May 18 2023

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Thursday, May 18, 2023 — Edition: #7477

Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

The Bull Sheet will not be publishing on Monday, May 22 to observe the Canadian Victoria Day holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, May 23.

★ Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are “extremely upset and shaken” after being involved in a “near-catastrophic” paparazzi chase in New York. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who were traveling with Markle’s mom, Doria Ragland, were pursued by photographers after leaving the Ziegfeld Theater — where the former actress was honored by Gloria Steinem at the Women of Vision Awards — in Manhattan on Tuesday night. The trio left the event in an SUV around 10pm, and were reportedly followed by around 12 paparazzi. A source says that one cameraman hit a car, while another almost ran over an NYPD officer, during the “near-fatal” chase. The group eventually ditched their SUV and jumped into a taxi in an attempt at evading the photogs. A rep for the Sussexes said on Wednesday “This relentless pursuit, lasting over 2 hours, resulted in multiple near collisions involving other drivers…pedestrians and two NYPD officers.”
★ Don’t expect to see Arnold Schwarzenegger turn up in any future “Terminator” movies. In a new Hollywood Reporter profile, the strongman says that while the movie series is “largely responsible for” his success,” it has moved on without him. In the article, Schwarzenegger declares: “The franchise is not done. I’m done.” He said that he “got the message loud and clear that the world wants to move on with a different theme when it comes to The Terminator. (But) someone has to come up with a great idea.” On the positive side, when it comes to his future, the 75-yar-old said: “My plan is to live forever.”
★ “General Hospital” star Haley Pullos was arrested for an alleged DUI in California following a major crash on a Pasadena highway. Pullos, who has starred on the long-running ABC soap opera as ‘Molly Lansing-Davis’ since 2009, was arrested for felony DUI while recovering in hospital following the April 29 crash, according to a police report. Cops say she suddenly swerved and flew over the barrier into oncoming traffic, eventually colliding head-on with another vehicle. Pullos had to be freed from her vehicle by firefighters and was then placed in an ambulance, where she became violent, striking a firefighter in the head and allegedly yelling, “this s a $400 (freaking) shirt.”
★ Lisa Marie Presley’s loved ones have reached a settlement in the battle over her trust. Legal reps for Priscilla Presley and her granddaughter Riley Keough reached an agreement at an LA courthouse. Priscilla’s lawyer confirmed the deal, and said “Everyone is happy. Unified and together and excited for the future.” The next hearing and motion for approval is scheduled for Aug. 4. Lisa Marie, the only child of Elvis Presley and ex-wife Priscilla, died in January at 54 after suffering cardiac arrest.
★ Kim Kardashian is looking ahead, with some good grades behind her. (No pun intended…) Kimmy K got straight A’s on her latest law school midterms. While promoting her latest shapewear popup in New York’s Rockefeller Center, Kardashian gave the “Today” show an update on her law school progress, saying: “I’m still studying. I’m actually in constitutional law 1 and 2 right now….I took a midterm yesterday. I got 100%, and then I got a 95% on my other midterm. What comes next? The bar exam, which she hopes to take in the next year, “and be done.”
★ This Ken is a former WWE champion. John Cena revealed that a chance encounter with “Barbie” star and producer Margot Robbie landed him a role in the upcoming live-action film. On “Today”, Cena explained that the “happy accident” came about because he will again square off against the “Fast & Furious” family in the upcoming “Fast X”, and while filming, he pitched himself to Robbie, who was shooting Barbie right across the street. That resulted in his being cast as a merman.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Molly Shannon, Giancarlo Esposito, Nickel Creek (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Chris Evans, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Toosii (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Tom Hanks, Rachael & Vilray (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Bill Hader, Minnie Driver, Hernan Diaz (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Chrissy Teigen
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Michael J. Fox
• “The Talk” (CBS): Michelle Rodriguez, Brandon Scott Jones (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Mark” (ABC/CTV): Halle Bailey, Dr. Gail Saltz
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Garth Brooks
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Susan Sarandon (R)
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Vanessa Williams, Travis Bennett
• “Station 19” (ABC): Season 6 finale
• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC): Season 19 finale
• “Young Sheldon” (CBS): Season 6 finale
• “Law & Order” (NBC): Season 22 finale
• “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (NBC): Season 24 finale
• “I Survived Bear Grylls” (TBS): Series premiere. Five wannabe survivalists are tested with extreme, gross and hilarious challenges based on Bear’s own adventures.
• “NHL Playoffs” (Check local listings): Florida @ Carolina
• “NBA Playoffs” (Check local listings): LA Lakers @ Denver

• Taylor Swift – She and Matty Healy seem to be working together – in more ways than one. Amid rumors of a romance, the 2 were pictured leaving Electric Lady Studios in New York. They were joined at the studio by several other stars, including Kendrick Lamar, Florence Welch, actress Margaret Qualley and her fiancé Jack Antonoff — one of Swift’s longtime collaborators.
• Post Malone — After releasing the single ‘Chemical’ in April, he’ll drop the album “Austin” on July 28, and has the new single ‘Mourning’ debuting tomorrow. He has also announced a North American tour. The “If Y’all Weren’t Here I’d Be Crying” tour, runs from early July to mid-August. LINK:
• Foo Fighters — As they continue to add more festival dates, their rumored new drummer (to replace the late Taylor Hawkins) Josh Freese has left the Offspring and Danny Elfman’s Band. The Foo’s touring season kicks off May 24 in New Hampshire, and continues until November.
• Smashing Pumpkins – In an interview, Billy Corgan said he mourned the death of Kurt Cobain, saying: “I cried because I lost my greatest opponent.” He said the Nirvana frontman “had so much talent, it’s like frightening. It was like a John Lennon level of talent…So I looked around and I was like, ‘All right, well, I can beat the rest of (rock’s writers) for sure.'”
• Squeeze – will hit the road later this year, launching a tour in September with the Psychedelic Furs. It’ll begin Sept. 8 at Radio City Music Hall in New York, and wrap up Oct. 14 in Las Vegas. Tickets go on sale tomorrow. LINK:
• Russell Dickerson – Tickets go on sale tomorrow for his newly-announced “Big Wheels & Back Road” tour with openers Restless Road, Parmalee and Niko Moon. It starts in Philadelphia on Sept. 21 and continues through Nov. 11 in the Fort Myers FL area.
• Blake Shelton – Says that even though he won’t be on “The Voice” next season, contestants will be in good hands, with his wife Gwen Stefani returning. Quote: “She just really comes at coaching in a way that I don’t think anybody else has done still, and there’s been a lot of coaches.”
• Luke Combs – Ed’s Sheeran took advantage of a break from his tour, by joining his ACM Awards duet partner Combs for a friendly outing. Instagram video shows the 2 in front of a beautiful sunset, while Combs teaches Sheeran a good old-fashioned American tradition: how to shotgun a can of beer. LINK:


A new study may give evidence that an area of the brain can experience a wave of activity for some people right before they die. The study from the University of Michigan recorded activity in the area of the brain associated with consciousness, in 4 comatose patients who died from cardiac arrest while in hospital and under EEG monitoring. After the patients were removed from life support (once it was determined they were beyond medical help), 2 of the 4 showed an increased heart rate and a surge of gamma wave activity, which is considered the fastest brain activity and associated with consciousness.
What does this mean? When similar results were witnessed last year in the death of an 87-year-old man, researchers said the rhythmic brain activity could support the “life flashing before your eyes” theory.
(That’d be me suddenly remembering I forgot to do something I promised my wife I’d look after!)
(Maybe they were just hangry?)


➢ Starting later this year, you’ll be able to type out a friendly greeting…or your coffee order on an iPhone, and hear your own voice — or something close to it — speak it aloud. And it won’t require any additional apps or accounts…just a free software update. While it sounds like a fun feature, “Personal Voice” also has a very functional use. For those who can no longer speak with the clarity they once did, tools like this could help them interact with the world, and the people in it, more easily. Personal Voice is one of a handful of new assistive features that will arrive on Apple devices this year. (We’ll finally know what Morgan Freeman feels like every time he turns on his GPS!)
➢ A company is offering up free 55-inch 4K TVs to those who don’t mind being exposed to continuous display ads on a secondary screen. The startup “Telly” says that as long as you’re willing to accept those ads (or are able to tune them out), and share data, you won’t have to pay anything for the TV. The smaller display also shows news, sports scores and other useful data. The set has its own camera, microphone, sensors and voice assistant, enabling video calls and motion-captured fitness apps. The secondary screen is a slender display positioned underneath the TV. The company is taking reservations now in the US for the first 500,000 TVs, which are expected to ship this summer. (I can’t wait to see how my parents try to deal with TWO ‘on-off’ buttons on the remote…)
-WashingtonPost, Engadget


With the “Barbie” movie set to become one of this summer’s blockbusters, people in New York are getting an early taste of ‘Barbie World’ with the opening of “Malibu Barbie Café”, and it’s as pink as you are imagining right now. The pop-up restaurant is decked out like a girly West Coast beach bungalow where there are pink palm trees, Instagram backgrounds and Madonna’s ‘Material Girl’ blasting on the speakers. Not a detail has been overlooked, with the original Malibu Barbie — first released in 1971 — there to greet you at the front door. Guests of the 2-story, 120-seat restaurant can build a sandcastle in a real sandpit, step into the life-sized Malibu Barbie box for an Instagram shot or jump on a surfboard and pretend to ride the waves. And the food isn’t plastic, it’s fantastic, by the sound of things. The menu includes the ‘Live Your Dream’ grilled cheese, and kids will love sampling the ‘Pacific Paradise Rainbow’ pancakes. Several menu items are a vibrant pink that’s perfectly on theme. Oh, and Barbie girls or boys who are old enough can sip on the ‘Think Pink Margarita’, the ‘French “71”’ (in honor of the year Malibu Barbie was first released) and the ‘Beach Mojito’, which has edible pink glitter. Malibu Barbie Café is open through Sept. 15. LINK:
(I heard there’s another pop-up opening in LA dedicated to that other collection of plastic dolls  – the Kardashians!)
(I suppose it’d be a stretch to ask them to “Put another Barbie-shrimp on the barbie”, wouldn’t it?)

A Reddit user asked the question: “What lesson took you the longest to unlearn?” Here are some of the best answers. Do any of these sound familiar?
✓ “Just because someone is nice doesn’t mean they have the best intentions for you.”
✓ “When you fail at something, you are not a failure. Our worth is not defined by our achievements or our productivity.”
✓ “(That) Time means nothing when it comes to friendships. People change, and sometimes, they’re only meant to be there at a certain point in your life.”
✓ “That it was rude to tell people when they’d hurt my feelings, instead of just letting it go. I was always taught that it was easier to just be the bigger person and not make things worse.”
✓ “The idea that I always had to please others and put their needs before my own.”
✓ “Working extra hours without compensation. (It’s a) this toxic mentality. Your boss won’t like you more; they’ll treat you like a doormat, and they’ll add more to your plate.” (See previous point…)
✓ “’Make a schedule and follow it.’ Sure, it works for some people, and it can be very nice. I struggle with anxiety and depression, so making a schedule just stresses me out.”
✓ “Not everyone is going to like me. I have to like myself.”
✓ “Not working on something or toward something means you’re lazy. Nope, I can be happy with where my life is at and just take things day by day.”
✓ “I don’t have to be a size zero to be or feel beautiful. All my life I got the messages that if I lose weight, I’ll finally be beautiful. I’m beautiful now.”
(What would you add to the list?)

Face masks are no longer mandatory in most places, such as grocery stores and schools as the third year of the Covid-19 pandemic continues — but they remain quite popular in medical offices. A study published this week says masking in health care settings might still be a good idea, even after the expiration of pandemic rules and social distancing measures. The study, published in the journal the Annals of Internal Medicine, found that masks continue to offer some protection, reducing your risk of catching Covid-19 in a setting like a close doctor/patient interaction. (Plus, who knows WHAT kind of germs will be flying around next!)


• “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. Uh, maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen? (We’re visiting via Zoom again this year…)
• “No Dirty Dishes Day”, if nothing else, it’s a convenient excuse to order delivery…3 times.
• Brown Bag it Thursday”, You guessed it: Celebrate by bringing a brown bag lunch to school or work. It doesn’t need to be as boring as a peanut butter sandwich and carrots — there are many healthy sandwiches and salads you could make and pack in your brown paper bag. (Any good ideas?)
• “Hummus Day”, a ho-hummus-sounding day if we’ve ever heard of one . . .
• “HIV Vaccine Awareness Day”, promoting the continued urgent need for a vaccine to prevent HIV infection and AIDS.
• “National Cheese Soufflé Day”, when we can all enjoy a little of this French delight. The word soufflé is the past participle of the French verb ‘souffler’, which means “to blow up” or “puff up.” Combine egg whites with custard, and it’ll puff up into a fine, golden soufflé when baked.
• “National Speech Pathologist Day”, the field began growth in the 1920’s as speech pathologists focused on treating soldiers returning from war. Today, you’ll find them in hospitals, rehabilitation facilities, nursing homes, schools, early intervention settings, universities and private practices. Today, we recognize their awesome work.
• “International Museum Day”, established in 1977 by the International Council of Museums to draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small, or strange. Here are some truly odd ones …
– Air Sickness Bag Virtual Museum LINK:
– Amsterdam Tattoo Museum (Amsterdam, Netherlands)
– Sulabh International Museum of Toilets (New Delhi, India)
– Bata Shoe Museum (Toronto ON)
– Burnt Food Museum (Arlington MA) LINK:
– Canadian Canoe Museum (Peterborough ON) LINK:
– Burlesque Hall of Fame Museum (Las Vegas NV)
– Leila’s Hair Museum (Independence MO)
– International UFO Museum & Research Center (Roswell NM)
– LeRoy House & Jell-O Gallery (LeRoy NY)
– Museum of Bad Art (Boston MA)
– The Museum of Dirt (Boston MA)
– The Museum of Soap and History of Dirt (Bydgoszcz, Poland)
– National Museum of Funeral History (Houston TX)
– Riceworld (Los Banos, Philippines)
– Cup Noodles Museum (Osaka, Japan)
– Insectarium de Montréal (Montréal QC)
– Vodka Museum (Moscow, Russia) with over 50,000 bottles on display. Visitors are offered 10 different types to taste.

[Fri] Celebrate Your Elected Officials Day
[Fri] Boys and Girls Club Day
[Sat] Flower Day
[Sun] Tea Day
This Week is…Food Allergy Awareness Week
This Month is…Employee Health & Fitness Month

1946 [77] Reggie Jackson (“Mr. October”), Wyncote PA, former MLB player (563 career home runs/1973 American League MVP/5 World Series Championships/14-time All-Star)

1952 [71] George Strait, Poteet TX, country singer-songwriter (‘All My Ex’s Live in Texas’, ‘River of Love’)/most #1 hits of any country artist (60)

1969 [54] Martika (Marta Marrero), Whittier CA, pop singer-songwriter (‘Toy Soldiers’)/child actress (‘Gloria’ on “Kids Incorporated” 1984-86]

1970 [53] Tina Fey, Upper Darby PA, TV actress-writer-producer (“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” 2015-19, “30 Rock” 2006-13, “SNL” 1997-2006)/movie actress (“Date Night”)/author (“Bossypants”)

1972 [51] Teresa Giudice (JOO-deitch-ay), Paterson NJ, reality TV star (“The Real Housewives of New Jersey” since 2009, “Dancing With the Stars” 2022)

1975 [48] Jack Johnson, Oahu HI, soft rock singer-songwriter (‘Sitting, Waiting, Wishing’)/former pro surfer

1979 [44] David Nail, Kennett MO, country singer (‘Whatever She’s Got’, ‘Let It Rain’)

1981 [42] Allen Leech, Killiney Ireland, TV actor (‘Tom Branson’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-15)

1987 [36] Luisana Lopilato, Buenos Aires Argentina, soap opera actress-model-singer (married to Michael Bublé since 2011)

2001 [22] The animated hit “Shrek” is released, and goes on to rack up $484 million at the box office (Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, and Cameron Diaz later reprise their roles in 3 sequels)

1985 [38] Simple Minds hit #1 with ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’, from the movie “The Breakfast Club”. The song was first offered to Billy Idol, who turned it down (but eventually released it in 2001)

2011 [12] John Lennon’s handwritten lyrics for the 1967 Beatles song ‘Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds’ sell for $237,132 in Beverly Hills

2017 [06] After performing with Soundgarden in Detroit, frontman Chris Cornell is found dead from an apparent suicide at the age of 52

2004 [19] Arizona Diamondbacks’ 40-year-old lefty Randy Johnson becomes the oldest MLB pitcher to throw a perfect game’, beating the Atlanta Braves 2-0

2012 [11] Facebook raises $16 billion in the largest tech IPO in stock market history (exceeded by Alibaba in 2014 — $21.8 billion)


✓ In baseball’s early years, umpires officiated while reclining in a rocking chair, 20 feet behind home plate.
✓ People who regularly use computers type between 5,000 and 10,000 keystrokes per day.
✓ Growing a beard has health benefits such as preventing allergies, asthma attacks and rashes, and protecting your skin from the sun.
✓ At first, penicillin was called “mold juice”.
✓ The can opener was invented 48 years after the can.
✓ Martin Luther King Jr., who delivered the legendary “I Have a Dream” speech, twice received a ‘C’ in public speaking.
-BathroomReadersInstitute, ReadersDigest

Best of BS . . .
• No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.
• Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever.
• Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.
• The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
• Every par-3 hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers.
• Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
• All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
• The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
• The last 3 holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
• Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
-Adapted from FunnyLists

• “I can’t believe it’s not lard!”
• “Come for the goat cheese. Stay for the pig’s feet!”
• “10,000 undertakers can’t be wrong!”
• “As seen on TV … if you were watching at 4am last Tuesday.”
• “Have another serving, porky!”
• “All-natural … except for the synthetic bacon.”
• “Which are you gonna believe … boring lab studies or cool TV commercials?”
• “Give us a week, and we’ll shut off your heart. “
• “Almost no chance of infection!”
• “We can’t spell ‘sucker’ without ‘u’.”
-First published in BS in 2011

And things just got worse from there:

I’m currently looking for a wine that pairs well with allergy medication…

What’s something that people think makes them look cool — but actually has the opposite effect?

Question:  A survey says that 1 in 9 people prefer this “on the toilet” activity over scrolling their phone. What is it?
Answer:  Crossword puzzles

If you talk about it, it’s a dream. If you envision it, it’s possible. But if you schedule it, it’s real.


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