Tuesday, November 6, 2001 Edition: #2169
Here Comes Another Bull Run!
YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE IF . . .
• You call a radio talk show and they ask you to “turn yourself down”.
• You finish your 60-minute presentation before everyone is seated.
• You’re passing everybody on the freeway when suddenly you realize — you’re not in a car.
• The acidity level of your sweat dissolves the letters on your keyboard.
• Your doctor adds cream and sugar to your urine sample.
• You can type 70 words per minute — with your feet.
• Tim Horton’s owns the mortgage on your house.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug — on your coffee mug.
• Your boss asks to meet with you at 2, and you eagerly ask, “AM or PM?”
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY “Britney”, Britney Spears’ 3rd studio album is released, and she says if parents are going to be upset with the swearing on it they just shouldn’t buy it (it contains really tough words like ‘hell’ and ‘damn’) . . . Also out TODAY, Mick Jagger’s 1st solo album in 8 years, “Goddess in the Doorway” (featuring collaborations with Lenny Kravitz, Rob Thomas and Wyclef Jean), and “United We Stand” (no relation to the October 21 benefit concert at RFK Stadium), a collection of classic songs celebrating ‘togetherness and patriotism’ to benefit the Red Cross (John Lennon’s “Imagine”, Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA”, plus tracks from Beach Boys, O’Jays & Joe Cocker) . . . TONIGHT’S episode of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” will run 8 minutes overtime because it’s a musical (featuring the recurring melody, “I bet I can kick your buuuuutttt”) . . . A new tell-all book is coming out that lists all the men that Madonna has slept with (it’s called ‘The Phone Book’) . . . Actor-pilot John Travolta says he’s being extra careful when flying these days and has employed bomb-sniffing dogs to check out his plane before takeoff (hey John, you should have hired them to check out the screenplay for “Battlefield Earth”) . . . The $63.4-million weekend gross for “Monsters Inc” set a new record for the opening of an animated film, but it has a ways to go to beat the total take of all-time animated champ “The Lion King” – $767 million!
TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Reese Witherspoon stars in the comedy “Legally Blonde”, about a blonde sorority queen who goes to law school and finds out she isn’t so dumb after all . . . New collectible DVD editions include “The Sopranos: 2nd Season”, the 1965 epic “Doctor Zhivago”, and “Star Trek: The Motion Picture”, the 1979 film featuring the original TV cast which spawned a gazillion sequels . . . And a note of caution — for the first time, a computer virus has been discovered on a DVD, as Warner Bros has confirmed the virus known as ‘Funlove’ was found on “Meet the Beat-Alls”, a compilation of episodes from the cartoon series “Powerpuff Girls” (as if watching it wasn’t torture enough).
WIND BENEATH MY BELT:
An enterprising team of scientists has developed the world’s first ‘underpants fan’ which, worn around the belt, delivers cool air to the groin through air tubes. It’s designed to increase sperm production in men suffering from low counts based on the principle that men are more fertile when their crotch is kept cool. (Also a great thing to strap on after you’ve had a couple of chili dogs.)
• According to a “Men’s Health” magazine poll, 39% of women have at one time worn their guy’s underwear. (If that’s not weird enough, 31% of them admit it was “on their head”.)
• Another “Men’s Health” survey finds that, on average, guys have had sex in the back seat of a car 15 times. (Makes you think twice about buying a used car — say it had 5 owners, that’s 75 times. Ewww!)
• StatsCan figures show that about 62% of Canadian homes are lived in by the owner. (Wow, those bankers sure have a lot of homes!)
• 11% of consumers polled say they’ve already completed their Christmas shopping. (Well, me too . .. oh, you mean for this year?)
• Studies show that it takes about 400 years for a plastic credit card to decompose. (Almost as long as it takes to pay it off.)
• A new study says that 28% of all business e-mail is now spam and that, on average, employees spend about 10 minutes per day removing unwanted mail. (Employees complain this is time that could otherwise be spent visiting adult Websites.)
• The average male gains 10 pounds and the average female 11 after quitting smoking. (It seems to replace the feel of a butt between their fingers, most people like the feel of a Twinkie.)
FOR THE RECORD:
Seven exhausted people in Germany have emerged from a theater after setting a new world record by watching 60 continuous hours of movies. (They didn’t set out to break the record, it’s just that their feet got stuck to the floor during the first film.)
THE BULL SHEET 11.06.01
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931  Mike Nichols (Peschkowsky), Berlin GER, film producer/director (“Primary Colors”, Oscar-“The Graduate”)/Mr Diane Sawyer
1946  Sally Field (Mahoney), Pasadena CA, movie actress (“Mrs Doubtfire”, 2 Oscars-“Norma Rae”, “Places in the Heart”)/movie director (“Beautiful”)
1948  Glen Frey, Detroit MI, classic rock musician (“The Heat is On”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)
1955  Maria Shriver, Chicago IL, TV journalist (“Dateline: NBC”)/Mrs Arnold Schwarzenegger
1970  Ethan Hawke, Austin TX, film actor (“Training Day”, “Reality Bites”)/Mr Uma Thurman
1972  Rebbeca Romijn-Stamos (pronounced ‘Romaine’ like the lettuce), Berkeley CA, movie actress (“X-Men”, “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”)/model (“Vogue”)/Mrs John Stamos NEXT FILMS: The remake of “Rollerball” and “X-Men 2″, both due NEXT YEAR
1972  Thandie Newton (‘Tan-dee’), ZAMBIA, movie actress (‘Mission Impossible 2”. “Beloved”) NEXT FILM: Co-Stars with Mark Wahlberg in the mystery thriller “The Truth About Charlie”, opening SUMMER 2002
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Saxophone Day”, commemorating the 1814 birth of Belgium’s Adolphe Sax, inventor of the musical instrument named for him. Sax became wealthy inventing numerous musical instruments, but died in poverty in Paris in 1894. (Awwwwww!)
TOMORROW is “National Take Our Kids to Work Day” in Canada. Since it was introduced
in 1994, more than a million Grade 9 students across Canada have participated in the annual job-shadowing program. This year, safety is the central theme of 14 recommendations designed to prevent workplace tragedies like the one that killed 2 teens during last NOVEMBER’S event. So, are you bringing your kid into the studio?
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1976  Steve Miller’s “Rock’n Me” peaks at #1
1991  Right Said Fred releases novelty hit “I’m Too Sexy”
1993  Meat Loaf ‘s “I’d Do Anything For Love [But I Won’t Do That]” hits #1
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1867  1st ‘Parliament of Canada’ opens (the next day, Québec starts whining)
1889  Eiffel Tower opens in Paris (built for an exposition, there’s popular support to tear it down afterward and it almost happens)
1925  ‘Royal Canadian Legion’ established (because war vets need a place with cheap booze)
NET: http://www.legion.ca/english/pop.htm (info on annual poppy program)
1947  1st edition of “Meet The Press” on NBC (oldest program on TV)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993  Largest peanut butter & jelly sandwich (40 ft long, 150 lbs peanut butter, 50 lbs grape jelly) made in Peanut PA
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] PMS Stress Day
[Wed] 35th CMA Awards
[Wed-11] Canadian Finals Rodeo (Edmonton)
[Sun] Remembrance Day
National Chemistry Week
National Model Railroad Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS CASTING COMPROMISES:
Two of the following are TRUE, the other is pure BS. But which?
GAME #1 . . .
• Bruce Willis turned down the male lead role in the hit movie “Ghost”.
• Liam Neeson turned down the male lead role in the hit movie “Batman”.(BS)
• Stephen Baldwin turned down the male lead role in the hit movie “Speed”.
GAME #2 . . .
• Sylvester Stallone turned down the male lead role in “Romancing the Stone”.
• Dennis Quaid turned down the lead role in “Jerry Maguire”. (BS)
• Halle Berry turned down the female lead role in “Speed”.
GAME #3 . . .
• Meg Ryan turned down the female lead role in the hit movie “The Silence of the Lambs”.
• Meg Ryan turned down the female lead role in the hit movie “Pretty Woman”.
• Meg Ryan turned down the female lead role in the hit movie “The Cell”. (BS)
BS 2-WORD OXYMORONS:
• act naturally
• extra money
• rap music
• religious tolerance
• airline food
• freezer burn
• resident alien
• government organization
• sanitary landfill
• business ethics
• small crowd
• soft rock
• military intelligence
• computer security
• common sense
(Get listeners to call in more!)
Q: Which Canadian city uses wind-generated power to run its transit system?
A: Ironically, it’s the city built on oil money — Calgary. Calgary Transit is the first public transit system in North America to power its LRT with wind-generated electricity.
Q: After a messy meal, there is ‘chanking’ all over your dining room floor. What the heck is it?
A: Chanking is any food ejected during the process of eating — pits, seeds, rinds, etc.
Q: You have just felt a strong sensation through your labial nerve. What have you just done?
A: Clean up your mind! The labial nerve provides sensation to your lips, so you may have just kissed someone.
Q: When is a common cold most contagious — when you first get it, halfway through it, or when you’re just getting rid of it?
A: The first 3 days, when you are coughing and sneezing frequently, are usually the most contagious. Unfortunately, that’s when most of us continue to go to work or school.
BS TAG LINE:
When opportunity knocks, a pessimist complains about the noise.