Thursday, November 3, 2005 Edition: #3151
You’ve Got Yourself in Deep Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Marc Anthony has multiple nominations at the 6th “Latin Grammy Awards” being handed out at LA’s Shrine Auditorium (“Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria is a presenter) . . . Eva Longoria’s boyfriend, Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs, has plans to record a hip-hop album but his effort will be somewhat different than fellow NBA star Shaquille O’Neal because Belgian-born Parker’s will be in his native language – French . . . TONIGHT Coldplay & Gorillaz lead nominations at the 12th annual “MTV Europe Music Awards” in Lisbon, Portugal (performers include Coldplay, Green Day, Foo Fighters, Black Eyed Peas & Madonna with the world premiere of her new single “Hung Up”) . . . Production on TV comedy “Arrested Development” will be on hiatus for a few weeks while 36-year-old star Jason Bateman recovers from throat surgery to remove a benign polyp (both viewers will be disappointed ) . . . British dinosaur rockers Status Quo will attempt to follow in the footsteps of Queen & Rod Stewart by producing their own stage musical (how do you make an entire musical out of one hit?) . . . And Jessica Simpson has revealed that she was so distressed by the relentless gossip about the state of her marriage to Nick Lachey that she ended up going to see a therapist (awww, poor girl – now she’s on Tom Cruise’s slag list).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – TONIGHT she hosts & performs at a fundraiser for the AIDS charity “Keep a Child Alive” at NYC’s Lincoln Center. She’ll be joined by Usher, Paul Simon & John Mayer.
• Cher – She just retired (finally after a year-and-a-half-long farewell tour) and already there’s word she’s attempting a comeback, working with Diane Warren on a new album.
• Fiona Apple – TONIGHT she’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Franz Ferdinand – TONIGHT the Scots rockers do “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Ryan Cabrera – TODAY he’s a guest on ABC-TV’s “The View”.
• Santana – TONIGHT he does “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Scissor Sisters – They’re currently writing and recording with classic rockers Roxy Music.
COMING ATTRACTIONS:
The remake of the 1933 film “King Kong” by “Lord Of The Rings” director Peter Jackson (opening DECEMBER 14th) is a whopping 3-hours-long and has cost over $365 million to make, a third more than planned, all of which is making Hollywood bosses concerned it could be a colossal flop . . . The long-awaited remake of “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”, which was supposed to star Owen Wilson, has been shelved yet again after the production failed to nail down a female co-star (the 1947 original starred Danny Kaye & Virginia Mayo) . . . Jennifer Garner will co-produce and star in “Sabbatical”, an erotic thriller about a married couple who agree to take a 2-week break from their marriage to do whatever they want (then the husband disappears) . . . Shooting on the horror-comedy “Black Sheep” begins in New Zealand early NEXT YEAR, the story of genetically-modified sheep which rise up to give their owners a hard time . . . Film-maker Cameron Crowe has delayed plans to team up with Tom Cruise on a Phil Spector biopic, because it would be difficult to find a logical conclusion before his upcoming murder trial ends, and that could be another couple of years (can you see Tom Cruise in a Phil wig?) . . . Word has it when Cameron Diaz pushed to have boyfriend Justin Timberlake voice the key role of ‘King Arthur’ in “Shrek 3″ producers thought she was only kidding, but now that he’s got it many on the production crew are worried he’s ruining the film . . . And Paris Hilton is reportedly in talks to play Zsa Zsa Gabor in a new film, the lame actress who was once married to Paris’ great-grandfather Conrad Hilton (Paris would be perfect for this – she can’t act either!).
SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ . . .
• Scientists say . . . When it comes to the arrangement of the genes on our chromosomes, we’re closer to cats than any other animal group studied so far, except for primates. (No wonder I like to lick my hands!)
• Scientists say . . . It’s a bad idea to give ice cream to a woman going through PMS. (But it’s a worse idea to try taking it away from her!)
• Scientists say . . . People who smoke cannabis seem to recover any short-term loss of brain function. (However, they never recover the millions they’ve spent on munchies.)
• Scientists say . . . Birds actually fly better after they’ve fattened up. (At least that’s what they’re telling all the Christmas turkeys this year.)
DID YOU KNOW?
• Workplace stress costs the USA more than $300 billion a year in healthcare, missed work and stress reduction efforts.
• Indonesia’s rubber glove output is rising due to increased demand amid bird flu.
DEBUNKING FINANCIAL MYTHS:
Here are a few urban legends that are circulating about money. What they have in common is – they’re all wrong!
• Urban Myth #1: You can float a cheque longer if you write in red ink. The theory is that a bank’s equipment can’t scan red ink so it takes longer to process. That’s total BS, the color of the ink makes no difference.
• Urban Myth #2: You don’t have to pay income tax because it’s technically illegal. No one will tell you about it but there’s a form you can file to exempt yourself. More BS – you’ll eventually get arrested if you don’t pay your taxes.
• Urban Myth #3: If you’re under 18, you can’t be held accountable for credit card debt. Technically that’s true. However, credit card companies will go after the adult who co-signed for the minor.
• Urban Myth #4: It’s better if you don’t sign the back of your credit card, in order to protect yourself from identify theft. Not true. That only ‘protects’ you from the merchant accepting your card at the checkout.
• Urban Myth #5: Hotel Bibles often have $100-bills tucked into them as a reward from the Gideons for reading the ‘Good Book’. Sorry, the only thing Gideons leave behind is the book.
– Bankrate.com
SHE SAID IT:
“NASCAR has asked me to sing the national anthem at one of their events. It’s like cancer knocked gay out. Now I’m no longer the ‘gay one’.”
– Melissa Etheridge insisting people look at her differently now that she’s a cancer survivor.
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 84% of blondes consider themselves ‘flirts’.
• 75% of nursing professionals have walked in on people in the midst of making love.
• 72% of all restaurant meals include french fries.
• 59% of us would not tell co-workers if they have a body odor problem.
• 20% of high school students smoke cigarettes, down from 28% in 2000.
THE BULL SHEET 11.03.2K5
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1952 [53] Roseanne (Barr-Arnold-Thomas), Salt Lake City UT, ex-TV talk show host (“The Roseanne Show” 1998-2000)/ex-TV sitcom actress (“Roseanne” 1988-1997)
1953 [52] Dennis Miller, Pittsburgh PA, TV personality (“Dennis Miller” on CNBC, “Saturday Night Live” 1985-91)/occasional movie actor (“Murder at 1600″)
1953 [52] Kate Capshaw (Kathleen Nail), Fort Worth TX, Mrs Steven Spielberg since 1991 (5 children)/sometime movie actress (“Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom”)
1955 [50] Phil Simms, Lebanon KY, yacky & whiney-voiced NFL analyst (CBS-TV)/ex-NFL QB (2 Super Bowls-NY Giants 1979-93)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Cliché Day”. It’s amazing how they infiltrate our daily conversations. Try to make it through an entire show without anyone uttering a cliché. Hit the buzzer every time one pops up!
TODAY is “Gambling Addiction Awareness Day”. Hey, bet you didn’t know that!
BS SIGNS YOU MIGHT HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM:
• Whenever you meet someone, you put a coin in his mouth and start yanking on his arm.
• You’ve feverishly rushed out to buy a ticket on the big lottery jackpot and then left it sitting on the store counter.
• When you order fast food you say, “I’d like to double down on those biggie fries.”
• You’ve got 50 bucks riding on the ‘Final Jeopardy’ answer – with your 6-year-old.
• When they pass around the collection plate at church, you ask, “What kind of odds am I getting?”
• You’re wearing green felt underwear.
TODAY is “Housewives’ Day”. Whoa, is that PC?
TODAY is “National Men Make Dinner Day”, celebrated on the 1st Thursday of November to ensure there is at least one meal cooked by the man of the house each year. The meal must include minimum of 4 ingredients and require at least 1 cooking utensil other than a fork. Isn’t this a little out of date? Surely there are millions of households these days in which the male does most of the cooking, no?
NET: http://www.menmakedinnerday.com/orgin.htm
TODAY is “Sandwich Day”, celebrating the 1718 birth of John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A compulsive gambler, he wanted something that could be eaten at gaming tables and earned immortality when he began eating beef between slices of toast as a time-saving nourishment in 1792. Nowadays, we eat an average of 193 sandwiches apiece annually. (Some dissenters say Montagu stole the idea from a guest – the Earl of Shrewsbury. So it SHOULD be a peanut butter shrewsbury, a grilled cheese shrewsbury, a knuckle shrewsbury …)
FACTOID: The ‘World’s Heaviest Sandwich’ (5,440 lb/2,473 kg) was made by Wild Woody’s Chill & Grill in Roseville MI on March 17, 2005. The ‘World’s Longest Sandwich’ (635 m/2,081 ft) was created by EuroSpin in Mottola, Italy on August 7, 2004.
PHONE STARTER: Ask listeners for the weirdest sandwich they’ve ever eaten. A few we’ve heard of – bologna & jelly, mashed potatoes mixed with canned corn & topped with cottage cheese, cheese & ketchup, peanut butter & tuna.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [07] Former pro-wrestler Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura is elected Governor of Minnesota
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1961 [44] 1st inductees into the “Country Music Hall of Fame” (Jimmie Rodgers, Hank Williams and Fred Rose)
1990 [15] “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice hits #1, the first rap tune to top pop charts
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1817 [188] Canada’s 1st bank opens (Bank of Montréal)
1900 [105] 1st ‘Auto Show’ in USA (Madison Square Garden)
1930 [75] 1st ‘International Vehicle Tunnel’ in the world opens (Detroit MI-Windsor ON)
1995 [10] 1st regular season game for NBA’s Toronto Raptors (a win over NJ Nets)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996 [09] Youngest-ever NBA player, LA Laker Kobe Bryant, takes the floor at the tender age of 18 years, 2 months and 11 days
2004 [01] “Jeopardy!” contestant Ken Jennings shatters the record for TV game show earnings, amassing $45,099 to bring his total take to $2,197,000 (surpassing the 2001 record of $2,180,000 set by Kevin Olmstead on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?”)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Eid-Al-Fitr, celebrating end of Ramadan (Islam)
[Sat] Governor-General’s Performing Arts Awards (Ottawa)
[Sat] Guy Fawkes Day (UK)
[Sun] NYC Marathon
[Sun] Saxophone Day
[Sun] Halfway Point of Autumn
[Mon] World Community Day
This Week Is . . . Canadian Children’s Book Week
French Conversation Week
This Week Is . . . Military Family Appreciation Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
THE WEEK’S WEIRDEST TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Firm Hires Parrot to Answer Phone Complaints!”
• “Bigfoot to Join the Cast of ‘The Sopranos’!”
• “New Traffic Safety Plan: Bumper-to-Bumper – All the Time!”
• “Hair From God’s Beard Found!”
• “President Thrilled with Iran’s Gift of Giant Wooden Camel!”
• “Bill Gates to Buy Mars!”
BS BLATANT JOKES:
• So 60-year-old Rod Stewart is going to be a father again … for the 6th time! This won’t be easy on his girlfriend Penny Lancaster. There’s the drooling, the diapers … and the baby’s gonna be a lot of work, too.
• There’s a new hi-tech toilet seat on the market that automatically lowers itself after use. So far, 983 dogs have gotten their heads trapped.
BS ‘ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS’ FOR RADIO:
Each member of the morning crew is furnished with the SFX of a cow (‘moo’), a lake (paddling SFX), and a bomb (‘BOOM!’). You count to 3, then each person plays one of the effects. Cow drinks lake, lake extinguishes bomb, and bomb blows up cow. Oh what fun!
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS everyday item is actually only designed for 6 months of use.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The bra.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s not what they say about you … it’s what they whisper.
