Monday, November 26, 2001 Edition: #2183
Advocacy group ‘World Against Toys Causing Harm’ (WATCH) has just published its 29th annual list of toys that could be dangerous to kids. THIS YEAR’S list includes the ‘Clown Stacking Ring’, ‘Creepy Crawler’s Bug Maker’, the ‘Car Alarm Key Ring’, the ‘NRG Paintball Blaster’ and the ‘Invincible Knights Weapon Set’ (what a surprise!). It would seem they missed a few, because here’s some . . .
OTHER BS UNSAFE TOYS:
(not recommended by the Canadian Toy Safety Council)
• Little Mountie Pepper Spray Kit
• The Hasbro Roof Ranger Paratrooper Kit
• Beanie Baby Placentas
• Ronco’s Pocket Hive
• The Used Band-Aid Ball
• Parker Bros’ Paula Poundstone Baby Sitter’s Club
• Necoro-the-Robot-Cat’s Plastic Hair Balls
• Fisher-Price’s Tiny Tot Taser
• Little Mr Trenchcoat
• Mattel’s Cement Floaties
• My First Nipple Ring
• Harry Potter Invisibility Pants
• Chokémon
• And the #1 most dangerous toy — ‘PMS Barbie’. (‘Cowering in the Corner Ken’ sold separately.)
BS TITILLATING TRASHY TABLOID TIDBITS:
• “E! Online” notes that popular TV quiz show “Jeopardy!” is doubling its prize money beginning TODAY, the first time its rewards have been raised in the show’s current 18-year run that dates back to 1984. (So now for a top prize of $2000, the answer is — ‘TV game show that still looks extremely cheap compared to “Millionaire”.’)
• “Sun” reports Britney Spears exposed some unplanned flesh when she ripped her leather cat-suit onstage in Salt Lake City. A dancer reportedly rushed over with a towel to cover her up, while Brit looked extremely embarrassed. (Just which part of her haven’t we already seen?)
• If you believe “Star”, Eminem is dating his mom! Well not his real mom — lawsuit happy Debbie Mathers – but Kim Basinger, who plays her in Eminem’s upcoming bio-film called “The Detroit Project”. Word is 29-year-old Eminem and 47-year-old Kim have been spotted sharing smooches and traveling to and from the set together on a daily basis. (Well she’s dated worse — Prince, for instance.)
• According to “Star”, the Russian version of the TV show ”Big Brother” is hotter than spiced vodka. A contestant couple reportedly stripped down and had full sex in one episode and in another, a pair of naked women slowly washed each other in a spicy shower scene that lasted 20 minutes. Reportedly, hundreds of people are lining up to get a glimpse of the action through a 2-way mirror in the show’s hotel set near Red Square.
• “NY Post reports that ‘Harry Potter’ author JK Rowling is hot ‘n heavy with dashing young British doctor Neil Murray. The two recently vacationed together in Mauritius and are rumored to be engaged. Meantime, her ex-hubby, Portuguese journalist Jorge Arantes, is demanding access to their daughter, 7-year-old Jessica. “I am not interested in her money,” he insists (as his nose grows). The tab claims JK’s now richer than the queen and the only woman in Britain who’s worth more is Madonna.
• But that may change. According to Philip Beresford, who compiles the “Sunday Times” rich list, JK Rowling is on course to become the world’s first BILLIONAIRE writer.
• According to “National Enquirer”, a girlfriend of Britain’s dashing Prince William is pregnant with his child. That’s reportedly led to a furious blowup between the 19-year-old prince and his pop, Prince Charles, who is demanding that William ‘stop this wild bed-hopping!’ (Hey Chuck, you know what they say — like father, like son.)
CHILL AND LIVE LONGER:
A new study shows that people who are found to be overly suspicious, cynical and hostile are more likely to die within a 15-year-period than those with more trusting dispositions. Chronic suspicion may produce stress that impairs the body’s ability to fight disease. (I’m really going to miss my boss.)
BEER IS GOOD:
Canadian researchers have found that the antioxidants in many beers help protect eye cells against damage from high glucose levels, thus reducing the odds of cataracts developing. (That’s odd, I’ve always found that my vision becomes blurred after 12 or 13 beers.)
WHITE SALE:
The World Wildlife Fund is encouraging Canadians to adopt a polar bear to help stem the decline of polar bear populations. Adoption kits include a personalized ‘adoption certificate’ and a polar bear pic for a $25 fee. Currently, there are fewer than 25,000 polar bears in the Canadian Arctic (about half of them wandering around Main Street in Churchill MB).
PHONER: 800-26-PANDA/416-489-8800 (Toronto)
NET: http://www.wwfcanada.org/satellite/wwfkids/arctic/activities1.html
MIND OVER MUSCLE:
You may be able to increase the strength of your muscles just by thinking about it. Researchers at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation have developed a technique which boosts strength by using the power of imagination. Volunteers told to ‘visualize’ moving their pinky fingers showed a 13.5% increase in strength within just a few weeks. The technique could help patients recover their health more quickly and seniors to stay fit. (I must be the world’s fittest person because I THINK about exercise all the time.)
EXPRESSING E-MOTION:
An expert on Internet usage says that people who are not comfortable saying “I love you” face-to-face are now saying it more often via e-mail and text messaging. (Unfortunately, these are the same people who usually follow it with the words “and I’m watching you.”)
LOST IN TRANSLATION:
Advertising slogans that lost their zip when translated . . .
• ‘Big John’ food products were first introduced as ‘Gros Jos’ in Québec until they learned it was French-Canadian slang for ‘big breasts’.
• In Taiwan, the slogan ‘Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation’ translated to ‘Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead’.
• When translated into Chinese, KFC’s ‘Finger Lickin’ Good’ became ‘Eat Your fingers off!’.
• An Electrolux vacuum cleaner ad, when translated from the original Swedish to English, exclaimed ‘Nothing sucks like Electrolux!’
THE BULL SHEET 11.26.01
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1922 [D-2000] Charles Schulz, Minneapolis MN, still the world’s most popular cartoonist (“Peanuts”)
1938 [63] Rich Little, Ottawa ON, impressionist who perfected over 200 characterizations at peak of his career
1939 [62] Tina Turner (Anna Mae Bullock), Nutbush TN, retired classic rock singer (“What’s Love Got to Do With It”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1991)
1945 [56] John McVie, ENG, classic rock musician (Fleetwood Mac-“Rumours”)
1966 [35] Garcelle Beauvais, St Marc HAITI, TV actress (Assistant District Attorney Valerie Heywood-“NYPD Blue”)
1972 [29] Chris Osgood, Peace River AB, NHL goalie (NY Islanders)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
THIS WEEK is the 29th anniversary (1972) of the introduction of ‘Pong’, the 1st commercial coin-operated video game. (Loved those state-of-the-art graphics!)
One of the world’s largest invention trade fairs, the 53rd annual “Ideas, Inventions & New Products Exhibition”, is now on in Nuremberg, Germany, with gadgets and gizmos from all over the world on exhibit. Some highlights –
• The ‘robot golf caddy’, a humanoid figure with golf clubs sprouting from its shoulders. Only $6,750!
• The ‘Instant Hair Fringe Kit’ miracle hair restorer.
• A pocket-sized ‘gas mask in a pouch’ that can be used in an emergency to protect against inhalation of smoke and toxins.
• A Korean ‘hands-free mobile phone’ that uses air tubes instead of wires and promises to keep radio waves away from the brain.
• The Taiwanese ‘all-in-one urinal and wash-basin’.
• The German ‘bicycle umbrella’.
• And, just in case real dirt’s not good enough for you — ‘rubber soil’.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1825 [176] 1st ‘college fraternity’ (Kappa Alpha) forms at Union College in Schenectady NY (next day, 1st house full of grown men begins chanting “Boola, Boola!”)
1896 [105] 1st ‘football huddle’ (University of Chicago players decide on pepperoni and double cheese for the post-game pizza)
1956 [45] 1st edition of TV game show “The Price is Right” (back when Bob Barker was a boy)
1991 [10] 1st female player in major junior hockey (Manon Rheaume-Trois-Riviéres Draveurs goalie)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Make Your Own Head Day (huh?)
[Thurs] Electronic Greetings Day
[Fri] Computer Security Day
[Fri] Stay At Home Because You’re Well Day
National Adoption Week
Adoption Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS I SPY A LIE!
Two of the following statements are true, while one is an out-and-out lie. But which?
GAME #1 – CANADA:
• About 89% of Canada has never been permanently settled.
• The Thirty Thousand Islands can be found in Ontario’s Georgian Bay.
• Algonquin Park is Canada’s largest national park. (BS. It’s not a national park, but an Ontario provincial park. The largest national park is Wood Buffalo, situated in Alberta and the NT.
Game #2 — ANIMALIA:
• Humans have more teeth than dogs. (BS. A normal adult dog has 42, while an adult human has 32.)
• Elephants have been known to remain standing after they die.
• The fastest fish in the sea is the swordfish, which has been clocked at up to 68 mph.
GAME #3 — INVENTIONS:
• Leonardo da Vinci invented the parachute in 1515.
• Telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell phoned his mother every day. (BS. He NEVER phoned her — she was deaf.)
• A Swiss inventor came up with the idea for Velcro after studying the way burrs attach to clothing.
GAME #4 – WEATHER:
• Rainfall worldwide averages 960 million tons of water a minute.
• At an extremely low temperature, snow is absorbent enough to dry clothes.
• Rain contains vitamin C. (BS. Although it does contain vitamin B-12.)
USED USA ONLY
BS SIGNS YOU ATE TOO MUCH TURKEY:
• You just won 2nd place in the “Nutty Professor” look-alike contest.
• You’ve developed ‘Dunlap’s disease’ – your gut has dunlapped over your belt.
• Your computer keyboard’s just a tad outta reach.
• Weight Watchers has assigned you a probation officer
• You look in the mirror and notice the word ‘Butterball’ stenciled on your ass.
• They had to get the jaws of life to remove you from your chair.
• Your cousin’s in the hospital with a concussion after your pants button flew off.
• When you’re not sweatin’ gravy, you’re fartin’ feathers.
BS TAG LINE:
At the dinner table, the only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
WELCOME!
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