May 3 2022

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Tuesday, May 3, 2022 — Edition: #7222

Sheet For Brains!


★ Just before she is set to testify against Johnny Depp in her defamation trial, Amber Heard has switched up her public relations representatives, firing crisis PR firm Precision Strategies for a new team led by PR veteran David Shane. Heard has expressed frustration that Depp’s account of their turbulent relationship has been covered in the press more than her own. Over the past 2 weeks, Depp’s testimony defending himself from Heard’s accusations, has been accompanied by a slew of psychologists and former employees of Heard and Depp with questions regarding the pair’s mental state along with salacious accounts of their public and private life together. Heard’s testimony in the $50 million case begins tomorrow.
★ Netflix has put the hammer down on another show, and this one is definitely a royal flush. The streaming service has canceled Meghan Markle’s animated series “Pearl”. The show was set to be the first animated series for Archewell Productions, the company set up by Markle and Prince Harry at Netflix in 2020. Pearl, which was created by the Duchess of Sussex, was originally announced last summer, with Markle a co-executive producer. Pearl, a working title, was set to follow a 12-year-old girl who finds inspiration from historical figures throughout history.
★ Blake Lively is entering her new era. The “Gossip Girl” alum will make her feature directorial debut with “Seconds”, an adaptation of the graphic novel by Bryan Lee O’Malley, the creator behind ‘Scott Pilgrim’. Edgar Wright—who also helped adapt the “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” movie —is also attached to the project as a writer. Seconds—published in 2014—follows the story of ‘Katie Clay’, who is able to rewrite her mistakes by jotting them down in a notebook, eating a mushroom and sleeping. As she starts altering her life bit by bit, she realizes that the world she’s written on her own is far from her initial path.
★ Pete Davidson has once again proven his commitment to Kim Kardashian in the form of ink – or so it seems. The “SNL” star was photographed leaving the Fonda Theatre in Los Angeles over the weekend with a new tattoo on his neck that appears to read “KNSCP.” Fans on social media speculated the “K” stands for “Kim,” while the other letters could be a tribute to the 4 kids Kardashian shares with ex Kanye West: North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm. This wouldn’t be the first time Davidson has gotten an inked tribute to the reality star. He previously had Kardashian’s name branded on his body, and has a tattoo that reads, “My Girl Is A Lawyer,” among others.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Mike Myers, Mike Birbiglia, the Black Crowes
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Benedict Cumberbatch, Sydney Sweeney, Father John Misty
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): José Andrés, Ron Howard, Lucius featuring Sheryl Crow
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Bill Hader, Minnie Driver, Hernan Diaz, Kristina Schiano
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Tom Cruise, Monica Barbaro, Teddy Swims
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Elisabeth Moss, John Benjamin Hickey
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Jennifer Grey, Bad Bunny, guest co-host Lindsey Granger
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Chris O’Donnell, Jennifer Grey
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Portia de Rossi, Dove Cameron
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Dr. Phil McGraw, Nikki Glaser, Damaris Phillips, Jesse McCartney
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Mikel Welch
• “Holey Moley” (ABC): Season 3 premiere
• “The Chase” (ABC): Season 3 premiere
• “Who Do You Believe?” (ABC): Series premiere. Secrets from the past are revealed as newly married Mark and Charity navigate their rocky relationship.
• “NHL Playoffs” (Check local listings): 8 teams see action, as the remaining 4 first round series begin.

• Adele – is reportedly set to finalize plans with Planet Hollywood to host her residency at Zappos Theater in Las Vegas. This after her planned residency at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace fell apart in January, one day before it was to begin, leaving many fans in the lurch.
• Demi Lovato — appears to have updated their pronouns on Instagram. Fans have taken to social media after noticing that that their bio now reads “they/them/she/her”. No reason for the change has been given. Last year, the 29-year-old informed fans that they identified as non-binary and had changed their pronouns to they/them.
• Def Leppard, Aerosmith and The Who – are among the artists involved in this year’s Live Nation Concert Week, which offers fans access to $25 all-in tickets to more than 3,700 shows across North America. Tix will be available starting tomorrow at while supplies last. Among the many other artists: Dierks Bentley, Haim and Shania Twain.
• David Bowie – His classic album “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars” will get a limited-edition re-release for its 50th anniversary. 2 special edition vinyls will be available June 17 — 50 years plus one day after it was originally released. One will be a picture disc, and the other will be a half-speed mastered version of the LP.
• Carrie Underwood – was joined onstage by Guns N’ Roses singer Axl Rose at the Stagecoach festival in Indio CA to perform his band’s classic songs ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ and ‘Paradise City’. She introduced him with the words: “Welcome to the greatest night of my life. Give it up for Axl Rose!” LINK:
• Miranda Lambert – celebrated the release of her 9th album Thursday with a special performance in Franklin TN, at FirstBank Ampitheater. She was at one point joined by Pistol Annies bandmate, Ashley Monroe for ‘Heart Like Mine’. The surprise duet was a rare live appearance from Monroe since she was diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer in 2021.
• George Strait — has finally sold his one-of-a-kind, custom-built estate in Texas. The 8,000 square-foot mansion on a hilltop in one of San Antonio’s most exclusive communities was originally listed for $10 million in 2018, before a series of price drops reduced it to $6.9 million in 2021. The final selling price has not been disclosed.


It’s definitely good news for those of us who’d rather spend our sunny afternoons watching the grass grow than cutting it. A charity is encouraging people NOT to mow their lawns during May in a bid to help local ecosystems. That’s right, “No Mow May” encourages us to keep the lawn mower in the garage this month, then take part in a survey to see what’s been growing. The UK charity Plantlife says the initiative not only gives an opportunity for all sorts of interesting wild flowers to grow, it is also a great help to bees and other pollinators by providing more nectar for them. In 2019, respondents to the end-of-May survey found 250 wild plant species, including wild strawberries and wild garlic. LINK:
(I had no idea I lived in a neighborhood with so many environmentalists…)
(I wouldn’t find anything interesting, but I’m pretty sure I’d lose a kid’s bike, several toys and a few beer cans!)
(So these people are like the guy I hired to mow my grass — They’re just not cutting it!)

The Gothic ruins that inspired Bram Stoker’s iconic horror novel “Dracula” will host the world’s largest gathering of vampires – or at least people dressed as them — to celebrate the 125th anniversary of its release. Whitby Abbey is featured throughout the book, and what’s left of the 7th century monastery still stands in North Yorkshire, UK. Stoker visited the site in 1890 and even visited the local library to pick the name of his villain. (‘Dracula’ gets his name from Vlad the Impaler, a Romanian ruler who also went by the family name ‘Vlad Dracula’.) On May 26, English Heritage, a nonprofit that manages the ruins, will attempt to break the world record for the largest gathering of people dressed as vampires. Attendees are asked to wear “traditional vampire fancy dress” for the event. The event will also feature live music, food and drink, and a performance of excerpts from “Dracula” by a theater group. The current record of 1,029 participants was set in Virginia in 2011.
(I guess Guinness has never been to a concert by The Cure!)
(I’m guessing they won’t be serving “stake”!)
(By the way, if you’re planning a wedding, “traditional vampire fancy dress” would look awesome on the invitations!)

➠ MIT engineers have developed a paper-thin loudspeaker that can turn any surface into an active audio source, essentially allowing you to convert any room into a concert hall. The thin-film loudspeaker produces sound with minimal distortion while using a fraction of the energy required by a traditional loudspeaker. The hand-sized speaker, which weighs about as much as a dime, can generate high-quality sound no matter what surface the film is bonded to. (So, when I go to a concert, the band will have a “paper stack” instead of a “Marshall stack”?)
➠ Snapchat has created a selfie camera that can fly around your head and follow you around while taking pictures. The social media giant, which has millions more daily users than Twitter, has unveiled “Pixy”, a miniature drone they call “your friendly flying camera.” The $230 device can take-off from your hand and follow any of 4 preset flight paths, including floating, orbiting, and following wherever you lead. Described as “a pocket-sized, free-flying sidekick”, Snapchat says Pixy can find its way back to your hand, and land gently at the end of the flight. LINK: (And for those who want MORE things that they never asked for, I’d can show you how to get a hangnail…)

☞ Decca declines to sign The Beatles: The official reason for the record company’s infamous decision to pass on the Fab Four in 1962 was because “guitar groups are on the way out.”
☞ Microsoft for sale: In 1979, CEO of Electronic Data Systems, Ross Perot was tempted with an offer to buy the burgeoning software company for US$60 million. He declined, saying the company and 23-year-old founder, Bill Gates had yet to reach full potential. Today, Microsoft is worth $2 trillion.
☞ Star Wars merch: In 1973, 20th Century Fox allowed George Lucas to lower his fee for directing “Star Wars” and grant him all merchandising rights and the rights to any sequels. While the movie series has made billions, merchandise sales have earned billions more. Lucas essentially traded $350,000 for more than $5 billion, and counting.
☞ Rejecting Harry Potter: No less than 12 publishing houses rejected J.K. Rowling’s novel “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” before Bloomsbury accepted it. And even then, only 500 copies were initially issued.
☞ Missing the Kodak moment: Digital photography was originally a Kodak innovation, but the company refused to invest in digital research and development. Their rivals, meanwhile, were busily inventing the smartphone. Kodak filed for bankruptcy in 2012.
☞ E.T. fails to land on Mars: When Steven Spielberg was devising his blockbuster 1982 movie “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial”, the director approached the makers of Mars bars and asked if he could use their candy in a scene where the cute alien munches on treats. Mars said no, but Hershey came to the rescue with Reese’s Pieces. E.T. loved them, and sales jumped 65%!
☞ Kicking Monday Night Football: In the 1960s, both NBC and CBS passed on the chance to broadcast NFL games on Monday nights. ABC closed the deal, and from 1970-2005 aired the weekly game before it was moved to brother network ESPN. Monday Night Football is one of the longest-running, highest-rated TV shows of all time.
(What about New Coke? And my high school graduation pic haircut?)

Elon Musk’s gag April 27 gag tweet, which read: “Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in” has become the 2nd most-liked in Twitter history (4.7 million). Number one is the tweet announcing Chadwick Boseman’s death in 2020 (7.2 million).


• “Wordsmith Day, just one more excuse for miscellaneous merriment. How scintillating yet somehow egregious.
• “Two Different Colored Shoes Day” to celebrate your uniqueness and put it on display today. Wear two different colored shoes and see where they take you.
• “Paranormal Day”, a day for all paranormal enthusiasts to get together and share their unique experiences with each other. Seminars and readings are scheduled worldwide. (Personally, I would have this on Oct. 31. Maybe a pair o’ paranormal days?)
• “Specially-Abled Pets Day”, begun in 2006 to educate the public about caring for disabled pets and to find homes for orphaned and physically-challenged animals.
• “World Press Freedom Day”, created by the UN to recognize the value of freedom of expression and the sacrifices journalists have made to attain this freedom.
• “Garden Meditation Day”, a day to let go of your concerns, and center your full attention on a garden, even if it’s just for a few minutes. (Maybe meditate about when you’re going to get around to weeding?)
• “World Asthma Day”, to raise awareness and help improve the lives of the many people around the world who suffer from asthma, a common but potentially life-threatening ailment.

[Wed] Star Wars Day
[Wed] International Firefighters’ Day
[Thurs] Cinco de Mayo
[Thurs] Cartoonists Day

1934 [88] Frankie Valli, Newark NJ, still-touring pop singer (‘Grease’, The Four Seasons-‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’, ‘December, 1963 [Oh, What a Night]’)/Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, 1990

1946 [76] Greg Gumbel, New Orleans LA, CBS-TV sportscaster since 1998 (“The NFL on CBS”, NCAA basketball)/brother of Bryant Gumbel

1951 [71] Christopher Cross [Geppert], San Antonio TX, pop singer (‘Sailing’, ‘Arthur’s Theme [Best That You Can Do]’

1969 [53] Amy Ryan, Queens NY, TV actress (‘Holly’ on “The Office” 2008-11)/movie actress (“Birdman”)

1971 [51] John Driskell Hopkins, Atlanta GA, country bass guitarist-vocalist (Zac Brown Band-‘Colder Weather’, ‘Chicken Fried’)

1975 [47] Christina Hendricks, Knoxville TN, TV actress (“Good Girls” 2018-2021, “Mad Men” 2007-15, “Firefly” 2002-03)/Esquire magazine’s ‘Sexiest Woman in the World’, 2010

1977 [45] Eric Church, Granite Falls NC, country singer (‘Record Year’, ‘Drink in My Hand’)

1984 [38] Cheryl Burke, San Francisco CA, professional dancer (first 2-time champion on “Dancing With the Stars”)

2018 [04] Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences members vote to expel Bill Cosby and Roman Polanski

2021 [01] Microsoft founder Bill Gates and his wife, philanthropist Melinda, announce their divorce after 27 years

1986 [36] Dolly Parton’s “Dollywood” amusement park opens near Gatlinburg, Tennessee

2010 [12] ‘I Gotta Feelin’’ by The Black Eyed Peas reaches over 5.56 million downloads, making it the best-selling digital song of all time, surpassing Flo-Rida’s ‘Low’. It eventually sells 8 million, and retains the record as streaming replaces downloads

1934 [88] The first-ever ‘Comic Book’ is published, “Famous Funnies,” from Dell Books

1986 [36] 54-year-old Willie Shoemaker, aboard 18-to-1 longshot Ferdinand, becomes the oldest jockey ever to win the Kentucky Derby


✓ Due to climate change, allergy season is getting longer and more intense each year.
✓ In the 18th century, tornados were called “twirlblasts” and “twirlwinds”.
✓ The Twitter bird’s official name Is ‘Larry’.
✓ You can learn the High Valyrian language from “Game of Thrones” through an online course.
✓ Despite the fact that she has her own fragrance line, Beyoncé is allergic to perfume.
✓ The word “MacGyvered”, inspired by the TV series, is in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Buzzfeed, BestLife

Best of BS . . .
• The restaurant parking lot is empty.
• Your mechanic wants to “show you something”.
• You skip makeup for the day and everyone asks if you’re sick.
• She doesn’t text back.
• Your UBER driver has had more to drink than you have.
• Your teenager starts the conversation by telling you what a great Mom you are.
• Your phone rings at 3AM.
• Your doctor tells you to say, “Ahhh”…then gasps.
• You’re invited to someone’s house for dinner and there’s no hand soap in the bathroom.
• The kids are suddenly very quiet…
• Your wife asks, “Notice anything different?”
-Twitter, first published in  BS in 2018


• “What pill?”
• “Do you think she’s hotter than me?”
• “There’s something I’ve never told you that you need to hear.”
• “Hello, I’m from the tax department …”
• “Can I see you in the conference room?”
• “You mean you actually ATE it?”
• “How strange … you kiss just like your Dad!”
• “We’re not planning layoffs, but there will be some restructuring.”
• “This is your doctor calling … remember that test you did?”
• “Mind getting on top? My nose is running.
-First published in Bs in 2011

A Gold in cuteness:

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked in church.


What, to you, would be the absolute WORST job to have?

Question:  In a survey where people were asked to name something in their house that doesn’t work, THIS came in at #1. What is it?
Answer:  The ice maker in the fridge

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears it’s true.


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