Wednesday, November 16, 2005        Edition: #3160
Eat, Breath Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the original lyrics of John Lennon’s song “Give Peace a Chance”, written on an envelope from Montreal’s Queen Elizabeth Hotel in 1969 during his famous ‘bed-in’ with Yoko, will be auctioned at Bonham’s in London (bids are expected to top $400,000) . . . TONIGHT CBS-TV airs the 1-hour special, “I Walk the Line: A Night for Johnny Cash”, featuring performances by U2, Foo Fighters, Norah Jones, Jerry Lee Lewis, Martina McBride, Kid Rock, Brad Paisley, Montgomery Gentry & Sheryl Crow (also clips from the movie, “Walk the Line”, opening FRIDAY) . . . Seems another Greek shipping heir has dumped Paris Hilton – Stavros Niarchos III has reportedly told her that ‘things are out of control’ and he’s through with the drama . . . “CSI: Miami” will begin unveiling clues online in a ‘bonus scene’ to be posted on the CBS-TV Website immediately after each show (NET: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi_miami/) . . . Michael Jackson has purchased a quarter-acre compound on one of the manmade Amwaj Islands off the coast of Bahrain, an upscale community with its own airport, restaurants, private hospital, golf courses, equestrian center & exclusive private school (“Alright children, let’s all welcome our new pupils Prince Michael … and his brother Prince Michael”) . . . “Sex & the City” creator Candace Bushnell has agreed to a deal to turn her latest book, “Lipstick Jungle”, into an NBC-TV series about 3 NYC career women (oh, instead of 4 … how inventive!) . . . And Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne have given their wild wannabe-singer daughter Kelly her own plush $1.8-million apartment in London for her 21st birthday (worth every penny to get her out of the house!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Big &  Rich – TONIGHT they appear on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Elton John – His on-going Las Vegas show, “Elton John: The Red Piano”, is coming to NBC-TV DECEMBER 14th in his first-ever television special.
• 50 Cent – He’s introducing a new line of ‘street fiction’, a series of hip-hop novellas featuring his G-Unit posse. Will this work any better than his movie?
• Madonna – LAST NIGHT she performed at London club Koko, the venue where she made her first-ever UK appearance in 1983. Fans began lining up a day ahead of time in order to get in.
• Mandy Moore – She’ll guest-star in 2 episodes of NBC-TV’s “Scrubs” THIS SEASON, playing a love interest for ‘JD’, the character played by her real-life bf Zach Braff.
• Neil Diamond – TONIGHT the oldies singer does “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• OutKast – The release of both their movie “Idlewild” and its soundtrack has been postponed – again – and there’s now no confirmed release date. Big Boi claims the delay is due to ‘trying to pick the single’. (Translation from show biz-speak: This whole project is one big bomb.)
• U2 – Their “Vertigo” tour has already grossed over $250 million and drawn over 3 million fans to 88 shows, all of them sell-outs. That’s likely why they’ve decided to extend the tour into 2006, when they’ll visit Mexico, South America, New Zealand, Australia & Japan.

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP:
• The artist who designed the chest-popping monster in the “Alien” movies has been ordered to remove a model of it from outside a museum of his work in Gruyeres, Switzerland. Critics say HR Giger’s mucus-dripping beast just isn’t good for the town’s ability to attract tourists. (Or the street cleaner who has to clean up after them.)
• A 55-year-old Indian woman complained that something must be wrong because she was suffering terrible pain while recovering from a cornea operation in a Calcutta hospital. But a nurse told her it was normal and left her unattended. Seems the patient, who eventually expired, was correct – when her bandage was removed, it was discovered that big black ants had eaten the entire eye! (Okay … no breakfast for me.)
• Doctors in India are also struggling to understand how a baby has been born with her heart – in her hand. It’s apparently connected to the inner body through arteries and veins, but surgery is urgently required to insert it into the proper place. (On her sleeve.)
• Now you can turn your iPod into an ‘ooh-Pod’! A new $40 vibrating-toy called the ‘iBuzz’ connects to the iPod and vibrates in time to the music. British retailer Gadget Candy predicts it’ll be THIS YEAR’s ultimate stocking stuffer. (Or something stuffer anyway.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
• ‘Atlatl’ [pronounced ‘AT-lad-ul’] – A small wooden weapon from the Stone Age that’s used to propel a 6-ft dart at up to 80 mph. The Pennsylvania Game Commission is currently considering legalizing its use. Cavemen used it to hunt  wooly mammoths, but its unclear which animals modern ‘atlatlists’ might be allowed to hunt.
• ‘Psychological Traffic Calming‘ – Optical illusions used in a 4-year study by Britain’s Department of Transport to encourage drivers to slow down. Among them: painting the road different colors, and using red brick to make the road look narrower. Bottom line: ‘PTC’ works!

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 95% of single women take notice of their date’s vehicle, and 69% say its cleanliness at least somewhat influences their attraction to their date.
• 70% of kids drop out of sports by age 13 and the primary reason is pressure exerted by adults.
• 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
• 47% of us think you can catch Bird Flu from eating chicken.
• 15% of us have a hangover at least once a month.

EAT YOUR ‘ROO POCKET, SON:
In Australia, production of kangaroo meat is a $150 million-a-year industry. But there’s one problem – when it ends up on the dinner plate, cow becomes ‘beef’, sheep becomes ‘mutton’, and pig becomes ‘pork’, but there’s currently no palatable name for ‘roo meat. That’s why there’s a nationwide contest underway to come up with one. Of the hundreds of suggestions so far, one of the favorites seems to be ‘marsu’ … presumably short for marsupial. (Why not call it ‘Skippy’ and sell it in a pouch?)
– “The Australian”

FOR THE RECORD:
• A white truffle weighing 1.2 kg (2.6 lb) has sold for 95,000 euros ($112,000) at an international charity auction in Italy. An anonymous buyer from Hong Kong made the winning bid via satellite link-up. A white truffle is a very rare type of mushroom that grows underground. One that sold for $50,000 LAST YEAR was then said to be the ‘World’s Most Expensive Fungus’.
• After employees of a Dutch TV worked for weeks setting up more than 4 million dominoes in an attempt to break the official “Guinness World Record”, a sparrow flew in a window and knocked over 23,000 of them. The unfortunate bird was shot by an exterminator with an air rifle while cowering in a corner in shame. The organizers are now back at work, setting the dominoes back up in an attempt to break their own record of 3,992,397 dominoes set LAST YEAR.

PRESERVE YOUR BRAIN:
A new study by the Western Psychiatric Institute & Clinic in Pittsburgh PA suggests that seniors with a history of mild-to-moderate drinking experience less mental decline than seniors who have always been teetotalers. The findings suggest that mild-to-moderate alcohol consumption may play a role in helping preserve cognitive function. (Why do you think they call it ‘getting pickled’?)
– The journal “Neurology”.

THE BULL SHEET 11.16.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [47] Marg Helgenberger, Freemont NE, TV actress (‘Catherine Willows’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1963 [42] Keith Burns, Atlanta GA, country singer/guitarist (Trick Pony-“Ain’t Wastin’ Good Whiskey On You”)

1964 [41] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer/pianist (Grammy Awards-“Live In Paris”, “When I Look In Your Eyes”)/Mrs Elvis Costello since 2003

1977 [28] Maggie Gyllenhaal, NYC, movie actress (“Mona Lisa Smile”)/older sister of actor Jake Gyllenhaal

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Educational Support Personnel Day”, honoring those who contribute in schools besides full-time teachers, including educational assistants, substitute teachers, clerical & technical employees, school nurses, custodians & food service workers.
NET: http://www.nea.org/aew/nationalespdayhistory.html

• “International Button Day”, for people who collect buttons with slogans on them. Some of the most sought-after are vintage political campaign buttons.

• “International Day for Tolerance”, established by the UN in 1996 to promote the need for worldwide tolerance and understanding.

• “World Scrabble Championships” through SUNDAY in London UK. Panupol Sujjayakorn from Thailand hopes to defend his title – despite the fact that he cannot speak English! The 19-year-old has learned every word in the English dictionary, but without their meanings.
PHONER: 44.207.722.7711 (Marriott Regents Park Hotel, London)
NET: http://www.wscgames.com/2005/

THIS WEEK’S annual “Leonid Meteor Shower” is when you can see ‘shooting stars’ … if you stay up all night. According to the “2005 Observer’s Handbook of the Royal Astronomical Society of Canada”, this year’s Leonids will peak early TOMORROW morning, but are likely to be a bit of a disappointment because the Moon is just past full, flooding the sky with bright light.
NET: http://www.space.com/spacewatch/051111_leonids.html

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1981 [24] ‘Most-Watched Daytime TV Drama’ episode as ‘Luke’ marries ‘Laura’ on “General Hospital”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1970 [35] 1st Canadian recording artist to receive an RIAA ‘Gold Record’ designation in the USA (Anne Murray for “Snowbird”)

1999 [06] Aging rocker Eddie Van Halen undergoes hip-replacement surgery

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1963 [42] 1st ‘Touch-Tone Telephone’ is introduced

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs ] Take A Hike Day
[Thurs ] Homemade Bread Day
[Thurs ] Farm Joke Day
[Thurs] Great American Smokeout
[Fri] Video Game Awards (LA)
[Sat] 20th Gemini Awards Gala
[Sun] National Child Day in Canada
[Mon] World Hello Day
This Week Is . . . Shallow Persons Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . International Creative Child & Adult Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
KID PHILOSOPHY:
A compendium of ‘life wisdom’, as supplied by 7th-grade English students …
• “You should always listen to old people because they have the best candy.”
• “When your mom loses something, she will always blame you.”
• “It’s not a good idea to eat hot dogs before you go on a roller coaster.”
• “If your parents tell you to read, read the captions on TV.”
• “Never surprise your grandpa … he might pass gas.”
– “Syracuse Post-Standard”

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – The ‘no food at your desk’ rule was meant to be broken. The boss hates you. The rats and cockroaches, however, are forever in your debt.
• Taurus – You will hear a strange clicking sound as you walk through the kitchen. Time to trim the old toenails, don’t ya think?
• Gemini – Today is a good time to remember your kinship with all living things … except perhaps mold & mildew.
• Cancer – This might be a good time to decide what you want to be when you actually do grow up. That inventive ‘yodeling oceanographer’ idea just isn’t likely to pan out.
• Leo – Today you will finally learn your lesson. When they say, “Careful, filling is hot!”, they mean it!.
• Virgo – Explaining that it’s ‘not just for weddings anymore’ is unlikely to get you off the hook when you throw rice at grandma’s funeral.
• Libra – People now think of you as ‘warm & fuzzy’ and have a secret desire to hug you. Seems that dab of vanilla behind each ear is working!
• Scorpio – People just don’t need to rent Zambonis in Hawaii. Give up the dream!
• Sagittarius – Today is a good day to wear your lucky rocket-ship underwear. But this time try wearing it UNDER your pants.
• Capricorn – Your morning grumpiness will disappear when you discover that the entire problem was using the wrong brand of deodorant soap.
• Aquarius – Today you will begin to have nagging doubts. Tell them they’ll have to ride in the backseat like your mother-in-law.
• Pisces – Horoscope? Horoscope? You don’t need no stinkin’ horoscope!

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• We already have a gazillion channels, do we need TV on the Internet too? (AOL is launching In2TV in JANUARY, offering subscribers some 14,000 TV episodes free online.)
• Are you getting sick of that “Desperate Housewives”-style violin-plucking music? It seems it’s being used on every second commercial these days!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When he was ordained a Zen monk THIS Canadian icon was given the name ‘Jikan’, meaning ‘The Silent One’.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Leonard Cohen (“Toronto Star”)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Approximately 43 million Americans do THIS themselves to save money.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Change the oil in their vehicles.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you don’t care where you are, you aren’t lost.