May 1, 2014

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Thursday, May 1, 2014        Edition: #5214

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Today a British coroner releases the results of a post-mortem investigation which may reveal what killed 25-year-old socialite Peaches Geldof. Kent County Council has scheduled a brief inquest hearing at which a senior police officer will read a statement. The model/TV personality, daughter of “Live Aid” organizer Bob Geldof, was found dead in her home April 7th.
– AP
★ Comedian Sarah Silverman is joining the cast of “Masters of Sex” during the upcoming season. The Showtime drama stars Michael Sheen & Lizzy Caplan as real-life sex researchers William Masters & Virginia Johnson. Silverman will have a recurring role in the production, now shooting in Los Angeles. The 2nd season of “Masters of Sex” premieres Sunday, July 13th.
★ Marvel is getting ready to kill off one of its most iconic characters … ‘Wolverine’. The century-old ‘X-Man’ whose mutant healing capabilities make him virtually un-killable will meet his end in the 4-issue Marvel Comics miniseries, “Death of Wolverine”. The Canadian hero made his 1st appearance 40 years ago in “The Incredible Hulk #180”, then was introduced to the “X-Men” universe in 1975. ‘Wolverine’ will be killed off in issue #4, out September 24th.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ Actor Jim Carter, known to millions for his role as ‘Mr Carson’ on the ITV/PBS period drama “Downton Abbey”, and his actress-wife Imelda Staunton (“Harry Potter” films) have teamed up with respected folk music group Show Of Hands to record an album of war poetry to mark the centennial of the First World War. The album, “Centenary: Words & Music Of The Great War”, is being released sometime this Summer.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Keith Urban performs; one finalist is eliminated.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Hezekiah Walker & The Love Fellowship Choir (“Souled Out”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Kelis (“Food”).
• “iHeartRadio Music Awards” (NBC) – The annual fan-voted music awards are live from LA’s Shrine Auditorium. ‘Artist Of the Year’ nominees are Bruno Mars, Imagine Dragons, Justin Timberlake, Katy Perry, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Maroon 5, P!nk, Rihanna, Robin Thicke, and Taylor Swift. Swift also has a nomination for ‘Best Fan Army’, alongside Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Rihanna.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Boy George (“This Is What I Do”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Off! (“First Four EPs”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – A performance by the Broadway cast of “Rocky”.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – David Gray (“Mutineers”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Linda Perry (“8 Songs About a Girl”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Chvrches (“Bones Of What You Believe”).

• Alan Jackson – He’s recorded “A Million Ways to Die”, the title track for the upcoming Seth MacFarlane Western movie comedy, “A Million Ways to Die In the West”. The soundtrack is out May 27th, the film arrives in theaters May 30th.
• Jason Aldean – Tonight his 2014 “Burn It Down Tour” gets underway in Roanoke VA. He will play 4 baseball stadiums as the trek continues on to about 50 cities by the end of the year. Florida Georgia Line and new artist Tyler Farr are also on the bill.
• Lil Wayne – His new album “Tha Carter V” is set for release sometime in May, although the exact date is not confirmed. The red & white cover artwork has just been leaked online by – huh? – LA Lakers’ basketball star Kobe Bryant.
• Nirvana – A note found in Kurt Cobain’s wallet by detectives investigating his death 20 years ago has for some reason just been released by Seattle WA police. The scribble refers to his wife Courtney Love as “a bitch with zits” and accuses her of “doping and whoring”.
• Rihanna – She’s posed topless, again, this time for French men’s magazine “Lui”. The cover shot by Italian photographer Mario Sorrenti shows her sunbathing in a patio chair, wearing nothing but a pair of pink bikini bottoms. Other featured shots show other featured parts.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards has teamed up with blues artist Keb’ Mo’ and reggae stars Mermans Mosengo and Sherieta Lewis to record a new Bob Marley tribute for an upcoming charity album. “Playing for Change 3: Songs Around the World” will be released in June.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The BFG” – 67-year-old filmmaker Steven Spielberg will direct the screen adaptation of late kids’ book author Roald Dahl’s story that follows a little girl who leads a ‘Big, Friendly Giant’ and the Queen of England on a mission to stop giants from eating children. Spielberg will begin production in 2015, with a planned 2016 release.
• “Genius” – Colin Firth stars opposite Jude Law & Nicole Kidman in this film based on A Scott Berg’s biography of editor Max Perkins. Perkins worked with literary great Thomas Wolfe on a number of his books, and they developed a complicated friendship which altered their lives. Firth plays editor Perkins, Law the celebrated writer. The film begins shooting in October.
• “Magic Mike XXL” – 24-year-old actor Alex Pettyfer’s involvement in the upcoming “Magic Mike” sequel is still unconfirmed. “People” magazine reports that Matthew McConaughey and Joe Manganiello are close to return deals, while Pettyfer is not. Rumor has it he and producer/star Channing Tatum didn’t mesh well. “Magic Mike XXL” is set for release July 2015.
• “Sisterhood Everlasting” – A 3rd film in the “Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants” series (2005, 2008) is in development. America Ferrera recently confirmed she and co-stars Alexis Bledel, Amber Tamblyn, and Blake Lively are stoked to make another installment. It may be based on author Ann Brashares’ 5th book in the series, which picks up 10 years after the previous story.

Making babies in May can be a risky proposition, according to a new Princeton University study. Researchers have discovered a 10% spike in prematurity among babies conceived during the month. They surmise that women who get pregnant in May enter their 3rd trimester during flu season. The flu, in turn, is linked with inflammation, which has been tied to early delivery. Preterm birth can increase the risk of acquiring developmental as well as learning disabilities. The study involves over 1.4 million siblings born to almost 650,000 moms. So best to be cautious in May. (Or maybe just feign a really long headache.)
– “Globe & Mail”

How far are women willing to go for fashion? Pretty far. A handful of LA- and NYC-based podiatrists are performing procedures specifically designed to help women … fit comfortably into designer heels. What types of surgery are women undergoing for the sake of their Manolo Blahniks? Aesthetic toe-shortening, fat-pad augmentation, toe-lengthening procedures, as well as corrections of ‘Hitchhiker’s Toe’ (outsize big toe). The pricy foot alterations go by cutesy names such as ‘The Cinderella’ and ‘Perfect 10!’. At least one NYC practitioner has show some scruples by declining one patient’s request … amputation of a pinkie to allow for a better fit. (But what happens when you take your heels off? You look like some sort of mutant!)
– “New York Times”

Turns out laughter really is the best medicine. Particularly when it’s of the belly-laugh variety, the kind that produces brain waves akin to levels seen in people who reach a true state of meditation. That’s according to new research out of Loma Linda University in California that suggests we make a concerted effort to make laughter a part of our daily routine as it’s an easy and medicine-free method for reducing the stress hormone cortisol, boosting brain health, and keeping mental levels sharp. But to achieve the health effects, a mere chuckle won’t do. Researchers have pinpointed the optimal laugh at the 30-to-40 hertz brain wave frequency. (The Louis CK level.)

While some restaurants are banning ‘food pornographers,’ a South African eatery has created a portable lighting studio so diners can capture the perfect shot when taking photos of their meals. After placing their plates in the device dubbed the #dinnercam, diners at Mexican restaurant El Burro in Cape Town can choose from a variety of ambient lighting choices with the push of a few buttons, before taking an Instagram photo with their smartphone. The project, a joint collaboration with Internet service provider MWEB, is designed to take social media food shots to the next level. (Isn’t this getting out of hand? A friend just showed us a couple hundred vacation shots … half of them were food.)

Coca-Cola owns the online domains,, and every one after that up to – and including – ‘a’ followed by 62 ‘h’s.


1950 [64] Dann Florek, Flat Rock MI, TV actor (‘Capt Donnie Cragen’ on “Law & Order Special Victims Unit” 1999-2014)

1967 [47] Tim McGraw, Delhi LA, country singer (“One of Those Nights”, “Southern Voice”)/movie actor (“The Blind Side”, “Friday Night Lights”)/Mr Faith Hill since 1996

1972 [42] Julie Benz, Pittsburgh PA, TV actress (“Defiance” since 2013, “A Gifted Man” 2011-12, “No Ordinary Family” 2011, “Dexter” 2006-10)

1982 [32] Jamie Dornan, Holywood, Northern Ireland, movie actor (‘Christian Grey’ in “Fifty Shades of Grey” 2015)/TV actor (“Once Upon a Time” 2011-13)

• “Lei Day”, celebrated in Hawaii instead of May Day. It is a time to celebrate native Hawaiian culture. One of the most common flowers used in leis is the orchid.

• “May Day”, a traditional holiday celebration since ancient times. Since 1889, it’s been officially observed in some 66 countries as a “Labor Day” holiday. The British still enjoy a “May Day” holiday, which was traditionally a Celtic festival called “Beltane”, when the beginning of Summer was greeted with great bonfires in honor of the Sun. A few facts about May 1st …
– In ancient times today was celebrated by getting it on in the woods! As late as the 16th century it was still customary for couples of the ‘humbler classes’ to venture out at an early hour to gather flowers which they later brought home ‘with all possible signs of joy and merriment’.
– Dancing around a maypole wasn’t always merely skipping with ribbons, it was … ritual phallus worship! Afterward, the dancers would ‘head for the open meadows’.
– The Victorians de-sexed the maypole by giving it long ribbons, unknown before 1830, that were elaborately plaited by dancing children.
– The use of ‘May Day’ as a distress signal is thought to have developed as an anglicized version of the French word m’aidez (help me).

• “Mother Goose Day”, which actually honors many different writers. The term was first used in the title of the nursery rhyme collection “Mother Goose’s Melody” about 1765. The name caught on and nursery rhymes have been attributed to ‘Mother Goose’ ever since. What’s the most violent nursery rhyme? “Rock-a-Bye Baby”? “Jack & Jill”?

• “New Homeowner’s Day”. Congratulations, you’ll be debt-free in about 25 years! Got your repair manual yet?

• “Purebred Dog Day”, an annual celebration of all ‘purpose-bred’ dogs. (Like the pitbull.)

• “Save the Rhino Day”, in honor of the pachyderm that’s roamed the Earth for over a million years but has recently been hunted to near extinction.

• “School Principals Day”. It’s a dirty job but some militaristic Nazi’s gotta do it!

1939 [75] “Batman” debuts as a comic strip hero in DC Comics

1989 [25] Cops are called to a California jewelry store after employees report a ‘suspicious-looking person’ on the premises (turns out to be Michael Jackson shopping in an elaborate disguise)

1994 [20] An around-the-world air race leaves Montréal to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the UN’s International Civil Aviation Organization

2009 [05] Same-sex marriage is legalized in Sweden, the 7th country in the world to do so (The Netherlands was 1st, in 2001)

2005 [09] Fishermen in northern Thailand catch a 293-kilo (646-lb), 2.7-m (8.9-ft) Mekong giant catfish, the ‘Largest Freshwater Fish’ ever recorded

[Fri] Tuba Day
[Sat] Kentucky Derby (Louisville KY)
[Sat] Beer Pong Day
[Sat] Free Comic Book Day
[Sat] Different Colored Shoes Day
[Sat] No Pants Day
[Sun] International Respect for Chickens Day
This Week Is … Teacher Appreciation Week
This Month Is … International Business Image Improvement Month


Hard to believe, but these are the real deal …
● “Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says”
● “Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers”
● “Drunk Gets 9 Months in Violin Case”
● “Prostitutes Appeal to Pope”
● “Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents”
● “Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
– Comedy Central

☎ What are acceptable pet names for a significant other? Babe, Baby, Boo, Darlin’, Lover? Which endearing terms are simply too much? Shmoopie, Sugar Lips, Honeybunch, Snookums?

What was used to erase lead pencil before rubber erasers came into use?
a. Sandpaper.
b. Pieces of bread. [CORRECT. Moistened and balled up.]
c. Spit.
– PA News

✓ Mystery Mothers Mix-up – Put together a collage of famous TV moms. The contestant who correctly identifies them all wins a prize for their mom & themselves.
✓ Say the Word – Your contestant is conferenced with mom on the phone and must get her to say the ‘word of the day’ (or phrase) through normal discussion, without prompting.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into those categories causes cancer in rats.

Question: Dog owners name their pets after THIS food more than any other.
Answer: Oreo.

The best way to find something you have lost is to buy a replacement.

“The Bull Sheet” is on vacation next week (May 5-9). All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.

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