November 17, 2000 Edition: #1935
TOMORROW rat actor/pitch rodent ‘Mickey Mouse’ turns 72 (1st appeared in “Steamboat Willie” in 1928). So here’s a look at . . .
BS SIGNS MICKEY MOUSE IS A SENIOR:
• Can no longer eat cheese because it ‘binds’.
• ‘Puto’ now 504 in dog years.
• Gets into Disney movies for half price.
• Making those semi-circular holes in the baseboard is murder on dentures.
• Wears a really gigantic Miracle Ear.
• These days you only see him in Florida.
• Sometimes loses control and makes a really BIG ‘squeak’.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the Backstreet Boys begin a 26,000-mile ‘round-the-world tour in 100 hours to promote their new album “Black and Blue”, using a chartered jet to stop to hit a slew of cities on 6 continents including Tokyo, Sydney, Cape Town, Rio de Janeiro and NYC . . . TOMORROW is the much-ballyhooed $2-million wedding of Michael Douglas (56) and Catherine Zeta-Jones (31) at NYC’s Plaza Hotel (typical show biz wedding — their 3-month-old Dylan will arrive with the bride, his 21-year-old son Cameron is the best man, a pre-nup has been negotiated limiting her to $1.5 million for each year of marriage if they ever divorce, and exclusive media rights to the ceremony were put up for bid at $1 million) . . . According to one tabloid report, Britney Spears has had her nipples pierced (apparently it didn’t hurt — she left them in the shop overnight) . . . And because you really need to know, apeman actor Alec Baldwin reportedly uses an electric razor on most of his body hair, but has to pay a specialist to wax his back regularly (finally my wife has stopped drooling!).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Ron Howard‘s big budget remake of the classic “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” stars Jim Carrey and features Anthony Hopkins as narrator (Boris Karloff narrated the 1966 original) . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in “The 6th Day”, a futuristic action flick about a man who meets a clone of himself and discovers a conspiracy for clones to take over the world (Arnie almost drowned during the film shoot in Vancouver) . . . In the ‘romantic dramedy’ “Bounce”, Ben Affleck swaps plane tickets with a man who subsequently dies in a crash, then falls in love with the dead dude’s wife, Gwyneth Paltrow (who swears the two of them are no longer an item off-screen) . . . The animated family sequel “Rugrats in Paris: The Movie” features voicing by Susan Sarandon.
HOPE IT’S ‘HANDS-FREE’:
Hundreds of public washrooms in British nightclubs, restaurants and pubs are being equipped with the new ‘Viewrinal’, urinals with built-in video screens linked to the Web that show ads, promotions, and music videos with surround sound. Women’s rooms will feature a similar ‘Viewloo’. (If you ask me, this is a piss-poor idea.)
WHY GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES:
Psychologist Rita Freedman says it’s because they look younger, reflect a childlike innocence and are perceived to ‘radiate goodness’, based on all those fairy tales men read as children. Also, she claims, blondes see themselves as more glamorous, so they project an image that causes men to respond to them in that way. (What’s the mating call of the blonde? “I’m sooo drunk!”)
THE BULL SHEET 11.17.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1938 [62] Gordon Lightfoot, Orillia ON, pop/folk singer (“Sundown”, “Wreck of Edmund Fitzgerald”)
1943 [57] Lauren Hutton, Charleston SC, movie actress/model who suffered a concussion, broken wrist and fractured sternum during celebrity motorcycle ride in Las Vegas October 21
1944 [56] Danny DeVito, Neptune NJ, movie actor (“LA Confidential”, “Get Shorty”)
1944 [56] Lorne Michaels, Toronto ON, TV producer (“Saturday Night Live” since 1975, “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”, “The Kids in the Hall”)/movie producer (“Wayne’s World”)
1980 [20] Isaac “Ike” Hanson, Tulsa OK, pop singer (Hanson-“If Only”, “MMMBop”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [61] Margaret Atwood, Ottawa ON, oft-awarded author (2000 Booker Prize-“The Blind Assassin”, “Handmaid’s Tale”, “Cat’s Eye”)
1956 [44] Warren Moon, LA CA, aging pro football QB (KC Chiefs, 5 Grey Cups-Edmonton Eskimos)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Homemade Bread Day”, when you’re encouraged to bake a loaf from scratch. These days that means emptying an envelope into your automatic breadmaker and pushing the red button.
TODAY is “National Farm Joke Day”, a day to have a chuckle about the rural lifestyle. There’s actually a Website devoted solely to farm humor.
NET: http://www.farmjokes.com/
SATURDAY the 2-month-long, 18th annual “Festival of Lights” in Niagara Falls ON begins, featuring over 100 animated light exhibits, many created by Disney. Over a million visitors are expected.
PHONER: 800-563-2557
NET: http://www.niagarafallstourism.com/wfol/wfolmain.html
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1995 [05] 75-year-old actor Tony Randall weds 25-year-old Heather Harlan (later fathers 2 kids)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1991 [09] 1st TV ad for a condom (FOX-TV)
1999 [01] 1st-ever simultaneous primetime TV-Internet Webcast as “The Drew Carey Show” attracts 2-million Web surfers to watch what’s happening in Drew’s house while he’s at work
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] 95th Toronto Santa Claus Parade
[Tues] National Armpit Licker’s Day
Aviation History Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
HOLLYWOOD NICKNAMES:
Who was known as . . .
• ‘The Italian Stallion’ (Sylvester Stallone)
• ‘The Muscles From Brussels’ (Jean-Claude Van Damme)
• ‘The Blonde Bombshell’ (Betty Hutton)
• ‘The Duke’ (John Wayne)
• ‘The Sex Kitten’ (Brigitte Bardot)
• ‘The Sweater Girl’ (Lana Turner)
• ‘The Vagabond Lover’ (Rudy Vallee)
(Source: “Useless Digest”)
BS TAG LINE: She didn’t want to marry him for his money, but she didn’t know how else to get it.
