Monday, November 18, 2002 Edition: #2423
Get Your BS Here, Fresh & Steamy!
BS TRASHY TABLOID TIDBITS:
• Here’s this week’s breaking news, according to “Weekly World News” – ‘Archaeologist Discovers Lost Arms of Venus de Milo!’, ‘Predictions of Osama bin Laden – Black Plague Will Kill Half the US and Britney Spears Will Convert to Islam!’, ‘J Edgar Hoover Ordered Agents to Impersonate Women!’, ‘New Spray Wards Off Gays Like Bugs!’, ‘Father Strangles Son While Teaching Him to Put On a Tie!’, and – cool! – ‘The Pope is Buying Back Souls From Satan!’
• UK tabloid “Sun” reveals that in the NOVEMBER 24th episode of “The Simpsons”, ‘Marge’ sees a plastic surgeon to get rid of fat but mistakenly ends up with breast implants instead. Soon she lands a modeling deal and Homer can’t keep his hands off her! The episode will be titled – “Large Marge”.
• Speaking of plastic surgeons, “Star” magazine says Demi Moore is looking stunning at 40 thanks to a total-body makeover. Among the upgrades – Botox injections in her face, replacement of breast implants with smaller ones, liposuction to suck fat out of her stomach, buttocks and thighs, teeth whitening with porcelain veneers, and collagen injections to her lips. On top of that, she’s reportedly hired a nutritionist, a personal trainer, a yoga instructor and a kickboxing coach. The total tab for the reno job – an estimated $400,000!
• TONIGHT CBS-TV has decided to go ahead and air a “CSI: Miami” episode about a sniper. “E! Online” notes the network was considering delaying the episode until the arrests were made in the DC sniper case.
• An American scientist has named an ant after Harrison Ford. Online tabloid “Ananova” reports that Edward Wilson has anointed the Central American ant ‘peidole harrisonfordi’ to honor the actor’s conservation work. Ford is Vice-Chairman of Conservation International.
• If you believe “National Enquirer”, Eminem was driven nuts by an unstable, heavy-boozing Mariah Carey until he finally stood up and gave her the boot. But according to his former nanny, Mariah wouldn’t let go and even claimed she’d slit her wrists if he wouldn’t take her back. (Can’t wait till he raps this story!)
• Maybe this is part of the reason “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is likely in its final season – “Star” reports that teensy 5-foot-3 star Sarah Michelle Gellar is so short she has to has to wear teetering high heels while her taller co-stars get to run around in sneakers. And when she has a stationary scene, Gellar has to stand on a 4-inch platform box that’s set up for her by a crew member. Humiliating perhaps?
• Remember that infamous Elvis hairball that was going up for auction? “E! Online” reports the jar of Presley hair clippings saved by the King’s former hairstylist has fetched a whopping $115,120 at a Chicago auction SATURDAY. The bidder was anonymous.
• TONIGHT the latest ‘Bond’ film, “Die Another Day”, premieres in London and “Sunday Times” reports that one change fans will notice is ‘007′ has started puffing again after 13 years without an on-screen smoke. The last time ‘Bond’ was shown with a cigarette was in 1989’s “License to Kill”. In the new film, Pierce Brosnan is shown smoking a cigar, a move that has reportedly outraged the anti-smoking lobby. (They’re just cranky from withdrawal.)
• And here’s yet more proof that Guy Ritchie is truly a whipped man – he tells “Daily Mirror” that wife Madonna is on a strict diet and, although he doesn’t like it, he has absolutely no choice as to what turns up on the dinner table. (We’d feel sorry for you Guy, but what about that dog’s breakfast you just put on the screen?)
As part of a festival called “Porno Around The World”, Japanese body artist Yoshi Suzuki has begun a tour of the Belgian city of Mechelen to give as many people as possible – a French kiss. The 2-week mission to share love and swap spit will be filmed and later used as an exhibit. Suzuki says she’s been surprised at how cooperative the public has been. Maybe it’s because she’s carrying along a toothbrush and toothpaste. (Even so, don’t touch that tongue, kids, you don’t know where it’s been!)
BLAME IT ON THE BOSS:
A new study by the Chartered Institute of Personnel & Development finds that most people quit their jobs because – they can’t stand the boss! Personality clashes or general dissatisfaction with managers are the biggest reasons for resignations, well ahead of unhappiness about pay or career advancement. The study concludes that managers are too often appointed to their positions because they were good at their previous jobs and little thought is given to their management skills. That often leads to good workers leaving due to weak management. (Let me make it clear this has nothing to do with anyone here at [your station], of course.)
MORE FUN THAN A CHIA PET:
Genetic engineers say they may be able to artificially grow male and female sex organs within the next 20 years. (One scientist grew one just by looking at pictures of J-Lo.)
FRENCH STAND AT ATTENTION:
A new virility pill in France is being called ‘Le Weekend’ because of its long-lasting effects. Cialis is said to be faster than Viagra and lasts 7 TIMES longer. It gained its nickname after French lovers claimed it conquered their impotence from Friday night right through until Sunday morning. (Is there a tripod manufacturers’ convention in this hotel or is it just the weekend?)
ANOTHER LOONY ON THE LOSE:
Just as “Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets” was set to tear up the movie box office, a fundamentalist preacher in Lewiston, Maine has led a small rally of protesters in tearing up copies of the book with scissors. Reverend Douglas Taylor told his 30 supporters the Potter books (which he’s likely never taken the time to read) are full of witchcraft and pagan religion and – quote – “You get involved in this, it’s gonna make you dirty!” (Always nice to hear about another progressive book burning.)
What do people do when marooned in rush-hour traffic? A poll sponsored by Pennzoil finds the vast majority say they talk to themselves or others. (Like that %#**! jerk in the tailgating Bimmer!)
‘DON’T ATTACK IRAQ’ FLACK:
Over the weekend, thousands participated in demonstrations across Canada against the possibility of war in Iraq. Protesters gathered in front of the Ontario Legislature in Toronto, in Hamilton, Kingston, Calgary, and in Prince George, Grand Forks and Nelson BC. An even larger national day of protest is being planned for JANUARY 18th. (Don’t worry folks, our helicopters would never make it that far anyway.)
YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE:
Here comes a new form of point-of-sale advertising you just can’t escape. New ‘Flasma’ screens are being set up in British stores – 42-inch TV screens built right into the floor you walk on. The giant screens will inform consumers about special offers on products displayed in the immediate area. But why build TVs into the floor? There’s no wall space left for giant screens in most supermarkets, plus studies show that 70% of shoppers decide what to buy when they are standing right in front of the shelf.
HELL HATH NO FURY:
• A Cambodian woman has been sentenced to 15 years in jail for running off with her son-in-law. Seem a tad severe? It could be because it was right after she murdered her husband by axing him repeatedly in the groin!
• An Iranian court has ordered a further investigation into an odd incident. A woman has testified that she took out a knife and sliced off one of her husband’s ears and placed it in the palm of his hand. She says she did it to teach him to mind his own business after he had the gall to ask her why she was late coming home!
THE BULL SHEET 11.18.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939  Margaret Atwood, Ottawa ON, oft-awarded ‘dean of Canadian authors’ (2000 Booker Prize- “The Blind Assassin”, “Handmaid’s Tale”, “Cat’s Eye”)
1942  Linda Evans (Evanstad), Hartford CT, former TV actress (Krystle Carrington on “Dynasty”) once considered a sex symbol
1962  Kirk Hammet, San Francisco CA, heavy metal guitarist/singer (Metallica-“Enter Sandman”, “Nothing Else Matters”)
1968  Owen Wilson, Dallas TX, movie actor (“I Spy”, “Zoolander”) UP NEXT: Plays ‘Hutch to Ben Stiller’s ‘Starsky’ in the upcoming bigscreen version of the classic TV series “Starsky & Hutch”, coming in 2003
1970  Peta Wilson, Sydney AUS, TV actress (Nikita/Josephine-“Nikita” since 1997)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Mickey Mouse Day”, generally observed as his ‘birthday’ when he appeared in the cartoon short “Steamboat Willie” in 1928 (making him a geezer mouse of 74!). It was the first cartoon with synchronized sound. But now Austrian newspaper “Krone” reports that what appears to be a 700-year-old picture of ‘Mickey Mouse’ has been discovered on a church fresco in Malta, Austria. An art historian spotted the uncannily similar drawing which has been dated back to the early 14th century in the Community Church. The manager of the local tourism association says the similarity of the painting to Mickey Mouse is so astounding that Disney may have to worry about maintaining its worldwide copyright, because this Mickey is 700 years older!
TODAY is “Married to a Scorpio Support Day”, a day of remembrance to honor those who are
married to Scorpios. (Are they that bad? Any horror stories out there?)
THIS WEEK is “Grey Cup Week” in Edmonton, leading up to the 90th Grey Cup game SUNDAY. Among the events – the CFL & NFL are co-sponsoring the 4th annual “Reebok NFL/CFL Flag Football Championship” at West Edmonton Mall, featuring 9 teams of senior public school students from across Canada.
5 YEARS AGO . . .
1997 25 people are injured trying to get inside a Texas shopping mall – for a concert by Hanson
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1883  1st standard ‘time zones’ adopted by railroads in Canada and the US
1913  1st (intentional) ‘loop-de-loop’ flown in an airplane (next day, the ‘barf bag’ is invented)
1963  Bell Telephone introduces the 1st ‘push button’ phones
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1991  Suzanne Ferrer of Loire Valley, France becomes a great-grandmother at age 49 (had her first child at age 16, her daughter gave birth at 17, and her granddaughter at 15)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Have A Bad Day Day (for people tired of hearing ‘Have a Good Day’)
[Tues] World Toilet Summit (Singapore)
[Wed] Beaver Moon (Full Moon in November)
[Wed] Canadian National Child Day
[Wed] Name Your PC Day
[Thurs] Beaujolais Nouveau Day (worldwide release of France’s new crop wines)
[Thurs] World Hello Day
[Thurs] False Confessions Day
[Thurs] Great American Smokeout
[Fri] Start Your Own Country Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
National Culinary Week
American Education Week
Grey Cup Week
National Geography Awareness Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘TITLE BOUT’:
Have two phone contestants play off against each other to come up with the most titles in each category. Let them alternate back and forth until one is stumped, then move on to the next category. Keep a running score. A few suggested categories –
• Titles of Beatles songs.
• Names of TV sitcoms.
• Titles awarded to royalty.
• ‘James Bond’ movies.
• Titles awarded in sports championships.
• Titles of ‘Harry Potter’ books.
BS E-MAIL GAME:
While most e-mail addresses in North America end in ‘.com’ (commercial), ‘.edu’ (educational), or ‘.org’ (organization), e-mail addresses in other countries often end in a 2-letter code for the recipient’s country. Canada’s code, for instance, is ‘.ca’. What countries do the following codes stand for?
• ke (Kenya)
• au (Australia)
• cr (Costa Rica)
• nl (Netherlands)
• uk (Britain)
• nz (New Zealand)
• ug (Uganda)
• ae (United Arab Emirates)
• za (South Africa)
BS PHONE STARTER:
“What’s the oddest-named pet or farm animal you’ve come across?” (A new study by Britain’s National Farmers’ Union finds that farmers are increasingly naming their livestock after celebrities. Among other famous names, the study turned up cows named ‘Posh’, ‘Camilla’, ‘Madonna’, and ‘Kylie’.)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Nobody wants to do it, but doing this for 30 minutes will burn an average of 133 calories.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cleaning up after a party.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never strive to be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
WIDE WORLD OF BS:
Welcome to new BS samplers Randy Richards @ ROCK 95 Barrie ON, Ed Kanoi @ KKBG Hilo HI, Mark Matthews @ OLDIES 100 Manahawkin NJ, John McLeod & Gary Mills @ MIX 94.7 Sumter SC, Karen Lee @ WCCR Clarion PA, and Tom Fricke @ KYSL Frisco CO.