Monday, November 27, 2000 Edition: #1941
MORE OF THOSE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Howz come when your hands are coated with grease, your nose begins to itch?
• Why can’t you buy a ‘decaffeinated coffee’ table?
• Is there someone who breaks into your car and turns up the radio when you leave it parked?
• Why are guinea pigs never actually used as ‘guinea pigs’?
• Why don’t they make prescription windshields?
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• The UK’s “Mail on Sunday” reports Elton John will sell off some 20,000 items of his clothing to raise money for AIDS. The sale of outrageous outfits like the $70,000-silver suit and massive wig he wore at his 50th birthday bash is to be held in a temporary London shop with the tongue-in-cheek name ‘Out of the Closet’ By the way, prices fixed – no haggling!
• In an upcoming interview in “People” mag, Ricky Martin refuses to confirm or deny rumors that he’s gay. But he does say of the gossipers, quote, “I can’t get hung up on people whose lives are that empty.” (Translated — he’s got one foot outta the closet.)
• “Star” says Hugh Hefner threw a private Playboy Mansion bash for Dennis Quaid in order to help Meg Ryan’s recent discard revive his love life. On the buffet menu — a slew of “Playboy” bunnies and some of Hollywood’s most eligible femmes, including Rachel Hunter and Liz Hurley. (And for dessert?)
• Actress Rene Russo is totally unashamed of a topless pic taken 25 years ago by celeb photographer Francesco Scavullo that appears in his latest book “Nudes”. In fact, the “NY Post” says she gave him permission to put it on the side of a barn! (It’d sure beat the heck out of an old sign for ‘Mail Pouch Tobacco’!)
• Is she or isn’t she? Britain’s “Sun” tabloid, which broke the story that Madonna will wed Guy Ritchie, now claims she’s not only confirmed it, but has announced the location — Westminster Abbey! (We’re guessing the protests will begin this morning.)
• Life in show biz can be soooo tough! ”Star” reports ‘Ally McBeal’ regular Jane Krakowski recently endured harrowing hardship at a Hollywood restaurant, getting beaned in the head by — a champagne cork! She reportedly had to be shakily escorted home to recover. (She even needed help dialing her lawyer.)
THE ICEMAN COMETH:
Starting TODAY the hottest name in magic right now, 27-year-old David Blaine, will freeze himself in a 6-ton block of ice for 58 hours in NYC’s Times Square in what he claims isn’t an illusion, trick, or escape act, but an ‘endurance experience’. His only link to the outside world will be a conduit carrying water, air and wires to measure vital signs. The stunt culminates in the ABC-TV special “David Blaine: Frozen in Time” WEDNESDAY night. (He trained by spending the weekend in Winnipeg.)
PROOF YOU’VE GOT A DUMB DOG:
Most domesticated animals don’t even make the top 10 list of smartest animals. The most intelligent in descending order — pig, elephant, dolphin, smaller toothed whales like the killer whale, monkey, gibbon, baboon, orangutan, gorilla, and – at #1 – the chimpanzee. (Animals too smart to be pets!)
THE BULL SHEET 11.27.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [45] Bill Nye, Washington DC, wacky TV host (“Bill Nye the Science Guy”)
1956 [44] Rick Rockwell (Balkey), Pittsburgh PA, standup comedian who achieved 15 minutes of infamy portraying ‘wealthy real estate developer’ and briefly wedding Darva Conger on FOX-TV special “Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire?”
1964 [36] Robin Givens, NYC, TV host (“Forgive or Forget”)/movie actress (“A Rage in Harlem”)/ex-Mrs Mike Tyson
BS OBSERVANCES . . .
TODAY is “Election Day”, so vote early and vote often!
TODAY the Islamic month of fasting “Ramadan” begins and continues until December 26, during which adults fast from dawn until sunset. Ramadan is the 9th month of the Islamic calendar, revered as the month in which the Koran was revealed.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996 [04] Disney’s live-action “101 Dalmatians” starring Glenn Close opens in theaters
1997 [03] Funeral for suicide victim Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS, in Sydney AUS
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1983 [17] 1st ‘indoor Grey Cup’ (Toronto 18, BC 17 at BC Place)
1994 [06] 1st US-based team to appear in a Grey Cup (Baltimore loses 26-23 to BC)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1960 [40] 1st NHLer to score 1,000 points (Gordie Howe)
1995 [05] “The Beatles’: Anthology I” sets 1st-week album sales record (1.2 million units, later surpassed by Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync) NOTE: The new Beatles compilation “1″ is their 18th chart-topping album, debuting at #1 in 19 countries
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Make Your Own Head Day
[Wed] Square Dance Day
[Thurs] Stay At Home Because You’re Well Day
Peanut Butter Lovers’ Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS RADIO JEOPARDY: (Contestants must answer in the form of a question. When they can’t, you provide the zinger.)
• The answer is ‘Super Bowl’. (The correct question is ‘What would you find in Superman’s bathroom?’)
• A bust in the mouth. (What do you get when you dance with a tall woman?)
• A widower. (What do you call a man who’s lost 90% of his brain?)
• Robert Frost. (On a cold morning what forms on your robert?)
• A Roman Catholic. (What do you call a sleep-walking nun?)
• Wave. (How do you kill a one-armed blonde hanging from a cliff?)
• A SAG strike. (What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to work?)
• Yogurt. (What’s the only way [your co-host] gets culture?)
• DISCRETION: Potpourri. (What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbian’s apartment?)
BS TAG LINE: You can be sincere and still be stupid.
