Thursday, November 6, 2003 Edition: #2660
Good Morning, Sheetheads!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Complaining of ‘flu and a severe throat infection’, Britney Spears has begged off appearing on TONIGHT’S “MTV Europe Music Awards” in Edinburgh, Scotland and flown home to Louisiana to be with mommy (yeah, it’s a bad case of the 26-oz flu) . . . Word is Mariah Carey is in negotiations to star in a London stage production of “The Sleeping Prince”, in the role made famous by Marilyn Monroe in the 1957 movie version, “The Prince & the Showgirl”… Lead guitarist Ben Moody abandoned rockers Evanescence just before the start of their current European tour, flying home with no notice and no reason, leaving the band’s 2nd guitarist John LeCompt to pick up the slack (we’re guessing he’s now ‘former lead guitarist’) . . . That sex video featuring hotel heiress Paris Hilton allegedly shows her posturing throughout – to get her best side on-camera . . . Meantime, partying Paris is now Down Under, where a wild fling with a reject from “Australian Idol” reportedly caused thousands of dollars damage to the hotel where they were staying . . . Martha Stewart is said to be steamed that the CBS-TV miniseries on “The Reagans” was yanked but a TV movie about her was allowed to air (that’s ‘cause you have fewer friends, honey) . . . 21-year-old Andy Roddick, the world’s #1-ranked tennis player & boyfriend of Mandy Moore, is getting his own reality show, “The Tour”, which will follow him around NEXT SUMMER . . . And Elvis Presley’s granddaughter Riley Keough, who’s said to resemble her mom Lisa Marie only with a ‘softer look’, has been signed by modeling agency IMG – and she’s just 14-years-old!
Madonna has an animated kids’ movie in the works called “The Adventures of Opty” (in the climatic final scene, ‘Opty’ learns how to give tongue) . . . Hot tamale actresses Salma Hayek & Penélope Cruz are set to play feisty Mexican bankrobbers in an as-yet-untitled Western . . . Believe it or not, TWO movies are in the works featuring the board game “Scrabble”, one directed by Curtis Hanson (“8 Mile”) based on the cult novel “Word Freak”, and another about a couple who fall in love at the “World Scrabble Championship” . . . Antonio Banderas & Catherine Zeta-Jones are said to be onboard for a sequel to “The Mask Of Zorro” . . . Ben Affleck has agreed to star in “Glory Road”, a movie about the college basketball coach who led the first all-black team to the NCAA championship in the ‘60s . . . Meantime, it looks like J-Lo’s next film will be “Dance Lessons”, described as a cross between “Footloose” and “The Full Monty” (that’s one way to make people forget “Gigli” – take your clothes off!).
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• A new Ball State University survey finds that small-business owners who workout regularly do better in their jobs than couch-potatoes. What’s more – runners achieve better sales results than those who workout with weights.
• In a new Harris Poll, 42% of respondents say they think God is male, 1% say female, and 11% say God is a bit of both.
• According to a survey in “Today’s Parent”, 50% of Canadian adults have NOT prepared a will. 25% have no idea what will happen to their estate when they die.
• Even after lawsuits have been levied for music theft, a Recording Industry Association of America poll finds that just 9% of teens think downloading music is illegal.
• A new survey by “Yahoo! Auto” about driving pet peeves finds that 30% of us are irked by drivers yakking on their cellphones, 25% get ticked off by tailgaters, 13% most hate being cut off, and the biggest peeve of 11% – drivers who are ‘brake happy’.
A study of over 3,500 Internet ‘blogs’ (Web logs) has found that two-thirds have not been updated for at least 2 months and a quarter haven’t been touched even once since they were set up. Just one indication of what may become a major problem on the ‘Net in future – abandoned sites. There could be millions! Search engine Google now has over 3.3 billion Web pages registered.
WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• A Romanian man has been fined about $150 because his Neapolitan Mastiff dog – snores. After numerous complaints from neighbors, an official investigation revealed that Sumo’s snores indeed exceed the maximum permitted sound pollution levels. (Hey, would you be telling a Neapolitan Mastiff to be quiet?)
• Residents of a neighborhood in Santiago, Chile have asked authorities to exterminate thousands of pigeons living in the area after the roof of one woman’s house collapsed under the weight of – pigeon poop. Besides the droppings, there were also feathers and worms that spilled everywhere. Needles to say, the smell was disgusting. (Well thanks for being so lazy, ma’am. I feel much better about not cleaning my eavestroughs.)
• Nine passengers on the P&O cruise ship ‘Oceana’ took a dip in the luxury liner’s swimming pool and ended up with – bright green hair, apparently due to excess chlorine. As a gesture of goodwill, the ship’s beauty salon worked overtime to change their hair color back to normal before the ship docked at Southampton, England. (Then the grateful passengers rushed to their lawyer’s office.)
• A former ambulance driver in Belgium has saved a close friend by performing heart massage and mouth-to-mouth on his – fish. It took 15 minutes to resuscitate the pet koi fish. (Oh man, have you got tuna breath!)
BS AMAZING FACT:
“Harry Potter” author JK Rowling has earned $210 million in the past year, making her the highest-paid author in history, and putting her well on the way to becoming the first-ever billionaire author.
Source: “Times of London”
AND WE QUOTE:
“We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don’t know about anything that’s happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing.” – “Bowling for Columbine” filmmaker Michael Moore, who’s on an international tour flogging his new book, “Dude, Where’s My Country?”.
THE BULL SHEET 11.06.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946  Sally Field (Mahoney), Pasadena CA, movie actress (“Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde“, 2 Oscars-“Norma Rae”, “Places in the Heart”)
1948  Glen Frey, Detroit MI, classic rock musician (“The Heat is On”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)
1955  Maria Shriver, Chicago IL, TV journalist (“Dateline: NBC”)/Mrs Arnold Schwarzenegger since 1986
1970  Ethan Hawke, Austin TX, movie actor (“Training Day”, “Reality Bites”)/estranged from wife Uma Thurman
1972  Rebbeca Romijn-Stamos (pronounced ‘Romaine’ like the lettuce), Berkeley CA, movie actress (“X-Men 1 & 2”, “Femme Fatale”)/sometime model (“Vogue”)/Mrs John Stamos since 1998
1972  Thandie Newton, ZAMBIA, movie actress (“Mission Impossible 2”, “Beloved”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Men Make Dinner Day”. What else would you like your man to do that he never does?
TODAY is the “Halfway Point of Autumn”, marking the point when the [local losers] are officially out of the playoffs.
TODAY is “National Take Our Kids to Work Day” in Canada. Since it was introduced
in 1994, more than a million Grade 9 students across the country have participated in the annual job-shadowing program.
TODAY is “Saxophone Day”, commemorating the 1814 birth of Belgium’s Adolphe Sax, inventor of the musical instrument named for him. Sax became wealthy inventing numerous musical instruments, but died in poverty in Paris in 1894.
THIS WEEK is the 8th annual “International Orangutan Awareness Week”. The Nature Conservancy predicts that orangutans will be extinct within 10 to 20 years if the average of a 1,000 kills per year continues. One reason the species is endangered – a female orangutan has to be 14-years-old to reproduce and can only give birth every 8 years.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1867  1st ‘Parliament of Canada’ opens
1925  ‘Royal Canadian Legion’ established
NET: http://www.legion.ca/english/pop.htm (info on annual poppy program)
1889  Eiffel Tower opens in Paris (built for an exposition, there’s popular support to tear it down afterward and it almost happens)
1947  1st edition of “Meet The Press” on NBC (oldest program on TV)
2001  Keifer Sutherland’s hit series “24” debuts on FOX-TV
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993  Largest ‘PB & J sandwich’ is made in Peanut PA (40-feet-long with 150 lbs of peanut butter & 50 lbs of grape jelly)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards (Ottawa)
[Fri] World Community Day
[Sat] Lunar Eclipse
[Sat] Parents As Teachers Day
[Mon] Johnny Cash Tribute Concert (Nashville)
[Tues] Remembrance Day
[Tues] Veterans’ Day
This Week Is . . . Canadian Career Week / Shallow Persons Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Hunger Awareness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• In order to make a REAL sponge cake, wouldn’t you have to BORROW all of the ingredients?
• If Maxwell House coffee is good to the last drop … what’s wrong with the last drop?
• They say that if you are dreaming about falling from a great height and you land before you wake up you will die in real life. How does anyone know this? If they died because of the dream, they wouldn’t be alive to tell anyone.
• When they ‘reformat’ a movie for television, how do they know what size TV you have?
• How come when the TV remote batteries are dead we press harder on the buttons hoping it’ll work?
Q: What are the top 2 selling spices in the world?
A: Pepper is the top seller, mustard is 2nd.
Source: “Totally Trivial”
• Your partner wants to earn money posing nude for art classes. Do you try to prevent it?
• You’re late for a meeting but you path is blocked by an endless funeral procession. What do you do?
• The only other occupants of the sauna are an attractive young couple giving each other a massage. They offer to include you. Do you accept?
• You have to choose between 2 equal candidates for a job, a man and a woman. The woman says she’ll work for $2,000 per year less than the man. Do you hire her for that reason?
• Outside a conference room in a hotel, participants are enjoying sandwiches, coffee and pastries. You could use some refreshment. Do you help yourself?
• You’re a reporter. The family of a murder victim has refused your requests for a picture and interview. Your editor demands that you keep calling them. Do you?
Here’s a good argument starter now that the final chapter of “The Matrix” is in theaters …
ALL-TIME TOP MOVIE SERIES:
1. “The Godfather” (1972-90)
2. “The Lord Of The Rings” (2001-03)
3. “Star Wars” (1977-2005)
4. ‘James Bond’ films (1962-2005)
5. “Indiana Jones” (1981-89)
6. “The Matrix“ (1999-2003)
7. “The Thin Man” (1934-47)
8. “Back To The Future” (1985-90)
9. “Alien” (1979-97)
10. “Scream” (1996-2000)
Source: “Toronto Sun”
Here’s another argument starter. Does food make film funniest?
FUNNIEST ALL-TIME MOVIE SCENE:
1. “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life” (1983) – ‘Mr Creosote’s’ explosive dining room scene.
2. “The Blues Brothers” (1980) – restaurant sequence.
3. “A Fish Called Wanda” (1988) – Kevin Kline’s fish-eating scene.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The traditional gift to give for a 44th wedding anniversary is THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Groceries.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes.