Tuesday, November 25, 2003          Edition: #2673
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY in music stores: “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” soundtrack, featuring a tune by Annie Lennox (movie opens DECEMBER 17) . . . TONIGHT FOX-TV airs the 1-hour holiday special, “American Idol: Christmas Songs”, with past contestants Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Justin Guarini, Tamyra Gray and Clay Aiken, as well as “Canadian Idol” winner Ryan Malcolm singing “Let It Snow” . . . The new Russian TV reality show “Golod” (‘Hunger’) drops a shipping container loaded with 6 contestants into the middle of an unknown European city and forces them to find their own food and money; 1st prize for the survivor – $1,000 a month for life (sounds like our immigration policy) . . . Jackie Chan has signed up to co-star with Steve Martin in the new ‘Pink Panther’ movie, “Birth of the Pink Panther”, playing ‘Inspector Clouseau’s’ hapless servant ‘Kato’ . . . Director Cameron Crowe has dumped Ashton Kutcher from his next film “Elizabethtown” and suggested he take acting lessons . . . Buzz has it actors Angelina Jolie & Colin Farrell been secretly dating for weeks while shooting the new movie “Alexander”; they were recently spotted dirty dancing before dashing off to her London hotel suite . . . Actor Sean Penn is considering returning to Iraq to write vignettes about life on the streets of Baghdad for the “San Francisco Chronicle” . . . Isn’t it ironic? Brad Pitt, who plays the Greek hero ‘Achilles’ in the now-shooting movie epic “Troy”, is now hobbling around with a cast on his left ankle after tearing his – Achilles tendon.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “X2: X-Men United” (Action Fantasy – DVD/VHS): Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Shawn Ashmore, Halle Berry, Brian Cox et al return for the sequel in which ‘Magneto’ proposes a partnership with the ‘X-Men’ to combat their common enemy ‘Stryker’. With the fate of mankind – and mutantkind – in their hands, the ‘X-Men’ face their most dangerous mission ever. Also released as part of the “X-Men Collection” that includes both movies in widescreen DVD.
• “Bruce Almighty” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): Jim Carrey plays Buffalo NY TV reporter ‘Bruce Nolan’ who’s discontent with everything in life, despite his popularity and the devotion of his girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston). When he rages against God, the big guy responds and challenges ‘Bruce’ to take on the almighty job and see if he can do it any better.
• “Star Trek – The Motion Pictures Collection” (Sci-Fi – DVD): Contains all 10 “Star Trek” films on 10 discs in widescreen ‘anamorphic format’ (is that a good thing?).

BAD SANTA:
A study of applicants for jobs as mall Santas or Santa’s ‘helpers’ reveals that 7% have had misdemeanor or felony convictions within the previous 7 years. Among the offenses discovered – indecent exposure, harassment, assault and soliciting prostitution. Even worse, the study also shows that 46% of malls do NOT perform this type of employment check before hiring their Santas. (Billy Bob Thornton plays a borderline-violent Santa who cusses, drinks and has sex in the movie comedy, “Bad Santa”, opening TOMORROW.)

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• The mayor of Bocaiuva Do Sul, Brazil is claiming that he personally called off an alien landing because he was worried the extraterrestrials would abduct some soccer stars visiting his town. Elcio Berti says he’s regularly contacted by aliens – who are helping him build a landing pad for spaceships.
• Now THAT’S security! Thanks to steel armor and other safety features, Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik’s new bomb-proof BMW is so heavy – it isn’t legally allowed on the country’s roads as a 4-passenger vehicle. It’s now being refitted to shed 88 lbs from its 4-ton total.
• Residents of tiny Geuda Springs KS (population 210) have passed an ordinance that says you MUST own a gun and ammunition. Only people with physical or mental disabilities, paupers and those who conscientiously oppose firearms are exempt. Otherwise, if you’re found to be gun-free, you can be fined $10.
• Britain’s National Farmers Union has released a ‘chill-out album’ of music to help turkeys remain calm during the stressful run-up to Christmas. The album includes Gregorian chants, whale calls and the sounds of rustling forests. About 300 farmers are using the disc so far, contending that if turkeys are less stressed, they put on more pounds.
• The administration at a seniors home in Trento, Italy took legal action against an employee who proudly showed off his newly-pierced penis to some of the residents. But local prosecutors have decided he won’t be penalized because it’s not an offence to show a piercing to consenting adults in private. (And let’s face it … this guy has already suffered enough!)

AND WE QUOTE:
“Honestly, there’s like some sort of energy thing between us. She’s like my godmother. I had this idea, like, I really like my new single and I said like, you know what, do you think Madonna would join me? And my people, they were, like, come on, Britney, you know. So I just said to her, maybe this is crazy, but would it be OK, like, and she said: ‘Yes.’ And I thought: ‘Ohmigod, Madonna’s on my song, right!’” – The ever-astute Britney Spears.

THE BULL SHEET 11.25.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [59] Ben Stein, Washington DC, TV personality (“Win Ben Stein’s Money” 1997-2002)/movie actor (“The Mask”, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off“)/sometime columnist (“Washington Post”)/author (7 novels, 9 non-fiction books)/lawyer/former speechwriter for US Presidents Nixon & Ford

1960 [43] Amy Grant, Augusta GA, country/pop/gospel singer with 5 Grammy Awards (“Baby Baby”) who’s sold over 22 million albums/Mrs Vince Gill since 2000

1969 [34] Jill Hennessy, Edmonton AB, TV actress (Dr Jordan Cavanaugh-“Crossing Jordan”, “Law & Order” 1993-96)

1971 [32] Christina Applegate, Hollywood CA, movie actress (“A View From the Top”, “The Sweetest Thing”)/ex-TV actress (“Married With Children” 1987-97)

1976 [27] Donovan McNabb, Chicago IL, football quarterback (Philadelphia Eagles) with all-time most lucrative NFL contract (a reported 12 years, $113 million)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

TODAY is “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking 1 month until Christmas. Just what you wanted to hear, huh?

The 15th annual “Vegetarian Banquet for Monkeys” will be served up THIS WEEK in Lop Buri, Thailand. Dozens of chefs and servers work for 2 days to prepare a gourmet meal for the 600 monkeys that inhabit the area. It’s to pay back the little critters for giving the town much of its character and tourism. (Not to mention aroma.)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1792 [211] 1st edition of “The Old Farmer’s Almanac” (back when the ‘old farmer’ was just a young whippersnapper)

1867 [136] 1st ‘dynamite’ (invented by Alfred Nobel, who also founded the ‘Nobel Prizes’)

1920 [83] 1st ‘play-by-play coverage of a football game’ (WTAW Radio in College Station TX broadcasts Texas vs Texas A&M game)

1949 [54] “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears on music charts (while Gene Autry’s rendition is the most popular, 80 different versions of the song have been recorded and over 20 million copies sold)

1972 [31] 1st commercial coin-operated ‘video game’ (“Pong”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1952 [51] Agatha Christie’s “The Mousetrap” 1st opens at St Martin’s Theatre in London UK, and continues performances today as ‘world’s longest-running play’

1977 [26] David Steed balances stationary on a bike for 9 hours, 15 minutes

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Pins & Needles Day
[Thurs] American Thanksgiving Day
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Sat] AIDS Awareness Concert (Capetown SA)
[Sat] Electronic Greetings Day
[Mon] “Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King” world premiere (Wellington NZ)
This Week Is . . . Travelers With Disabilities Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Vegan Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT COLOR IS YOUR INCHWORM?
THIS YEAR Crayola Crayons has added 4 new colors to celebrate the company’s 100th anniversary. ‘Jazzberry Jam’, ‘Mango Tango’, ‘Inchworm’ and ‘Wild Blue Yonder’ have been introduced. And here’s a few …
REJECTED BS CRAYON COLORS:
• ‘Melanoma Tan’.
• ‘Klan White’
• ‘Found in a Diaper Gold’
• ‘Flu Phlegm Green’
• ‘Fast Food Burger Grey’
• ‘Hamilton Air Brown’
• ‘Time o’ the Month’
• ‘Spank Me Pink’

MOST DANGEROUS JOBS:
1. Logger
2. Fisher
3. Commercial Pilot or Navigator
4. Structural Metal Worker
5. Delivery Driver
6. Roofer
7. Electrical Installer
8. Farmer
9. Construction Laborer
10. Trucker
Source: Bureau of Labor Statistics

BS TURKEY FACTS:
• Male turkeys gobble. Hens do not. They make a clicking noise.
• A 15 lb turkey usually has about 70% white meat and 30% dark meat.
• Commercially raised turkeys are too heavy to fly. In fact, turkey breeding has caused turkey breasts to grow so large that turkeys sometimes fall over.
• Turkeys have been bred to have white feathers because they leave no spots under the skin when plucked.
• Israelis eat the most turkeys … 28 lbs per person annually.
• A 16-week-old turkey is called a ‘fryer’. A 5- to 7-month-old turkey is called a ‘young roaster’ and a year-old bird is a ‘yearling. Any turkey 15 months or older is called ‘mature’.
• Eating turkey doesn’t cause you to feel sleepy after Thanksgiving dinner. It’s likely the carbohydrates (potatoes, buns, stuffing, etc) that are the cause.
• The 5 most popular ways to serve leftover turkey are – sandwich, stew or soup, salad, casserole, and stir-fry.
Source: University of Illinois

LITTLE KNOWN BS THANKSGIVING TRADITIONS:
• The annual Pam Anderson mashed potato sculpting contest.
• Bobbing for giblets.
• During post-turkey nap time, a quick game of roller hockey with Grampa’s teeth.
• Go to supermarket, try to fit 3 frozen turkeys in pants.
• If a thrown yam lands in a cousin’s cleavage, she’s next to get hitched. (West Virginia only.)
• The post-dinner family finger pull and methane Olympics.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Michael Jackson has set up an ‘official press room’ on the Internet to record official communications on his case. Quote: “Any statement that does not appear on this Website must be considered unauthorized.”
NET: http://www.mjnews.us/

BS BLATANT JOKE:
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you’re off it.

IT PAYS TO BE IGERNANT:
Listener must answer rapid-fire, and must get all 10 questions WRONG to win. It’s waaaay tougher than it seems!
• This is the most common name for baby boys in 2003.
• Who’s most likely to win a 2004 Academy Award?
• What’s the most popular Canadian tourist attraction?
• Something everyone has on the table for Thanksgiving dinner.
• What’s it called when the Earth moves between the Sun and Moon, blocking out all moonlight?
• This is the team most likely to win the Stanley Cup.
• What’s the 2nd-most-common body part to have pierced?
• What’s the best advice your dad ever gave you?
• This is the most-endearing personality trait of [co-host].
• What do you sleep in every night?
• The most important component of a healthy breakfast.

BS ‘HERE OR HEREAFTER?’:
Are the following famous actors stiff or still kickin’?
• Ricardo Montalban [Alive and 83 TODAY!]
• Charles Bronson [Died earlier THIS YEAR.]
• Fred Astaire [Stiff. They played ‘Taps’ for him in 1987.]
• Tony Curtis [Alive at 78.]
• Marlon Brando [Still living large at 79.]
• James Cagney [Died 1986.]
• Ernest Borgnine [Alive and 86.]
• Alec Guinness [The original ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ died in 2000]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Nearly a third of us follow THIS particular eating practice.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Finishing off all the food on our plates no matter how much is served.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s better to be poor than to be rich. The rich always have to fear becoming poor, but the poor
never have to fear becoming rich.

BULLSEYE:
This year a lot of stations are trying out an all-Christmas music format for an entire month leading up to the holiday. Some switched over as early as November 12th. Going all-festive during weekend shopping periods we can understand, but 6 full weeks of all-jingle-bells, all-the-time? Yuck! Pity the poor on-air staff that has to play “Jingle Bell Rock”, “Blue Christmas”, and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” over and over ad nauseam, not to mention a gazillion spots with holiday themes and irritating ‘Ho-ho-hos!’. And it has to get to listeners too, who are also being bombarded with holiday music in malls, elevators and on TV. Perhaps it’s time to look at a little counter-programming – why not a weekend of the ‘Greatest December Hits of All-Time’, the ones that have nothing to do with the holiday season … lots of jolly but no holly? And is there anyone out there with the Christmas balls to create ‘holiday-free zones’ on their broadcast schedule, with no mention of the ‘C’-word whatsoever? You know what listeners would say? Thank you.