices, and to be aware of the surroundings when you are online.” Monday morning, Ali appeared in the House chamber virtually (not from the bathroom), and apologized “for the unfortunate event that transpired last Friday.” (Do we need an addition to the parliamentary oath of office: “No cameras in the bathroom”?)
STRANGE THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ARE CONSIDERED BAD LUCK:
(Yes, Friday the 13th can be daunting, but in some cultures, so are these…)
⇒ Wishing someone ‘Happy Birthday’ before their birthday: Many Germans believe this will cause misfortune to everyone involved. Instead, they sometimes gather the night before a birthday and begin celebrating exactly at midnight. (But I like to celebrate my birthday WEEK!)
⇒ Changing your bed on a Friday: An old wives’ tales says if you turn your mattress that day, you’ll be cursed with bad dreams. Others say the bad-luck day is Sunday. (Let’s just not do that anywhere near the weekend, OK?)
⇒ Carrying bananas on a ship: In the 1700s, many ships that were lost or shipwrecked were carrying bananas, so sailors, who were a superstitious bunch, decided that bananas on a boat meant bad news. (I’d be much more worried about banana PEELS on a boat, but…)
⇒ Renaming a boat: In ancient times, sailors believed that the name of every boat was written in the ledger of Poseidon. If you dared change the name of a boat, you’d incur the sea god’s wrath. (Still, if you happen to buy a boat named “Titanic”, I’d change it…)
⇒ Mixing beers: In the Czech Republic, whose people drink more beer per capita than anywhere else, it’s believed that if you pour one type of beer into a mug containing another type, you’re in for some misfortune. (Especially if the guy whose beer you just stole is bigger than you…!)
⇒ Tuesday the 13th: While many cultures see Friday the 13th as bad news, in Spain, the 13th day of the month is unlucky when it falls on a Tuesday. In Spanish, the word for Tuesday is “Martes,” which comes from “Mars”, the Roman god of war, so Tuesday spells trouble.
(My psychic told me I’d have bad luck until I was 30. And after that I’d get used to it!)
DID YOU KNOW?
If you’ve ever starting downing a beautiful burrito or taco, just to have half of the insides fall out while you’re trying to eat it, then this is for you. A man has invented the “Burrito Bumper”, a food funnel for that catches your fallen fillings, and creates a secondary taco, all set for you to enjoy. In a video posted to Reddit, Matty Benedetto breaks it down, saying: “First, effortlessly insert a tortilla into the bottom basket and begin binging on your overstuffed burrito. As it ultimately falls apart, the overflow of ingredients will conveniently flow into the funnel and be swiftly inserted into your newly created taco below. Upon the last bite of your burrito, simply reach down and go to town on your freshly recycled taco creation.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/cx4hm39t
(The only problem? I’d have to try to roll THAT burrito too!)
BS CHRONOMETER 05.13.22
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Friday the 13th”, a bad day for those who suffer ‘triskaidekaphobia’ (fear of number 13) or ‘paraskevidekatriaphobia’ (fear of Friday the 13th). Every year has at least 1, but never more than 3.
• “Tulip Day”, celebrated in several countries to welcome Spring. It’s a good excuse to drop by your favorite florist and pick up a tulip bouquet — but don’t expect their floral scent to enhance your home … tulips are virtually fragrance-free.
• “Canadian Tulip Festival”, returns locally through May 23 in Canada’s Capital Region of Ottawa-Gatineau. The world’s largest tulip festival is thanks to a gift of 100,000 tulip bulbs from Dutch Princess (later Queen) Juliana in 1945 as thanks for providing her a home during WW2. LINK: https://tulipfestival.net/
• “Hummus Day”, celebrated since 2012 to salute the spread made from cooked, mashed chickpeas blended with tahini, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and garlic. (The stuff also makes a good wall spackling.)
• “Leprechaun Day”, dedicated to the wee elves of Ireland. According to folklore, if you catch one, he has to give you his pot of gold. (We just hope it’s not full of sham rocks!)
• “Apple Pie Day”, The first apple pie recipe was printed in England in 1381. Ingredients included good apples, good spices, figs, raisins, pears, saffron and cofyn (a type of pastry crust).
• “Cough Drop Day”, they’re sometimes known as throat lozenges because they were originally shaped like lozenges, or diamonds. They have also been called troches, cachous, and cough sweets. (Today, have a couple, whether you’re sick or not!)
• “Frog Jumping Day”, dedicated to frogs that jump, and jumping like a frog, and frog jumping contests, and Mark Twain’s short story “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County,” which appears to be the inspiration for the day.
• “Dance Like a Chicken Day”, Everybody do the chicken dance now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah duh duh duh duh…” (Poultry in motion?)
• “Buttermilk Biscuit Day”, before the American Civil War, biscuits emerged as an inexpensive addition to meals. This sturdier bread product soon became popular as people realized it absorbed the gravy on the plate better than plain bread. Soon, the new family favorite, ‘biscuits and gravy’, was created.
• “National Underground America Day”, honoring the 6,000 or so North Americans who make their homes not only on Earth, but in it. Underground America Day began in 1974, when architect Malcolm Wells came up with the idea.
• “Stars and Stripes Forever Day”, the anniversary of the first public performance of ‘The Stars and Stripes Forever’. It was first performed May 14, 1897 in Philadelphia, on the occasion of the unveiling of a statue of George Washington.
• “International Migratory Bird Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Saturday in May.
• “World Belly Dance Day”, annually on the 2nd Saturday of May to share the joy of dancing and help a charity.
• “Lunar Eclipse”, a total lunar eclipse will be visible in Europe, Africa, South America and North America (except in the northwest) between 9:31 p.m. ET and 2:52 a.m. Monday. A lunar eclipse can occur only during a full moon when the sun, Earth and moon align and the moon passes into Earth’s shadow.
• “Stepmothers Day”, celebrated on the Sunday after Mother’s Day to highlight the differing bonds between biological parents, step-parents, and children.
• “Bring Flowers to Someone Day”, they have always been a popular way of showing appreciation, expressing love, remembering a loved one, or apologizing to someone you treasure dearly.
• “Chocolate Chip Day”, Hey, any excuse to mow down on a dozen warm gooey cookies, fresh out of the oven. Mmm, can’t you just smell ’em? (Plus, I’ll take any excuse NOT to eat cookies with raisins in them!)
• “Nylon Stockings Day”, You may not remember ever hearing the term “nylon stockings.” A nylon stocking (also known as hose) is a close-fitting, elastic garment worn the same as socks or tights.
• “Peace Officers Memorial Day”, An annual observance by over 20,000 police departments across North America to honor colleagues who lost their lives in the line of duty.
• “Straw Hat Day”, best celebrated by going out and getting yourself a new straw hat! They block the sun, keep the rain off, evoke a simpler time, and look timelessly stylish.
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939  Harvey Keitel, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Reservoir Dogs’, “Pulp Fiction”, “From Dusk till Dawn”)
1950  Stevie Wonder [Steveland Morris], Saginaw MI, pop/R&B singer-songwriter (‘Superstition’, ‘I Just Called to Say I Love You’)/25 Grammys and over 30 top 10 hits/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1989
1961  Dennis Rodman, Trenton NJ, retired pro basketball player (5-time NBA champion/2-time all-star with the Detroit Pistons and Chicago Bulls)/retired wrestler and actor/friend and visitor of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un
1964  Stephen Colbert, Washington DC, TV host (“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” since 2015, “The Colbert Report” 2005-14)/comedy writer-reporter (“Daily Show” 1997-2005)
1966  Darius Rucker, Charleston SC, country singer (‘Beers and Sunshine’)/rock singer (Hootie & the Blowfish-‘Only Wanna Be With You’, ‘Let Her Cry’)
1979  Mickey Madden, Austin TX, pop bassist (Maroon 5-‘Moves Like Jagger’)
1985  Iwan Rheon, Carmarthen Wales, TV actor (“Game of Thrones” 2013-16)/movie actor (‘Mick Mars’ In “The Dirt”)
1986  Lena Dunham, NYC, TV comedy creator-writer-actress (“Girls” 2012-17, “American Horror Story: Cult”, 2017)
1986  Robert Pattinson, London UK, movie actor (“The Batman”, “Twilight Saga”)
1993  Morgan Wallen, Sneedville TN, country singer (‘More Than My Hometown’, ‘Whiskey Glasses’)
SATURDAY- George Lucas (“Star Wars”) is 78; Danny Wood (New Kids on the Block) is 53; Cate Blanchett (“The Hobbit”) is 53; Sofia Coppola (“Lost in Translation”) is 51; Dan Auerbach (The Black Keys) is 43; Facebook founder & CEO Mark Zuckerberg is 38; Dustin Lynch (‘Cowboys and Angels’) is 37; Miranda Cosgrove (“iCarly”) is 29
SUNDAY- Brian Eno (Roxy Music) is 74; Sportscaster Dan Patrick is 66; former NFLer Emmitt Smith is 53; David Charvet (“Melrose Place”) is 50; Russell Hornsby (“Grimm”) is 47; Jamie-Lynn Sigler (“The Sopranos”) is 41
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004  After 11 seasons, the final episode of “Frasier” is watched by 33 million people
2013  Angelina Jolie reveals in an op-ed piece in “New York Times” that she’s undergone a double mastectomy to reduce her risk of breast cancer
2019  Felicity Huffman pleads guilty for her part in the US college admissions scandal. She is sentenced to 14 days in jail, a $30,000 fine, and community service
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1996  Oasis become the fastest selling group in UK history after all 330,000 tickets for their summer shows sell out in just 9 hours
2016  Chance the Rapper releases his third mixtape “Coloring Book” on Apple Music. It becomes the first album to chart on Billboard Top 100 based only on streams (and won the Best Rap Album Grammy)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1958  The trademark “Velcro” is registered
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2012  Following a record $207 million opening the week before, “The Avengers” pulls in another $103.2 million, making it the first film to surpass $100 million in its second weekend
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ In the script, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s classic “Terminator” line was “I’ll come back.”
✓ The “master of suspense”, Alfred Hitchcock, was afraid of . . . wait for it . . . eggs.
✓ The fuller your fridge is, the more energy-efficient it is.
✓ In ancient times, spider webs were used as bandages.
✓ Overly tight ponytails (and manbuns) can cause bald spots.
✓ Depending on who is sniffing, a man’s sweat can smell like urine, flowers, vanilla…or sweat.
-BathroomReadersInstitute, How Come?
Best of BS . . .
BS OTHER UNLUCKY THINGS BESIDES FRIDAY THE 13TH:
✗ Donating your jeans to a thrift store … then realizing there was $20 in the pocket.
✗ Breaking a mirror, and realizing you are doomed to 7 years of bad shaves.
✗ Throwing spilled salt over your shoulder … into the face of a Hell’s Angels biker.
✗ Receiving a surprise note from your crush … that turns out to be a restraining order.
✗ Getting a hotel room on the 14th floor … because you know it’s not really.
✗ Accidentally putting your contacts in … with Super Glue.
✗ Getting out of bed on the opposite side you got into it … where there’s a wall.
✗ Opening an umbrella in your pants.
✗ Walking under a black cat.
✗ Texting “LMAO” and your ass actually falls off.
-First published in BS in 2017
BS WAYS TO MAKE NHL PLAYOFFS MORE EXCITING FOR NON-HOCKEY FANS:
• Only guys named ‘Stanley’ get to wear a cup.
• New snack bar item … players’ missing teeth dipped in fudge.
• Make players dress up as their favorite ‘Disney’ character.
• Goalie gloves full of angry hornets.
• Make anyone who doesn’t think it’s exciting watch about 15 minutes of baseball.
• Sharpen players’ sticks to a point.
• Zamboni cleans ice DURING the 3rd period.
• Naked penalty shots.
-First published in BS 1998
BS WEB GOODIE:
Shakin’ it into the weekend: https://tinyurl.com/mrxmkvux
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
BS PHONE STARTER:
In 20 years, what will people be nostalgic for?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 55% of people say they always keep one of THESE in their vehicle. What is it?
Answer: A roll of toilet paper
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.