Thursday, November 1, 2001 Edition: #2166
November Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!
BS THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED GUY:
• “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that!”
• “Awww, it’s cute.”
• “You know they have surgery to fix that.”
• “Wow, and your feet are so big!”
• “Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.”
• “How sweet, you brought incense.”
• “Ah, so THIS explains your car.”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
LAST NIGHT Canadian digital TV station SexTV aired a 45-minute ‘nude newscast’ at 11pm by the Toronto-based Internet site NakedNews.com (a ‘crack’ news team if there ever was one) . . . A Canadian institution for 40 years, Sam the Record Man has filed for bankruptcy (oh no, does this mean I can’t return my “Tommy Hunter’s Greatest Hits” CD for a refund?) . . . “America’s Most Wanted” host John Walsh is quietly auditioning to host his own daytime talk show on NBC-TV (geez, that oughta be a barrel of laughs) . . . Russell Crowe has just applied for Australian citizenship – Huh?, you say, he ain’t an Aussie? – nope, he was born in New Zealand and recently decided to adopt OZ when he found out he can hold dual citizenship . . . Word is Matt Damon has gone on the wagon in a show of support for recently rehab-ed pal Ben Affleck and the two are having a better time than ever now that they can remember what they did while out on-the-town (and no more ‘driving the big white bus’!) . . . Michael Jackson’s favorite recreational activity is reportedly climbing trees (it’s the only way he can get into fenced playgrounds) . . . Excited about his performance in the upcoming “Ali”, ego-inflated Will Smith tells “Playboy” magazine Tom Cruise will soon be taking the roles he turns down (uh, can you picture Tom Cruise in “Wild Wild West 2”?).
MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
Halle Berry is out and Jennifer Lopez is in to play a free-spirited gunslinger opposite Ben Affleck in the upcoming thriller “Gigli”, for which she’ll earn $12 million (it was originally pronounced ‘giggly’, but now that she’s in it, it’s ‘jiggly’) . . . First George Clooney signed up Drew Barrymore, now he’s lined up Julia Roberts for a small role in his directorial debut “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” . . . Billy Bob Thornton says he and wife Angelina Jolie will co-star in a romantic comedy in the tradition of Disney comedies of the ‘60s (ah yes, remember those wonderful Disney romantic comedies where the leading man and lady would wear a vial of each other’s blood around their necks?) . . . “Pulp Fiction” co-stars John Travolta & Sam L Jackson are teaming again, but not for a sequel, they’ll play a DEA agent and Army Ranger instructor in the military suspense thriller “Basic” . . . And word is former high-school cheerleaders Madonna & Jeanne Tripplehorn have been passing down-time on the set of “Swept Away”, now shooting in the Mediterranean, by inventing cheers to Britney Spears songs (“Let’s hit ‘em, hit ‘em, hit ‘em one more time . . .”).
WE’VE BEEN MOONED!
According to “The Old Farmer’s Almanac”, LAST NIGHT’S Halloween ‘Full Moon’ was the first in 46 years, since 1955. In Eastern Canada and the US, it wasn’t technically ‘full’ until after midnight — but hey let’s not split hairs — it won’t happen again until 19 years from now in 2020! And because it was the 2nd Full Moon of October (the first was October 2nd), it was also a ‘Blue Moon’. (Always thought that had something to do with dropping your pants during a cold snap.)
WHO WAS THE LUCKY GUINEA PIG?
Canada’s Defence Minister Art Eggleton has announced a new, more accurate ‘wind chill index’ (only in Canada is wind chill a ‘defence’ responsibility). The new index will be used in both Canada and the US, which provided part of the funding for the research. The old system measured how quickly a vial of water froze at various temps and wind speeds, which weather experts say over-estimated wind chill impact by as much as 10 degrees Celsius. The new system is based on tests on actual people. According to the new trials, exposed skin can freeze in less than 2 minutes at a wind chill index of -60 C. (Coincidently the temperature that also signifies summer’s arrived in Edmonton.) -76 F (the temperature that also signifies summer has arrived in Fargo ND).
New British research shows that every day we are bombarded by about 4,000 instructions, ads and rules. Just on the way to work we face some 150 new messages, from road signs to ads on public transit. A trip to the mall involves 1,600 instructions. The researchers conclude that consumers now have to weed out the info they want — and ignore the rest. (On the way to work this morning I saw a “Stay Off the Grass” sign in the middle of a yard, making me wonder – how’d it get there?)
THEY’LL HAVE TO REVERT TO LARD:
Colorado high school athletic officials are investigating the defending state champion football team Loveland High, which is accused of covering uniforms with — slippery cooking spray ‘Pam’. (The Argos should look into this. Then all the eggs and rotten tomatoes thrown by fans wouldn’t stick.)
GET OFF YOUR BUTTS:
You already can’t smoke in public buildings in the city, but Los Angeles city council members are now considering a further crackdown that would likely be the toughest anywhere, banning smoking outdoors in public parks. (Well, yeah you wouldn’t wanna ruin the air quality — in the smog capital of the world.)
THE EYES HAVE IT:
THIS WEEK a campaign was launched in Britain designed to help put smiles back on faces by encouraging people to — wink. Organizers of the ‘Bring Back Winking’ drive say Brits are now too miserable to indulge in a friendly wink. Psychologist Jill Collett says, “Winking is guaranteed to put smiles on faces and you can do it whether you are a grandmother or a businessman.” (Yeah just what you want, some perv business dude in a raincoat winking at your grandma.)
According to a study published in “Utne” magazine, dieters who binge on Haagen-Dazs often feel guilt and self-loathing. On the other hand, single women who have affairs with married men generally do NOT feel guilty. (That’s because ice cream’s harder to get rid of.)
BREAKFAST BY THE NUMBERS:
• Over 25% of adults now skip breakfast, up from 14% forty years ago in 1961.
• People with more education and higher incomes are more likely to eat breakfast.
• About 67% of breakfasters eat cereal, 36% toast, and 9% scarf down pancakes, sausages, or waffles.
• Kellogg’s now sells more Pop-Tarts than Frosted Flakes, its top-selling cereal.
• 59% of children surveyed would prefer eggs to be blue.
(Sources: The NPD Group, “Are You Normal?”, Egg Marketing Board)
THE BULL SHEET 11.01.01
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942  Larry Flynt, Salyersville KY, sleazy magazine publisher (“Hustler”)
1957  Lyle Lovett, Klein TX, weirdo singer best known for brief marriage to Julia Roberts
1962  Anthony Kiedes, MI, rock singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Californication”)
1963  Rick Allen (Richard Cyril), Sheffield ENG, one-armed rock drummer [as in ‘busier than a . . .’] (Def Leppard-“Euphoria”)
1969  Tie Domi, Windsor ON, NHL tough-guy winger (Toronto Maple Leafs)
1972  Jenny McCarthy, Chicago IL, professional bimbo (“Playboy’s” 1994 ‘Playmate of the Year’)/sometime movie actress (“Scream 3″, “BASEketball”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Ancient Celtic] “Samhain” (New Year’s Day)
[USA] National Authors Day (1929)
[USA] National Family Literacy Day
TODAY is “All Hallows” or “All Saints’ Day” (begun in 835 AD), a Roman Catholic ‘Holy Day of Obligation’ (aren’t they all). It’s a national holiday in the Philippines when families gather to honor the dead, sometimes getting out of control. Filipino police are promising to crack down on drunkenness, gambling and kidnapping in the country’s graveyards this year.
TODAY is “Dia de los Muertos” (“Day of the Dead”) in Mexico. Actually the observance covers 2 days — TODAY, “All Saints Day”, is set aside for remembrance of deceased infants and children (‘angelitos’). TOMORROW, “All Soul’s Day”, is for those who died as adults. For a memorial observance it’s pretty festive, with colorful adornments, lively reunions at family burial plots, fireworks, and special foods. Departed souls are remembered with ‘Dead Men’s Bread’ which is decorated with sugar skulls.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1834  1st published reference to ‘poker’ (as a ‘Mississippi riverboat game’)
1913  Knute Rochne’s Notre Dame Fighting Irish unveil the 1st ‘forward pass’ in football (and use it to beat Army 35-13)
1914  1st modern ‘bra’ invented by Mary Jacob of NYC
1939  “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears in Chicago store pamphlet
1966  NFL awards New Orleans Saints a franchise on “All Saints Day”
1896  1st bare-breasted women appear in “National Geographic” magazine (and 1st mother warns son about going blind)
1924  1st US-based NHL franchise founded (Boston Bruins)
1941  ‘Rainbow Bridge’ opens, connecting Niagara Falls ON to Niagara Falls NY (and the 1st cheap booze is smuggled across in a spare tire well)
1946  1st ‘Basketball Association of America’ (later changed to NBA) game as NY Knickerbockers defeat Toronto Huskies 68-66 (seats go for 75 cents — a tad less than what the Raptors now charge)
1952  1st English TV play-by-play of NHL (Foster Hewitt-Boston at Toronto)
1959  1st NHL goalie to wear mask (Jacques Plante-Montréal Canadiens)
BS NOVEMBER PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Fri] National Men Make Dinner Day (aka ‘Pizza Night’)
[Fri] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Fri] All Souls Day
[Fri] World Community Day
[Sat] Sadie Hawkins Day
[Sat] Sandwich Day
[Sat] Gambling Addiction Awareness Day
[Sat] National Cliche Day
[Sun] Emmy Awards
[Sun] 26th NYC Marathon
[Nov 4-10] Canadian Career Week / National Chemistry Week / National Split Pea Soup Week /”Dear Santa” Letter Week / National Kids Goal Education Week / Key Club International Week
[Nov 6] Saxophone Day
[Nov 6] Young Reader’s Day
[Nov 7] 35th CMA Awards
[Nov 7] Take Our Kids to Work Day
[Nov 7-11] Canadian Finals Rodeo (Edmonton)
[Nov 8] Abet & Aid Punsters Day
[Nov 8] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Nov 10-16] Hug A Veteran Week
[Nov 11-17] National Family Cares Week / National E-Commerce Week / Geography Awareness Week / Operating Room Nurse Week / Random Acts of Kindness Week
[Nov 11] Remembrance Day
[Nov 12-18] National Children’s Book Week / Shallow Persons Awareness Week
[Nov 13] National World Kindness Day
[Nov 14] Operation Room Nurse Day
[Nov 15] National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
[Nov 17] Ramadan
[Nov 17] National Homemade Bread Day
[Nov 17] National World Peace Day
[Nov 18] Mickey Mouse Day
[Nov 19] Have A Bad Day Day
[Nov 20] Name Your PC Day
[Nov 21] World Hello Day
[Nov 22] US Thanksgiving Day
[Nov 23] National Buy Nothing Day
[Nov 23] Sinkie Day
[Nov 24-30] National Adoption Week / Game & Puzzle Week / Family Caregivers Week
[Nov 25] 89th Grey Cup (Montréal)
[Nov 25] Shopping Reminder Day
[Nov 29] Electronic Greetings Day
[Nov 30] Computer Security Day
[Nov 30] Stay At Home Because You’re Well Day
[Nov 11-17] American Education Week /
[Nov 11] Veterans Day
[Nov 15] Great American Smokeout Day
[Nov 15] America Recycles Day
[Nov 23] Your Welcome Giving Day
[Nov 27] What Do You Love About America? Day
BULL’S BITS . . .
Create the illusion of the ‘world’s greatest concert’ by playing tracks from ‘live’ albums that fit your format and interspersing them with pre-recorded ‘stage announcements’ underlaid with crowd SFX – “Elton John takes the stage when we come back with more of BULL-FM’s concert from Fantasy Park . . .”. The key is to maintain the illusion that the mega-concert is actually happening live. Make it sound real enough and people will swamp your phones wanting to know where it is!
Q: Which of the following are Canadian inventions – AM radio, the paint roller, the snowblower, the CPR dummy.
A: According to the Canadian Intellectual Property Office, all of them!
Q: What TV show was originally titled “Wagon Train to the Stars”?
A: Believe it or not, that was the working title for the series “Star Trek”. And ‘Captain Kirk’ was originally called ‘Captain April’.
(Source: “TV Times”)
BS TAG LINE:
How come the kids got the most candy last night at the dentist’s house down the block? (The one displaying a jack-o-lantern with braces.)