Tuesday, November 28, 2000                                               Edition:  #1942

STOCKWELL DAY’S BS EXCUSES:
• Extensive campaigning in Belgium was waste of time.
• If gasoline prices weren’t so high because of YOU KNOW WHO, more voters would have come out to the polls.
• Should have shook hands and kissed babies — not vice versa.
• Like Lake Erie, campaign went south.
• Many voters confused ‘Stockwell’ with ‘SnackWells’, the creamy cookie with the delicious vanilla taste.
• Didn’t really care about being PM, just wanted to win $20 bet he could do better than Joe Clark.
• Forgot to help fancy new hotel in hometown get low-interest bank loan.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Paul McCartney and Elton John are leading spokesmen for the British Music Rights campaign which warns that downloading free music from the Internet causes musicians to suffer, not just record execs (meantime, McCartney is the highest-earning rock star in history with an estimated net worth of $750 million, followed by Elton John at $250 million) . . . Julia Roberts is said to be the early odds-on favorite for a ‘Best Actress’ Oscar thanks to ”Erin Brockovich” (it would be her 3rd nomination, but she’s never won) . . . Ellen DeGeneres and her post-Heche girlfriend Alexandra Hedison have reportedly split up after just 2 months (they apparently couldn’t agree on who wore the pant-suits in the family).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Nicolas Cage and Angelina Jolie in the action flick “Gone in 60 Seconds”, about a retired car thief who has to steal 50 cars in one night to save his brother’s life . . . Eddie Murphy plays 8 different roles in the comedy “Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps”.

BS AMAZING FACTS!
• The new issue of “Parenting” magazine says children laugh an average of 400 times a day, while adults average just 15. (Because they HAVE children?)
• The average woman uses up approximately her height in lipstick every 5 years. (Does this mean tall women use more?)
• India is the world’s largest democracy with a registered voter base of over 620 million. Camels and elephants are used to transport ballot boxes in remote areas. (And they STILL manage to declare a winner in under a month!)

TOP TIPPERS:
A survey in the new edition of “World Restaurant Magazine” finds men are usually better tippers than women, and the biggest tippers of servers in restaurants and bars are — OTHER waiters, waitresses and bartenders who are visiting. Seems they understand what it’s like to scrape for change. And the worst tippers? Doctors and lawyers!

WHAT’S IN A NAME:
A new study in the “Journal of Social Psychology” finds that you’ll do better at any given occupation if your name seems to match the job. For instance, someone named ‘Hank’ is more likely to be accepted as a plumber rather than a neurosurgeon. And conversely, people whose names don’t seem to fit their occupation have more trouble finding a job. (For example – Prime Minister ‘Stockwell’.)

THE BULL SHEET 11.28.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1949    [51] Paul Shaffer, Thunder Bay ON, CBS Orchestra leader (“Late Show With David Letterman”)
1950    [50] Ed Harris, Englewood NJ, movie actor (“The Truman Show”, “The Rock”) NEXT FILM: Makes directing debut and plays lead role in “Pollock”, story of American abstract expressionist artist Jackson Pollock, opening in FEBRUARY
1952    [48] S Epatha Merkerson, Saginaw MI, TV actress (who’s quietly made a good living for years as detective boss Lt Anita Van Buren on “Law & Order”)
1962    [38] Jon Stewart, Trenton NJ, comedian/TV host (“The Daily Show”)/film actor (“Big Daddy”)
1967    [33] Anna Nicole Smith (Vickie Lynn Hogan), Mexia TX, gold digger who wed Texas billionaire J Howard Marshall in ‘94 and has been fighting for her cut ever since he died a year later (an LA bankruptcy judge awarded her over $449 million in SEPTEMBER, but it means nothing unless she wins the on-going current trial in Houston)/former stripper who was ’93 “Playboy” Playmate of the Year

WHAT SHE’LL DO IF SHE WINS THE MOOLA:
    • Hire a math teacher to help her count to 449.
    • Get ass implants — for balance.
    • Pay for all other women’s breasts to be reduced, making hers look even bigger.
    • Buy 449 million scratch lottery tickets, so she can get rich.
    • Take a deep breath, then go back down on the judge.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
NOVEMBER is “International Impotence Education Month”. (Did you know Japan has sent 50 million cases of Viagra to the US, because they heard the entire country couldn’t ‘hold an election’?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1925    [75] 1st radio broadcast of “Grand Ole Opry” (WSM-Nashville)
1948    [52] 1st Polaroid camera marketed (and first husband says “Don’t worry, honey. No one’s ever gonna see these pictures but you and me.”)
1979     [21] 1st NHL goaltender to score a goal (Billy Smith-NY Islanders)
1999    [01] After 7 seasons, agents ‘Mulder’ and ‘Scully’ finally kiss on “Millennium” episode of “The X-Files” (be still my heart)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Computer Security Day
[Thurs] Stay At Home Because You’re Well Day
[Fri] World AIDS Day

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:
“How do you discipline your kids?” (30 years ago, 38% of parents said they took away TV privileges. Today that’s almost unheard of!)

BS TRIVIA:
Q: When (and if) he’s crowned king, what will Britain’s Prince William be called?
A: He’ll be known as William V. (Source: “YM Magazine”)

Q: What’s the most popular hobby in the world?
A: You just can’t lick stamp collecting! (Source: “2201 Fascinating Facts”)

BS TAG LINE: Nothing is ‘fool-proof’ to a sufficiently talented fool.