Friday, May 19, 2023 — Edition: #7478
Sheet Happens!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet will not be publishing on Monday, May 22 to observe the Canadian Victoria Day holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, May 23.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ A photo agency has denied Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s claim that the couple were in a “near-catastrophic car chase” with its paparazzi Tuesday night in New York City. Backgrid USA said in a statement: “According to the photographers present, there were no near-collisions or near-crashes during this incident. The photographers have reported feeling that the couple was not in immediate danger at any point.” The company also shot down the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s claim that they were followed by “highly aggressive paparazzi,” saying its hired shutterbugs had no intention of “causing any distress or harm, as their only tool was their cameras.” Nevertheless, the company said it will “be conducting a thorough investigation into the matter.”
-PageSix
★ Kevin Costner is promoting his new movie project amid his divorce from Christine Baumgartner, who allegedly had an issue with the actor’s intense work habits. He captioned an Instagram photo: “We’re deep into the production of #HorizonFilm, and, I have to tell you, I haven’t felt this way about a movie since we were making ‘Dances With Wolves.’ The pic features a director’s chair with “Horizon” printed on it. Costner’s estranged wife filed for divorce on May 2 after 18 years of marriage, which left him “stunned”, according to a source. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/4m24yzbu
-PageSix
★ At the Cannes Film Festival, Johnny Depp hit back at critics on who suggested the festival shouldn’t have welcomed him following accusations that he abused his ex-wife, Amber Heard. At a press conference for the film “Jeanne du Barry,” in which he stars as 18th-century French King Louis XV, Depp said: “Everything that the majority of you have been reading for the last 5 or 6 years with regard to me and my life is fantastically, horrifically written fiction.” Asked if he felt boycotted by Hollywood, Depp said: “I don’t think about Hollywood. I don’t have much further need for Hollywood myself.”
-TheWrap
★ Martha Stewart is shooting down speculation that she’s undergone plastic surgery following her appearance on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. After making history at 81 as the oldest woman to model for the cover, she told Variety she’s had largely “very good” feedback on social media, except for “a few naysayers saying, ‘The pictures are over-retouched.’” The businesswoman called them “incredibly accurate pictures” and said she “was really pleased that there was not much airbrushing.” Stewart also shut down speculation that she’s gone under the knife, saying she has had “absolutely no plastic surgery whatsoever.”
-PopCulture
★ “American Idol” hit a high note with the help of some guest judges this month. The May 7 episode, which featured guest judges Ed Sheeran and Alanis Morissette (who also performed), drew an audience of 7.7M people after 7 days of delayed viewing, according Nielsen. That’s up 3% from the week prior and 13% year-over-year, marking the competition series’ largest audience of the season. In terms of the 18-49 demographic, the episode held even with previous episode’s season-high 1.1 rating, showing a 22% improvement year-over-year.
-Deadline
★ Reba McEntire is spilling all “The Voice” tea. Speaking ahead of the new “One-on-One with Reba McEntire” special, the country icon, who is joining The Voice as a coach next season, is currently serving as an advisor alongside coaches Kelly Clarkson, Niall Horan, Blake Shelton and Chance the Rapper. Asked which of the coaches causes the most trouble on set, McEntire didn’t hesitate before saying, “Oh, Blake. Blake, hands down.” But despite him being a troublemaker, McEntire also admires the way Shelton has “changed the attitude of concerts for country music.” She pointed out that “Whether he brings a drink on stage or says something (and everyone’s like) ‘Oh, that’s Blake.’ He can get away with anything.”
-ETCanada
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Andy Samberg, Lukas Gage, RAYE (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kenan Thompson, Kel Mitchell, Padma Lakshmi (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Nicolas Cage, James Marsden, Joy Oladokun (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Amy Poehler, Lucinda Williams (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Daveed Diggs
• “The Talk” (CBS): Charli D’Amelio, Nate Burleson (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Mark” (ABC/CTV): Daveed Diggs, Christine Taylor
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Seth Rogen, Jessica Williams, Meena Harris (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Selma Blair (R)
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Henry Winkler, Laura Harrier
• “Shark Tank” (ABC): Season 14 finale
• “S.W.A.T.” (CBS): Season 6 finale
• “Fire Country” (CBS): Season 1 finale
• “The Secrets of Hillsong” (FX): Premiere. A 4-part docuseries exploring the scandal-plagued megachurch.
• “NHL Playoffs” (Check local listings): Dallas @ Las Vegas
• “NBA Playoffs” (Check local listings): Miami @ Boston
SATURDAY:
• “Love to Love You, Donna Summer” (HBO): Her daughter Brooklyn Sudano teams with Oscar-winning documentarian Roger Ross Williams to direct a look at the life of the legendary disco-era chart-topper.
• “The Man With My Husband’s Face” (LIFETIME): When a woman’s husband disappears during a kayaking trip, it’s assumed he drowned. When she catches a glimpse of a man who looks exactly like him, it sets off a chain of events that unravels everything she thought she knew about him.
• “NHL Playoffs” (Check local listings): Florida @ Carolina
• “NBA Playoffs” (Check local listings): Denver @ LA Lakers
SUNDAY:
• “American Idol” (ABC): Season 21 finale
• “The Equalizer” (CBS): Season 3 finale
• “NCIS: Los Angeles” (CBS): Season 14 finale
• “The Simpsons” (FOX): Season 34 finale
• “NHL Playoffs” (Check local listings): Dallas @ Las Vegas
• “NBA Playoffs” (Check local listings): Boston @ Miami
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé — Is there anything she can’t do? This week, she shared a carousel of pictures on Instagram to celebrate her “hair journey.” And now, the Beyhive is speculating that she’s about to release her own hair care line. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/a82bujca
• Kesha — cooked up some magic on her new album “Gag Order” – out today – by hiring a wizard. Quote: “The last song, Happy, is sampling a wizard I’m friends with. He’s a really smart, weird, nice guy and he’s a (freaking) wizard, so I was like, I’ll put him on the record.”
• Foo Fighters – have announced a special streaming event on Sunday that seems likely to reveal their new drummer, widely expected to be Josh Freese. “Foo Fighters: Preparing Music for Concerts” is “packed with rock & roll” plus behind the scenes footage, and a few surprises, and is set for Sunday, with repeat viewing through May 24. Where? Here: https://foofighters.veeps.com/
• Foreigner – Former singer Lou Gramm has announced a series of dates with his All Stars band, with new music expected soon. He is joined by bassist extraordinaire Tony Franklin plus 2 ex-Foreigner members: saxophonist and guitarist Scott Gilman. Tickets for the 12 US dates, beginning June 6, go on sale today. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/5933sdhm
• Eric Clapton – has released a live video of ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door (Rock)’, to preview his new release “The Definitive 24 Nights”. It’s a deluxe collection based on 1991’s compilation of live recordings at London’s Royal Albert Hall, out June 23. LINK: https://youtu.be/J41NClfPyO8
• Carly Pearce — will be front and center on CMT Saturday when the network premieres “Carly Pearce – 29: Written In Stone (Live From Music City)” The show was recorded in front of an audience in Nashville, and features special guests Ashley McBryde, Lee Brice and fiddle player Jenee Fleenor.
• Morgan Wade – will drop her second album “Psychopath” on Aug. 25, with the title song dropping today. Quote: “I have no choice but to be authentic. And I have to feel what I feel. And right now, I’m really feeling the music.”
• Corey Kent – To celebrate his hit ‘Wild As Her’ topping the country charts this week, he released a surprise live version of the tune recorded in Tulsa OK. His thoughts on reaching #1: “Today, I get to wave the pirate flag for all of us relentless dreamers from the mountain top, as an example that no matter how hard it gets, there is always hope.”
SHOOTING THE BULL
THIS WEEK’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Fast X” (PG-13, Action): Dom Toretto and his family confront the most lethal opponent they’ve ever faced: A terrifying threat from the shadows of the past who’s fueled by revenge, and is determined to destroy everything–and everyone–that Dom loves. (Vin Diesel, Jason Momoa, Tyrese Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez) Tomatometer: 59%
• “Master Gardener” (R, Mystery, limited): A meticulous horticulturist, devoted to his wealthy employer, sees chaos enter his life when he is instructed to take on her troubled great-niece as an apprentice, unlocking dark secrets from a violent past. (Joel Edgerton, Sigourney Weaver, Quintessa Swindell) Tomatometer: 67% Audience score: 60%
GMAIL OUTLOOK:
Remember that Gmail address you created…the one you signed up for as a “burner” account so your main one doesn’t get jammed with spam? Or the one you made because you came up with a cool email address, but you never really got around to using it? Well, you’d better sign-in soon, because Google has announced that it will start deleting accounts that have been inactive for at least 2 years. But you do have a bit of wiggle room. Google said it will not begin deleting accounts until December. The company plans to send out multiple warning notifications to users. The first accounts on the chopping block will be those that were created and then never revisited by the user. And the new policy also will only impact personal accounts, leaving organizations like schools and businesses untouched. The move is intended to prevent security risks, after finding that older accounts are more likely to rely on recycled passwords and less likely to employ up-to-date security measures like 2-step-verification.
(Which is probably good, or I’d never be able to get in to save it!)
(I’m not sure that sending “multiple warnings” to inactive accounts is the best approach here…)
-CNN
HEALING FROM HEELS:
Anyone who has ever had to wear high heels for any length of time knows the struggle is real. They flat-out HURT your feet. Well, maybe “flat-out” isn’t the right phrase, but you know what I mean. But now, the UK shoe company EGO Official has revealed the solution to walking in heels without pain – clear tape. In a 10-second TikTok clip with more than 10 million views, a model shares the hack that’ll keep you from wobbling home after a long night in heels. She suggests taping the 3rd and 4th toes together to help release pressure and improve comfort. The caption says that the tape “helps you last longer in your heels, girls [so] you can stay grooving.” After securing her piggies with adhesive, the model straps up her 5-inch “Superlit lace up square toe sculptured” stilettos. One commenter agreed with the strategy, writing: “The nerves that control the most pain come from the nerves between the 3rd and 4th toe-…by bringing the 2 together, you are releasing the pressure.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/2p87bvsd
(Well, it can’t hurt – any more than heels already do…!)
(Good to know. Because a buddy just invited me to the drag races this weekend…)
-NYPost
NEWS OF THE WEIRD (K-9 EDITION):
➢ A popular dog park in Montreal has outlawed dogs from barking, and owners could be fined up to (CAD) $2,000. Locals were shocked to see the sign informing them that their pets were not allowed to bark, and owners of yappy pups could be looking at a $500-$2,000 fine. A spokesperson for the town council in the borough of Saint-Leonard said: “This sign was intended to help reduce the nuisance experienced by the neighbourhood of this dog park.” Of course, the internet went wild, with one user writing: “City of Montreal figures out dogs bark.” (I guess that’d be what’s called a “barking ticket”?)
➢ A Colorado man, pulled over for speeding, tried to put his dog in the hot seat. The Springfield Police Department reported that when they stopped an unidentified male for driving 52mph in a 30mph zone, the man “attempted to switch places with his dog, who was in the passenger seat” as an officer approached the vehicle. The male then “exited the passenger side of the vehicle and claimed he was not driving.” He then tried to flee, but was quickly apprehended. Perhaps unsurprisingly, “The male party showed clear signs of intoxication”. Police said the man was booked on multiple offences and “The dog does not face any charges and was let go with just a warning.” (Definitely not the first person to try to “blame the dog” for something!)
-CTV, LADBible, NYPost
THE 9 STAGES OF HELPING YOUR PARENTS WITH THEIR TECHNOLOGY:
1. “Of COURSE I can help you with that!”
2. “Wait…what?”
3. “That’s not how it works.”
4. “Let me explain again how computers don’t do that.”
5. “You do WHAT now?”
6. “Wow. No…”
7. “Don’t do that. Bad idea”
8. “That’s not a thing.”
9. “Nope.”
10. “You’re going to have to take it in.”
-CelesteNG
DID YOU KNOW?
It’s a “Wienermobile” no more. For the first time in its nearly century-long existence, the famous hot-dog-shaped vehicle is changing its name. Oscar Mayer’s iconic Wienermobile is now known as … the “Frankmobile”. The company says the new Frankmobile name “pays homage” to the new recipe for its hot dogs, which is rolling out this summer. Despite the rechristening, the Frankmobile looks largely the same as its predecessor – other than a new decal on the side displaying the Frankmobile name. But is the change permanent? Oscar Mayer says that it’s “trying out to see if it ‘cuts the mustard’ with its fans.” (They’re not going to launch it with some kind of “sausage party”, are they?)
-CNN
BS CHRONOMETER 05.19.23
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Personal Support Worker Day”, an awareness day to recognize the essential service PSWs provide in sustaining our health-care system and providing high-quality community and home-based care.
• “Pizza Party Day”, Don’t question it. Just go with it…
• “Boys & Girls Club Day”, saluting the efforts of those who create and maintain facilities for safe recreational activities for young people, which help teach values and citizenship.
• “Devil’s Food Cake Day”, enjoyed by chocolate cake lovers around the world. It differs from a regular chocolate cake by its darker color and it tends to be more moist and airy (but it’s never around here long enough to notice that…)
• “Accounting Day”, an annual observance to promote the profession and provide an opportunity for networking among accountants in public practice, industry, and government.
BS ACCOUNTANT JOKES:
☞ How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted? He looks at YOUR shoes while he’s talking to you, instead of his own.
☞ Why do accountants look forward to the weekend? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
☞ If an accountant’s wife can’t sleep, what does she say? “Darling, tell me about your work.”
☞ What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.
• “May Ray Day”, a day for getting outside, soaking up the sun’s rays, and celebrating the warmer weather. May is the last full month of spring in the Northern Hemisphere, when it’s starting to warm up pretty nicely, but it’s not yet so scorching hot that you can’t stand being outside. (The mosquitos, however, are another thing entirely…)
• “World IBD Awareness Day”, to bring together those affected by Crohn’s and Colitis, as well as their friends and family members, and even those who knew nothing about them, in order to increase awareness.
• “National Hepatitis Testing Day”, a day to encourage testing for hepatitis B virus (HBV) and hepatitis C virus (HCV). Over 4 million Americans are living with HBV or HCV, and about 2 million don’t know they are infected.
• “NASCAR Day”, a celebration of NASCAR drivers, celebrities, corporate partners, media, and fans coming together to raise fund for charitable causes. Here are some BS FAKE NASCAR FACTS:
• Each time a driver passes ‘Go’, he collects $200.
• Drivers have the option of turning right.
• Every driver’s middle name is “Cooter”.
• All vehicle logos are ‘scratch and sniff’.
• You don’t watch it just for the crashes.
• Most of the jumpsuits worn by drivers are available at The Gap.
• It is possible to recreate the Daytona 500 at home by putting your dinky car collection into the toilet and flushing.
• Every car used in NASCAR races is a hybrid.
• Most drivers saved 15% or more on their car insurance by switching to Geico.
• It’s also fun to watch sober.
SATURDAY:
• “Be a Millionaire Day”, a celebration of the joys of achieving millionaire status. Here’s how you go about it: First, get a whole bunch of money …
• “Pick Strawberries Day”, which sounds like lots of fun — until you get down in the dirt on hands & knees with sweat trickling down your forehead and spiders crawling up your arms…
• “Weights & Measures Day”, marking an 1875 treaty that established the International Bureau of Weights & Measures. That means you’re just as fat in Pago Pago as you are here at home.
• “World Bee Day”, to raise awareness of the importance of pollinators, the threats they face and their contribution to sustainable development. LINK: https://www.un.org/en/observances/bee-day
• “Flower Day”, some flowers are associated with certain meanings. For example, red roses are associated with love, poppies with consolation after death, iris and lilies with burial, and daisies with innocence. (And lilacs with bathroom air freshener?)
• “International Red Sneakers Day”, to save the lives of those with food allergies while sharing the story of 11-year-old Oakley Debbs, who loved red sneakers. He had a nut allergy, and died in 2016 after eating a slice of cake made with walnut extract. Wear your red runners today, and post a pic with the #redsneakersforoakley.
SUNDAY:
• “World Day for Cultural Diversity”, a UN-sanctioned event to help communities understand the value of cultural diversity and learn how to live together in harmony. (Just for today? Please?)
• “Wait Staff Day”, today, think about all the people who serve you food and drinks: the barista that remembers just how you like your incredibly complicated coffee drink, the waiter at the sandwich spot who helps sort out all your group’s orders, the bartender who serves your gin and tonic with a side of English distillery history. Today, put yourself in their hopefully very comfortable shoes. (So, do we show appreciation by NOT using their services, to lighten their workload?)
• “Stepmother’s Day”, Although they often play the role of mothers, caring for and raising their stepchildren, providing them with time and energy, and emotional and financial support, Mother’s Day is often an awkward day for them. Today, we honor them.
• “Red Cross Founder’s Day” marking the founding of the American Red Cross on this day in 1881 by Clara Barton, the first president of the organization.
MONDAY:
• “Victoria Day” in Canada, commemorating the birth of Queen Victoria (May 24, 1819), who reigned from 1837-1901. Celebration of her birthday in Canada began in 1845. “Victoria Day” originated in 1901 after her death. Since 1952, it has been celebrated on the Monday preceding May 25th.
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [78] Pete Townshend, Chiswick England, classic rock guitarist-composer-singer (The Who-‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’, solo-‘Let My Love Open the Door’/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1990
1954 [69] Phil Rudd, Melbourne Australia, rock drummer (AC/DC-‘You Shook Me All Night Long’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 2003
1983 [40] Michael Che, New York City NY, comedian-actor (“Saturday Night Live” 2013-22, “Weekend Update” host 2014-22, co-head writer at SNL 2017-22)
1992 [31] Sam Smith, London England, pop-soul singer/songwriter (‘Stay with Me’)
1992 [31] Marshmello (Chris Comstock), Philadelphia PA, marshmallow bucket-headed DJ (‘Alone’, w/Selena Gomez-‘Wolves’)
1992 [31] Lainey Wilson, Baskin LA, country singer-songwriter (‘Things a Man Oughta Know’, ‘Heart Like a Truck’)/TV actress (‘Abby’ on “Yellowstone”, 2022)
2003 [20] JoJo Siwa, Omaha NE, TV actress (“The JoJo & BowBow Show Show” 2018-19)/reality show contestant (“Dance Moms” 2015-16)/social media sensation (over 12 million subscribers, more than 3.7 billion views on her YouTube channel)
SATURDAY — Cher (‘If I Could Turn Back Time’) is 77; Dave Thomas (“SCTV”) is 74; Jane Wiedlin (The Go-Go’s) is 65; Bronson Pinchot (“Perfect Strangers”) is 64; Tony Goldwyn (“Scandal”) is 63; Timothy Olyphant (“Justified”) is 55; Busta Rhymes (‘Break Ya Neck’) is 51; Jack Gleeson (“Game of Thrones”) is 31
SUNDAY — Al Franken (“SNL”) is 72; Mr. T (“The A-Team”) is 71; Judge Reinhold (“Fast Times at Ridgemont High” is 66; Lisa Edelstein (“House”) is 57; Gotye (ft./Kimbra-‘Somebody That I Used to Know’) is 43
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2012 [11] A day after his company goes public, Facebook founder & CEO Mark Zuckerberg weds long-time girlfriend Priscilla Chan at his home in Palo Alto CA
2018 [05] American actress Meghan Markle marries Prince Harry at a ceremony in Windsor Castle. Queen Elizabeth II grants them the titles of Duke and Duchess of Sussex
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1992 [31] Billy Ray Cyrus releases his debut album “Some Gave All”, featuring his signature song ‘Achy Breaky Heart’” The single’s music video spawns a line-dancing trend
2009 [14] The first episode of the TV series “Glee” airs, featuring a Glee Club performance of Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believin’. The Glee version lands at #4 on the Hot 100 – 5 spots higher than Journey’s original
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2020 [03] A study published in “Nature Climate Change” reveals that greenhouse gas emissions dropped 17% worldwide in April 2020, while the world was in lockdown
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2005 [18] “Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” opens at 12:01 am, then grosses $50 million in a single day, a new box office record (current record: “Avengers: Endgame”: $157 million in 2019)
2022 [01] Mercedes confirms the sale of world’s most expensive car — a 1955 Mercedes-Benz SLR coupe for €135 million (US $142 million)
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ Sunglasses were originally designed for judges in China to hide their facial expressions in court.
✓ Vikings often gave kittens as wedding presents.
✓ Adult cats are lactose intolerant.
✓ A cloud can weigh more than a million pounds (454,000kg).
✓ Other names considered for the Seven Dwarfs: Snoopy, Dippy, Blabby, Woeful and Flabby.
✓ In France, bees were found to make green and blue honey. The Beekeepers’ Association discovered it was a result of the bees eating the sugary waste from a nearly M&Ms factory.
-BathroomReadersInstitute, ReadersDigest
Best of BS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Isn’t the word ‘queue’ just 1 letter followed by 4 more silent letters?
• What exactly is ‘midair’? Is there some other part of air besides the ‘mid’ part?
• If you get cheated by the ‘Better Business Bureau’, who do you complain to?
• If work is so terrific how come they have to pay you to do it?
• Do you agree that clapping is really weird when you think about it? Literally slapping your hands together to honor someone else?
• Can a women’s prison be called a ‘penal colony’?
• When will all the rhetorical questions end?
-First published in BS in 2016
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ A report predicts robots will be everywhere by the year 2030. (Can’t wait until then to be surrounded by emotionally detached cyborgs? Hang out with Mark Zuckerberg.)
➠ A report predicts robots will be everywhere by the year 2030. (But remember: They once said the same thing about the Wayans brothers. And that didn’t pan out. Sorta…)
➠ A study claims that by adding green plants into the workplace, employee satisfaction and productivity increases by up to 15%. (ADDING green plants…not SMOKING green plants. Got it, Luke?)
➠ Happy Birthday to Cher, who turns 77 tomorrow. (…well, about 45% of her will…)
➠ A sex fetish parade and ball scheduled for San Luis Obispo CA was cancelled due to online protests. (Would-be attendees say they feel hurt, disrespected and violated. And they love it…)
BS WEB GOODIE:
It’s what kids do: https://tinyurl.com/3353625c
BS RANDOM JOKE:
When a woman starts a sentence with: “I just find it funny how…”, there’s a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny.
BS PHONE STARTER:
If cartoon physics suddenly replaced real physics, what is the first thing you’d try?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 41% of brides agree that THIS is the thing they’re most nervous about on their wedding day. What is it?
Answer: The best man’s speech
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.
